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What's your favorite joke?


iceestarz
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I usually really, really, really hate this kind of joke, but it goes like this, roughly translated from my memory:

 

'So there's a comedian who uses a puppet to deliver his punchlines, and he's performing his routine in front of a huge audience. Things are going well, until his puppet "makes" a blonde woman joke, and to his shock, one of the members of the audience - who's a well dressed, blonde woman - stands up and begins to talk.

 

'The woman clearly informs him that all her life she'd had to deal with people assuming things about her because of her hair colour. She says that she puts up with insults, has been labeled as stupid, and has even been turned down from jobs just because, she feels, she happens to be blonde. And she says that this is all because some people think it's funny to say that certain people are dumb. The comedian suddenly feels extremely guilty, and attempts to apologize; but the talking woman interrupts him, stating:

 

"Stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little scumbag on your knee!"

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I usually really, really, really hate this kind of joke, but it goes like this, roughly translated from my memory:

 

'So there's a comedian who uses a puppet to deliver his punchlines, and he's performing his routine in front of a huge audience. Things are going well, until his puppet "makes" a blonde woman joke, and to his shock, one of the members of the audience - who's a well dressed, blonde woman - stands up and begins to talk.

 

'The woman clearly informs him that all her life she'd had to deal with people assuming things about her because of her hair colour. She says that she puts up with insults, has been labeled as stupid, and has even been turned down from jobs just because, she feels, she happens to be blonde. And she says that this is all because some people think it's funny to say that certain people are dumb. The comedian suddenly feels extremely guilty, and attempts to apologize; but the talking woman interrupts him, stating:

 

"Stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little scumbag on your knee!"

Oh sweet Jesus. I love blonde jokes so much. :P

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"Hey, there's something on your face!"

 

*punch*

 

"it was PAIN!"

 

I can't really say some of the best jokes I've heard because most if not all are in spanish, so I'm going with the best asdfmovie joke.

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In my school my art teacher says these really corny jokes each morning and no one really laughs at them except for me and a couple other students and I think this one is probably my favorite:

 

Why was the broom late for work?

It over-swept  :yay:

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In my school my art teacher says these really corny jokes each morning and no one really laughs at them except for me and a couple other students and I think this one is probably my favorite:

 

Why was the broom late for work?

It over-swept :yay:

I love teachers like that! :D

 

My English teacher hates mornings and everyone in the class does too, so to make our days start off nice she puts up a daily meme on the projector. Usually it has to do with cats and i always laugh even if it's really stupid.

Edited by Cupcakes14
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Long and stupid one xD

 

Over the hills and far away there was a peaceful village. The village was recently attacked by a dragon. So the king said "a brave man who will slay the dragon will get half of the kingdom and my daughter as a wife!". 

 

One mother decided to send her son to kill the dragon. First was strong and brave man. Second one was great horse rider and stunning swordfighter. Third one was total loser who did not know which end of sword he should hold. 

 

Mom has sent first son. She gave him big sword, great horse and great plate armor and sent him. The son ran into an old man, pushed him away and old man has fallen down. Then he saw a wolf, he did same thing to him. Then he saw a lake full of piranhas. He emptied it of water and continued his journey. Finally he reached the cave. He shouted "come out You filthy dragon, I've come to kill You!" Dragon came out and killed him.

 

So mom has sent her second son. She gave him some average equipement and average horse and he went to kill the dragon. He ran into same old man and beat him up severly. Then he ran into wolf and did same thing. Finally he ran into piranhas attempting to refill the lake with water. He stopped them and beat them up as well. He reached the cave, shouted "come out, You filthy dragon, I've come to kill You!" Dragon came out and killed him.

 

Mom, already crying decided to send her last son. She gave him a little donkey and a stick and he went on his way. He met same old man. He patched old man's wounds and got a promise that if he will whistle, then old man will come and aid him in his quest to kill the dragon. Then our hero ran into severly beaten wolf. He helped him, patched his wounds and got same promise as from old man. Same with piranhas - he refilled lake with water, aided them and got same promise. He finally reached the dragon. He shouted "come out, You filthy dragon, I've come to kill You!" Dragon came out and killed him.

 

 

BADUM TSS *facepalm* XD

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Ole and Lena (or Ole and Sven)  jokes are the kind of jokes that make you facepalm to infinity. 

Having shot a moose,
Ole and Sven began dragging it by the tail to their pick-up.
  On the way they were stopped by a game warden.

  "Let me see your hunting licenses guys," he said.
  When he saw that everything was in order he asked if he
could  give them some  advice
.
  "Sure, you betcha!" the hunters agreed.

  "Well guys, I think that you would be finding it a lot easier  to
  be draggin  tha moose by the horns and not the tail."

  "Ya, ok and tanks," they said.

  After about five minutes Ole said to Sven,
"Boy, draggin it by da horns is sure a lot easier!"

  "Ya, you're right," says Sven, "but have you noticed dat vee  are
  getting  furder avay from da truck?"

 

(funniest one I found in 2 minutes...there are oodles of them....)

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Sin (x), cos (x) and e^x are at a party.

 

Sin (x) and cos (x) are having fun but e^x stays on his own.

So, they ask him "Hey, why don't you integrate with us ?"

 

And he replies: Because it would not make any difference.

 

This joke was so funny and I laughed so hard the first time I heard it.

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1. A horse walks into a bar.  The bartender says to the horse, "Why the long face?"

 

2. This is some stupid mother-in-law joke I heard a million years ago (as well as I can remember it, that is).  If you are offended by mother-in-law jokes, do not read the following joke:

 

A genie inexplicably and out-of-nowhere appeared to a young man (it's great already).  Said genie informed the young man that he would indeed grant him three wishes.  But there was a catch: anything that was wished for and received, the man's mother-in-law would receive twofold (twice as much).

 

The young man wished for some arbitrary amount of money; let's say $1,000,000.  Lo and behold, his mother-in-law received $2,000,000.

 

The young man wished for an extravagant mansion.  As expected, his mother-in-law received TWO glorious abodes.

 

"And what will be your third wish?"  Asked the genie.

 

The young man thought for a moment, "Beat me half to death."

 

The End

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

 

The first says, "I'll have a beer."

The second says, "I'll have half a beer."

The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer."

 

So the barman pulls out two beers. The mathematicians complain, "That's all you're giving us?"

The bartender replies, "Come on guys, know your limits!"

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