You are a Blank Flank - A Text Adventure

[Spider's Claw 213]

So I decided it was high time I made some sort of contribution to the forum. Of course, I have chosen to do this the only way I know how: a really poorly written text adventure that always seems to be inexplicably popular. Maybe the same will happen here. Fingers crossed, at least. If you've never seen one or been involved in one, what you're doing is suggesting an event for the story. You're essentially in partial control of what happens. I'd recommend maybe reading a bit of MS Paint Adventures if you're unsure of how to do things here, but either way it's kind of self-explanatory.

 

It's not particularly apparent now but the story may or may not (this, of course, means it will) dabble in a bit of grimdark as it progresses. You've been warned.

 

But anyway:

-=-=-=You Are a Blank Flank - A Text Adventure=-=-=-

 

You are a pony! Look at you, being a pony and all. See! You’ve got hooves and a fancy mane and fancy color and everything! Well, no, you are missing one thing. Know what that is? Your cutie mark. That’s kind of embarrassing! This old and still a blank flank! You’re all grown-up and you still don’t know your calling. Fortunately, your fellow mares and stallions are less judgmental than the fillies and colts you attended school with. Awful, horrible foals, all of them. Literally, actually! But sometimes you feel distant from the others. As a filly you were told your lack of a cutie mark just meant you were special and your talent is probably really amazing. You know that’s a lie! There must be something wrong with you. You know this has happened in the past to some ponies, but it’s just not natural!

 

But that’s not important right now. What is important is that you have been seemingly moved from your home in Ponyville to a town you are unfamiliar with. What’s worse is, you have no idea how you ended up here. You just found yourself in the middle of the road. The only thing you know is you’re in an old town named St. Arion, on the edge of Equestria. Talking to the residents, you learned that Princess Celestia has not come this way in quite some time. It seems as though the town has been abandoned and cut off from the rest of Equestria, and left under the jurisdiction of St. Arion’s royal family, all of whom live in an intimidating and frightening castle, which they never seem to leave, on the intimidating and frightening hill outside of town. It just so happens that this hill seems to always have an intimidating and frightening storm cloud above it. The point is, the entire thing is intimidating and frightening. Sounds like good final dungeon material, and you can expect to be strolling through the castle doors sometime by the end of the adventure. But that is also not important right now, just like your nonexistent cutie mark.

 

A young colt is coming up the road in your direction.

He seems somewhat timid and nervous, and he sounds it, too. He asks w-w-what your n-n-name is, i-if you d-don’t mind telling him, b-because that’s y-your choice and all.

 

Oh God. You forgot what your name is. Quick! Think of something! You need to introduce yourself!

 

He senses your hesitation and decides to introduce himself f-f-first. His n-name is... is... uh... his n-name is Igor, well, n-no, that's just what they c-call him, and, and, he certainly d-does not w-work for the st-story’s v-villain. He j-just thought that you, you might like to know that b-bit of information.

 

So then: What is your name?

[St. Pinkie 118]

*deleted post*

Edited October 16, 2011 by St. Pinkie

[Slendermane 477]

(Green hair and grey body, maybe moss?)

 

Mossy Stone? Mossy Granite?

[The Great and Powerful Trixie 78]

Natural Harmonia Gropius

[Finesthour 7,287]

So I decided it was high time I made some sort of contribution to the forum. Of course, I have chosen to do this the only way I know how: a really poorly written text adventure that always seems to be inexplicably popular. Maybe the same will happen here. Fingers crossed, at least. If you've never seen one or been involved in one, what you're doing is suggesting an event for the story. You're essentially in partial control of what happens. I'd recommend maybe reading a bit of MS Paint Adventures if you're unsure of how to do things here, but either way it's kind of self-explanatory.

 

It's not particularly apparent now but the story may or may not (this, of course, means it will) dabble in a bit of grimdark as it progresses. You've been warned.

 

But anyway:

-=-=-=You Are a Blank Flank - A Text Adventure=-=-=-

 

 

You are a pony! Look at you, being a pony and all. See! You’ve got hooves and a fancy mane and fancy color and everything! Well, no, you are missing one thing. Know what that is? Your cutie mark. That’s kind of embarrassing! This old and still a blank flank! You’re all grown-up and you still don’t know your calling. Fortunately, your fellow mares and stallions are less judgmental than the fillies and colts you attended school with. Awful, horrible foals, all of them. Literally, actually! But sometimes you feel distant from the others. As a filly you were told your lack of a cutie mark just meant you were special and your talent is probably really amazing. You know that’s a lie! There must be something wrong with you. You know this has happened in the past to some ponies, but it’s just not natural!

 

But that’s not important right now. What is important is that you have been seemingly moved from your home in Ponyville to a town you are unfamiliar with. What’s worse is, you have no idea how you ended up here. You just found yourself in the middle of the road. The only thing you know is you’re in an old town named St. Arion, on the edge of Equestria. Talking to the residents, you learned that Princess Celestia has not come this way in quite some time. It seems as though the town has been abandoned and cut off from the rest of Equestria, and left under the jurisdiction of St. Arion’s royal family, all of whom live in an intimidating and frightening castle, which they never seem to leave, on the intimidating and frightening hill outside of town. It just so happens that this hill seems to always have an intimidating and frightening storm cloud above it. The point is, the entire thing is intimidating and frightening. Sounds like good final dungeon material, and you can expect to be strolling through the castle doors sometime by the end of the adventure. But that is also not important right now, just like your nonexistent cutie mark.

 

A young colt is coming up the road in your direction.

 

He seems somewhat timid and nervous, and he sounds it, too. He asks w-w-what your n-n-name is, i-if you d-don’t mind telling him, b-because that’s y-your choice and all.

 

Oh God. You forgot what your name is. Quick! Think of something! You need to introduce yourself!

 

He senses your hesitation and decides to introduce himself f-f-first. His n-name is... is... uh... his n-name is Igor, well, n-no, that's just what they c-call him, and, and, he certainly d-does not w-work for the st-story’s v-villain. He j-just thought that you, you might like to know that b-bit of information.

 

So then: What is your name?

 

Shy flower.

[Spider's Claw 213]

Natural Harmonia Gropius

 

Sure, why not, that sounds like a name. A perfectly natural name. Except the grope part.

 

You tell the young pony that your name is Natural Harmonia. You don’t know if that’s true or not, but it’s what you’ve decided to call yourself for now. Igor tells you it’s been q-quite some t-time s-since, since St. Arion has seen a foreigner. How d-did you get here, he asks?

 

You tell him you don’t know. You just ended up here. He starts to mumble something, before pulling a scroll from his lab coat and opening it up. He puts it away after reading it for a moment, and then asks if you are w-without family, contact to family, or if anypony at all w-would m-miss you if you happened to v-vanish. You tell him, nope! You live on your own and are really just kind of in the background of everything. Most ponies don’t even know your name! You’re sure that nopony at home even notices you’re gone.

 

In that c-case, he says, w-why d-d-don’t you p-pay a visit to the c-castle sometime? The royal f-family c-could use some company, after all, and since nopony would miss y-you, er, n-no wait, he, he means that s-since you have no friends or f-family, it would work out f-for you, t-too. Right? Right.

 

The castle is probably really unsafe, Igor is suspicious, and the royal family is probably evil, but you’ve never been invited to hang out with royalty before. This is kind of a tough call! You look back down at Igor to give him your answer.

 

What will you do?

 

Natural Harmonia

Condition: Fine

Skill: Being the protagonist

Inventory (0/4)

[Slendermane 477]

Thank him, but tell him "Maybe some other time." You have to learn more about this place first. You should ask around for information, find food and lodging, etc.

[Spider's Claw 213]

Thank him, but tell him "Maybe some other time." You have to learn more about this place first. You should ask around for information, find food and lodging, etc.

 

You tell him that's a very kind offer, but you'll pass. You've never even heard of St. Arion before, so you should probably familiarize yourself with it first. And perhaps meet some people just in case the royal family wants to gobble you up in a big tasty stew or something like that. Speaking of stew, you're kind of hungry! And tired! You need a place to stay. And something to eat. Not necessarily in that order. You look down and ask Igor if there's a restaurant of any sort nearby. You find Igor has fled. Oh well!

 

You take a stroll around St. Arion, making mental note of interesting places. After some time, you have a good sense of the interesting places in town: a run-down old mansion, some café/eatery called "Solitaire" which claims to have been founded by one of the princesses of the royal family, some form of stadium, a supermarket which should be really convenient if you need to actually buy stuff, a small store which sells absolutely dashing suits and outfits for the stallions of St. Arion, and the Winter Inn, which also claims to have been founded by one of the princesses of the royal family.

 

Seems like lots of the businesses here were founded by the royal family in one way or another. But now you have a choice: where to first? You cross the Suit & Tuxedo Store off your list since you're a mare and don't need to wear monocles and suits.

 

• The old mansion

• Solitaire Café

• Nameless Supermarket

• Winter Inn

 

Or you can do something nonsensical and spontaneous, that's fine too. Whatever. After all, you're free to do pretty much whatever and you're amazed the adventure hasn't already been horribly derailed.

 

Natural Harmonia

Condition: Fine

Talent: Protagonist

Inventory (0/4)

[Slendermane 477]

You check your inventory. Do you have any money? If not, is there anywhere you can work for some money, or can work for food or lodging?

[The Great and Powerful Trixie 78]

> SRT: DERAIL ADVENTURE

[Spider's Claw 213]

> SRT: DERAIL ADVENTURE

 

In due time.

 

You check your inventory. Do you have any money? If not, is there anywhere you can work for some money, or can work for food or lodging?

 

You inspect your inventory. No money to be found here, nope! How odd. You're always carrying a bit of money on you. How strange that you ended up here without any money. You realize you probably need money to afford food and a place to stay, so you turn your attention to getting a job. You walk into the supermarket, reasoning that a store that large will probably have a need for more jobs than something like a small café.

 

As you walk inside, your eyes are drawn to the room to the right of you. While the rest of the market is fairly open and organized into aisles, this one part of the store is off in its own room. And with good reason, too! There are large, flashing lights above the double doors: MOONLIGHT'S MOONSHINE (completely legal! Founded by a princess, so of course it's legal!). You prepare to walk into that direction, but...

 

> SRT: DERAIL ADVENTURE

 

You are stopped by an old mare, who walks up to you and begins talking for no apparent reason. She tells you that the old mansion is inhabited by a VAMPIRE! Oh no! A vampire!

 

You didn't really ask for that sort of information. You didn't even make eye contact with the old pony. She just started talking. But you guess knowing that a vampire lives in the run-down old mansion is probably useful and potentially adventure-derailing information.

 

Natural Harmonia

Condition: Fine

Talent: Protagonist

Inventory (0/4)

[The Great and Powerful Trixie 78]

> ASK if VAMPIRE is SEXY

[SolarFlare 21]

*deleted post*

Edited October 16, 2011 by solarflare

[Spider's Claw 213]

> ASK if VAMPIRE is SEXY

 

You ask the old mare if the vampire is a sexy vampire. She says she doesn't know. Nopony has seen the vampire. They don't come out of the mansion often. But every so often, the vampire will come from the mansion and a pony from St. Arion vanishes...

 

The royal family has done nothing about this. Some ponies speculate that the vampire is part of the royal family, since the royal family is involved in every other aspect of St. Arion, what with all the stores and such. They just don't do the thing they should do, which is being the royal bloody family The mare goes on to say that the person who slays the vampire would likely be rewarded quite handsomely. Sensing that your Talent is being a protagonist, the mare gives you a WOODEN STAKE.

 

The WOODEN STAKE has been added to your inventory.

 

Natural Harmonia

Condition: Fine

Talent: Protagonist

Inventory (1/4): Wooden Stake

Edited October 16, 2011 by Spider's Claw

[Kinvara 117]

>Search for garlic

[Slendermane 477]

(Do we need actual garlic flowers, or will the cliche bulbs work?) You should also search for holy water, crucifixes, a mirror, and a mallet (what good does a stake do without a mallet?).

[Spider's Claw 213]

> Search for garlic

 

Garlic? Yeah, good call. Vampires HATE garlic, right? Now where would you find garlic? The supermarket, obviously.

 

Now where would you find garlic for FREE?

 

You approach one of the cashiers and tell them you have come to kill the vampire. You ask if you can get some garlic for free since you're poor and all. They oblige under the condition that once the vampire is dead, you will pay for this clove of garlic. Alternatively, if you die, they'll find a way to reanimate you and make you work off the cost of the clove of garlic.

 

Sure, why not. You take the CLOVE OF GARLIC.

 

You should also search for holy water, crucifixes, a mirror, and a mallet

 

Now those might be pretty hard to find. You could probably obtain a mirror from an inn room, and a mallet from the supermarket, but holy water is probably something you cannot obtain. You know you won't get the mallet since you're already pushing your luck.

 

You walk over to the Winter Inn and request a mirror. The receptionist laughs at you and tells you to get out.

 

Natural Harmonia

Condition: Fine

Talent: Protagonist

Inventory (2/4): Wooden Stake | Clove of Garlic

[Kinvara 117]

> Find a safe place to stay before sundown. Preferably somewhere not creepy.

[The Great and Powerful Trixie 78]

>BLAST "BLOODY TEARS"

[Spider's Claw 213]

> Find a safe place to stay before sundown. Preferably somewhere not creepy.

 

You decide you need a place to stay while you wait for the sun to set, because if not you might be caught out in the street when the vampire comes. Asking around, you've learned this is the day of the month where the vampire shows up to take a villager. Alternatively, sundown is when you'll go kill that vampire. Because killing him/her during the day would be kind of lame. Gotta do it when they put up a fight!

 

The old mansion is out of the question. And so is the inn. Maybe you could go to the Moonlight's Moonshine store. It's probably exciting in there. But suddenly, a large box pops up in your view. You are unable to move. Words begin to type out in the box.

 

WHAT A HORRIBLE NIGHT TO HAVE A CURSE

 

> BLAST BLOODY TEARS

 

http-~~-//www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjazC45Qkww

 

HELL YEAH LET'S KILL SOME VAMPIRES

 

Lightning strikes for dramatic effect. You can see a pony come out of the mansion. It walks toward you, slowly. A tumbleweed blows by as the vampire comes closer. You brandish your stake and garlic.

 

She laughs. Her horn lights up the night briefly, and your stake is broken in two with the power of magic.

 

Natural Harmonia

Condition: Fine

Talent: Protagonist

Inventory (2/4): Broken Wooden Stake | Clove of Garlic

Edited October 23, 2011 by Spider's Claw

[The Great and Powerful Trixie 78]

> "DIE MONSTER. YOU DON'T BELONG IN THIS WORLD."

[Slendermane 477]

Damn. Magic vampires. Is there such a thing as magic garlic or magic stakes?

 

You are screwed. Run to somewhere with flowing water. A vampire can't cross flowing water.

[Kinvara 117]

>Eat the garlic so you gain the power of garlic breath

[Spider's Claw 213]

> "DIE MONSTER. YOU DON'T BELONG IN THIS WORLD."

 

You stand your ground. "DIE, MONSTER. YOU DON'T BELONG IN THIS WORLD."

The vampire says that it is not by her hand that she is once again given flesh. She was called here by the royal family, who wished to pay HER tribute.

You retort by asking, tribute? You tell the vampire she steals ponies' souls, and make them her slaves.

She thinks that perhaps the same could be said of all religions.

Her words are as empty as her soul. Ponykind ill needs a savior such as her.

BUT WHAT IS A PONY? A MISERABLE LITTLE PILE OF SECRETS. BUT ENOUGH TALK. HAVE AT YOU!

 

> Eat the garlic so you gain the power of garlic breath

 

What garlic? While you were talking, it seems the vampire has magicked away your garlic!

 

You are screwed. Run to somewhere with flowing water.

 

You take off in the opposite direction. You don't know if there's flowing water there, but at least it's away from the vampire. She does not chase you. You look behind, back at her. She has her hoof extended, as if to say, "wait!" You do not stop running, so she merely walks back to the mansion.

 

Natural Harmonia

Condition: Fine

Talent: Protagonist

Inventory (1/4): Broken Wooden Stake

[The Great and Powerful Trixie 78]

> ATTACK CANDLES in search of WEAPONS