Smokie-Horse

Ooh, a British accent. +1 to overall opinion of video. And sucks to not live in America. Sometimes. But in all seriousness, I think you're on the right track here. You don't "um" at all, you explain everything calmly and thoroughly and you don't mention exactly the same points two or three times over at different points in the video (and have I been seeing a lot of people on Youtube doing that lately...). The other cool thing is that your opinions sound rather straight and factual, which makes them considerably harder to hate. And yeah, I agree with you quite fully about how sending your problems off-planet isn't the best way for a cosmic ruler to run her country. Especially considering how well it went the first time. Anyway, as a guy who's never seen your work before, maybe you could briefly mention the identity of whoever it was that hit you somwhow? It just seemed a little bit sudden and strange, and while it would be pretty easy to look at your main channel and find that out, not everyone on YT has the patience to do that. The other thing that occurs to me is that perhaps you could mix up the YouTube brony commentary format by having the video clips that come with audio full-screen (like the point at 2:55), which would just mix up the visuals a bit. I mean, even if a picture's moving slightly it can still get a bit samey. But other than that, was good video. I am so dreadfully fond of the sound of a considered opinion.

Frankly dude I don't think there's much to suggest, you seem to have the whole ideas down. What kind of stuff did you have planned for the SweetieMash fic? Obviously there'll be those two, but who else were you going to have and what stuff were you thinking of them getting up to? And about the reality show, cool, sounds awesome. She's not the knowy sort, so I guess the tricky bit will be the question of what kind of reality show Dash gets into. Frankly I don't watch any myself, but I think that Rainbow would probably fit into one of those physical challenge type things, or maybe an island survival show. I could really see her pull of a Derring Do (not sure that's right) impersonation...

Hey man! Not a bad story, was definitely one of the most interesting things I've read today. Keep up the practice!

What a concise and eloquent little treat for the eyes. You've either practiced your pacing or you're good at it, because the rate at which things happen is actually wonderfully consistent. It's like the whole thing has one flavour, you know? I like it, almost as much as I liked seeing our little heroines score emotional crits against everyone's favourite worst young horses. Awesome. Anyway, if constructive criticism should be here, I'm sure I'll think of something. There's slightly funky paragraph indentation at the start, which if someone irrationally hated you they might possibly raise, and other than that you use the word 'torture' a couple times in the first paragraph (even though one has an -ers at the end). I guess that a pro move we writers can pull off is showing off our huge vocabulary wherever we can (with "antagonizers" or "persecutors" or something instead), which is a bonus. Other than that, not much room for improvement, really. So thanks for sharing dude, and I'll keep an eye out for your title later on, I think!

Firstly, that's considerably better. It really wasn't the way you'd written the original version that made me recommend changing them, just how simple they were; the rest of the text was anything but simple, hence my opinion. Secondly, the very first three. And thirdly, it's my pleasure, friend.

Nice eyes. I'd comment on the rest of the picture, but sadly, I can't seem to rip my gaze away from them.

We hear ya, man. Didn't turn out so bad though.

Was cool story. All I'd maybe change is the opening sentence, "The night was dark and quiet". This is just me, but I don't quite think it does the good stuff that comes later justice. I bet it sounds picky, but the first sentence is pretty much both the one we want to get done fastest, and the one that will have the biggest effect on the readers of all. Other than that, nice OC, good horse names, and I like how much dialogue you use. And I do also like how you can spin up an ominous tone in about three sentences flat. Good luck with the rest!

Don't change it, it's a unique style and that's what I think should be respected the most in art. If anything, maybe make her mouth a little more defined. But other than that, no comment, just nice!

Maybe make his vest a different colour? A darker shade of orange? Other than that, he's fine! I especially like his nose.

The two ladies are extremely similar characters. But, the childhood trauma points straight at Eowyn, though; while she witnessed her parents' deaths at the hands of evil, I doubt that Arwen's greatest pain would be much more serious than "Daddy told me no". Hope that's enough of an answer.

Seems like all that's needed is to ask for a proof reader around here. Here's another amateur-ish one, if you need it!

Isn't writing a joy? It lets us classify ourselves as artists despite how we lack the patience to draw. Or maybe it's just me. In terms of a story's length, I feel that any experienced writer of anything would tell you not to care; it all depends on the story you're trying to get out. Personally, I'd rather read 2,000 inspired words than 60,000 forced ones. So it kinda falls to the writer to just set themselves down the path and see for themselves where it naturally ends. As long as you're in control of your words, you should know where that point lies, and if you wrap up there, chances are you'll come up with something worth reading. This definitely applies to high-quality horsefics, in my view! I prefer plenty of dialogue personally, but I've always liked MLP fanfics that sometimes get criticized as being overly-wordy. Dialogue is simply the best way to emphasize that your characters have personalities (assuming you've given them some) and also that they're living creatures with thoughts, not just two-dimensional virtual beings. Basically, as long as the conversations in an mlp fanfic aren't just plot-related, don't serve as padding, aren't dull or pointless and don't either dominate the text or be virtually nonexistent, they should be fine. And critical elements are up in the air, for me. Whatever the writer sees fit works. The question of FiM content is highly subjective, but personally, the short of it is that I don't like substantial deviations from the canonical material of the original show. That's why I was never a huge fan of the Fallout Equestria sub-universe, on account of the content (100% opinion). Why even make the characters ponies and utilize the world they live in if absolutely everything about them is so un-ponylike? I can see why putting them in graphic situations and making them say graphic things is metaphorically and emotionally powerful, but I have too much respect for the idea of a world where the values of innocence, benevolence and universal good will are upheld to condone fanfics that do an exceptionally good job of corrupting it all for the sake of gratification. But hey, readers should read what makes them happy. And no-one has the justification to stop that, or try. For adventure, I guess just make sure that your story has a consistent tone. I've read a few great adventure fics that began strongly but ended up feeling thin and stretched as the writer ran out of ideas. So if you've finished exploring the mystical chimera temple and feel like a break from action, pad it with something interesting, like a hot springs "episode" or a sidekick going off on their own minor adventure so that interesting stuff continually happens, and your readers don't notice a quality dip. Sharp eyes, they have. And for slice of life, you've got to really let your characters speak for themselves. Because there aren't any pony apocalypses or dragon invasions to distract readers, they'll be focusing on your characters 110%. So I like to think out every personality in advance and figure out small things like how to make them talk differently and react differently to things; it's this web of complex relationships that gives slice of life its wonderful flavour. You can do this as you go or prior, whatever works. As far as experimental narration goes, SeraphStar said it nicely. If you're feeling worried about it though, maybe research some unorthodox methods and use something that another author already came up with for your fanfic. Just for the reassurance of not being the first to try something! So, hope my "tips" weren't too obvious and best of luck with your writing!