My struggle trough the daily life of a Pony.

[Neikos 968]

So I somehow wanted to start writing again and well just made this... dunno it's some sort of introduction and well judge from yourself.

 

https://docs.google....ydr9ROFYuc/edit

 

If you wanna read it.

 

Basically I just want feedback on the style and the way I narrate things. ( didn't expensively spell check it but it shouldn't be too annoying. )

 

PS: Not a self insert, even if written in the first person!

Edited March 1, 2012 by Neikos el Presidente

[Legendary Emerald 622]

The style is good; the only issues are in the details. Things like occasional incorrect grammar, a few incorrect punctuations, and one instance of quotation marks being used improperly. All things that could be fixed with just some more proof reading, really.

 

The paragraphs sizes are nice though; big and meaty.

[Neikos 968]

Yes, the technical details are my Achilles heel. ( The fact that I never really learned English grammar doesn't help either I think ^^ )

[Böser 40]

For someone who's first language isn't English, that was incredible. The grammar I mean. There were mistakes, of course, but nothing huge.

As for the story itself, I'm definitely interested in what happens to George next, but I feel like the environment should have been described in more detail. It's great though!