Missing Friendship Problems and the show being misleading

[FlareGun45 2,221]

We've had a ton of friendship lessons on the show, alota good ones too! But there are alot missing - some that are VERY important! When I first started watching this show, I thought this show would solve my friendship problems I keep having, and I take friendship VERY seriously! I treat everyone like they're my friends, even if it's not vice-versa, but I'm no idiot, and that's where my problems come in!

First off, how am I supposed to know if someone is taking advantage of me? How do I know they're being kind and hanging out with me cause they like me, or are just being nice to make themselves look better; or "pulling a Rarity on me" - just telling me what I wanna hear to give me false hope? Why would people just cut contact with me, or just decide not to be friends with me anymore without a good reason? There's also compromising - I compromise alot for people, yet they don't seem to do the same for me.

In the show, it seems like everypony has such an easy time making friends, and yet it's so hard for alot of us! Look at Pinkie, she's able to make friends with EVERYONE! She even successfully befriended Cranky? WHY?! I've been trying to be friends with everyone I meet for years! It's so misleading! I don't care if it's a cartoon, that's just so misleading! 

There are alota different friendship problems out there that this show really needed to do! It did help me in some ways, but there are other more important ones I still need help with, and I'm sure alota other bronies need them too! We're not allowed to give the staff story ideas, but friendship problem ideas shoulda been allowed!

[Jeric 46,850]

Oh man, this can be a really deep topic if you let it. For instance, many people are friends with others because the person we generally like people more someone that fits in a set of predefined traits. I don't mean specifics like, "They need to be a fan of The Beatles".  More like, "This person seems amiable and genuine." We tend to not make friends with people that have traits we deteste. So in one way, making friends is not an altruistic event for people. Most people here will probably shake their head at that, but the truth is there can be a selfish quality to friendship, at least the litmus tests we create. In a way, people are taking advantage of you when they are friends with you, just not in an inherently bad way. It is (hopefully) a mutual advantage. You enjoy their company and they enjoy yours. Bonds can deepen over time, but at the beginning that is the general basis of many friendships. 

It's awesome to hear that the show has given you some guidance, but perhaps one of the best lessons is that people are so very dynamic that there is no real handbook to use, especially for what you have mentioned. Are the conversations always one-sided? If so that is a red flag that the person definitely gets something out of the friendship, but it doesn't mean that it is inherently bad for a relationship between two people since some are completely acceptable with just listening. The show has given some great advice over the years, but you'll need to trust your instincts for the rest. 

[FlareGun45 2,221]

2 minutes ago, Jeric said:

Oh man, this can be a really deep topic if you let it. For instance, many people are friends with others because the person we generally like people more someone that fits in a set of predefined traits. I don't mean specifics like, "They need to be a fan of The Beatles".  More like, "This person seems amiable and genuine." We tend to not make friends with people that have traits we deteste. So in one way, making friends is not an altruistic event for people. Most people here will probably shake their head at that, but the truth is there can be a selfish quality to friendship, at least the litmus tests we create. In a way, people are taking advantage of you when they are friends with you, just not in an inherently bad way. It is (hopefully) a mutual advantage. You enjoy their company and they enjoy yours. Bonds can deepen over time, but at the beginning that is the general basis of many friendships. 

It's awesome to hear that the show has given you some guidance, but perhaps one of the best lessons is that people are so very dynamic that there is no real handbook to use, especially for what you have mentioned. Are the conversations always one-sided? If so that is a red flag that the person definitely gets something out of the friendship, but it doesn't mean that it is inherently bad for a relationship between two people since some are completely acceptable with just listening. The show has given some great advice over the years, but you'll need to trust your instincts for the rest. 

Sometimes my instincts aren't enough. Sometimes when I do, the other person gets defensive, thinking I'M the bad guy, then others follow them and it makes me look bad. Sometimes they even guilt-trip me

Think Total Drama Pahkitew Island, with the twins Sammy and Amy. Amy is sooooo mean to her sis, but when Sammy stands up for her, she pretends to be sad and everyone takes her side. In all things considered, in alota ways, Pahkiew Island is the most poorly written outta all the Total Drama seasons, but the bad guy looking like the victim is still real

[Jeric 46,850]

9 minutes ago, FlareGun45 said:

 Think Total Drama Pahkitew Island, with the twins Sammy and Amy. Amy is sooooo mean to her sis, but when Sammy stands up for her, she pretends to be sad and everyone takes her side. In all things considered, in alota ways, Pahkiew Island is the most poorly written outta all the Total Drama seasons, but the bad guy looking like the victim is still real

I have no idea what that even means. 

 

If someone guilt trips you, that is usually a red flag that they don't know how to interact properly. Maybe explain to them? If it happens all the time, maybe tell them you don't want any of that? Or maybe analyze your actions and see if you are in the wrong?

[FlareGun45 2,221]

Just now, Jeric said:

I have no idea what that even means. 

 

If someone guilt trips you, that is usually a red flag that they don't know how to interact properly. Maybe explain to them? If it happens all the time, maybe tell them you don't want any of that? Or maybe analyze your actions and see if you are in the wrong?

Heh, it would REALLY help if there was a cartoon that helped solved these issues. If not MLP, then what?

Hmm..... yeah.... someone really has to....  

[Goat-kun 2,527]

A Brony praises FIM friendship lessons. Doesn't understand friendship after eight seasons.

Is it time to have that talk about the spoons and the cakes?

Edited March 15, 2019 by Goat-kun
Acute friendliness insufficiency

[Singe 2,111]

Romance that can cause friendship problems do need to be addressed. Two best friends, one has a romantic interest in the other and gets rejected by their best friend because interested in another. It shuts down their entire friendship or that friend becomes jealous trying to destroy the romantic relationship of that best friend.

[Jedishy 3,548]

On 3/14/2019 at 8:42 PM, FlareGun45 said:

But there are alot missing

Nothing can cover everything and its a kid show that is meant to be entertaining so some darker stuff will not get covered its that simple. 

On 3/14/2019 at 8:42 PM, FlareGun45 said:

someone is taking advantage of me?

Are you both getting something out of it? If not why do you allow it to be onesided? If you do get something out of it then its not being taken advantage of. 

On 3/14/2019 at 8:42 PM, FlareGun45 said:

Why would people just cut contact with me, or just decide not to be friends with me anymore without a good reason?

Whats to day they do not have reasons they consider good? Have you asked them? Even if they wont tell you they do not owe you an answer but you can look for patterns. 

On 3/14/2019 at 8:42 PM, FlareGun45 said:

I compromise alot for people, yet they don't seem to do the same for me.

Then why are you doing it still? If you keep giving but not getting that is a problem and you have the power to fix it. 

On 3/14/2019 at 8:42 PM, FlareGun45 said:

I don't care if it's a cartoon, that's just so misleading! 

How? Some people are just going to have an easier time then others and I doubt you can find a catchall reason why

[Outnick 1,228]

Well what i think is that even if u try to have friendship with everypony, you would first need some very good conversation skills because if the person don't enjoy the talk he will leave eventually. And even if you manage to make a lot of friends, you are not going to have time for all of them. So after some time (at least with me) it gets weird to talk to, and the conversation gets silent and more silent. i mean i think it's healthy if you just suddenly call a friend after some time without talking (i do that sometimes) and catch up with new things that happened i guess.

but if u want a friendship to really stick just talk to that everyday you know spend some quality time with long and deep talks. and maybe play games together, and do things to each others (it's easier if you have few friends)

now about somepony trying to take advantage... well by that i will assume that ur friends ask you to do things for them, and they don't do anything for you. In that case it's simple: just don't do it  xD

[Toastypk 923]

I've always wanted to see a pony who is aspergersy or autistic, even if they didn't use that exact word.

A pony who would like to make friends but finds it difficult and can't open him or herself.

There's episode 1 Twi, who was always unwilling because she found nothing of value in it.

There's Moondancer who was hurt by friendship and so was unwilling to do anything with it again.

There's even Mudbriar who shows various behaviors and quirks and such that could be pretty characteristic of it, though he has no problem knowing somepony else. (and loving her!)

But I want to see a pony who just thinks he's... unable. Or that it just isn't natural to him. He can talk to anypony else just fine, but can't seem to form any connections. (that pony is me, btw!)

I always wanted to know how the show, and Twi in particular, would handle it. That's what I would personally ask her. Maybe see her try to do something. Like, knowing that there's no spell that would fix that, but she would try to encourage him to open more. 

In my case, ever since elementary school, I wanted to form friendships with those who were as close to me as possible so there would be as many similarities as there could be and more that I could do and talk about and enjoy, and make it easier. And that mindset sticks around today to an extent. 

Edited March 21, 2019 by Toastypk

[BornAgainBrony 2,397]

Wow. This just came up in the "Fall of Sunset" fan project that got released just a week ago. Sometimes it just really isnt that easy and making friends is just as cryptic as getting a date.

[Cirrus. 1,089]

On 3/14/2019 at 10:42 PM, FlareGun45 said:

I don't care if it's a cartoon, that's just so misleading!

The show it is what it is. It's a kids show that's locked within the confines of its "TV-Y"  fishbowl. I think they could've done a lot more with the show if Hasbro gave the writers a little more rope.

Unfortunately the real world is also not as positive or simple as Equestria and has quite a few people who seem to have never learned a lot of the lessons that the show does offer.

 

What I go by is treat others the way you want to be treated. But you have to have limits if you think you're being taken advantage of. Finding people with similar interests helps also.

 

As Jeric said:

On 3/14/2019 at 11:03 PM, Jeric said:

Oh man, this can be a really deep topic if you let it.

 

 

Edited March 21, 2019 by Cirrus.