Opposite Gender Pet Peeves

[Envy 6,155]

 I think there's two sides to this. What you're describing is the negative side. There's also the guys that start up a friendship with a girl and develop feelings for her after the fact. They eventually say these feelings. Sometimes the girls let's them down easily and they remain friends. I had a friend who developed feelings for a girl he'd been friends with for years. After he told her, she didn't want to be friends anymore, because she thought it was too awkward, instead of telling him this however, she just started avoiding him. He was heartbroken.

 

 It's a two way street. One party isn't always in the wrong, you can't blame someone for developing feelings. Trying to pressure someone into a relationship is wrong, but that's not always the intention.

 

Of course, that can happen. That's an unfortunate situation all around. It's painful on both sides to lose a friend.

 

What we're talking about are guys who find a girl they're attracted to, try to become friends with her only with the intention of dating, and then when they get rejected they throw a fit.

 

If a guy starts up a friendship with a girl and then grows attracted to her after the fact, that is not a case of the "Nice Guy" phenomenon, because he didn't just start the friendship to get into her pants, he really wanted to be friends with her.

 

You see, when a guy does start a 'friendship' only because he likes you and wants to date you, it really hurts, because there was never any friendship there to begin with, even though you might have thought there was. The case you're mentioning was not anything like that.

Edited April 22, 2014 by Envy

[BastementSparkle 20,326]

Of course, that can happen. That's an unfortunate situation all around. It's painful on both sides to lose a friend.

 

What we're talking about are guys who find a girl they're attracted to, try to become friends with her only with the intention of dating, and then when they get rejected they throw a fit.

 

If a guy starts up a friendship with a girl and then grows attracted to her after the fact, that is not a case of the "Nice Guy" phenomenon, because he didn't just start the friendship to get into her pants, he really wanted to be friends with her.

 I know what you're talking about. It's just that I've seen a few instances where a guy has no ill intentions whatsoever and still get lumped in with the "nice guys". That happened to my friend because a lot of girls instantly assumed that's what he was doing.

 

 It's just good to keep an open mind and know that there's two sides to every story.

[Kay Dreamer 884]

 I think there's two sides to this. What you're describing is the negative side. There's also the guys that start up a friendship with a girl and develop feelings for her after the fact. They eventually say these feelings. Sometimes the girls let's them down easily and they remain friends. I had a friend who developed feelings for a girl he'd been friends with for years. After he told her, she didn't want to be friends anymore, because she thought it was too awkward, instead of telling him this however, she just started avoiding him. He was heartbroken.

 

 It's a two way street. One party isn't always in the wrong, you can't blame someone for developing feelings. Trying to pressure someone into a relationship is wrong, but that's not always the intention.

 

That's unfortunate, and it shows immaturity on the girl's part. It's easy to let awkwardness intimidate you into hiding, but that doesn't make it right. The right thing for her to do would have been to speak to him, but we're all guilty of letting fear override logic at times.

 

Confessing feelings isn't wrong at all. As you said, it's trying to pressure someone into a relationship that's wrong. To that end, I've seen guys range from trying guilt tactics all the way up to pure emotional manipulation to get a girl to date him. And even if they do keep up a facade of friendship, they'll whine behind her back about being 'friend zoned'. Or they'll just drop her, because they don't see the point in maintaining the friendship if they can't get anything out of it. That's what we're saying sucks.

 

I've managed to maintain friendships both with guys I turned down as well as exes. Sure it's a bit awkward at first, but once you tap back into the part that made you great friends in the first place, you're golden. But the guy has to want the friendship too. If he still thinks he has a chance of making it something more? Nu-uh, not gonna work.

 

EDIT

 

Envy totally beat me to it, haha.

Edited April 22, 2014 by Kay Dreamer

[Frith is Magick 1,471]

More of a lamentation than a legitimate complaint: with males it seems to be the jerks who have the self-confidence to try and develop a relationship (and heck even d-bags can play nice), but plenty of nice guys (knowledge from experience) end up ignored, not by fault of the female, but because they can't (or simply don't) put themselves out there. Girls can't like nice guys if the nice guys are too shy (I know I need to grow a set and talk to people, but it's easier said than done).

 

Which reminds me of another pet peeve. The "nice guy/gentlemanly charade." That's just it, it's a charade, basically a form of bribery that the girl is aware of. Every single guy I've known tries it, and then the guys all complain that the reason they don't get the girl is that "they're a nice guy" and girls like abusive jack holes better. I personally see it as a dishonest attempt it get in a lady's pants, and I'd personally rather get to know the guys real self than see him be what he thinks I want. (Of course, if the guy is an abusive jackhole then I'd dump his ass in a heartbeat) But that's just me apparently, other girls enjoy being bribed and manipulated. I welcome any guy who approaches me as their equal rather than an object to be won.

Something I dislike about some guys: The nice guy charade. It makes the legitimate nice guys look like manipulative arsewipes; there's no way to know until too late.

[Discordian 6,015]

On the note of the "nice guy" thing, a lot of people don't seem to believe that there are legit nice guys out there, or at least guys who every once in awhile take part in kind and courteous acts because he's feeling generous. How we feel can affect how we interact with others greatly. This is sort of the same thing as being nice to get into a girl's pants but on a more positive note. Both are honest methods so long as the guy is legitly nice and not JUST doing it to get laid and then he's a jerk the rest of the time.

 

Today I had a bad "nice guy" fail myself. I was at an interview and the person who interviewed before me slipped and fell on the floor. I asked if she was alright but didn't get up to help her up. I feel like a jerk for not doing so. I wanna say "at least I didn't ignore it" but I feel that's not good enough.

 

I personally believe in courtesy whether you care about someone or if they are just random nobodies.

 

---

 

Here's a gender inequality that annoys me: If a girl asks a guy out it's cuz she's interested, available and confident. If a guy asks a girl out, he's creepy unless he's super hot. Not saying this is specifically tied to gender but it's a common pattern from what I've seen.

 

Unless you legitly say something creepy. Like one time I asked a girl out and she said she was still in high school. My response: "Well if that matters to you..."

 

Yeah, that was totally creepy. Age doesn't typically mean much to me though. How old someone is physically says nothing of who they are. Obviously there's limits to this but I find it perfectly reasonable that a 16-ish year old person has the right to such a decision. It was mostly my bad for not taking the hint that she thought she was too young or I was too old and I responded with my ideology.

 

I haven't asked a girl out since and now I'm fairly subconscious about how creepy some of my behaviors come across as. :okiedokielokie:

 

But I digress....

[BastementSparkle 20,326]

To this day I regularly get told I look like a serial killer. Usually by females. I'm not sure why, because every time I ask what makes them think that, they refuse to tell me. Maybe, it's the long hair or pale skin or something.

 

 I like creeping people out in a playful manner, but it bothers me when anyone thinks I'm a legitimate danger. I've even had some women keep glancing back at me and deliberately trying to avoid me when I just happen to be walking behind them! I've never even talked to you, why are you so afraid of me?

[Swirl 90]

I get peeved by misandrists (women who think men are scum). Then again, I'm peeved by all forms of discrimination so it's not really a one-off thing. To be honest I'm too annoyed with putting up with stupid male stereotypes to notice anything annoying about the other gender(s).

[Discordian 6,015]

I get peeved by misandrists (women who think men are scum). Then again, I'm peeved by all forms of discrimination so it's not really a one-off thing. To be honest I'm too annoyed with putting up with stupid male stereotypes to notice anything annoying about the other gender(s).

"Guys are dumb and insensitive so when they don't like something I like, it's because they are big dumb guys"

 

Know what I mean?

 

Edited April 22, 2014 by Discordian

[MarcelineA 126]

Physically my pet peeve would be cleaness (clean freak and germaphobe here) also I don't like when people are in my personal space and drinking or eating from what I'm drinking or eating unless they're like FAMILY and EVEN)

 

Emotionally/Mentally/Personality/Behavior/or whatever would be complaining about things you do YOURSELF (but of course this applies to anyone) an example is (even though not EVERY single guy does it but a lot do) complaining about the friendzone WHICH does not exist that concept makes no sense you're either friends with someone or not but yeah lots of them complain and perhaps they do worse to another girl that likes them... I've witnessed some of them that treat the girl that likes them like garbage (me and my best friend are 2 of those girls) and they still have the nerve to call us friends and mind trick us which sucks. Another pet peeve would be guys that are like doormats ._. sure I don't exactly have a problem with people who have low self esteem I had it before BUT you have to know your limits and there's these people that no matter how much you try to help them they DON'T let you help them and then they keep complaining that life "sucks" etc etc when they don't even try and let other people step on them it drives me insane... Another one is those jerks that are Egomaniacs. I CAN NOT STAND EGOMANIACS they're the worst humans I can think of besides serial killers and rapists these people think they are the best and the world revolves around them and the rest of the people are "trash" unless they're EXACTLY like them just NO... Also is the "know it alls" the brainiacs that think being Academically exceptional is crucial or that knowing everything is crucial and everyone else is dumb ._. also the hypocritical ones that politely insult you but consider people that swear in general (no matter their intentions) "garbage" sure because a polite insult doesn't ruin someone self esteem .___. v_v ugh *facepalm* it's the intention that matters... Also the pervs but also the guys that are TOO innocent because THEY choose to (of course I would rather date an innocent guy than a perv BUT both extremes are NOT healthy and I'm a big health freak especially psychologically) Also the guys who have high expectations of women but complain of women in general of having high expectations of men ._. this one drives me nuts... and lastly people who drink I HATE DRINKING whatsoever unless it's wine because it has been proven wine is good for the heart but that's it and it should be moderate

[Discordian 6,015]

Physically my pet peeve would be cleaness (clean freak and germaphobe here) also I don't like when people are in my personal space and drinking or eating from what I'm drinking or eating unless they're like FAMILY and EVEN)

 

Emotionally/Mentally/Personality/Behavior/or whatever would be complaining about things you do YOURSELF (but of course this applies to anyone) an example is (even though not EVERY single guy does it but a lot do) complaining about the friendzone WHICH does not exist that concept makes no sense you're either friends with someone or not but yeah lots of them complain and perhaps they do worse to another girl that likes them... I've witnessed some of them that treat the girl that likes them like garbage (me and my best friend are 2 of those girls) and they still have the nerve to call us friends and mind trick us which sucks. Another pet peeve would be guys that are like doormats ._. sure I don't exactly have a problem with people who have low self esteem I had it before BUT you have to know your limits and there's these people that no matter how much you try to help them they DON'T let you help them and then they keep complaining that life "sucks" etc etc when they don't even try and let other people step on them it drives me insane... Another one is those jerks that are Egomaniacs. I CAN NOT STAND EGOMANIACS they're the worst humans I can think of besides serial killers and rapists these people think they are the best and the world revolves around them and the rest of the people are "trash" unless they're EXACTLY like them just NO... Also is the "know it alls" the brainiacs that think being Academically exceptional is crucial or that knowing everything is crucial and everyone else is dumb ._. also the hypocritical ones that politely insult you but consider people that swear in general (no matter their intentions) "garbage" sure because a polite insult doesn't ruin someone self esteem .___. v_v ugh *facepalm* it's the intention that matters... Also the pervs but also the guys that are TOO innocent because THEY choose to (of course I would rather date an innocent guy than a perv BUT both extremes are NOT healthy and I'm a big health freak especially psychologically) Also the guys who have high expectations of women but complain of women in general of having high expectations of men ._. this one drives me nuts... and lastly people who drink I HATE DRINKING whatsoever unless it's wine because it has been proven wine is good for the heart but that's it and it should be moderate

That's quite the manifesto there...

 

Two points I'd like to respond to:

 

1. I wonder if you, or anyone else, can tell the difference between a doormat and a guy who just doesn't let things get under his skin and only makes a big deal when something legitimately bothers them. Some people just go with the flow and it's not because they have low self-esteem, it's just that most things don't bother them.

 

2. On the note of expectations, I feel this is something not tied to gender but as a more general thing: If you want something out of a partner you had better be willing to circulate it back or at least something of equal value to them. It ain't wrong to have expectations but having them while having nothing to give in return is a recipe for disaster.

 

But don't mind me, I'm just your local madman...

Edited April 22, 2014 by Discordian

[BastementSparkle 20,326]

 

1. I wonder if you, or anyone else, can tell the difference between a doormat and a guy who just doesn't let things get under his skin and only makes a big deal when something legitimately bothers them. Some people just go with the flow and it's not because they have low self-esteem, it's just that most things don't bother them.

 

 

 This. I had a female friend back in middle school. We would usually work in projects together, a lot of the time she would ask me to do something for the project, because she had no way to herself. People started saying I was "whipped", when in reality I just didn't have a problem doing what she wanted me to do. If I had an issue I would say no.

 

 This also came up in discussion about "things you would do for your girlfriend", I had the displeasure of taking part in back in high school. They asked me about a bunch of weird stuff, and I kept saying yes. They thought I had no ability to say no, when I just happen to be into a lot of "strange" things.

 

[Adachi 772]

Hmm, don't really have any strong pet peeves, although there are staff who work at my group home, and they think that they're always right, all the time, and things are better their way. Although, I have a lot more pet peeves about my fellow men. Being a man isn't about being macho, it is about having the strength to protect what's valuable to you.

[Troblems 5,617]

This isn't really about all men, just the super duper tall men. Adjustable showers...I can't reach them when they're all the way at the top.

 

This also goes for putting things on high shelves or on top of the fridge. It is undignified for a grown ass woman to climb on kitchen counters.

 

Not everyone is godzilla height. I'm a tiny person. Don't put my favorite mug on the top shelf.

[Discordian 6,015]

This isn't really about all men, just the super duper tall men. Adjustable showers...I can't reach them when they're all the way at the top.

 

This also goes for putting things on high shelves or on top of the fridge. It is undignified for a grown ass woman to climb on kitchen counters.

 

Not everyone is godzilla height. I'm a tiny person. Don't put my favorite mug on the top shelf.

While I agree about being considerate of certain attributes of a person, such as their height, I feel it's important to tell someone about it if they do something like this that bothers you.

 

Another one that's not strictly tied to the female gender but often comes from them is the idea that men should understand what they want without them saying it. Give to us straight, we don't like people thinking we're telepathic.

Edited April 22, 2014 by Discordian

[PartyWithPinkie 189]

I have a very low tolerance for people in general, so it's not one specific gender.

My pet peeve is basically other humans.... Except you guys :3

I'm just not a fan of company these days.

[Clarity 3,094]

When people think all women should be "elegant" and "cultural". My mother has this idea in her head that I always have to look like some sort of fashion model whenever I go out, whether it's a swimsuit or an outfit for my badminton class. When I tell her I like being a tomboy, she asks me why I prefer being a boy. And whenever I think it's stupid to care so much about fashion, she basically insults me by saying I'm acting like a boy.

 

Um, no duh. I like being a girl. I just don't like the fact that we have to be girly all the time.

[Discordian 6,015]

I have a very low tolerance for people in general, so it's not one specific gender.

My pet peeve is basically other humans.... Except you guys :3

I'm just not a fan of company these days.

DINGDINGDING, we have a winner.

 

This is me. I study people and their reactions for the sake of knowing but ultimately I find it difficult to interact with others. I don't care for small talk, a lot of what people like or find popular doesn't interest me, the things that DO interest me there isn't a lot to talk about unless someone knows just as much about it as I do (which isn't often) and I just find my time is better spent doing my own thing than talking to people about things I could be doing.

 

Though I treat every interaction as a learning experience, particularly when there is conflict. It helps to improve my ability to get information from people.

[RNgineer 161]

Really don't like feminism today, it's not about equal rights anymore, its just socialism in womens underwear.

 

I hate the idea they have that there is a "war on women" there is no war on women

 

I has been proven in economical studies that women on average make less than men on average because of culture factors NOT a discrimination in the market

 

-Statistically women abuse and kill children way more often than men do, and yet no one trusts a male babysitter

-Statistically proven women initiate domestic violence more often than men do.

-Women initiate divorce exponentially more often than men do

-The legal court system hugely favors women over men 

-Men pay more for car insurance and life insurance because men are more prone to accidents, but If i ask women to start paying as much as i do for these policies they would be up in arms but as a man I have to just shut up and put up now that I have to pay as much as women to for my healthcare insurance (because women to go to the doctors way more often than men) and yet this is a victory for them

-Men are see as the bad guys in relationships for example, if he cheats on you its because hes an asshole but when she cheats on you its because hes an asshole, theres no winning for men

Edited April 22, 2014 by RNgineer

[Troblems 5,617]

While I agree about being considerate of certain attributes of a person, such as their height, I feel it's important to tell someone about it if they do something like this that bothers you.

 

I have shared this information, I promise, I know people aren't telepathic. People forget, and I get that. However, I have to practically stand out of the shower if the head is all the way up. It goes over my head, because my husband is huge, being over a foot taller than me. 

[Discordian 6,015]

When people think all women should be "elegant" and "cultural". My mother has this idea in her head that I always have to look like some sort of fashion model whenever I go out, whether it's a swimsuit or an outfit for my badminton class. When I tell her I like being a tomboy, she asks me why I prefer being a boy. And whenever I think it's stupid to care so much about fashion, she basically insults me by saying I'm acting like a boy.

 

Um, no duh. I like being a girl. I just don't like the fact that we have to be girly all the time.

Gender roles are dumb.

 

Something that annoys me about this is that people believe there should be set rules for certain genders but there really isn't any. It's just been that way for so long that people believe it to be "the way of things". Talk about perpetuating a bad habit.

 

Although conversely I get annoyed by people who believe those who are following gender roles are doing so because of peer pressure or society forcing it on them. If one is making the decision to be girly because they are a girl then that's their own right. It's not some big conspiracy about being forced to be that way. :okiedokielokie:

[RNgineer 161]

Another thing i hate is that men are seen as sex animals.  Recent studies show women have more sex partners than men do before marriage and tend to have more sex.  which makes sense because women are the producers for sex and men are the consumers in this american culture.

[Discordian 6,015]

Another thing i hate is that men are seen as sex animals.  Recent studies show women have more sex partners than men do before marriage and tend to have more sex.  which makes sense because women are the producers for sex and men are the consumers in this american culture.

To add to that, men are seen as perverts simply for wanting some action. Not even anything weird, just liking the naked form of their chosen gender and some regular intercourse. Wut.

 

They are also seen as acting in the interests of sexual pursuit but generally speaking a guy's more likely to be focused on his work than he is sex. It's probably true that men want sex more than women on average but men don't think about it all the time like some people would have you believe. It's more like they think about it when it's convenient to do so, such as when there's a possibility of having sex or the most opportune times to bring it up. Except for those few conveniently timed moments men think about a million other things that don't even remotely relate to sex.

Edited April 22, 2014 by Discordian

[MarcelineA 126]

That's quite the manifesto there...

 

Two points I'd like to respond to:

 

1. I wonder if you, or anyone else, can tell the difference between a doormat and a guy who just doesn't let things get under his skin and only makes a big deal when something legitimately bothers them. Some people just go with the flow and it's not because they have low self-esteem, it's just that most things don't bother them.

 

2. On the note of expectations, I feel this is something not tied to gender but as a more general thing: If you want something out of a partner you had better be willing to circulate it back or at least something of equal value to them. It ain't wrong to have expectations but having them while having nothing to give in return is a recipe for disaster.

 

But don't mind me, I'm just your local madman...

for #1 I'm talking for example about a dude that goes to a party because his friends would call him uncool or wimp if he doesn't go I just can't stand people that always do what people tells them without considering their own feelings it's like they don't have a sense of SELF

 

for #2 well this is why in the beginning I said "and this applies to people in general as well" they asked what was your pet peeve about the opposite sex so I gave my pet peeves about the opposite sex

 

oh and I even forgot clinginess that's a big one everyone needs their SPACE I don't want people to stick to me like gum especially being an independent person and all and sometimes a loner even

 

but that's just me

Edited April 22, 2014 by MarcelineA

[BastementSparkle 20,326]

 Since we are discussing sex. I hate it when women think you're having perverted thoughts just because you have an erection. You can't always control that, sometimes it kind of just happens.

 

 I've even heard stories of some girls getting grossed out when they're making out with their boyfriend and he gets one. Shouldn't you be happy he finds you attractive? I don't really want to hear my girlfriend say that's "gross", bit of a blow to the old self-esteem there.

[RNgineer 161]

To add to that, men are seen as perverts simply for wanting some action. Not even anything weird, just liking the naked form of their chosen gender and some regular intercourse. Wut.

 

They are also seen as acting in the interests of sexual pursuit but generally speaking a guy's more likely to be focused on his work than he is sex. It's probably true that men want sex more than women on average but men don't think about it all the time like some people would have you believe. It's more like they think about it when it's convenient to do so, such as when there's a possibility of having sex or the most opportune times to bring it up. Except for those few conveniently timed moments men think about a million other things that don't even remotely relate to sex.

Im a libertarian so im far from sexist or racist than anyone can get, i dont believe in telling others how to live their lives but when you look into the truth about stereotypes and do research (which i did for a project) the results are shocking, you can even see the dis balance in the news today, when a man has sex with a minor hes a sick violent pervert who needs to be shot or thrown into a cage but when women have sex with minors they are seen as "oh she was just depressed, or she was in a rough patch in her life, or she was distressed, she needs help." we give all responsibility to men but we take it away from women today...this is where i take the gloves off because people need to know the truth and stop labeling men as the bad gender, When i did this study of gender equality i was shocked myself to find out a lot of truth women do even know

Edited April 22, 2014 by RNgineer