critique wanted Please critique this song!

[Vlazamal 338]

This is a song I am currently creating; the lyrics have not been created yet; just instruments. The song is inspired of Stefan Petrusic's rendition of i Hav Kozak Za Dunai.

 

The lyrics are going to be about an unlucky pony who yearns back into Starlight's "Utopia", and her journey to create a similar one. They have not been fully written, and only the bass has been recorded, everything else is MIDI for reference.

 

Please critique the mix, and the compisition. Thanks!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxGjIyAjBwg

Edited September 7, 2016 by Vlazamal

[Choros Isorropai 409]

never heard the songs before (the one you made or the other one you talked about) untill now...

they both are good...

the only thing that i noticed (and it could be my shity speakers) the trebble seemed little too high, and the base / drum beat was almost too quiet...

 

that being said, its still good, and i dont know enough about that type of music to add much more... sorry.

 

keep up the good work!

[Vlazamal 338]

never heard the songs before (the one you made or the other one you talked about) untill now...

they both are good...

the only thing that i noticed (and it could be my shity speakers) the trebble seemed little too high, and the base / drum beat was almost too quiet...

 

that being said, its still good, and i dont know enough about that type of music to add much more... sorry.

 

keep up the good work!

Thanks!

 

But gosh dang it, I suspected the treble would be too high! I'm mixing with a pair of cheap headphones from the threft store! Thanks for the advice mate.

[Choros Isorropai 409]

no problem, i know what its like to use substandard equipment... a trick you could do is useing a box/ pringles can/ any type of closed void... place your speaker within it for a bass boost... its not much but it will be better than just using the speakers as is...

(used to use 2 pringles cans and a styrofoam box in high school for my cd player, custom speaker set up, 2 regular headphones and a 3rd speaker from a small radio... sounded like a boombox and only used 2 AA batteries for the player.... battery live was shit though...lol)

[Sunny Shimmer 259]

Sounds like the perfect song to listen to while playing zelda. Has an adventure feel to it.

[RealityPublishing 324]

Hmm... It's got a good start, but at around 00:50, the song comes to a halt. I'm sure you're going to probably put lyrics in there and that's fine. The problem with it is that it picks up too smoothly, making it seemed rushed and less dramatic. Another thing I should mention is that the intro seems too much like the rest of the song. The beginnings are always designed to sell the audience, and while it's good, I feel like speeding it up for the rest of the song is a bit lazy. I agree with what @@Choros Isorropai said. A little bass wouldn't hurt. Treble is good for the theme, but bass's sole purpose is to pick up the pace and even out the tempo. Not to mention, if you want to excite the crowd, using a heavier bass is always the way to go (people eat that stuff up). Speeding up the tempo only works during festivals and other low-budget concerts who just want to promote a form a religious dance.

 

Sorry if this feels a bit TOO critical. I try point as much as I can to help others out.

 

(In short)

- Fix the chorus tune

- Add a little bass

- Fix the 00:50 jump-start. Seriously, a little excitement never hurt anyone. 

- Tune seems a bit dragged out due to it being repetitive. I suggest a slower portion with a bit of emotion depending on what the theme is. Also. BASS

[Vlazamal 338]

Hmm... It's got a good start, but at around 00:50, the song comes to a halt. I'm sure you're going to probably put lyrics in there and that's fine. The problem with it is that it picks up too smoothly, making it seemed rushed and less dramatic. Another thing I should mention is that the intro seems too much like the rest of the song. The beginnings are always designed to sell the audience, and while it's good, I feel like speeding it up for the rest of the song is a bit lazy. I agree with what @@Choros Isorropai said. A little bass wouldn't hurt. Treble is good for the theme, but bass's sole purpose is to pick up the pace and even out the tempo. Not to mention, if you want to excite the crowd, using a heavier bass is always the way to go (people eat that stuff up). Speeding up the tempo only works during festivals and other low-budget concerts who just want to promote a form a religious dance.

 

Sorry if this feels a bit TOO critical. I try point as much as I can to help others out.

 

(In short)

- Fix the chorus tune

- Add a little bass

- Fix the 00:50 jump-start. Seriously, a little excitement never hurt anyone. 

- Tune seems a bit dragged out due to it being repetitive. I suggest a slower portion with a bit of emotion depending on what the theme is. Also. BASS

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. The positivity of the Brony community is a double edged sword; I could release a GarageBand loop and get good feedback.This advice was really helpful. I hope this is better!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxGjIyAjBwg

[Choros Isorropai 409]

sounds great, i noticed the break being taken out, it could work if it was a short break.

[RealityPublishing 324]

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. The positivity of the Brony community is a double edged sword; I could release a GarageBand loop and get good feedback.This advice was really helpful. I hope this is better!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxGjIyAjBwg

Much better, but for a song of this length, the intro is a bit dragged out. I also noticed the song is far below the 3 minute mark which is, today, somewhat of a recommendation. I'm not sure if you planned on adding more to the song, but I believe I suggested a low point? I do hate to be a teacher, but Music is a science and requires a certain formula for it sound right. I would highly suggest something like this: 

 

[intro] - [bridge] - [Chorus] - [Low Point/Verse] - [Chorus] - [Outro]

 

Keep the chorus (runtime 1:10 - 1:40), but it should be just that, a chorus. Not the entire song. Shorten the intro to about 40 seconds, add a bridge that leads to the chorus. Have the intro fade in, but keep that effect at a good 5 seconds. You can hardly hear intro at all; boost the treble. (Yes, I used speakers for this one). The bass has definitely improved, but turn it down just a bit. My Picture frame is about to fall off the wall (I have a very good bass).  Also, the Treble should be louder than the Bass (Bass is just support, remember?).

 

So to make your job easier, here's what I'd do: 

 

- Intro (Fade in for 5 seconds, improve Treble and reduce bass just a bit)

- Bridge (Something to make the chorus more meaningful. Keep in mind, it would be a different tune, but could still fit in with the rest of the theme. Think of how dubstep artists drop the bass. It's what leads up to it. It's a different tune, but still fits with the actual song.)

- Chorus (Keep 1:10 - 1:40, but remove 1:41 - 2:03 because that section sounds exactly like the chorus, just a bit faster.)

- LowPoint/Verse (Something a bit more quiet, as in, less background beat and slower paced treble. That way it makes room for the vocals)

- Chrous (Same thing as what I said above, but make it fit with the Verse)

- Outro (You could two things here. Either come up with a catchier tune, or have a slower intro. Either way, fade out and reduce it to about 20 seconds.)

 

The song is much better than what you originally had, but it overall (across both versions) seems a bit quiet. Boost the treble and reduce the bass just a bit. (It'd be great if you did the vocals at this point). Also, the Verse would solve your "shortness" issue. Considering it's probably one of the most meaningful pieces in the entire song, it would definitely lengthen it. As I said above, try to write the lyrics so I could get a good standing of just how long the song would be, as well as if the tune fits what's being said. 

 

Glad to help!

-RealityPublishing

[Ethan Tran 950]

I think it's kinda cool (; reminded me of Medievil (PSOne game soundtrack), you should listen to it, maybe even get some inspiration. keep up to good work!

Edited September 7, 2016 by Ethan Tran