What's your backstory?

[Night Wing 387]

Talking abut it is first step in comfronting it, of course as long people are willing to listen. But just act of talking abut, what ill's you. In your mind, is good madichine, for the soul.

 

But don't forget forum's are not always best place talk abut this sort of stuff. Best altritive is if have one, is talk with some close. Like family member. Of course might not have good family member need turn other place's for comfort. This is why have head dactors. What where they called again?

 

that is part of why i started this thread

[CuriousPony 156]

I was born in Arizona and lived there for seven years. 

 

Then my family and I moved to New Mexico, Texas, two different places in Kansas, back to Arizona, then to another place in Arizona, then to three different places in Iowa. We spend a year or less in most of those places. 

 

I was raised by my mentally/verbally/emotionally abusive parents who were (and still are) nothing like me. As a child I used to daydream about the day when my parents would tell me I was adopted.. but it never came. 

 

I had an eye injury that caused me to go temporarily half blind when I was thirteen, and it was terrifying. But I got my vision back and everything healed surprisingly well. 

 

I was home schooled most of my life, but was put in duel enrollment during my last year of middle school. Public school was quite a culture shock for me. Most of the classes I took in public school were things like choir, art, and a few science classes. 

 

During that time I developed severe depression, and my anxiety began to worsen. However, parents never believed in mental disorders and told me to get over what was going on with me. I never got help. 

 

I graduated, then spent exactly one term fully enrolled in a nearby community college (determined to make a life out of theatre/art/anything that would work with my brain full of creativity and imagination). I discovered the Disney College Program, applied for it, and spent four months working in Disney's Animal Kingdom in Florida. 

 

Then I went home, was forced by my parents to get a full time job, and ended up at a doggie daycare/boarding center. It was alright, though they cared about the dogs way more than they cared about the employees, and the owner of the place kept stealing money for himself (and cooperate never cared). 

 

Then I decided to do the Disney College Program again, and spent several months working at Disney's Polynesian Resort before my anxiety became too much, and I self terminated and left early. 

 

My parents then forced me to get another full time job and an apartment of my own (though I told them over and over I wasn't ready). I couldn't handle the stress (stupid panic disorder....), and started cutting my hours. And losing money. 

 

Then I ended up moving back to Florida to live with a couple people who I thought were my friends, but they ended up sucking up the little money I had left, and didn't help me at all when I started having intense, long lasting panic attacks. I spent three or four months feeling needlessly terrified all the time, the thoughts of dropping dead at any given moment running through my mind day and night, being scared of not being able to breathe, and my heart constantly pounding as if I had just finished running a marathon. I couldn't even look out the window without having a huge panic attack.

 

Finally my parents agreed to let me come home, but only if I got a full time job and payed them $400 in rent each month. I said yes only because I wanted out and I wanted to get help for my panic disorder. I got medication for it when I went home, and I got a little better. Then I was forced to get a job again and ended up back at the doggie daycare/boarding center.

 

The place got worse and worse, and I finally decided to just quit and chase my dream of being an artist/performer/something like that. But I was unorganized and didn't have a direction to go into, so nothing happened, and I couldn't pay rent to my parents anymore. My parents kicked me out of the house (my dad telling me that spending some time living in my car under a bridge would be good for me), and I spent a few weeks in my friend's apartment, but I knew she didn't need me making things harder for her, so I ended up living in my car for a while.

 

My parents finally agreed to let me back into the house, but made a contract that said if I did a bunch of chores and bought my own food (I had just been approved for food stamps), I could be in the house from 6:30pm to 6:30am on weekdays, and all day on weekends. I spent the rest of the time either sleeping in my car or in the park. 

 

Finally an online friend said I could come live with her and her family, and so I went there. And that's where I am now. Still hoping to get SSI so I can live, hoping to find a little place where I can live and stay out of everyone's way. Still wanting to be creative and artistic and perform in some manner (though the focus is YouTube now). 

 

And I have no idea what's going to happen next.