Bane Of Cupcakes

[Bendy 1,821]

I made a new alternate ending to Cupcakes, it's quite short it only took me about 15 minutes to write. I didn't really put that much thought into it, hope you like it though.

 

It's on Fanfiction.net: Bane_Of_Cupcakes

 

It's too short for fimfiction.net.

Edited July 9, 2012 by Rush

[Finesthour 7,287]

My critique-

 

...Wut. What exactly went through your mind as you wrote this?

• You changed POV (Point of View) every sentence.
• Your use of past, present, and future tense is... bad. That is all I can really say on the matter.
• Usually stories that are amazingly weird and make no sense have some sort of explanation for the wackyness... you have none. I can't even tell what is going on. I have no picture in my head of what you're trying to do.
• Characters are way off character. Like, horribly bad. This reminds me of Sweet Apple Massacre with the horribly off Big Macintosh. You can't just change how a character is just to make your story... work the way you thought it would.
• I... this is not one of your better works, is it?

All in all... I would say keep practicing, and read over your work before you post it.

 

2/5

[Bendy 1,821]

Thanks for your honest opinion. When I written this I did not care for weather they were in character or not cause I made this kinda as a bad joke that shouldn't be taken very seriously. And I'm no professional at all in writing so I did expect it to get bad reviews.

 

Perhaps it would be more character for Princess Celestia not to banish Pinkie Pie into the sun and let her redeem herself, or cure her from mental sickness using the Elements Of Harmony.

 

Also I didn't want to write some long explanation how Pinkie Pie mastered multiverse traveling in this fan fiction, it happened because it happened.

[Finesthour 7,287]

 

Thanks for your honest opinion. When I written this I did not care for weather they were in character or not cause I made this kinda as a bad joke that shouldn't be taken very seriously. And I'm no professional at all in writing so I did expect it to get bad reviews.

 

I am quite impressed with your reaction, however.

I do expect that you will get better, with time.

Do try and see my review isn't BAD, but showing it's flaws, and how you could improve it.

Also I didn't want to write some long explanation how Pinkie Pie mastered multiverse traveling in this fan fiction, it happened because it happened.

 

Could not say it any better myself.