Your biggest struggle?

[iceestarz 5,764]

We all have had some kind of struggle that we had to go through or are currently going through. Some worse than others, but regardless it is still difficult for each one of us.

 

Mine would probably be after I had my double jaw surgery in February. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, it exhausted me physically, mentally and emotionally. I would cry everytime a subway commercial came on cause I wasn't allowed to chew food for 6 weeks. I lost like 10 pounds from the lack of food. The lowest I hit was 89 lbs, and I'm 5 ft 1 so that's pretty bad. I just remember the first week being awful, like I was crying 24/7, throwing up blood, and in so much pain. My smile is pretty much perf now though, aside from a teeny gap I have, and a small space between my two jaws but my ortho is guiding it all into place with bands and a power chain and jazz.

 

Whaaat bout chu peeps?

Edited November 6, 2014 by Cupcakes14

[Christmasy Britty 2,553]

for the longest time I was struggling with depression, still am but not as bad now. After I was dumped by my ex from a long time relationship I was truly heartbroken I had really loved him but time just sort of had its own way of kicking me while I was down the only person that could make me feel better is the current boyfriend that I have now. He stayed with me by my side helping me to heal even though at the time we would possibly had never been together but as time moved on I began to fall in love with this wonderful man. He brought me sunshine and mlp along with all the fun that my ex never could truly give me without me giving too much in return. There will always be struggles but there will also be amazing things in this world that keep us all going and hanging on

[GenderIsAnIllusion 2,177]

A long time ago, in middle school, i was just mad at the world.... my grades slipped, i got into fights alot..... it was a bad time for me.

[Troblems 5,617]

I know I've told this story before, but what the hell:

When I was about 23, I had this pain in my abdomen. It wasn't bad, so I did the normal thing that those in their 20's do: Ignored it. Then I went to Disneyland, because duh, Disneyland. Anyways, the night of the Disneyland trip it got to the point where I couldn't stand the pain anymore, went to the ER. After a couple of scans, they were able to ascertain that my abdomen was full of fluid, they weren't sure, but they thought it was blood. More scans confirmed it, and they said I needed surgery, that I had a ruptured cyst. Emergency surgery and a couple of units of blood later, I was released, and was told I would make a full recovery.

 

One insurance company and a couple of doctors later, I was still having abdominal pain. Sent home from the ER a couple of times, until my blood count was low enough that I needed more blood. Yay! Finally they figured out I had other internal crap going on, needed another surgery. And then another after that. Ended up having between 7 and 9 units of blood altogether. Being a rather small person, that's more than half the blood in my body. 

 

Turns out the reason I was having so many health problems is because I have abnormal collagen, due to Ehlers-Danlos, type 3. For the most part I'm healthy now, happy, married, considering kids, but I have pain on a daily basis. It's kind of lousy, but you have to work with what you've got.

[iceestarz 5,764]

I know I've told this story before, but what the hell:

When I was about 23, I had this pain in my abdomen. It wasn't bad, so I did the normal thing that those in their 20's do: Ignored it. Then I went to Disneyland, because duh, Disneyland. Anyways, the night of the Disneyland trip it got to the point where I couldn't stand the pain anymore, went to the ER. After a couple of scans, they were able to ascertain that my abdomen was full of fluid, they weren't sure, but they thought it was blood. More scans confirmed it, and they said I needed surgery, that I had a ruptured cyst. Emergency surgery and a couple of units of blood later, I was released, and was told I would make a full recovery.

 

One insurance company and a couple of doctors later, I was still having abdominal pain. Sent home from the ER a couple of times, until my blood count was low enough that I needed more blood. Yay! Finally they figured out I had other internal crap going on, needed another surgery. And then another after that. Ended up having between 7 and 9 units of blood altogether. Being a rather small person, that's more than half the blood in my body.

 

Turns out the reason I was having so many health problems is because I have abnormal collagen, due to Ehlers-Danlos, type 3. For the most part I'm healthy now, happy, married, considering kids, but I have pain on a daily basis. It's kind of lousy, but you have to work with what you've got.

That really sucks. Like shoot, but Disneyland! I've never gone. Someday I will

 

My little bro has Ehlers Danlos. Not sure exactly to what extent and whatever other problems he has. I just know he has joint problems, has to have regular cardiographs, and a bunch of other stuff. He has to go to like so many specialists and doctors. If he has to walk long distances he has to be in a wheelchair. He's only 10. I feel so bad for him

[simply creative 696]

When I was a baby I always get sick so my mom had to stay awake overnight just to take care of me.

 

Since I was a kid who had very bad asthma and had very bad allergies. 

 

Going to the hospital just to get treated was like a routine.

 

I'd usually get asthma attacks at least 4 to 6 times a year.

 

I had to get allergies shot every week.

 

But that was the past and now that I grew out of asthma   (thanks to my parents ) Im living the life problem free.

[Castle_Cross 331]

Well, when I was like 10 years old, a spider bite me while I was asleep (well I think it was a spider) when I woke up I had an enormous zit in my stomach, my parents had to squeeze it so the venom spit out of it, man it hurt a lot, I mean A LOT, I was crying so much, even when I remember that I suffer xD, I remember seeing papers with a lot of blood in it xD, but I think right now im having my biggest struggle, as I feel sad and depressed because I feel lonely, I feel like nobody likes me, and no one wants to talk with me :/

[PROJECT: Simon 3,954]

Concentrating. When I open up my textbook to study, I end up going to mlpforums or watch ponies. Dayum 

 

#EDIT: I did it again just now 

Edited November 6, 2014 by BronyAssassin

[TheFunk 2,172]

I have an Incredibly shy bladder. It's gotten really bad. I don't just struggle with it in public facilities. I could be in a nice bathroom at a friends house with a lock and everything and I'll still feel like I have completely forgot how to pee. Or I could have a guest at my own home and have issues.

 

 

It really sucks and I feel It's consuming my life. At least with some other problems, I could take initiative and do something about it, but I have no idea what to do with this. It feels the more I think of it, the more an issue it becomes 

[Celli 4,338]

Probably the biggest struggle I've dealt with is coming out of my shell. I used to be extremely quiet as a kid, and usually kept to myself. I was pretty similar to Fluttershy, I'd say.

I know I've told this story before, but what the hell:

When I was about 23, I had this pain in my abdomen. It wasn't bad, so I did the normal thing that those in their 20's do: Ignored it. Then I went to Disneyland, because duh, Disneyland. Anyways, the night of the Disneyland trip it got to the point where I couldn't stand the pain anymore, went to the ER. After a couple of scans, they were able to ascertain that my abdomen was full of fluid, they weren't sure, but they thought it was blood. More scans confirmed it, and they said I needed surgery, that I had a ruptured cyst. Emergency surgery and a couple of units of blood later, I was released, and was told I would make a full recovery.

 

One insurance company and a couple of doctors later, I was still having abdominal pain. Sent home from the ER a couple of times, until my blood count was low enough that I needed more blood. Yay! Finally they figured out I had other internal crap going on, needed another surgery. And then another after that. Ended up having between 7 and 9 units of blood altogether. Being a rather small person, that's more than half the blood in my body. 

 

Turns out the reason I was having so many health problems is because I have abnormal collagen, due to Ehlers-Danlos, type 3. For the most part I'm healthy now, happy, married, considering kids, but I have pain on a daily basis. It's kind of lousy, but you have to work with what you've got.

Ooh, that sounds terrible.

[Justin_Case001 4,892]

I have an Incredibly shy bladder. It's gotten really bad. I don't just struggle with it in public facilities. I could be in a nice bathroom at a friends house with a lock and everything and I'll still feel like I have completely forgot how to pee. Or I could have a guest at my own home and have issues.

 

 

It really sucks and I feel It's consuming my life. At least with some other problems, I could take initiative and do something about it, but I have no idea what to do with this. It feels the more I think of it, the more an issue it becomes 

Oh boy.  Oh me, oh my, where to begin.  Sucks howdy.  I can't start this unless I finish it.  I've never told this story on the forums before, but since you brought up your problem, I feel I must.  The time is right.  Let's do this.

 

 

I also suffer from the same condition as you.  I call it the Venetian Effect.  I've always had this problem, though I wasn't aware of it until I was a teenager.  That may not make a lot of sense to someone who has never experienced this problem.  It's not a physical condition whatsoever.  It's all mental.  One who has this problem always has the capacity for it, but it may not manifest until they are in a stressful situation.  I hope that makes at least a little sense.

 

 

Anyway; I would tend to get the Venetian Effect on long car trips, in public bathrooms, etc.  Basically, when I in a situation where I feel uncomfortable, my body just says, "Nope," and I simply cannot urinate.  It's like bending a hose and holding it to cut off the water.  Nothing can be done apart from finding a place that doesn't feel stressful.  Mentally, I usually feel fine.  I don't have panic attacks or something like that.  I try to tell myself that I feel fine, that there's absolutely no reason for my body to be betraying me like this, but it never does any good.  When my body decides that it's not going to work, then that's that, and there's not one damn thing to be done about it.  The more I try to go, the worse it gets.

 

 

I had gotten the Venetian Effect pretty bad a couple of times on vacations, and once coming home from Boy Scout summer camp, but apparently not bad enough to make me learn my lesson.  When was...about 19, I believe, I went on a trip with my family to Las Vegas.  While browsing the Grand Canal shops in the Venetian hotel, I began to feel the impending need to urinate.  Pretty badly as well.  I tried to use the restroom there.  Pffft.  Right.  Idiot.  Why did I think that would work?  I couldn't go.  Not even close.  It didn't matter how long I stood there and tried.  No use.  No hope.  But at the time, I seriously thought that if I had to go badly enough, eventually the...um...pressure would just make it work.  So I drank a whole bottle of water.  Worst decision I've ever made.  The pain became excruciating, and it became apparent that I wouldn't be able to go in a public place.  I had to get back to my hotel room.  So we left as quickly as possible.  We had to take a cab back to our car, then take the freeway back to our hotel.  That car ride was hands down the most painful and terrifying experience of my life.  That was the first and only time in my life when I had a true panic attack.  I truly started to believe that I could be in very serious danger.  I didn't know could happen if one holds in urine long enough.  Could it rupture your bladder?  Could it back up into your veins or something?  I really thought there was a possibility that I was going to need immediate and major surgery by the end of this.  As we neared the hotel, we got stuck in rush hour traffic.  As we pulled up to a red light, I jumped out of the car, ran across several lanes, dodging moving traffic, and ran into an Olive Garden.  My body, perhaps out of fear of what might happen if it continued this bullsh*t, finally allowed me to go.  The ordeal was over, and I was fine, but I knew this was going to change my life.

 

From that day forward, I knew I would have to manage this problem, and take proper precautions to prevent it.  Never again could I allow myself to be in a situation where the Venetian Effect would be possible.  Any time I needed to go on a long car trip, or be away from a "safe," private bathroom, I would need to dehydrate myself to insure I would not need to urinate.  So that's what I did.  Whenever I have to travel, I do not drink any liquids on the travel day until I reach the destination and have a stress free place to go.  Air travel days are the most brutal.  One some long travel days, when I had to change planes several times, I became severely dehydrated, with a crippling headache.  But that was far better than the alternative.  Over the years, I've become very good at managing this condition.  I never have a problem in my own house, or in the places close to home that I frequent, such as my gym.  But I can get the Venetian Effect at a friend's house, even when I feel very at home.  It sort of has to do with feeling like someone is waiting for me.  I need to feel like I have all the time in the world, when no one even knows what I'm doing.  One trick that never fails is to go in the wilderness.  If I'm traveling, and there's wilderness areas nearby, I can always run off and go behind a tree.  Never fails.  Public restrooms are impossible, but the serenity and freedom of the wilds always works.  Not a care in the world, no one waiting for me, all the time I need.  I avoid the situations where it's a problem, dehydrate myself on the rare occasions when it's necessary, and I'm always fine.

 

I have a friend who doesn't really understand my problem, and doesn't really respect it.  His viewpoint is, "Grow up, get over it.  Just relax and stop thinking about it."  Perhaps some of you might be inclined to think the same way.  Well, let me tell you; it doesn't work that way.  No one can truly understand this problem, and how terrifying it can be, unless they've gone through it.  You cannot simply tell yourself to relax.  You cannot forget about it.  This doesn't mean it has to ruin or consume one's life, but one must always be aware of it.  I must respect the Venetian Effect.  Always.  Lose respect, even once...  I don't ever want to be back in that car again.  I can't.  I won't.  But as long as I maintain respect for it, there's never a problem.  Now, this isn't to say the Venetian Effect is unbeatable.  In fact, it is completely beatable.  I have beaten it by successfully urinating in stressful public restrooms.  Astonishingly, I went at LAX.  A feat I'm quite proud of.  But I didn't really need to go.  I could easily have waited until I got home.  It can be beaten, however, the risk can never be taken.  Not ever.  The only true way to beat it would be to guzzle a two-liter bottle of soda and then get on a trans-continental flight, and manage to go in the tiny lavatory.  But what if I couldn't beat it then?  I...*shudders*...I can't even begin to think about it.  It doesn't matter if I believe I can defeat the Venetian Effect; I can never again take that risk for the rest of my life.

 

The only way to truly cure the Venetian Effect is to forget it exists entirely.  If I was unaware of it, it would cease to exist.  But my mind would always possess the capacity to make it manifest again.  It's inevitable.   Sooner or later, it will always re-emerge.  I suppose the only other way to defeat it would be to alter my mind until it loses its sharpness and releases its hold.  If I were smashed drunk, I'd bet I'd be able to urinate perfectly fine, but that's not something I'm willing to do.

 

@TheFunk, not many people will truly understand what you go through, but I do.  The Venetian Effect will likely always be a part of you.  But it doesn't have to consume your life.  Learn to manage it.  Know where you feel comfortable going.  Avoid situations where it won't work.  Don't drink liquids if you know you'll be likely to have a problem.  The most important thing is don't fight it. The more you fight it, the worse it will get. When it happens, accept it, leave, and get to a place where you feel at home and know it will work. Respect it.  You'll be okay.  And who knows, maybe one day you'll accomplish the impossible and forget it exists.  Maybe one day...you'll win The Game.  Forever.

 

Best of luck to you.  My sympathy and empathy go with you.

 

That was long, and a little difficult to write.  I hope it helps you, and maybe some others out there, in some way.  Thanks for listening.

[Envy 6,169]

@@Justin_Case001,

 

Oh my, I'm sorry you deal with that! I've been very shy about using the bathroom for years, but for me it's not an actual condition. I'm not physically unable to go because of my shyness, but I will say that regardless, I can still be pretty bad about it. But... No stories from me, because no one wants to hear it, and it's embarrassing. xD

[Commander Tangent 861]

@,

 

I know how you feel exactly XD,  IF not for my wonderful boyfriend, I would still probably be lost in depression. Love can come from many odd situations. 

[Gernia 691]

Probably the biggest struggle I've dealt with is coming out of my shell. I used to be extremely quiet as a kid, and usually kept to myself. I was pretty similar to Fluttershy, I'd say.

 

That's me in a way, because I've had the problem since I was 12. I was resistant to meeting and talking to people, and right now, being an on-the-spot talker and giving a speech is rather tough for me. I tend to sound monotone and awkward around other people. I have been making efforts to get over this, so I'm trying as hard as I can to improve myself.

[Dewdlz 938]

The biggest struggle I deal with is being lonely, and having no one understand me.

[Kaela 337]

My biggest struggle I'd say was the 2 month I had to endure this year in Cyprus. I know a lot of you think "how that would be bad", so I'll explain:
I've been in Cyprus to finish my graduation as a tour guide and all I did was paperwork about 10-12 hours a day, then 4-5 hours guiding. So I had like 2-3 hours of free time every day, the most exhausting 2 month of my life so far

[TheFunk 2,172]

Oh boy.  Oh me, oh my, where to begin.  Sucks howdy.  I can't start this unless I finish it.  I've never told this story on the forums before, but since you brought up your problem, I feel I must.  The time is right.  Let's do this.

 

 

I also suffer from the same condition as you.  I call it the Venetian Effect.  I've always had this problem, though I wasn't aware of it until I was a teenager.  That may not make a lot of sense to someone who has never experienced this problem.  It's not a physical condition whatsoever.  It's all mental.  One who has this problem always has the capacity for it, but it may not manifest until they are in a stressful situation.  I hope that makes at least a little sense.

 

 

Anyway; I would tend to get the Venetian Effect on long car trips, in public bathrooms, etc.  Basically, when I in a situation where I feel uncomfortable, my body just says, "Nope," and I simply cannot urinate.  It's like bending a hose and holding it to cut off the water.  Nothing can be done apart from finding a place that doesn't feel stressful.  Mentally, I usually feel fine.  I don't have panic attacks or something like that.  I try to tell myself that I feel fine, that there's absolutely no reason for my body to be betraying me like this, but it never does any good.  When my body decides that it's not going to work, then that's that, and there's not one damn thing to be done about it.  The more I try to go, the worse it gets.

 

 

I had gotten the Venetian Effect pretty bad a couple of times on vacations, and once coming home from Boy Scout summer camp, but apparently not bad enough to make me learn my lesson.  When was...about 19, I believe, I went on a trip with my family to Las Vegas.  While browsing the Grand Canal shops in the Venetian hotel, I began to feel the impending need to urinate.  Pretty badly as well.  I tried to use the restroom there.  Pffft.  Right.  Idiot.  Why did I think that would work?  I couldn't go.  Not even close.  It didn't matter how long I stood there and tried.  No use.  No hope.  But at the time, I seriously thought that if I had to go badly enough, eventually the...um...pressure would just make it work.  So I drank a whole bottle of water.  Worst decision I've ever made.  The pain became excruciating, and it became apparent that I wouldn't be able to go in a public place.  I had to get back to my hotel room.  So we left as quickly as possible.  We had to take a cab back to our car, then take the freeway back to our hotel.  That car ride was hands down the most painful and terrifying experience of my life.  That was the first and only time in my life when I had a true panic attack.  I truly started to believe that I could be in very serious danger.  I didn't know could happen if one holds in urine long enough.  Could it rupture your bladder?  Could it back up into your veins or something?  I really thought there was a possibility that I was going to need immediate and major surgery by the end of this.  As we neared the hotel, we got stuck in rush hour traffic.  As we pulled up to a red light, I jumped out of the car, ran across several lanes, dodging moving traffic, and ran into an Olive Garden.  My body, perhaps out of fear of what might happen if it continued this bullsh*t, finally allowed me to go.  The ordeal was over, and I was fine, but I knew this was going to change my life.

 

From that day forward, I knew I would have to manage this problem, and take proper precautions to prevent it.  Never again could I allow myself to be in a situation where the Venetian Effect would be possible.  Any time I needed to go on a long car trip, or be away from a "safe," private bathroom, I would need to dehydrate myself to insure I would not need to urinate.  So that's what I did.  Whenever I have to travel, I do not drink any liquids on the travel day until I reach the destination and have a stress free place to go.  Air travel days are the most brutal.  One some long travel days, when I had to change planes several times, I became severely dehydrated, with a crippling headache.  But that was far better than the alternative.  Over the years, I've become very good at managing this condition.  I never have a problem in my own house, or in the places close to home that I frequent, such as my gym.  But I can get the Venetian Effect at a friend's house, even when I feel very at home.  It sort of has to do with feeling like someone is waiting for me.  I need to feel like I have all the time in the world, when no one even knows what I'm doing.  One trick that never fails is to go in the wilderness.  If I'm traveling, and there's wilderness areas nearby, I can always run off and go behind a tree.  Never fails.  Public restrooms are impossible, but the serenity and freedom of the wilds always works.  Not a care in the world, no one waiting for me, all the time I need.  I avoid the situations where it's a problem, dehydrate myself on the rare occasions when it's necessary, and I'm always fine.

 

I have a friend who doesn't really understand my problem, and doesn't really respect it.  His viewpoint is, "Grow up, get over it.  Just relax and stop thinking about it."  Perhaps some of you might be inclined to think the same way.  Well, let me tell you; it doesn't work that way.  No one can truly understand this problem, and how terrifying it can be, unless they've gone through it.  You cannot simply tell yourself to relax.  You cannot forget about it.  This doesn't mean it has to ruin or consume one's life, but one must always be aware of it.  I must respect the Venetian Effect.  Always.  Lose respect, even once...  I don't ever want to be back in that car again.  I can't.  I won't.  But as long as I maintain respect for it, there's never a problem.  Now, this isn't to say the Venetian Effect is unbeatable.  In fact, it is completely beatable.  I have beaten it by successfully urinating in stressful public restrooms.  Astonishingly, I went at LAX.  A feat I'm quite proud of.  But I didn't really need to go.  I could easily have waited until I got home.  It can be beaten, however, the risk can never be taken.  Not ever.  The only true way to beat it would be to guzzle a two-liter bottle of soda and then get on a trans-continental flight, and manage to go in the tiny lavatory.  But what if I couldn't beat it then?  I...*shudders*...I can't even begin to think about it.  It doesn't matter if I believe I can defeat the Venetian Effect; I can never again take that risk for the rest of my life.

 

The only way to truly cure the Venetian Effect is to forget it exists entirely.  If I was unaware of it, it would cease to exist.  But my mind would always possess the capacity to make it manifest again.  It's inevitable.   Sooner or later, it will always re-emerge.  I suppose the only other way to defeat it would be to alter my mind until it loses its sharpness and releases its hold.  If I were smashed drunk, I'd bet I'd be able to urinate perfectly fine, but that's not something I'm willing to do.

 

@TheFunk, not many people will truly understand what you go through, but I do.  The Venetian Effect will likely always be a part of you.  But it doesn't have to consume your life.  Learn to manage it.  Know where you feel comfortable going.  Avoid situations where it won't work.  Don't drink liquids if you know you'll be likely to have a problem.  The most important thing is don't fight it. The more you fight it, the worse it will get. When it happens, accept it, leave, and get to a place where you feel at home and know it will work. Respect it.  You'll be okay.  And who knows, maybe one day you'll accomplish the impossible and forget it exists.  Maybe one day...you'll win The Game.  Forever.

 

Best of luck to you.  My sympathy and empathy go with you.

 

That was long, and a little difficult to write.  I hope it helps you, and maybe some others out there, in some way.  Thanks for listening.

 

 thanks for that. Yeah you pretty much covered most of what I would have said. It's beyond suckage. 

 

 

also, I have been pretty drunk a few times and still had problems. It doesn't really help at all being drunk. it kinda makes it worse because I feel less in tune with my body. I'd still be freakin out about it, it's just now my shit aint together. Which sucks because I like to drink sometimes, but I guess in a way, it's kinda good because alcohol hasn't become much of a Vice for me.  

[Snuggie Lord 170]

My biggest struggle?

Getting a (real) waifu.

[Plato's Pony 455]

The biggest struggle I deal with is being lonely, and having no one understand me.

Lol, that's like LITERALLY EXACTLY how I feel. 

[Dewdlz 938]

Lol, that's like LITERALLY EXACTLY how I feel. 

Serious or joke? Can't tell. :/

[Invincible 2,091]

I can relate to some of you, to some degree. I don't know whether iv'e elaborated on this before, buuuut anyyyywayyyy..

 

I had discovered a cancerous tumor on my knee when i was 18. The people around me noted i looked surprisingly tranquil, unfazed about it. My family was absolutely devastated, but for some reason i didn't worry. I kept reasoning that i should feel more concerned, less accepting of my situation, perhaps even panicked but i just couldn't.

 

After it was removed and i underwent the following treatments (some of which included laying down for a month of inactivity, being under the influence of numerous drugs and medications, loss of weight, appetite, having your leg stitched where my muscles were rearranged so it wouldn't tear apart, etc..) i had a deep session of reflection. About everything from my very first memory to that night. It made me realize that maybe i just didn't like who i am, that in a sense, i wanted my old self to end. So maybe my mind flagged the malady as some twisted form of change.

 

The following years iv'e underwent serious lifestyle changes in order to recuperate. The physical aspect of my healing wasn't as taxing - young and brimming with energy as i was - as some of the harder choices i had to make. I used to be a much more self-absorbed person, and it wasn't easy to change who i am through an effort of will. Regardless, when it was through, the process proved itself not as just a healing from my cancer, but a change in my very being (hopefully for the better).

[Haruhi-chan 486]

My biggest struggle is my anxiety. It makes doing things difficult at times, and it's so horrifically severe that it's absolutely hard to overcome as well. D: I also struggle disability-wise too.

[DubWolf 17,264]

Accepting that my childhood was not what I wanted it to be, and that all the good things about it are just a distant memory now.

 

Actually, I'm not so sure if that's true sometimes.

Edited November 7, 2014 by SparkWolf

[Shanks 10,816]

Hard to say, I don't want to start a pity party here but I have a couple of very close contenders. I grew up on the Autism spectrum so even learning to talk and the very basics of socialization took years or different therapies, supports and me making an ass of myself as well dealing with the sensory issues that often come with it. My hearing used to be so sensitive that the sound of a toilet flushing would have me screaming out in pain. Then there was my grandmothers unexpected death at age 64, I have never dealt with grief before then, didn't know how to deal with the emotions I had and didn't understand why a lot of times I just felt numb. Suicidal thoughts entered my head for the first but unfortunately not the last time. Bullying was a serious problem in my teenage years as well as my general social awkwardness thanks in large part to the first struggle I brought up here, it puzzles me how in my experience in elementary school it seemed like nearly everyone wanted to be my friend when I get to middle and high school half the students judge me before they even bother to get to know me.

 

My grandfather died in a situation similar to the Terri Schiavo controversy except his lungs were damaged instead of his brain. It seemed wrong then to pull that feeding tube and it seems wrong now, if would be more humane to shoot him than to starve him to death yet that is what would have been illegal? It nearly drove me to leave my family forever, and once again gave me suicidal thoughts. I have forgiven my family for this horrible thing but it has taught me an important lesson that even otherwise good people are capable of great evil in certain circumstances.

 

Lastly there are my struggles revolving around work. I got burnt out a couple of years ago after getting suspended and nearly fired for a bullshit technicality that I am not a liberty to go into too much detail about. What makes matters worse is that I have had 6 work related knee injuries, though the mother fucking cheap skates aren't counting the last 2 as work related. I haven't needed any surgeries, thank God but it has gotten to the point where I can no longer stand for prolonged periods of time without my knee giving out. Getting into the habit of wearing a knee brace to work just like I got into the habit of wearing knee pads at work a few years ago has helped but it is not enough. I am trying to become a Receiver (back room manger) so I won't have so much pressure on my knee but it is an extremely difficult position to get, I don't know what my chances are and I really need to talk to management about what my status is on that.

[SparklingSquirrels 21,345]

The death of my father was really hard for me to get over, and I still love him and miss him . I won't say more though.