Fractured 2,684 October 4, 2015 #176 Share October 4, 2015 Hi, its Shimmer5000, and it's been a while. Do you think you could look at my OC, Skyla? https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/skyla-r8756 Produced by the phenomenal J.R. DT Fanclub here:https://mlpforums.com/topic/93212-diamond-tiara-fan-club/page-6 OC Fantasy: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/fantasy-r7486 OC Alice: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/alice-r8163 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ready Write 3 October 4, 2015 #177 Share October 4, 2015 (edited) What do you think of my OC's color scheme? Yours looks lovely. ^u^ And how about his Cutie Mark? He's an author/poet. The more I think about it, the more I wouldn't mind an in depth of Ready. Ready Write: http://imgur.com/a/RrTpm Edited October 4, 2015 by Ready Write Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 October 5, 2015 Author #178 Share October 5, 2015 On 2015-10-04 at 5:50 PM, Tao said: So as said, here is my other oc Amber and also just thanks for doing all this help for all of us who post! North Wisewords: https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/north-wisewords-r8907 And you were going to PM me the full version of your other OC, right? @_@ I don't remember. I think we were gonna do this whole thing through PMs? On 2015-10-04 at 7:14 PM, Fractured said: Hi, its Shimmer5000, and it's been a while. Do you think you could look at my OC, Skyla? https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/skyla-r8756 Ah, we meet again! Let's see how you do this time around *shuffles papers* Reveal hidden contents Name: I'm neutral towards this name. It's not very Unicorn-ish, in my opinion, but still suitable for mlp. Is there any particular reason you chose this name? Appearance: A lot of the stuff you wrote in this section should be moved to the "personality" or "other" section. I'll talk about that stuff later. Also, she really doesn't look like she's 15. Anyways...I'm not really a fan of pony-creator OCs, since it kind of limits your imagination when it comes to mane/tail/eye styles, but I understand that not everyone can draw their own ponies. With regards to colours, they could be adjusted a smidgen to make the body-mane contrast more interesting. I edited the pic a little in photoshop to make the coat lighter. Does this look a little better? Cutie Mark: *obnoxious voice activates* BLANK FLAAANK! Totally understandable at her age. Do you have any cutie mark ideas for the future, though? If not, I offer my help! And this! Personality: The bits and dialogue you included in the "Appearance" section worried me a bit... I was afraid this would be an overly melodramatic OC with a depressing backstory and mopey personality that dragged it down... Thankfully, I was wrong! Her personality is nice, and seems pretty realistic for a pony in her situation. Maybe you should explain this generosity a bit, though. As in, why is she so insistent on helping others? Is it out of fear of being abandoned again? Also, some of the likes/dislikes seem to clash with each other.She likes Hearth's Warming, and she liked cold temperatures, but she dislikes winter? How's that? Backstory: Nice backstory. Not overly sad. Not terribly detailed, though, but I guess that's because she's so young. However, there are some things you could consider adding. Why did her parents abandon her? Sure, its a mystery to her, but do YOU know the answer? Why do the other children look up to her? Do you have any ideas for where she might run away to? Did she have any friends at the Orphanage? How were her living conditions? Why did she run away, really? There are some blank spaces in this story that could use filling. Other: Good. Overall: I like this character! She could certainly use a little refining, but you're definitely on the right track. Let me know if you need any specific advice or help to further her development. Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tao 8,274 October 5, 2015 #179 Share October 5, 2015 On 2015-10-05 at 12:13 AM, AmberDust said: And you were going to PM me the full version of your other OC, right? @_@ I don't remember. I think we were gonna do this whole thing through PMs? Ah, we meet again! Let's see how you do this time around *shuffles papers* Reveal hidden contents Name: I'm neutral towards this name. It's not very Unicorn-ish, in my opinion, but still suitable for mlp. Is there any particular reason you chose this name? Appearance: A lot of the stuff you wrote in this section should be moved to the "personality" or "other" section. I'll talk about that stuff later. Also, she really doesn't look like she's 15. Anyways...I'm not really a fan of pony-creator OCs, since it kind of limits your imagination when it comes to mane/tail/eye styles, but I understand that not everyone can draw their own ponies. With regards to colours, they could be adjusted a smidgen to make the body-mane contrast more interesting. I edited the pic a little in photoshop to make the coat lighter. Does this look a little better? Cutie Mark: *obnoxious voice activates* BLANK FLAAANK! Totally understandable at her age. Do you have any cutie mark ideas for the future, though? If not, I offer my help! And this! Personality: The bits and dialogue you included in the "Appearance" section worried me a bit... I was afraid this would be an overly melodramatic OC with a depressing backstory and mopey personality that dragged it down... Thankfully, I was wrong! Her personality is nice, and seems pretty realistic for a pony in her situation. Maybe you should explain this generosity a bit, though. As in, why is she so insistent on helping others? Is it out of fear of being abandoned again? Also, some of the likes/dislikes seem to clash with each other.She likes Hearth's Warming, and she liked cold temperatures, but she dislikes winter? How's that? Backstory: Nice backstory. Not overly sad. Not terribly detailed, though, but I guess that's because she's so young. However, there are some things you could consider adding. Why did her parents abandon her? Sure, its a mystery to her, but do YOU know the answer? Why do the other children look up to her? Do you have any ideas for where she might run away to? Did she have any friends at the Orphanage? How were her living conditions? Why did she run away, really? There are some blank spaces in this story that could use filling. Other: Good. Overall: I like this character! She could certainly use a little refining, but you're definitely on the right track. Let me know if you need any specific advice or help to further her development. I was on Sunflare and I just want a review on North for now and than work on her Kinda hit two birds in one stone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plume 922 October 5, 2015 #180 Share October 5, 2015 (edited) You up for a crack with Pastel and/or Treble? You can pick whichever one you personally like, or just do both if you have the time ^^ They're both in my signature! Edited October 5, 2015 by MiniKirby123 Jazz Sonata ○ Remix Blitz ○ Treble Whistler ○ Pastel Lullaby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fractured 2,684 October 5, 2015 #181 Share October 5, 2015 Reveal hidden contents Quote Name: I'm neutral towards this name. It's not very Unicorn-ish, in my opinion, but still suitable for mlp. Is there any particular reason you chose this name? *nervous chuckle* It's a long story, which also explains her missing parents... and why I will never be bringing them up... I can PM you about it, though. Quote Appearance: A lot of the stuff you wrote in this section should be moved to the "personality" or "other" section. I'll talk about that stuff later. Also, she really doesn't look like she's 15. Anyway I could fix that? And, what stuff in particular? Quote Cutie Mark: *obnoxious voice activates* BLANK FLAAANK! Totally understandable at her age. Do you have any cutie mark ideas for the future, though? If not, I offer my help! And this! I'm guessing it'll be an abstract; her ability to inspire hope in those around her. How i'm going to do that, though... Quote Personality: The bits and dialogue you included in the "Appearance" section worried me a bit... I was afraid this would be an overly melodramatic OC with a depressing backstory and mopey personality that dragged it down... Thankfully, I was wrong! Her personality is nice, and seems pretty realistic for a pony in her situation. Maybe you should explain this generosity a bit, though. As in, why is she so insistent on helping others? Is it out of fear of being abandoned again? Also, some of the likes/dislikes seem to clash with each other.She likes Hearth's Warming, and she liked cold temperatures, but she dislikes winter? How's that? Actually, she happens to like cold temperatures, as well as Hearth's Warming Eve, because of its over happy and carefree atmosphere. But, as far as winter goes, every other day is dark and dreary, and barely anyone's around outside, and it makes her miserable. Complicated, I know. Sorry. Will work on this and the backstory, though. Quote Backstory: Nice backstory. Not overly sad. Not terribly detailed, though, but I guess that's because she's so young. However, there are some things you could consider adding. Why did her parents abandon her? Sure, its a mystery to her, but do YOU know the answer? Why do the other children look up to her? Do you have any ideas for where she might run away to? Did she have any friends at the Orphanage? How were her living conditions? Why did she run away, really? There are some blank spaces in this story that could use filling. Produced by the phenomenal J.R. DT Fanclub here:https://mlpforums.com/topic/93212-diamond-tiara-fan-club/page-6 OC Fantasy: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/fantasy-r7486 OC Alice: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/alice-r8163 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 October 11, 2015 Author #182 Share October 11, 2015 On 2015-10-04 at 7:30 PM, Ready Write said: What do you think of my OC's color scheme? Yours looks lovely. ^u^ And how about his Cutie Mark? He's an author/poet. The more I think about it, the more I wouldn't mind an in depth of Ready. Ready Write: http://imgur.com/a/RrTpm Sorry for the delay--I'd say your OC has a darn good colour scheme! Nice contrast, nice harmony, nice balance. Maybe a bit over-saturated for the show's style, but looks nice in the art you showed me. And the cutie mark seems very appropriate considering his occupation. Were you \having doubts about his colours? Because I think they're perfectly fine as they are. Also, did you need any actual help with this character? Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flamestreak1990 1,200 October 11, 2015 #183 Share October 11, 2015 (edited) On 2015-10-11 at 9:37 PM, AmberDust said: Sorry for the delay--I'd say your OC has a darn good colour scheme! Nice contrast, nice harmony, nice balance. Maybe a bit over-saturated for the show's style, but looks nice in the art you showed me. And the cutie mark seems very appropriate considering his occupation. Were you \having doubts about his colours? Because I think they're perfectly fine as they are. Also, did you need any actual help with this character? Can you help me.with my oc flamestreak? Here's the link: https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/flamestreak-r6656 Edited October 11, 2015 by KingFl@me1990 OCS: flamestreak and blue-diamond I had a bible verse here before? Geez, things have changed so much. Uhh, Trans Rights Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 October 11, 2015 Author #184 Share October 11, 2015 On 2015-10-05 at 3:54 AM, Tao said: I was on Sunflare and I just want a review on North for now and than work on her Kinda hit two birds in one stone! Alrighty then! Here goes. Reveal hidden contents Name: Hm...I'm on the fence about this name. I like it, and it seems pony-ish, but i think the name "North" sounds a bit...masculine? I don't know. Might just be me. Appearance: She's so cute. The colour scheme is good, although the contrast is a little...unbalanced? Like, the coat and mane are about the same brightness, which makes it sort of uncomfortable to look at. This is not a big issue though, easy fix. Love the design. Cutie Mark: Cool! A star-led navigator of sorts. I like it! It's not too far-fetched nor too common. Very good. Personality: I think its always best to be a little more in-depth with personality than just providing a list of traits. Also, its best to not divide "good" from "bad", because, hey, brashness can be a good thing at times, and toughness can be a bad thing at times! it all depends on the scenario. But yeah, you should try considering more than just raw traits. Consider how she acts in different situations, how she thinks, how she talks to others...stuff like that. What you have so far is good, but make sure the aspects don't contradict each other. For example: Friendly and a loner. How? Determined, and loses faith in herself easily? How's that? Just make sure her personality is consistent, and she'll seem like a more realistic, relatable character. Backstory: Oof... a novel. ^^' I'm going to take this opportunity to point out that Personality is a lot more important than backstory. In fact, its the most important part. You should consider all the work you put into her backstory, and put that much into her personality, too. Anyways, time to start reading... Cool family backstory here. I appreciate your inclusion of it. Oh, wow, she skipped more than one grade? Cool. Seems odd that her cutie mark is unrelated to this, though. It might be a good idea to tone her smarts down a little bit, since they don't seem to be a dominant feature in her life anymore. You're going a bit too in-depth about the actual meeting with Tao in this section. Remember, this is a profile, not a novel. You don't need to give every little detail. Also, you should really spell/grammar check this section. There are spots where it becomes very hard to understand due to missing punctuation marks and misspellings. ^^' I know, this sin't really a problem with the character herself, but it certainly would make my job easier. Anyways...how old was North when she got her cutie mark? I'm just curious. I like the backstory, but ponies usually get their marks when they';re pretty young, and this search-and-rescue thing doesn't seem like something the other searchers would let a filly help with. You know? Other: Good stuff to know. Nice little summary. Overall: Your main concern right now is the personality section--its a little too vague/general right now. A lot of insight into her personality is shown through exposition in the backstory, though, so I suggest you start by considering all that stuff and organizing it in the personality section. Ask yourself questions about North, like the ones I mentioned earlier, and keep developing her personality. Other than that, i suggest you just spellcheck and thin out that backstory section, just to make it an easier read. On 2015-10-05 at 10:31 AM, MiniKirby123 said: You up for a crack with Pastel and/or Treble? You can pick whichever one you personally like, or just do both if you have the time ^^ They're both in my signature! Did you need help with one of them, specifically...? On 2015-10-11 at 9:48 PM, KingFl@me1990 said: Can you help me.with my oc flamestreak? Here's the link: https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/flamestreak-r6656 Sure thing. Reveal hidden contents Name: Good name. Very on-the-nose. Appearance: Her colour scheme is a little over-saturated, I suggest toning it down a bit. The colours go well together though. Oh, this is a stallion? He ind of looks like a mare. ^^' Cutie Mark: Seems a little...vague. I'm not really a fan of dual-purpose cutie marks...I mean, how does a pony actually earn a mark like this? I suggest you choose one thing for it to represent, and stick with it. Maybe lose the lightning bolt, since it doesn't seem to mean anything. Personality: Very brief. Personality is really the MOST IMPORTANT part of an OC, so I think you really need to work on this section. What you have so far is good, and all fits together nicely. Now you just have to go more in-depth. Ask yourself questions about him. Is he an optimist? How does he act around others? Is he introverted? Extroverted? Is he smart? Is he in control of his emotions? Or is he impulsive? Things like this are all good to consider. Backstory: There's some good insight into his personality here. You should include some of this in the actual personality section. Anyways... Wait. What? He's red because his father, the male, was unfaithful...? Um...biologically speaking, that's not how it works. ^^' The child was born of his mother, so...yeah. I still like this part of the backstory, though, but maybe you could omit that one part about his colours, since it doesn't make sense. There's no way genetic material (red coat colour) would be passed from one mare to another via cheating man. Arrested for drunk flying? Do ponies drink alcohol? Is it illegal to fly drunk? I don't know. Oh, dear, he was charged with assault? And now he's trying to fix himself up? So, where is he now? What's he doing? This is just getting interesting! Other: You'd figure this would have an affect on his personality and backstory...? Was this just an afterthought? Because it doesn't seem to really fit into what you have written beforehand. Like, what are his symptoms? Overall: Your biggest priority right now is fleshing out his personality. Consider how his backstory affected the way he acts now, and ask yourself questions about the way he acts in different situation. Other than that, you could maybe tone down his colour scheme to make it fit the show's style a little better, and adjust his cutie mark to have a more clear meaning. Also, add the story of how he got his mark. 1 Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flamestreak1990 1,200 October 12, 2015 #185 Share October 12, 2015 On 2015-10-11 at 11:45 PM, AmberDust said: Sure thing. Reveal hidden contents Name: Good name. Very on-the-nose. Thanks though I've felt that name was a bit generic. Appearance: Her colour scheme is a little over-saturated, I suggest toning it down a bit. The colours go well together though. Yeah that's what happens when you use pony creator I will fix Oh, this is a stallion? He ind of looks like a mare. ^^' The reason he kind of looks like a mare is because I don't like the muzzle's they have for colts in the on pony creator so choose a different looking one. Cutie Mark: Seems a little...vague. I'm not really a fan of dual-purpose cutie marks...I mean, how does a pony actually earn a mark like this? I suggest you choose one thing for it to represent, and stick with it. Maybe lose the lightning bolt, since it doesn't seem to mean anything. I have been wanting to change the cutie for a while most of the stuff I put for cutie Mark part was ment for the other As for the lighting bolt I just think it looks cool. Backstory: There's some good insight into his personality here. You should include some of this in the actual personality section. Anyways... Wait. What? He's red because his father, the male, was unfaithful...? Um...biologically speaking, that's not how it works. ^^' The child was born of his mother, so...yeah. I still like this part of the backstory, though, but maybe you could omit that one part about his colours, since it doesn't make sense. There's no way genetic material (red coat colour) would be passed from one mare to another via cheating man. Arrested for drunk flying? Do ponies drink alcohol? Is it illegal to fly drunk? I don't know. Oh, dear, he was charged with assault? And now he's trying to fix himself up? So, where is he now? What's he doing? This is just getting Interesting! # For backstory I tried to experiment with it and make the backstory compelely unique from anyone else. That's why the drunk flying thing is there, that's why the cheating thing is there, that's why the assault thing is there. So I can be completely and utterly unique even if that means straying from the canon a lot However I admit the colors thing was overzealous and doesn't make sense I will change that. Other: You'd figure this would have an affect on his personality and backstory...? Was this just an afterthought? Because it doesn't seem to really fit into what you have written beforehand. Like, what are his symptoms? The austism was just put in there a few days ago the reason why is because I have austism and I'm still trying find a way to fit it into personally and backstory. thank you for the help I will change some stuff and get back to you. If Don't mind can you do blue diamond as well? Here's the link :https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/blue-diamond-r8620 OCS: flamestreak and blue-diamond I had a bible verse here before? Geez, things have changed so much. Uhh, Trans Rights Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fractured 2,684 October 12, 2015 #186 Share October 12, 2015 (edited) (Wrong section. Sorry for the confusion!) Edited October 12, 2015 by Fractured Produced by the phenomenal J.R. DT Fanclub here:https://mlpforums.com/topic/93212-diamond-tiara-fan-club/page-6 OC Fantasy: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/fantasy-r7486 OC Alice: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/alice-r8163 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catpone Cerberus 23,698 October 12, 2015 #187 Share October 12, 2015 My OC is still WIP and it's my first OC but could you take a look? https://mlpforums.com/topic/139361-help-needed-with-oc/#entry4132474 “Cats!” “Cats!” “Music!” “Cats!” “Cats!” “(^･ω･^ )ﾉ” Ask me something! https://mlpforums.com/topic/139270-ask-the-cerberus/#entry4129993Signature by @Stevonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ready Write 3 October 13, 2015 #188 Share October 13, 2015 On 2015-10-11 at 9:37 PM, AmberDust said: Sorry for the delay--I'd say your OC has a darn good colour scheme! Nice contrast, nice harmony, nice balance. Maybe a bit over-saturated for the show's style, but looks nice in the art you showed me. And the cutie mark seems very appropriate considering his occupation. Were you \having doubts about his colours? Because I think they're perfectly fine as they are. Also, did you need any actual help with this character? I was more worried about his color scheme. Thank you very much! His personality and background is being worked out through roleplay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndigoStarstorm 68 October 16, 2015 #189 Share October 16, 2015 Hello! Do you think you could look at my OC please? I don't really trust myself to leave him the way he is without getting a second opinion...I'm kind of an idiot when it comes to writing. Here's a link: https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/lightning-blade-r8946 Signature by Spy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PonyPal123 47 October 21, 2015 #190 Share October 21, 2015 Hey there I just wanted to say that I love your OC's. I had a look at Amber Dust, Plum Pudding and Storm Jumper and was wondering if you could tell me how you made the HD pictures of Amber Dust I have made some OC's of my own and I have inkscape but the best picture I can come up with isn't that good I was also wondering how you got that page where you have your OC's profile and everything I can't work out how to get that I have no idea what to do so if you could help I would greatly appreciate it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tesla 167 November 4, 2015 #191 Share November 4, 2015 Hey can you critique my OC please she's my pp and there'd more about her here https://mlpforums.com/topic/141171-critique-my-oc/ fluttershy is best pony Tesla Rae Terra Byte Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kronos the Revenant 1,971 November 4, 2015 #192 Share November 4, 2015 (edited) I have this one OC, or at least I think it's an OC, but I have a backstory, personality and quite a few things that may interest others: My OC's backstory goes like this: He was givien birth by Commander Chrysalis when she was serving under the rule of a king. His real father died in a heroic sacrifice to save her. Chrysalis leaves him at the doorstep of pre-corruption-King Sombra. Sombra sees him at his doorstep and decides to give him a name that's both terrifying and heroic at the same time. Thus, the new prince was dubbed as Kronos, Prince of the Forgotten Empire of Lost Technology and Progress. With such a background, Kronos is pre-equipped with technological advances and is very tech-savvy. A freak accident with experimental technology rendered his front legs incapable of holding his body. Kronos goes on to create mechanical "arms" for himself. Kronos proceeds to perform experiment after experiment, and with it replaces body part after body part until the only organic parts on him are one of his eyes, his lungs, half his heart, and three quarters of his brain. One of his eyes is replaced with what he calls a "cybernetic optical enhancement implant". He builds the second half of his heart and replaces his lost portion of brain with a computer, allowing himself to think and strategize the most effective maneuvers in the quickest amount of time. His reflexes are also hyper enhanced with advnaced hydraulics and his optic implant allows him to see up to 500 miles away and snipe down enemies with laser precicsion. His hyper intellegence also allowed him to use telekinetic powers, or as he calls it "anti-magnetic gravitational altercation". He rises up in the ranks of the military that he surpasses even his birth mother whom he has no knowledge of as of yet. Sombra sends Kronos off to search for other kingdoms in hopes of creating an alliance with the Forgotten Kingdom. He stumbles upon the kingdom of Ponyville. Also, he's a long-lost little brother of Princess Cadence and is a Legendary Harbinger, codenamed Death. On top of that, he creates a reputation for himiself as a successful mercenary capable of performing a wide range of tasks from the mundane to the ablosutely absurd, he'll do it as long as he's paid as much as he believes he's owed. Hope you enjoy this OC's backstory. By the way, I'm very new to this forum, so I don't know how to make a picture for my OC, but I have concepts of him. If you must know, Kronos is a cyborg earth pony with flight and "magic" capabilities thanks to his cyborg persona. Additional information: He's a prince, yes. however, he comes from a military kingdom, meaning that everyone in the kingdom, even royalty, is expected to either be in the military or work in the factories building weapons. Prince Kronos was raised by the king and thus joined the royal military. Plus, Kronos insisted on starting at the FNG rank in the military. He wanted to prove to his "father" that he is strong enough to retain his status as a prince and as a legitimate kingdom soldier. Also, yes, he's half changeling, which he will learn about when he begins asking his "father" about who he really is when he starts tinkering with genetic codices. Also, Chrysalis abandoned him becase she had no preparation to deal with raising a foal, let alone have enough resources herself to nurture him. However, being the king's most trusted general, she discusses the arrangement and they both agreed to never tell Kronos about his parents until they felt that the time is right, and thus left him at the front door of the king's castle. His father was on what was supposed to be a routine sabotage mission. However, the remote detonator stopped working and he, along with a group of additional troops, volunteered to manually set off the bomb. On top of that, Kronos wasn't raised in the Crystal Empire, but rather a different kingdom altogether. Innovation and the drive to make himself and his father's kingdom stronger and more technologically superior are what drives him to sacrifice his body for these innovations. He also taught himself how to walk on his hind legs via physical therapy exercises and his first invention he implemented onto himself was the telepathy device, allowing him to work without the use of his limbs. He did eventually turn himself into the cyborg I made him into today. However, he's in constant physical, emotional and psychological pain all day and night. In fact, he's even afraid of his own mortality, so he refuses to sleep. Because of this, he compensates by putting his brain into "sleep mode" and has a backup power system in his mechanical body allowing him to perform his tasks unconsciously but accurately. This allows him to work and rest his brain at the same time. When he "wakes up", he tells the computer part of his brain to give a summary of the activities of his "night watch". Also, I guess you're right about the whole "terrifyingly heroic" name thing, but I guess the king just gave him a name that can invoke different emotions to other ponies depending on how you say his name and the context of which his name is mentioned. For example, depending on the context of any given conversation, anypony could portray him as a paladin or a harbinger. By the by the by, this was copy-pasted from a previous post i made about critique wanted on my OC, and i did get quite a bit of feedback on it, from one pony. I want opinions from other ponies as well. Thanks. Edited November 4, 2015 by Kronos Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morning Glory 177 December 9, 2015 #193 Share December 9, 2015 Hello I'm going to send you over a PM~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ndogmario 81 December 11, 2015 #194 Share December 11, 2015 (edited) Oh wow, aren't I glad I stumbled upon you. I just posted that I need help with this very thing. You see, I made an OC to represent me On DeviantArt but now I want to make her her own character. The problem is her design and even her cutie-mark was made prier to that decision. Since she was originally was supposed to just be me as a pony, I hadn't came up of a name or even a meaning for her cutie-mark and I had to come up with her own personality but so far she's pretty two-dimensional. I'll link you the post right here for I won't have to type it all again. I'm really fond of my OC's design so I don't want to change too much if I have to. You look like you know what you're doing so I hope you'll have time to help me find who she is. I'll prefer you to PM me. Edited December 11, 2015 by ndogmario Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 December 20, 2015 Author #195 Share December 20, 2015 On 2015-10-12 at 3:30 PM, The Cerberus said: My OC is still WIP and it's my first OC but could you take a look? https://mlpforums.com/topic/139361-help-needed-with-oc/#entry4132474 I hope ots not too late for me to offer my advice! I've got some serious catch-up to do on this thread, so let's get started! Reveal hidden contents Name: Demosthenes is cool. Is he named after the Greek politician? I'm not sure if "Magic Potion" is a very pony-like name, but its a good start. I do think the word "Potion" is good, but maybe not "magic" Alternatively, something like "Elixir" would make cool name, too. Cutie mark: It's very pretty, but a little over-complicated-- Usually you want a cutie mark to be distinguishable from far away, since it takes up only a small space. Perhaps slim it down to just the potion bottle? More advice on that here. Appearance: I'm not really a fan of ponymaker, since it means seeing a lot of the same mane/tail styles over and over again. Perhaps try to personalize it a bit! The colour palette could use a little work, too. :/ I think step one would be to de-saturate and lighten it a little bit to make it match the show's style a little better. It helps to look at it against a neutral-coloured background (like grey). I don't really like the chartreuse of the mane, but I think that's just personal. I'd love to help you with this further, if you want to PM me about it. Personality: The most important part of any character! It seems you haven't developed him that much, but what you have so far is good. He seems to draw a lot of inspiration from Zecora, so I think your next step would be to step out of that character mould and let him become his own pony. To help develop his personality, ask yourself questions about him. What does he do for fun? How does he act around others? What's his sense of humour like? Stuff like this will help to really flesh him out and make him unique. Backstory: Nothing here yet, eh? That's okay--its just important to make sure that his personality matches his backstory. Who he is is entirely dependant on what he's experienced, so its a bit tricky. I can help you with this more once you've fleshed out his personality a bit. Overall: Overall, you're on the right track. Give yourself time to really develop his personality and make little tweaks here and there. At the moment, this character can go in any direction--so choose wisely! I'm always available for more advice if you need it. On 2015-10-16 at 4:23 AM, IndigoStarstorm said: Hello! Do you think you could look at my OC please? I don't really trust myself to leave him the way he is without getting a second opinion...I'm kind of an idiot when it comes to writing. Here's a link: https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/lightning-blade-r8946 I hope my advice will be helpful! Reveal hidden contents Name: The same doesn't sound very suitable for a pony, to be frank. "Blade" doesn't seem like a surname that would exist in a world of "Apple"s, "Pie"s and "Sparkle"s. Perhaps consider something like "Lightning Blitz", "Lightning Flash", or "Lightning Strike"? Cutie Mark: Looks very nice. Simple, but gets the point across. I hope the cutie mark story is included in the backstory! Appearance: Although his tail is very Yu-gi-oh, he is a very cute pony! Nice colour scheme--very balanced. Nice, memorable mane and tail designs. I'm a sucker for freckles, too. Personality: His personality is nice and dynamic, but contradicts itself at some points. For example, you say that he is reckless and temperamental, but then say that he is laid back and calm. Maybe these attributes are situational? As in, in some scenarios he's laid-back, and in others he's temperamental? Explaining these things might make this profile a little easier to understand. Other than that, his personality is very good! Continue to develop it and flesh him out! It helps if you ask yourself questions about this character, or imagine how he'd react in certain situations. Backstory: Oh, no, he got beaten up. D: Well, at least it got him a cutie mark! It's very nice to see that he didn't win his first battle--I think it makes him a little more real, and more relatable. I like this story very much. It's fun, but realistic, and shows some of his personality through it, which is good. Other: I don't really think a magical sword is necessary, but if you think its important, keep it...just maybe tie a story to it, so it seems a little less out-of-the-blue. Overall: This is a good character! You should definitely continue to develop and strengthen his personality, and the only things I would really consider changing are his last name and his sword, but that's up to you. I'd say you're on the right track! If I may ask...why don't you trust yourself to leave him as he is? Is there anything specific about him that you're unsure about? On 2015-10-21 at 12:42 PM, PonyPal123 said: Hey there I just wanted to say that I love your OC's. I had a look at Amber Dust, Plum Pudding and Storm Jumper and was wondering if you could tell me how you made the HD pictures of Amber Dust I have made some OC's of my own and I have inkscape but the best picture I can come up with isn't that good I was also wondering how you got that page where you have your OC's profile and everything I can't work out how to get that. I have no idea what to do so if you could help I would greatly appreciate it Aww, thanks! I'm glad you like them! You're asking how I made my vectors? For some of them, I've asked other vector artists on Deviantart permission to edit their vectors, and basically just drew the manes and tails myself while simply recolouring the rest, but for my profile picture, for example, I traced over a reference image from the show on Inkscape. I learnt how to make vectors from this tutorial on deviantart. Vectoring may seem very intimidating, but once you get used to the different tools, it becomes a lot easier. Good luck to you! You can make a character profile by going here and clicking the "add character" button in black on the top-right corner. On 2015-12-11 at 10:28 PM, ndogmario said: Oh wow, aren't I glad I stumbled upon you. I just posted that I need help with this very thing. You see, I made an OC to represent me On DeviantArt but now I want to make her her own character. The problem is her design and even her cutie-mark was made prier to that decision. Since she was originally was supposed to just be me as a pony, I hadn't came up of a name or even a meaning for her cutie-mark and I had to come up with her own personality but so far she's pretty two-dimensional. I'll link you the post right here for I won't have to type it all again. I'm really fond of my OC's design so I don't want to change too much if I have to. You look like you know what you're doing so I hope you'll have time to help me find who she is. I'll prefer you to PM me. (That link just leads to the "original characters" forum.) 1 Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraph 128 December 23, 2015 #196 Share December 23, 2015 (edited) I was just about to make a thread about this idea for a character but I wanted to throw it in your general direction first since you are obviously knowledgeable about OCs for this particular universe and the Ponyverse OCs are not my area of expertise in the slightest. Star Wars? Yes. X-Men? Of course. Sci-Fi or Horror in general? I'm on it. Ponies? Help is needed. What do you think of a Manticore/Sphinx Hybrid as a possible oc for this universe? Edit Note: I do have other ideas such as traditional ponies besides this one but this creature has been rolling around in my head for a while. Not as a mainstay staple in Pony society or anything of that nature, but as a guardian of a sacred ruin or place that was part of ancient society which still holds dangers if it falls into the wrong hooves. Also that this character wasn't the only one assigned to guard a place like this, so it's not like they'd be some sort of special snowflake.This is just me throwing out ideas. Edited December 27, 2015 by Seraph Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Izanagi 176 December 26, 2015 #197 Share December 26, 2015 (edited) Hi! My oc is a bit of a bad one in terms of story sometimes.Name: VladicarusAge: 18-24Race: BatponyJob: PirateHometown: Canterlot.Personality: nice, yet fierce, can be rather scary at times.Look: Story: As a young child, vlad and his mother had sat against a pirate ship of a pirate by the name of Velxio, who was a rather fierce and feared by his own family, eventually, petal shine took her son and ran and ran far. Vlad, being very young at the time barely remembers his dad. Through out his childhood, vlad studied many things, from old lores, and pirate legends, becoming quickly loving of pirates, and he soon decides what he wishes to do in life. As he goes through his life with his florist mother, he eventually gains enough to buy a small ship, although since he lived in canterlot he had to travel a fair ways away to buy one. he said his good byes to his mother and went off on his journey, soon buying himself a ship. and learning the skills needed. Becoming a feared, yet trust-able..at times, pirate. Vlad, never finding out about his father, until the day he'll find him, and hopefully change his fathers mind of his evil ways.he also has a plushie called Snuggleknight. a female knight plushie that he's kept ever since he was a baby, and wont ever get rid of.Thats pretty much it, i know he's kinda eh. and his backstory is rather longer then that, i just didn't have the time to write it all. Edited December 26, 2015 by Alexia ikarasu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meson Bolt 2,649 December 26, 2015 #198 Share December 26, 2015 (edited) My my, good memories. I used to review characters like this a lot, and now I'm turning to someone for a critique? My gosh, this should be good fun! Okay, first things first, I'd like to get this out of the way. The main thing I want critiqued is my OC's physical appearance -- design, color scheme, that sort of thing, as well as personality. However, since I'm seeing that you're doing full-on character reviews, I think it'd be okay to push forward her entire character sheet. You don't have to do it all if you don't want to, I'm just seeing if you have any commentaries. Also, keep in mind this is a Fallout: Equestria character. However, you don't have to know all about Fallout: Equestria to review the character. The basic things you need to know are that a] a stable is a massive protective shelter, b] survival and combat are a big part of the story, and c] there is an actual story that this character fits into, so there will be spoilers. Again, the main things I want critiqued are physical design and personality. Right, without any further ado, enter Foray! Reveal hidden contents (Link to the source page: r-m-h.deviantart.com/art/4AMUL3R109-Fallout-Vers-579859192) Character Name: Reveal hidden contents Fireglass Alias(es): 4AMUL3R109, Foray Gender: Mare (Female) Species: Unicorn Pony Current Age: Young Adult (15 HEQ) Occupation(s): None Physical Appearance: Foray is a dull yellow/gray unicorn mare who stands slightly shorter than the average mare with a relatively average build. Her mane and tail are a fiery-orange color, and are usually worn in long, single braids. Her magic color, which is the same as her eye color, is light jade green. She has a light dusting of freckles on her face and a large chunk missing from her right ear. She is normally seen wearing a standard Stable 105 jumpsuit and utility belt, though sometimes she prefers to go without the former. Cutie Mark: Foray's cutie mark is a simplistic orange and yellow design for fire. She earned her cutie mark when she successfully led a group of student ponies away from a danger zone during a lightning storm that struck Stable 105's core. Talent: Foray's talent is leadership. Her flame cutie mark represents her passion, energy, and affinity to authority. It also symbolizes her fiery personality, quick thinking, and independent nature. Survival Skills: Being born and raised in the stable, Foray's survival training was limited to intellectual studies rather than actual experience. She has skill in the areas of edible plants and animals, radioactivity and treatment, firestarting, and survival theory. She is also mildly skilled in cybernetics, lockpicking, and stealth. In the field of magic, Foray's abilities are limited to telekinesis and luminosity spells. Fighting Skills: Foray's favored fighting style is dual-wield pistols, though if unavailable, she can easily wield melee weapons; a particular favorite of hers is the crowbar. During a fight, she prefers to play the role of the front-line scout, mapping out the area in her mind and using that information to get an edge. Despite this, she is not afraid to charge into the line of fire, though she is far from a tank and can be downed easily with a couple well-placed shots. Personality: Foray is a natural leader. While she is often strict and sometimes stubborn, she is also caring and kind by nature. She likes to assume the role of a leader when no leader is present or apparent, and if a leader is present, sometimes she will aggressively challenge his position. She is able to think quickly, make decisive choices, and act independently from her emotions, choosing to base most of her decisions around logic and reason. Despite all this, she genuinely tries her best to remain a humble, helpful, yet strong and inspirational pony. However, when realizing a mistake, Foray tends to judge herself far too hard, even to the point of resigning from a position and withdrawing herself from a group. Usually she recovers from her emotional pit soon enough, but in some cases she never forgives herself for her mistakes. She is also sometimes burdened by the stress of responsibility to other ponies, though such cases are rather rare and usually kept to herself. She has a hard time expressing her emotions to other ponies, primarily because she doesn't want to come off as whiny or immature. Backstory: Born the oldest of four fillies, Foray was forced to assume a parental position when her mother died while giving birth to the fourth. Often she grew scared of the responsibility that was thrust upon her, but over time she learned to accept her role. During an electric storm that shorted several of the power generators in Stable 105, she successfully evacuated a group of schoolponies out of a danger zone, and earned her cutie mark. When the resources began to run low and ponies were being put into cryostasis, she volunteered to take the place of a stallion who was suffering from post-traumatic stress. When she thawed out several years later, she met up with ponies Meson Bolt, Razorback, Minutemare, and Wind Cycler. Reveal hidden contents However after only two days she abandoned the group due to a terrible turn of events that she felt responsible for. Strengths: Basic survival skills, radiation treatment skills, command presence, high physical endurance, requires small amounts of sleep, affinity for authority, quick thinking, decisive decision making Weaknesses: Poor physical strength, poor intelligence, stubbornness, occasional immaturity, easily depressed, easily offended, prideful Berserk Button: Changing her physical appearance unprompted (particularly letting down her braids) is the fastest way to get a crowbar rammed up your butt. Random Facts: While Foray's nickname is a verbal pronunciation of the first two characters in her ID number, 4A, her name has an actual meaning; a foray is an attack or a raid. While this may mean something more important, Foray herself believes it is simply a coincidence. Foray's ID number, 4AMUL3R109, stands for 4th Generation Adult Mare Unicorn, Level 3, Room 109. This number contains the spelling AMUL3, or "A Mule", which is likely a hint to her stubbornness. The name "Foray" was previously going to be used in a horror story involving a unicorn of the same name, her younger sister Pura, and her father Sage. During the story, Foray was consumed by dark magic, and ended up murdering both her sister and father before killing herself due to guilt. However, the story was lost due to technical difficulties. Despite the fact that they had never met before, Foray and Meson Bolt seemed to recognize each other when they did. This could be a hint to Foray's originally intended name, Straightshot, a background pony that appeared in a different story starring Meson Bolt. Reveal hidden contents Foray lost a piece of her ear in a fight that ensued after she indirectly insulted Wind Cycler. After the fight she mentioned her "good ear" which implies she has hearing in only one ear. When Foray takes control of the group, her "pep talk" is almost identical to an exchange in the 1942 WWII movie "One of Our Aircraft is Missing". Okay, so... that's that. Hope you can find the time to review this, it'd make my day if you did. Talk to you later! Edited December 28, 2015 by Meson Bolt Your family is who you make it out to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ndogmario 81 January 4, 2016 #199 Share January 4, 2016 this is another try at my first attempt of asking you about my OC Oh wow, aren't I glad I stumbled upon you. I just posted that I need help with this very thing. You see, I made an OC to represent me On DeviantArt but now I want to make her her own character. The problem is her design and even her cutie-mark was made prier to that decision. Since she was originally was supposed to just be me as a pony, I hadn't came up of a name or even a meaning for her cutie-mark and I had to come up with her own personality but so far she's pretty two-dimensional. I'll link you the post right here( https://mlpforums.com/topic/143644-oc-in-need-of-a-name/) for I won't have to type it all again. I'm really fond of my OC's design so I don't want to change too much if I have to. You look like you know what you're doing so I hope you'll have time to help me find who she is. I'll prefer you to PM me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 January 12, 2016 Author #200 Share January 12, 2016 On 2015-11-04 at 9:34 AM, Miss Tesla Rae said: Hey can you critique my OC please she's my pp and there'd more about her here https://mlpforums.com/topic/141171-critique-my-oc/ Alright, after a really long wait, here goes. Reveal hidden contents Name: Tesla Rae is a really cute and clever name. Not sure if Tesla exists in mlp, but whatever. The shoutout is still appreciated. Appearance: Cute colour scheme. The purples work well with all the browns she wears. Is her hair up in a ponytail> Cutie Mark: Good good. Not much to say other than this: I'd love to know the story of how she got her cutie mark! Remember, technology isn't terribly advanced in Equestria, and the most technological-looking thing was a cider squeezer...but even then, its powered by magic. Just make sure Tesla isn't too ahead of her time. Personality: Not much here, but what you have so far is good. I'd like for you to flesh out her personality by asking yourself questions about Tesla--how she grew up, what she likes, how she thinks or talks...the more questions you ask yourself, (even mundane, everyday questions,) the more interesting and fleshed-out Tesla will become. Backstory: Again, not much here. Once you get the personality rolling, the backstory should come pretty easily. Just remember--Tesla's personality is a direct product of her backstory, so the two have to match and make sense together. Other: I'm not sure is the "steampunk" fad exists in Equestria, seeing as they are still in the actual steam age. I guess its possible. Overall: Overall, Tesla is a well designed but underdeveloped character. In a story, the personality of a character is far more important than appearance, so I recommend you spend some time really solidifying who Tesla is. If you look back at the previous reviews in this thread, you'll see the advice I've given others about how to flesh out a good personality. I hope I was helpful to you--and sorry for the delay! On 2015-11-04 at 5:27 PM, Kronos said: By the by the by, this was copy-pasted from a previous post i made about critique wanted on my OC, and i did get quite a bit of feedback on it, from one pony. I want opinions from other ponies as well. Thanks. I can see that you put a lot of work into this character, but I have a few issues with him that I assume your last reviewer might have touched on, too. My main issue with this character is that he is way too reliant on canon characters to make him seem more interesting. :/ Chrysalis, Cadence, and Sombra (who was corrupted and disappeared 1000 years before the other two were born) all play an all-too vital role in his backstory, which just feels very unlikely and forced. This character is very, very much a victim or circumstance, and most of his story relies on him being pushed around by the hands of fate rather than actually doing anything himself. Plus, the computers, tech, and concept in general don't really fit into the low-tech, steam-powered and relatively peaceful world of Equestria. Lastly, I've stated many times in this thread that Personality is the most important part of a character. It feels as though you put all of his interest into backstory and appearance instead, and because of that he doesn't seem to have a personality at all yet. But all that said, Kronos is not a bad character. He just doesn't fit into the world you're trying to fit him into. I'll refer to my earlier statement: On 2014-11-13 at 2:17 AM, AmberDust said: I'll be critiquing your OC's under the assumption that you want them to be able to fit into the realm of canon. So, basically, I'll assume they're an mlp fim OC, and not, say, a Resident Evil OC in the shape of a pony. Make sense? In my opinion, to improve this character, you'll need to start from scratch. I understand that you're trying to make a cool, edgy, tragic character, but you need to take into account the context of the mlp world. I'm not saying its impossible to make a character like that--I'm just saying that there are a lot of limitations that you'll have to work around if you want him to seem "at home" in Equestria. I can help you continue/remake this character, if you'd care to PM me. We can start from Square one and try and recreate the theme you want under some more realistic circumstances. On 2015-12-23 at 8:00 PM, Seraph said: I was just about to make a thread about this idea for a character but I wanted to throw it in your general direction first since you are obviously knowledgeable about OCs for this particular universe and the Ponyverse OCs are not my area of expertise in the slightest. Star Wars? Yes. X-Men? Of course. Sci-Fi or Horror in general? I'm on it. Ponies? Help is needed. What do you think of a Manticore/Sphinx Hybrid as a possible oc for this universe? Edit Note: I do have other ideas such as traditional ponies besides this one but this creature has been rolling around in my head for a while. Not as a mainstay staple in Pony society or anything of that nature, but as a guardian of a sacred ruin or place that was part of ancient society which still holds dangers if it falls into the wrong hooves. Also that this character wasn't the only one assigned to guard a place like this, so it's not like they'd be some sort of special snowflake. This is just me throwing out ideas. I don't see any issue with this, seeing as Manticores are canon as of episode 2. I'm not sure exactly what a sphinx-manticore hybrid would look like, though. Why not just a sphinx? Or just a manticore? They're interesting enough on their own. If you really want both, they could be two seperate characters rather than one hybrid. This seems like the type of character who would pose as a side-character or villain rather than the protagonist of a story--what are your plans for them? I'm sure my OC, Amber, would love to meet them! Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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