Oh muffinz. I have watched many of your post and I truely feel for you. You have been wronged in your life. You have been wronged by your absent father, you have been wronged by the public school system, you have been wronged by society as a whole. I am truely sorry. Because of all these nefarious happenstance of your life you have missed what truely is beautiful, lovely, admirable, and most of all you have missed love.
To have a child is the farthest thing from a burden you can possibly get. I have 3 kids. My joy is in seeing their smiling faces. Hearing shouts of "daddys home" when I get home from work brings a smile to my inner most being. They do not take my money, I work so that I can provide for them not myself. I make food so that they can be nourished. (In times when they are gone I often do not eat)
It id my duty as a father to protect them from the burdens and pains of this world. The same pains you have not been spared from that have made you so downcast. The world is full of dispare but in my house love, joy, and life spring eternal.
Do I have a new car? (2001 still seems new to me) no. Can I afford to eat at restaurants? Maybe once every other week. Yet will I have and be able to give joy and love till my dieing breath? Yes.
I wish you could have had a good father to see and know love as I have.
There is a good father in heaven who does love and bring joy. He can help lay aside your bitterness of past hurt so that you can find love and joy in life. You need but ask.