Want WIP Feedback? Send Your Song My Way and I'll Review!

[Atomic Brony 9]

 

Mind listening to this for me and giving a critique on it. It's my first shot at making an original song. I use a harpsichord because to me, that sounds fitting for Rarity. I plan to possibly give this lyrics in the future, but for now, it's only an instrumental track. I can tell there's something wrong with it, but I'm just not sure what.

[Carbon Maestro 1,003]

Okay, if you want the harpsichord to be the "main" focus of the instrumental, then I suggest a more variable melody that progresses. You can progress the melody by a change in mode (shift the key a certain amount), a change in tempo, or a change in instrumentation (from a harp to a piano to a violin, for example).

 

Or you could try a changing melody: For example, for every 4 measures, a new melody begins, followed by the chords that support it. Some experts like Stormwolf have very dynamic melodies (in addition to a constant change in main instruments through pianos and eurobeat synths).

 

As for vocals, I can't say too much, so I'll leave my tips there. Be cautious as to not let the instrumental overpower the vocals when you mix. You'll want the vocals to stand out on its own as much as possible.

[decoherence 183]

Hi Carbon Maestro! I think it's really great that you're doing all of these reviews. Anyway, I posted this in the fan art section and haven't got any response, then I remembered DusK suggested I PM him and post in this here thread, too. So here it is!

 

EDIT: dang link didn't embed properly... trying again...

 

 

Now, I know what *I* think needs to be better, and what I'm going to fix (and what i'm not) but I'll shut up about that and let you listen to it without further prejudice.

 

Thank you for your time!

Edited October 3, 2013 by decoherence

[Carbon Maestro 1,003]

Hi Carbon Maestro! I think it's really great that you're doing all of these reviews. Anyway, I posted this in the fan art section and haven't got any response, then I remembered DusK suggested I PM him and post in this here thread, too. So here it is!

 

EDIT: dang link didn't embed properly... trying again...

 

 

Now, I know what *I* think needs to be better, and what I'm going to fix (and what i'm not) but I'll shut up about that and let you listen to it without further prejudice.

 

Thank you for your time!

 

Hello! Great to see more work by brony musicians. Anyways, sorry for not getting to this sooner, the update system on MLPForums is a bit strange and not updating correctly.

 

Anyways, to a review. I'll let you know that I'll be a little critical, which is scary, but I'll try my best.

 

Let's divide the song into the bass (low) part, the intermediate, and the treble (high note) parts. Currently the bass is a bit too strong, the intermediate is nearly non-existant, and the treble parts of the instruments could stand out more.

 

First of all, while there is a vocal part and drum/bass part in the mix, I think it could be even better if you add whole measure chords in the intermediate range. This will make your song sound more "full," as the bass alone isn't enough to beautify the entire song. For the right instruments, listen to the songs that have your style, and try those instruments. It's okay if you emulate a musician's style; Just make sure that musician's VERY good. I'm not sure what you could use for the chords, but the piano isn't clear enough. It's okay though, early songs are generally not very clear.

 

Second, for the bass part, I would turn it down just a bit because it's a bit strong and it's distracting from the vocals/treble instrumental. If you're compressing I would lower the compression for this part alone. However, for the drum parts, particularly the snares, I would increase the compression (The snares are a bit quiet).

 

Third, for the treble parts, I would do a few things, such as increase the EQ for the any of the treble instruments with sounds over 10000hz, and cut out EQ for anything lower than 30Hz for the treble instruments. This will make your mix clearer when your treble parts are strong. Don't make it too strong though, or you'll hurt eardrums One thing for treble parts is that I would avoid compression as much as possible, because compression increases your instrument's overall volume, and for treble parts it isn't useful.

 

As for the vocals, I would treat it like a treble instrument, so those rules apply as well. However, I would also try to sing the parts with no voice-cracks. I know it's hard, but sing the parts in sections. Sing a lot. Repeat until you get it to your liking. For a better range of dynamics, you could try to sing lower notes and then when the chorus (Main, catchy melody) hits, sing the higher notes. That way, the vocals won't sound as stale with a one octave vocal range. That might be a personal opinion, but the point of vocals is when there is a repetitive instrumental, the musician should direct the listener's focus to the lyrics, which will allievate any instrumental problems.

 

I would work on the instrumental with the focus on making it clearer, particularly the intermediate and the snares. The best musicians start off listening to their inspirations (good inspirations) eventually find their own style to fit that inspiration. I hope you can find yours.

If you need any help getting to a good direction let me know what genre you like to make, and I can point you where the "good" stuff is for that genre. Hope this helps.

[decoherence 183]

First of all, thanks so much for your insights! Here are those points I didn't want to mention in my first post. Some of these are just my opinion.

 

- The vocal line is scratch. As you correctly surmised, it was not sung in sections (though what you are hearing are sections of 3 different complete takes.) The melody is beyond my current abilities and will either have to be re-written to better suit my voice or will have to be outsourced (and still re-written. It does get pretty stale!) Sadly I no longer have access to a quiet room where I can be loud.

 

- The instrumentation is too busy. When doing traditional recording, I'm a firm believer in 'less is more' and this song is basically the antithesis of that. I wrote it to learn my way around Reason (and in that respect it has been a reasonable success) so I basically puked all over the piano roll and tried to make it work. That's the main reason I'm calling this a 'demo.' I figured that once I had something approaching a 'finished' state, I would take the worthwhile concepts, refine them and re-do everything from the start. Your suggestions will help me make sure those concepts sounds as good as they can when I finally start deciding what stays in and what gets cut.

 

- Very little effort has been put in to mixing or balancing things since I don't have any kind of monitoring to speak of ($10 computer speakers in 2.1 configuration, and the 'subwoofer' doesn't even have a crossover, it's just a full range mono speaker aimed at the floor -- not that I want a sub for monitoring.) Instead I ran tracks through a spec. an. and put in LPFs where I could see a lot of low noise I didn't want, did some fairly careless panning, sweetened my voice as much as i could (seriously! that's 'sweetened'!) and that's pretty much it.

 

Anyway, I think your suggestions will be very helpful in making this demo as good as it can be, but I think that ultimately the whole thing just needs to be redone, while keeping your suggestions in mind and having a better idea of what I want the end result to be.

 

This is the first time I've ever shared a song with anyone impartial, nevermind soliciting critique, and valuable objective suggestions aside, I really have no idea if it's any 'good.' I know I like listening to it but I think that's mostly because I know what's gone in to it so I can pat myself on the back for whatever little neat trick I made Reason do. Hardly the sort of thing anyone else is going to care about.

 

Anyway, sorry for this long post and sorry if I sound like I'm trying to justify a weak track. Like I said, this is the first time I've ever shared with an impartial audience (aside from posting to the fan art section to a rousing chorus of silence!   ) and I really have no concept of the quality of my own work, though I'm starting to get an idea that is isn't as great as friends and family have led me to believe. I guess that's how it goes, though!

 

Lastly, I hope you keep doing this! It is a truly valuable service you're providing us with and you do a great job communicating with people who are putting their hearts on the line! You're helping make brony music better, so really: Thank you!

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

Hey Carbon. I've been composing music for 3 years now. 

 

Could you critique my latest original Crystal Realm. It's found here. 

 

 

I made this using the software called Finale 2012. 

[Carbon Maestro 1,003]

First of all, thanks so much for your insights! Here are those points I didn't want to mention in my first post. Some of these are just my opinion.

 

- The vocal line is scratch. As you correctly surmised, it was not sung in sections (though what you are hearing are sections of 3 different complete takes.) The melody is beyond my current abilities and will either have to be re-written to better suit my voice or will have to be outsourced (and still re-written. It does get pretty stale!) Sadly I no longer have access to a quiet room where I can be loud.

 

- The instrumentation is too busy. When doing traditional recording, I'm a firm believer in 'less is more' and this song is basically the antithesis of that. I wrote it to learn my way around Reason (and in that respect it has been a reasonable success) so I basically puked all over the piano roll and tried to make it work. That's the main reason I'm calling this a 'demo.' I figured that once I had something approaching a 'finished' state, I would take the worthwhile concepts, refine them and re-do everything from the start. Your suggestions will help me make sure those concepts sounds as good as they can when I finally start deciding what stays in and what gets cut.

 

- Very little effort has been put in to mixing or balancing things since I don't have any kind of monitoring to speak of ($10 computer speakers in 2.1 configuration, and the 'subwoofer' doesn't even have a crossover, it's just a full range mono speaker aimed at the floor -- not that I want a sub for monitoring.) Instead I ran tracks through a spec. an. and put in LPFs where I could see a lot of low noise I didn't want, did some fairly careless panning, sweetened my voice as much as i could (seriously! that's 'sweetened'!) and that's pretty much it.

 

Anyway, I think your suggestions will be very helpful in making this demo as good as it can be, but I think that ultimately the whole thing just needs to be redone, while keeping your suggestions in mind and having a better idea of what I want the end result to be.

 

This is the first time I've ever shared a song with anyone impartial, nevermind soliciting critique, and valuable objective suggestions aside, I really have no idea if it's any 'good.' I know I like listening to it but I think that's mostly because I know what's gone in to it so I can pat myself on the back for whatever little neat trick I made Reason do. Hardly the sort of thing anyone else is going to care about.

 

Anyway, sorry for this long post and sorry if I sound like I'm trying to justify a weak track. Like I said, this is the first time I've ever shared with an impartial audience (aside from posting to the fan art section to a rousing chorus of silence!   ) and I really have no concept of the quality of my own work, though I'm starting to get an idea that is isn't as great as friends and family have led me to believe. I guess that's how it goes, though!

 

Lastly, I hope you keep doing this! It is a truly valuable service you're providing us with and you do a great job communicating with people who are putting their hearts on the line! You're helping make brony music better, so really: Thank you!

No probs bro. I'm always impartial to new songs, and I love critiqing and helping you guys improve. I've improved a great deal because I was critiqued harshly myself, and if you need any help on a song, post it on this post or talk to me directly via skype name (Carbon Maestro).

 

For "Busy" instrument problems, I would just start out with chords (Look up songs played with 4 chords on youtube) and then sing. That is as simple as you can get.

 

In a good song, you need the following:

1. Cover the Bass, Alto, Tenor, Treble (Soprano) ranges (Basically all the ranges at some point in the song, especially the chorus).

2. Early musicians have issues with drums (I did). Don't neglect the mixing in drums (Make it "definite" but not too dominating).

3. The vocals are best used as a complement with the instrumental. Think of it as the Treble part of the instrumental (Sometimes it's the intermediate, but not always). Don't layer it on top like a pancake.

4. Raise the EQ on the treble parts of the instrumental. This will vary on instrument and song style, and you have to test this yourself.

5. If it sounds "Full" and satisfying, keep finding ways to improve it.

 

Good luck, and hope this helps.

Hey Carbon. I've been composing music for 3 years now. 

 

Could you critique my latest original Crystal Realm. It's found here. 

 

 

I made this using the software called Finale 2012. 

 

Okay, so what's the genre that you're trying to get in this song? It's a bit all over the place, but I think you were trying to go for an ambient/orchestral/synth song (I'm not entire sure, the second half is more reflective on an orchestral style).

 

Okay, right away I notice that the synths that you use for your melodies are too weak (blend too well with the counter-melodic 16th notes). Use a synth that has a more defined tone, in other words, a stronger synth (to counteract the pads in the background).

 

As for the chords, I would try to diversify the chords and avoid the ever-so common 4 chord progression as many popular songs. Pads, although nice, can feel a bit too strong at times and distracts from the melody if the chords are too high-pitch sounding (In other words, treble chords can be distracting). I would lower the chordal progression, strengthen the bass. If you want a high-pitched chordal structure, then you have to make the melody low (which I don't think is suitable for this type of song). There is a balance of treble, intermediate, and bass instruments, and if you have too many treble instruments, the bass and intermediate will sound very empty.

 

I was hoping that the piano would be more melodic, but at its current state it seems to be counter-melodic. I feel like another instrument needs to be in this section, and although the pads can be lowered an octave for this, the treble is still quite strong throughout. Also as a personal preference, the synth phrase here feels unnessessary, it is not needed and adds nothing to the song. I think a softer synth with a less "coarse" sound would suffice, perhaps a flute-like synth to act as a harmony.

 

Now the mix of the coarse synth and otherwise clear piano doesn't quite work. For certain songs to work, it either has to be all clear, or all coarse while playing, and very little mixing of the two at the same time. It's very hard to mix the two together, think of acoustic vocal guitar songs when both songs are clear, and then Guren No Yumiya (Attack on Titan song) for a song that switches from coarse, to clear, at the correct times. The only example of a coarse melody and clear everything-else is Daft Punk's "Doin' It Right", for example., but they are VERY good.

 

As for the last 1/3 of the song, the drums feel quite shallow; you'll need a drum with a deeper bass. The snares could have a stronger release and more compression, but what I noticed was that your "kick" drums were being used as "toms," which is quite strange and I just have this feeling that it doesn't sound right. What I do think you can do for this last 1/3 is to lower the strength of the pads, use a clearer synth or instrument to replace the synth, strengthen the bass, add a "toms" drum section to your song, and end the song with a longer piano chord. I felt the last chord is very abrupt and hastened the overall, ambient mood of the entire song, so have the song fade away instead.

 

I know I pretty much gave a very extensive critique but I do hope that you find the right balance of bass, intermediaries, and treble. Currently I think you're a bit too strong on the treble parts with needing work on bass and intermediaries, but remember the tips and hopefully your music will head to the right balance of things.

Edited October 6, 2013 by Carbon Maestro

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

@@Carbon Maestro,]

 

Thanks for that long review.

 

One of the main hurdles of this piece is in fact that weak synth. The software I used is Finale 2012. It uses both MIDI and a powerful instrument simulating engine called garritan. I turned that synth up in the mixer. I was even thinking about putting a dynamic on it to force it out.  

[Atomic Brony 9]

Could you review this remix I've made. I actually made a remix of this a while ago, but I'm redoing it because it wasn't that great then.

 

For the genre I tried to make it sort of House-y, thus the long intro, which I think I need to do more with.

 

https://soundcloud.com/atomic-brony/glaze-beyond-her-garden-remix

[Carbon Maestro 1,003]

Could you review this remix I've made. I actually made a remix of this a while ago, but I'm redoing it because it wasn't that great then.

 

For the genre I tried to make it sort of House-y, thus the long intro, which I think I need to do more with.

 

https://soundcloud.com/atomic-brony/glaze-beyond-her-garden-remix

 

Hi, a couple of things. Not too much I can comment on, but there is a lot of work that needs to be done.

 

First of all, I feel that the kicks in 4/4 are a bit too repetitive for too long. While I understand that this is a house remix,  it can sound more original if you used more synths throughout and less synth samples from the original song, because at the moment this sounds too close to the original.

 

The drum sounds are fine, but come up with different harmonics and overhaul the synths to make it more unique. Perhaps build the song around the vocals only, if that is possible?

 

A house song from what I've heard has loads of synths, repetitive bassline, and don't be afraid to use different types of synths and pads! A remix should be considerably different sounding than the original. I would definitely looks for house songs that I like, and try to emulate the style of it. That will improve your song on that specific genre.

Edited February 1, 2014 by Carbon Maestro