Offering OC help!

[SilverStarApple 849]

Sure thing. Just out of curiosity, did you read my entire original post? If not, please do so now. There's something I need help with.

I love 01 and 02, they both look beautiful. Choose 01, and make 02 into a different but still awesome OC.

[AmberDust 1,116]

I love 01 and 02, they both look beautiful. Choose 01, and make 02 into a different but still awesome OC.

Heh heh thanks. I agree that number two is good but doesn't suit her. Thanks for voting. I sent you my review...it may be a little harsh a some points. Sorry in advance if you don't like it. ^^'

[SilverStarApple 849]

Heh heh thanks. I agree that number two is good but doesn't suit her. Thanks for voting. I sent you my review...it may be a little harsh a some points. Sorry in advance if you don't like it. ^^'

"Don't like it?"

 

I love it!

 

It's precise, valid, logical, rational, and well-thought out. You even understood what I was going for! You're awesome. I'm going to go and friend you.

Edited December 11, 2014 by Asquerade

[AmberDust 1,116]

"Don't like it?"

 

I love it!

 

It's precise, valid, logical, rational, and well-thought out. You even understood what I was going for! You're awesome. I'm going to go and friend you.

Wow, thanks.

*In my mind*:

I harshly critiqued someone's OC and not only do they they understand and agree with me, but they want to be my friend now? I must be magical. 0_0' Either that or they're planning something.

Edited December 11, 2014 by AmberDust

[SilverStarApple 849]

Wow, thanks.

*In my mind*:

I harshly critiqued someone's OC and not only do they they understand and agree with me, but they want to be my friend now? I must be magical. 0_0' Either that or they're planning something.

XD

 

You rationally critiqued someone's OC and had valid points. Plus, I've been to tumblr, so... yeah. I sometimes wonder if it's where rational thought goes to die... Then I remember that while it does have a bad part, it also has a good part: The Ask Blogs. Hotblooded Pinkie Pie is awesome.

[Mist Blitz~ 227]

Well. Why not check my oc. You can judge it here. Link in sig 

[DormantAccount 308]

What do you think of the new cutie mark? (current sig)

[AmberDust 1,116]

What do you think of the new cutie mark? (current sig)

I like it! I still think the wings should be visible beneath the binoculars, instead of the wings just ending where they touch the binoculars. You know? So it looks more like wings AND binoculars instead of winged binoculars.

Well. Why not check my oc. You can judge it here. Link in sig 

 

 

Did you see the comment I left on your OC's profile?

[AmberDust 1,116]

I just discovered the "Ask a Pony" section of these forums, (wow slow,) and I think it's also a great way to develop your character's personality if anypony's having trouble. Also, it's a good way for beginner RPers to get started and learn to expect...well, anything, and roll with the punches.

 

I just started one up for Amber here if anypony is interested.

I consider the context of these threads to be non-canon, (Amber's canon, not the show's canon, btw,) but the answers will be canon.

 

My opinion is that the best way to develop a character's personality is to put them in situations outside of your control. Even small, seemingly insignificant questions like "who's your favourite princess" can add a lot of insight into your OCs personality--plus it makes a good springboard for potential backstory and world building. Aah, I'm talking like a DM...

But yeah. Try it out!

Edited December 17, 2014 by AmberDust

[LordSwinton 759]

hello, thanks for your help last time. With it, I've created: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/starchase-r7595  

 

Tell me what you think. (And sorry for flooding your ask a pony thread)

[AmberDust 1,116]

hello, thanks for your help last time. With it, I've created: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/starchase-r7595

 

Tell me what you think. (And sorry for flooding your ask a pony thread)

Tbh the more questions, the better.

I'll look over your OC when I come home from work (hopefully).

hello, thanks for your help last time. With it, I've created: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/starchase-r7595

 

Tell me what you think. (And sorry for flooding your ask a pony thread)

Alright, time see how you progressed!

 

 

 

NAME: solid! I really like it. It suits him, too.

 

APPEARANCE: In the drawing, he looks like a much younger pony, but I won't judge your art. I do like his colour scheme, and I think it suits him (no need to lighten his coat), but I'm not sure if adding a blue (sapphire) cutie mark will make it look better. It is a lot of blue, after all.

 

CUTIE MARK: I don't really understand the symbolism. Why is it a sapphire star? How does it represent his "moving on"? I feel like it represents his father better than it represents himself. Maybe it can be replaced with something else? What sets Starchase apart from other ponies?

 

PERSONALITY: I like his personality. It feels very real, very authentic, very relatable. I like the extra bits you put in for flavour to make him stand out.

I'm just unsure of how well his personality fits his backstory. It doesn't really feel like I'm reading about a rich kid who got bounced between parents. (He is rich, right? That's the impression that I got.) Do you know what I mean? I dunno, I might be wrong.

 

BACKSTORY: His backstory is also very nice, but again I'm not sure it matches with his personality exactly. I'll need to re-read it when I'm less distracted lol. Oh! His poetic nature--did he get it from his mother? It's a nice thought.

 

OTHER: I really like he extra bits of information you included in here. They're very personal and insightful, and add flavour to your OC. I especially like how he wanted to be a Pegasus, and how he's best at light spells.

 

Overall I'd say this is a nice well rounded OC. I think you've progressed a lot. It doesn't quite fit the show's atmosphere, but it's good nonetheless.

 

 

[Clover Heart 978]

Ugh, I don't have a clue what to do with my hair. More my tail than my mane. Well, okay, so, I started off with Pony Maker, and my OC looked like this:

 

 

 

Then it's gradually changed as I've made more art.

 

At first, I think it was pretty close. The main thing I changed was that wisp of hair, I made into a giant lock. And I've kinda stayed with that ever since this pic:

 

 

 

The tail was difficult, so it began to change:

 

 

 

And change

 

 

 

And this is basically the most recent version:

 

 

 

I think, maybe, the hair is okay at this point? I think I like the one big lock in the middle with the flippy parts coming down on both sides. The tail, though... The tail has been difficult for me to do from day one. And so, it's just morphed into this... thing. I've never been so sure on how exactly I wanted it to look. I know that I wanted it to be two-tone stripey, long and wavy, but that's about it. I think I'd always had those stipulations in my head about the tail without knowing what I actually wanted it to look like, and as such, it's always come out very inconsistent. Can you help me a bit with the tail?

[LordSwinton 759]

 

 

In the drawing, he looks like a much younger pony, but I won't judge your art. I do like his colour scheme, and I think it suits him (no need to lighten his coat), but I'm not sure if adding a blue (sapphire) cutie mark will make it look better. It is a lot of blue, after all.

 

I'll keep that in mind   

 

 

 

I don't really understand the symbolism. Why is it a sapphire star? How does it represent his "moving on"?

 

 

The birthstone for september is a sapphire, in the old birthstone poem for september it is said to cure diseases of the mind, if I remember right. And those particular type of sapphire are becoming rare in recent times. I was going for an unusual shape (see: not round) because he's obviously not perfect and they're always cut as round oval shapes. And as always 'light/hope in the darkness' cliche.

 

 

 

He is rich, right? That's the impression that I got

 

well I was aiming for upper middle class-ish

 

 

 

I'm not sure it matches with his personality exactly

 

What do you think should change? I'm always open to suggestions    

[AmberDust 1,116]

@@Clover Heart

Your OC has a very cute design and colour scheme. :3 I like it a lot!

 

Although I'm not a fan of Pony Creator OCs, I have to be honest in saying that I think the pony creator tail was the best option--it twists tightly like a corkskcrew, and doesn't have the weird shape of the last option. However, when you drew it in the second pic, the base was very wide and it makes it look a little silly. Try thinking a little more like Fluttershy's tail, only with more volume (and two-tones).

I'd draw up an option for you, but I'm currently on mobile. ^^'

The birthstone for september is a sapphire, in the old birthstone poem for september it is said to cure diseases of the mind, if I remember right. And those particular type of sapphire are becoming rare in recent times. I was going for an unusual shape (see: not round) because he's obviously not perfect and they're always cut as round oval shapes. And as always 'light/hope in the darkness' cliche

 

What do you think should change? I'm always open to suggestions

Lol I happen to use that cliche in my OC. I didn't realize it was common lol.

But you should really mention this stuff about sapphires in his profile. It certainly clears things up.

[Blue Moon 6,336]

Could you review my OC, Blue Moon? A link to his profile can be found below as well as in my sig. Thanks!

 

Link to Blue Moon

Edited December 18, 2014 by Blue Moon

[AmberDust 1,116]

Could you review my OC, Blue Moon? A link to his profile can be found below as well as in my sig. Thanks!

 

Link to Blue Moon

Alrighty, lets go!

 

 

NAME: Nice. Cute. Suitable.

APPEARANCE: The two paler mane colours clash a bit with the MAIN mane colour, but otherwise the colours and design are nice. There's something a little strange about the back if his mane though. Was it edited from pony maker?

CUTIE MARK: A very realistic and endearing story. It makes me like this character already! We're off to a good start.

PERSONALITY: I like almost everything about his personality. It all fits well together except for his shyness. It seems a bit out of place, considering how smart, witty, and actively stubborn he is. I just can't really imagine him being shy. :/ I might be over-exaggerating shyness though, because I immediately think of Fluttershy-levels of shyness. ^^'

BACKSTORY: Very cute and endearing. I like how he was a fan of princess Luna. It's a nice touch and adds some flavour and insight on his character, making him a stand out a little more. He's a bit of a fantasizer, which is cute.

 

Overall, a cute character. He fits well into the show's context but could still potentially be a main character in his own story. I like him.

 

 

Edited December 18, 2014 by AmberDust

[Blue Moon 6,336]

Alrighty, lets go!

 

 

NAME: Nice. Cute. Suitable.

APPEARANCE: The two paler mane colours clash a bit with the MAIN mane colour, but otherwise the colours and design are nice. There's something a little strange about the back if his mane though. Was it edited from pony maker?

CUTIE MARK: A very realistic and endearing story. It makes me like this character already! We're off to a good start.

PERSONALITY: I like almost everything about his personality. It all fits well together except for his shyness. It seems a bit out of place, considering how smart, witty, and actively stubborn he is. I just can't really imagine him being shy. :/ I might be over-exaggerating shyness though, because I immediately think of Fluttershy-levels of shyness. ^^'

BACKSTORY: Very cute and endearing. I like how he was a fan of princess Luna. It's a nice touch and adds some flavour and insight on his character. He's a bit of a fantasizer, which is cute.

 

Overall, a cute character. He fits well into the show's context but could still potentially be a main character in his own story. I like him.

 

 

Thanks! And yes, this picture used in his profile was made with a pony creator, but if it helps view his back properly: here is some art of him someone did for me:

 

 

 

And yeah, his shyness is not as major as Fluttershy's, and it lessened over the years. I should probably add that somewhere.

Edited December 18, 2014 by Blue Moon

[thatonepony12 88]

eh if you got the time could you review my oc i made her but im new so i bet she could be better link here

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/the-alchemist-r7592

[Plume 922]

Hey! If you got some extra time on your hands, could you please review Jazz? She's just chilling in my signature. I'd just like to see someone else's opinion on her since I've never really properly asked for such.

Edited December 19, 2014 by MiniKirby123

[AmberDust 1,116]

eh if you got the time could you review my oc i made her but im new so i bet she could be better link here

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/the-alchemist-r7592

Ah yes, the alchemist. I'm still unsure of whether alchemy exists in mlp, but anyways, lets get going.

 

 

NAME: it's a cool name, but it doesn't feel like a name from mlp. It feels more like a title than anything. You know? Maybe "The alchemist" could be what they call themselves, but their actual name is something different like "gold charm", "test tube", "Fire light", or something else to do with alchemy, to make it feel more authentic.

APPEARANCE: I'm not fan of pony maker, because I see the same hairstyles over an over again, but if you don't like to draw, I guess it's forgivable. Anyways, the colour scheme's good. A little too dark, but good otherwise. The cutie mark looks odd, but I guess that's ponycreator's fault.

CUTIE MARK: is the red square part of it?

Again, I don't think alchemy exists in mlp since unicorns can actively use magic. Maybe it's just a specific type of magic? Turning things into other things of equal mass or value...I don't know. It just feels out of place to me. Cool, but out of place. ESPECIALLY considering she's an earth pony.

PERSONALITY: Erm...it's very...concise. You could definitely afford to add more to her personality. What's her temper like? Is she extraverted? Is she friendly? Is she smart? Is she fancy? Is she a show off? There's so much we don't know about her--yet. Just keep working at it and putting her in different situations in your mind to help develop her personality further than the surface.

BACKSTORY: There are definitely some things missing from this backstory. Why does her father live in the Everfree? Why did he teach her alchemy? Why does she carry a musket with her? (Seriously, that part seemed pretty unrelated to the rest of the backstory).

It just needs more context for the content.

 

OVERALL: This OC needs more time to be developed and fleshed out. The personality especially needs some time to grow. Try imagining her in different situations with different ponies to help figure out how she acts. Her backstory also needs context.

Once again, alchemy itself doesn't seem to fit in the realm of mlp...and that is enough for me to say "this OC doesn't work", but perhaps if you change it and explain it a bit you could figure something out that fits your preferences AND the world of mlp.

Keep working at it.

 

 

Hey! If you got some extra time on your hands, could you please review Jazz? She's just chilling in my signature. I'd just like to see someone else's opinion on her since I've never really properly asked for such.

Sure thing! Here we go:

 

 

NAME: it sounds cool and fitting. I know nothing about music, so whether or not it makes musical sense it beyond me lol.

APPEARANCE: I'm sensing similarities of Octavia, in both theme and appearance. I know it's a good colour sheme, but I just really hope she's not similar to Ocatvia in TOO MANY senses. Clones are never a good thing. Aside from her color scheme, I like her appearance. Her hair is nice and big (but bit too big), and her tail has a cool shape to it.

CUTIE MARK: A nice twist on an overused cliche. I like it, but I still feel like I've seen it before. The gold colour is certainly nice.

I'd like to know the story of how she got her cutie mark.

PEROSONALITY: As I started reading, I liked her personality. It was consistent and realistic--but near the end there were some contradictions. Saying she's kind and laid-back doesn't seem to suit the rest of her personality, and you also said she liked to talk if somepony would listen, even though to initially stated in great detail that she was a quiet pony.

I think it'd make more sense if you said that she enjoyed company, but was more of a listener.

BACKSTORY: Aah, there's the cutie mark story! i like it! but her backstory did have some contradictions.

Like, did her parents raise her in this musical family, or did her grandparents raise her? The first paragraph seems to contradict the rest. Did they raise her for a few years and then become travellers? Or we're they always travellers? When did these good memories happen?

OTHER: I like the pet bird, but the motto seems a little odd. It doesn't feel like something she'd ever actually admit to herself.

 

OVERALL, Jazz is a pretty great character. Her struggles are relatable, as are her passions. She's well rounded, but there are a few holes and inconsistencies in her personality and backstory.

Also, it wouldn't hurt to change her colour scheme....or at least consider it.

 

 

Edited December 20, 2014 by AmberDust

[LordSwinton 759]

Following your advice, I made my own ask thread so thanks

[Plume 922]

@@AmberDust, 

Thanks! I'll take these to heart and tweak a couple of things

[AmberDust 1,116]

Following your advice, I made my own ask thread so thanks

I'll be sure to pay you a visit!

[thatonepony12 88]

thanks! i will defintly work on her and my concept of alchemy in mlp is that its a magic any one can do and she does fullmetal alchemist type alchemy (if you dont know that anime look it up its really good!)

[AmberDust 1,116]

thanks! i will defintly work on her and my concept of alchemy in mlp is that its a magic any one can do and she does fullmetal alchemist type alchemy (if you dont know that anime look it up its really good!)

Lol yeah I know of fma.

But I still don't think that type of alchemy fits mlp.