Widdershins

That sounds fishy.

<googles " How Do I SpOoOoN?!!?~* ">

OMG MY EYES! SAFESEARCH ON! SAFESEARCH ON!

"Mah spoon is too big."

Truly silverware can be a frightening aspect of our times!

Cute 

Oh Jesus life is too short

RIP. Never had that error before, not sure how to help. Did you manage to reinstall Discord at least?

Ah yes, it's all back to the level it was working before. I'm surprised anyone goes for the offers of "supercharge your account!" "Add special bonus privelege bonuses!" when I can't keep what options I am using working.

Just because you put syrup on something doesn’t make it a pancake!

being happy makes your immune system stronger, and pancakes make you happy, so pancakes are a legitimate remedy

@Lord Valtasar 

They're also a legitimate murder weapon too! You ever frisbee a pancake into some bloke's mouth as he's flapping his gab over some speech on say, posture, and he just gags on it. It's the softest way to murder stop a boring speech! Who would object?!!?

@Stone Cold Steve Tuna

Now that's heresay. If you wanted syrup you would bake that right in for ease of nomming! That's the smart idea McDonalds had for their griddle cake sandwiches!

...did you just endorse McDonalds?... I don't even know you anymore!

But I'm ALSO you!

META!!!

That’s actually a good idea.

I have a series idea called Irritated Jesus, where Jesus calls stereotypical, obnoxious, intolerant or otherwise widely disliked people into a meeting and bluntly tells them exactly what they’re doing wrong.

Ah, wish fulfillment humor, eh? Not far enough in my opinion. You should always go too far in my opinion!

... Can You tell I've watched MadTV as a kid?

How about shtick based on somebody using Jesus's name in vain, Jesus himself actually showing up in the room and social awkwardness ensues as the guy tries to rationalize it and Jesus is just flatly patient to the point of comedy.

 Gamer guy playing Call of Dooty or whatever throws his controller down in disgust:

 "You kiddin' me? Again?!!? That cheating jerk he just- JESUS!"

A stock sound effect "holy epiphany" sound effect trails in then Jesus pops into existence in the room like a Poptart.

 Gamer, Shielding his eyes from the effect; "Wh-who are you...?"

 Jesus, my son.... you did call for me.

"I-! Uhh... didn't mean.... it's just a game so I'd... probably forget about it soon enough, sooo..."

Ah yes, a test of your patience and tranquility. I can guide you through such hardships and trials as you follow me through an adventure through the wilderness for several months...

"Uh, No. It's fine. Really! It happens all the time! I'll get over it!"

Ah,yes. Thou must be reflecting stress from other aspects of your life, perhaps discontent in your workplace or relationship issues as our files DO say your still a virgin at... how long has it been, my son?

"Hey! Look! When I used your name in vain, I wasn't expecting full judgement here, GOD!"

Wait, don't-!

Everything explodes as the background is replaced in flames of Holy Light and a huge voice bellows from off-screen

 Yo! What up, Mortals! God in da HOUSE! God BEEN da House, am I right? You know I am!!

 ...You just had to get my Dad involved.

 Best part is, you can have somebeing play Jesus and have all the fun that comes with THAT role!

I had the idea that before he comes to the stage this announcer tells the people he is here. But the announcer is terrible at his job and gets fired. Last shot is of the announcer, looking defeated, walking away with a bindle and a sign that reads “Will announce for food.”

I really like your idea too!

My mom didn’t even like letting me use water guns growing up. They scared her.

Though what is your opinion on people who hide their guns inside their guns?

Well then you mess with the firing mechanisms that way. You just start shootin' guns then! WITH guns!

Gunception.

I can't tell them apart, much less when I am sick

I hope you get better soon! 

Poor guy. I hope you feel better!

Quote

 “Oh that darn horse! Always drinking whatever suspicious chemicals she finds!”

Because those aren't chemicals: 

1. Blueberry
2. Lemon
3. Cherry

She has to try them for the "sweet science" & I'm not talking about boxing. 

Gosh, I've never had an allergic reaction that caused me to float out the window! I have, however, eaten cherry and turned into an equine kaiju.

Yes! 
Or his magic head.

@Stone Cold Steve Tuna 

Gus?

Gus “Sillypants” Jackson. Or Guy Buttersnaps, AKA “The Heater”.

Health! However! I see as distinctly separate from either defense or physical prowess! Taking myself as example, you could run a car into me and I probably wouldn't budge..... but just about every disease, fatigue or effect from any dang ol' thing runs me ragged! My capacity to take hits is high, but my capacity to withstand effects is low, if y'all get me!

D&D actually renders what you call health as 'Constitution'. Constitution is one's ability to resist poisons, diseases, fatigue, and other such blights, which sounds much like what you're describing.

And I do believe evading mental trickery is a whole separate thing as well!

Ah, yes, also known as Canis Ramen

@Altastrofae

 *Salutes you and proudly waves the Chaos flag*

I actually almost said:

"Ah, yes, a wolf made of noodles, Gender #846"

What! You don't exist?!!? 

 Don't be so harsh on yourself! See, right there, that's high special defense! Your resistant to thoughts! … maybe I should work on that definition...

what is special defense?

@J.T.

These stats are from the Pokémon games

Originally there was a stat called Special which only the few Phychic types had a decent value in, which was used in both attacking and defending against Pokémon who used Special to attack. This was before moves had categories of being physical or special. Which was weird because regular Attack and Defense were separate from the beginning.

Now, Special is split into Special Attack (used to calculate the damage dealt by Special Moves) and Special Defense (used to calculate a Pokémon's resistance to Special Moves)

This is the same as regular Attack and Defense, but those are for Physical Moves.

Turkeys are mean. It's almost like they don't enjoy being eaten.

They're large, mean, have tiny heads and bumpy skin. They're basically Orcs.

 Edible Orcs.

  ...well, I mean moreso. Orcs put up more of a fight when you try to cook them.

The cold meds will put you on enough of a high to pass it with flying colours. That's how it usually works. 

Or too exhausted to care about stressin' out over results! That be a bonus!

people are to busy being offended to be extreme

I remember in the 90’s you could walk in to the store with $20 and walk out with a loaf of bread, 24 pack of water, sandwich fixings, soup, steak, a gallon of milk, and a block of cheese. Can’t do that nowadays.

Too many security cameras.

 Unless you also steal the security cameras, they can fetch a good-

 Noo! We've already done this shtick!! Noooo!

 Offended... TO THE eXtReMeEEEeeeEEE!!!

You only swallow the salt water when you’re trying to be like the ocean. Otherwise you spit it out. Gargle with the salt water several times a day too.

Quote

be like the ocean.

… Huge & Damp?  ...I suppose that qualifies as being Healthy!

Huge and damp definitely qualifies as healthy. Take it from me. 

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Mail horse

Mail horse who?

Look, I’ve got a lot of houses to get to. Are you going to sign for your package or not?

Ah, Ditzy Derpy Doo would likely just chuck the package at you as she sped by from five yards away. Not so much negligent as “More fast is better job, right?!”

I did the same thing, except I threw them directly at you. It helped to imagine you were a moving target.

Objection! Everyone knows that equation. It's literally just the quadratic solution method.

... why else do you think high school is the way it is?

Are you part time Or full time? How many hours were you getting before?

Prolly part time, I can't remember anymore. Been taking alot of sick days and I do plan on finding a new job that's less intense & demanding. So it's... its a good thing I'm not working so much, heh...

I hope you’re able to find a new one sooner rather than later!

Lousy overloading! I wanna see!

what if you split it in two or three blogs?

Well, like... after the twelfth picture it refused to load the first.

... Perhaps patience is important, heh!

Doot you doot to me like that young doot.

DOOT me like a LAAADY!  Dootdootdootdootdoot!

That! That! Doot looks like a lady! That! That! Doot looks like a lady!

I can't remember. He gives me the things, I buy 'em n' take 'em. That's about as much stress as I'm willin' to put into it. I can't remember the garbled mess of names they tack onto meds these days. Dosage varies so much on what does what, think these're maybe 200 since its supposed to be twice a day. He said it was supposed to be basic hospital fare or whatever. Bah, they hit hard.

Things look like white M&Ms.

 Maybe its the rare Mystery flavor M&Ms, hence why its so strong.

How long have you been on this medication? It might be time to tell the doctor and see about getting a different prescription? 

Four days, heh... feels like two weeks. And this is, like, the fourth medication we've tried.... in just this one place.