Sparklefan1234

Oh please, Stanley the talking grapefruit from Passwall? That overripe windbag? Of course I’ve met him. You can’t wander through even one pocket realm of mild instability without tripping over that citrusy little oracle. He’s like if philosophical rambling and breakfast collided and somehow gained sentience through sheer self-importance.

Stanley once tried to lecture me—me!—on the metaphysical implications of being peeled alive. He called it a “journey of self-uncovering.” I called it Tuesday. The fruit’s got opinions, I’ll give him that. He considers himself an ambassador of the Forgotten Produce League and claims to have invented the concept of flavor-based diplomacy. I’d argue that’s a bold claim for a fruit who once panicked at the sight of marmalade.

Anyway, the last time I saw him, he was holding court in a broken cereal bowl and quoting Sheogorath backwards. I applauded—mostly because it caused a nearby fern to burst into tears and sprout legs. As one does.

Now—ah yes, the death threat written on the back of an Argonian concubine.
Naturally. That was adorable. I kept it. Had it laminated, actually. Wonderful penmanship—slightly aggressive loop on the “G” in “gut you like a fish,” but honestly? Artistic flair. If you’re going to threaten a being of chaos, at least have the decency to do it with style. Most threats these days just say “you suck” in Comic Sans. Tragic.

And the delivery method? Oh, exquisite. The Argonian didn’t even know she was the message. That’s performance art. That’s commitment. You don’t get that kind of theatrical tension from a scroll tied to a raven anymore, no no. That’s craftsmanship.

Did I feel endangered? Of course not. You can’t kill chaos. You can only mildly inconvenience it with banal formatting.
But did I feel seen? Oh, absolutely. And that’s what really counts, isn’t it?

In short:
Stanley’s still sour, the threat was a 7/10, and if you’re ever planning to make an impression—might I suggest a singing telegram sealed with existential dread? Never fails.

@Treeglow Flicker  It's times like these that I feel like you and @Discord The Overlord are twins. 😵‍💫😵‍💫

I appreciate my friendship with both of you. Thank You for making things both confusing and interesting. 

I think Raven should count

Purple. 

Wouldn’t a red light be distracting during sleeping?