Stone Cold Steve Jobs
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Status Updates posted by Stone Cold Steve Jobs
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According to my thermometer my current temperature is 888.88 degrees celsius.
By my calculations that makes me a dead man. Or maybe it's time for a new thermometer
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Did you guys know that dogs really do hate the mailman?
The post office gave me pepper spray for dogs.
I thought that was a cartoon schtick.
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Some of the houses near where I live have fences that bow over to almost 30 degrees from vertical when the canine inhabitants contained thereby jump up on them to try and get me.
And then there're the dogs that jump up on their hind legs and place their growling faces a centimeter or two from the aperture of the letterbox, so I have to gingerly inch the newspaper into the box while keeping an eye on them for any indication that they're going to jump up any further to take a bite at my hand.
I've been delivering for nigh-on half a decade now without incident, and some of those dogs still get me edgy.
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Had my first day of work outside of training. Let's just say i could use a drink or seven.
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First day of on the job training tomorrow. Means a lot of walking around and using a 30 year old truck.
I'm not kidding by the way. They really are 30 years old. They don't always stay in park either.
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Idea for a short film: Ill Mannered Mr. Rogers.
*Mr. Rogers walks on frame with a cigarette *
"Okay kids, real talk. You know how they say you can be anything you want to be? It's a damn lie. You are nothing special. You are just another cog among 7 billion others. What the hell makes you so special? You're not special. Egotistical little fucks. I detest all of you."
*upbeat children's music plays as Mr. Rogers puts out his smoke in childhood dreams*
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Mu used hypnosigenesis!
(it's super effective)
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Little known mail fact: Did you know that if you are a postal carrier and you throw away the mail instead of delivering it, you will be fired?
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@ShadOBabe They taught us not to do that in training. A carrier did that for several months and had to pay like $27,000 in damages. And also he got fired.
Also it is true what they say about dogs. They handed me a can of pepper spray designed specifically for dogs.
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Tomorrow is the second day of postal service academy for me. Two out of four down then.
is there a horse that does postal service? Because I swear I saw a picture of one at the office today and now i am confused scared and alone.
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Best friend of 20 years is moving away to a different state.
Down to two friends.
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This update has no purpose.
I posted it anyway.
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In the spirit of friendliness I got the horses all surprise gifts:
Twinkle Sprinkle gets a STUNNER!!
Applejacks gets ANOTHER STUNNER!!!
Roxanne? Well you know she's getting a stunner!
Buttershit? STUNNER!!!!!
Rapidash? RAPISTUNNER!!!!!!
Pink Eye? One guess what she gets. Hint: IT STARTS WITH STUNNER!!!!
And then Epona gets a new bridle.
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*makes the save to hit @Stone Cold Steve Tuna with a steel chair*
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I had some glimmer of hope that 2018 would be less miserable than 2017. Nowmy best friend's cousin was found dead. Same best friend who just lost his grandmother. And his father last year.
Not going to be surprised when 2018 turns out to suck worse.
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Yesterday I called 911.
On my drive back from the job yesterday the guy in front of me on the parkway was swerving in and out of his lane. He nearly collided with the snow banks on the shoulder more times than I could count and weaved into the middle lane briefly too. The only reason he didn't hit anyone was because the car in that lane got out of his way. Eventually I saw enough. This guy was going to kill someone. I got a description of his vehicle, the last known direction he went in, and his license plate information. I then reported a reckless driver.
The police did nothing. They said there is not enough information and it would be like finding a needle in a haystack.
But i had his license plate.
The police are essentially useless from the neck down in my state. They are also one of the highest paid
con artistspolice forces in the US.I thought I smelled bacon.
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Nooo... licence plate alone ought be more then enough. Each vehicle has a unique plate doesn't it? That's... sort of the whole point of that and the "call this number to comment on my driving" rear stickers. After all, isn't the entire point to a police force to manage and track down each member of a town?
I know my small town closes down for holidays or events. ....including the actual police office too... like ain't nobody committing crimes on Thanksgiving.
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Tax dollars hard at work. Bunch of fucking do nothings.
they seriously don't do anything until someone dies. A friend of mine lived near a dangerous intersection without a stop sign. There were many accidents but no fatalities. Many requested a stop sign get erected there but it was denied because "someone had to die first."
They finally put one up after a car flipped onto its back in a massive crash.
I can't help but imagine if the authorities had a friend or family hurt in that crash. Watch how fast it would have been resolved then.
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Just got back from the web course thing. I got paid like $80 for 5 hours of listening to a computer use bad puns. I'm due back monday for orientation and stuff.
I'm glad for the job i had doiNg school photos. Getting up every morning at 4:30 and being on the road by 5 made being up by 5:30 a cake walk!
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Tomorrow is my technical first day of work. I need to arrive at 7 for a web based driving exam or something. The training should last for 5 hours.
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No no no no no
No no no no no no no
No no no no no
~A haiku about waking up
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Good riddance, 2017.
Though I would be willing to put money on 2018 sucking even worse. Just seems like the way things go.
