Dex's OC Help Center

[DormantAccount 308]

Heya! Could you please take a look at Jazz? She's in my signature. Chilling.

Overall look is good. Nothing strange visually.

 

This is a pretty great OC. There's something tragically beautiful about it. I think it is a bit hard to take that they never came back after such a warm young foalhood, but things are what they are.

 

A few things that might improve her;

Where is she from?

What are her pet peeves?

What does she like/dislike?

 

Put it on the end

Think about questions she might answer on something like Facebook. It adds detail to her.

[Plume 922]

Tragically beautiful? Huh. I never thought of her like that. Suits her though.

 

Alrighty, will throw those in there.

[DormantAccount 308]

Hmm, I dunno if I'd really call them OCs, but I guess they fit the bill.

Care to take a quick look at these for me?

http://mlpforums.com/topic/118720-just-offering-a-power-ponies-idea-i-put-together-please-enjoy/

It's a fun idea. I like them. They're pretty creative. Didn't Matterhorn just use ice? It has been a long time since I watched that ep.

[Dulset Tarn 441]

It's a fun idea. I like them. They're pretty creative. Didn't Matterhorn just use ice? It has been a long time since I watched that ep.

Thanks

Spike says she can use all sorts of energy beams, but Twilight only figures to use ice which is really dumb.

[DormantAccount 308]

Thanks a lot

 

About the grammar issues... Yeah... I had to write it with a tablet. So it automatically translated most of the words to spanish.

 

The weakness thing... I kinda tried to do that with his delayed studies during his time in the forest.

 

Yeah, I tought about Zecora for a while. Still I shrugged it off since I didn't thought she lived there that long and since the Everfree Forest is a large and dangerous place I just kept him inside the same area under the pretext of "Not wanting to get deeper",

He actually tried for several days to show his presence, but as it didn't work he decided he should survive by himself.

 

Thanks again for the feedback. When I get my beloved PC back, I'll try to fix the major mistakes.

I look forward to reading the revised edition if you need me.

 

Thanks

Spike says she can use all sorts of energy beams, but Twilight only figures to use ice which is really dumb.

Hah, well my memory is better than I thought. Edited January 22, 2015 by DexterousWings

[DormantAccount 308]

Thank you Dex for the wonderful feedback. It was exactly the right questions I was looking for.

 

*jumps out a window* I'm ok!

Glad I could be of service.

[Denim&Venöm 19,799]

 Eh I guess I'll give this a shot. A Second opinion shouldn't hurt. 
 
Name: Silhouette Dusk
Species: Alicorn
Cutie mark: Fibonacci Spiral w/ a crescent moon on one side, surrounded by sun rays.

 

This will probably take you a while.
 
Backstory (This is a doozy):

She was the 9th Empress of the 4000 year old Equestrian Empire, a small industrialized nation south of the crystal empire and it's surrounding tribal settlements.  When the empire fell to Sombra's curse, the economic & political gap forced the north into collapse and the tribal conflicts over resources fueled the winter of the Windigoes. All 3 pony tribes traveled south and sought refuge in Equestria, but Dusk could only help them for so long before the cost began to take it's toll on her own subjects. She then had no choice but to ask that they go somewhere else for more help. Unfortunately, the lands surrounding Equestria, were under rule of Discord, who had somehow been "convinced" into signing a non-aggression pact w/ Dusk. The tribes had no where else to turn, so they tried to take Equestria by force through multiple raids, each easily crushed under the might of her well trained, well equipped, Equestrian Royal Legion. 
 
Things changed one night, when the tribes attacked the capital of Everfree City, better funded, more organized, and lead by two Alicorn sisters. Despite the fanatical devotion to their cause and their technological edge in battle, the Legionnaires were were wiped out by Celestia & Luna w/ ease. Only Dusk was left to oppose the Sisters, refusing to abdicate her throne or surrender on behalf of her country. In one final clash, all 3 alicorns threw their magic at one another. But even the mighty empress could not hold her might against two alicorns. Her subjects had to watch as their proud leader was blasted out of the sky and sent plummeting to the earth. Not even the valiant attempts of the few remaining soldiers & civilians could stop Celestia & Luna from dragging their leaders prone body away in chains.
 
The last thing Dusk would ever hear or see was Celestia telling her that she would never use her powers to abuse & neglect the honor of being an alicorn ever again, as she was being encased in ice, where the crystal empire used to be. 
 
Fast forward 1000 years. The crystal empire has returned and been restored to it's former glory. The magical radiance from the crystal heart jolts life back into Dusk's own, weakening the cold around her enough for her to escape, and see her childhood home, the place that was her birth, and the place whose disappearance ended in her downfall, shimmering brightly right before her eyes.

 
Goals (also a doozy):

Dusk has reawakened to a different Equestria, one that's bigger, stronger, more peaceful, and one that has forgotten all 4000 years of it's legacy. The two beings that assaulted her, now rule in her stead. The country she swore to protect, is now under enemy rule. But she is not alone, for there were many in the old empire, and stories of the fall were passed down from generation to generation. The empire has been working in secret, rebuilding, fortifying, strengthening, planning for the day of revolt. Located deep in the badlands near the Equestrian border, the Equestrian Empire has built itself cities and operating as a government in exile, building armies, establishing networks of spies, uniting a society w/ two goals: Bring the sisters to justice and spread the truth about Equestrian history. And with their mighty Empress among the living once more, her people now have the morale to rebel against the sisters and continue the war they started 1000 years ago.
 
Dusk will use whatever means she has at her disposal to end the sisters reign and see them punished, whether it be legally by invoking Equestrian law against them, tactically by dominating the royal guard w/ her Legion, politically by proving herself a more qualified leader to the masses, or directly by straight out challenging Celestia, the main culprit, for her power. However, she must do these things without making enemies of the rest of Equestria. Not only will they outlast her small nation, but more importantly, they are still her subjects and she took a vow to protect them, even if they don't remember it.

 
 
Personality & Hobbies (take a guess):

Dusk is a very scholarly pony. Much like Twilight Sparkle, she reads a lot and is curious about the world around her. Unlike Twi, Dusk takes a more hooves on approach to learning, often rushing out into the field to research. She also looks for ways to apply her knowledge, looking for ways to use it in improving the world around her. In that respect, she is also like Rarity, looking for an excuse to give of herself and contribute. Thanks to this, Dusk has been credited w/ many an invention, some of which are in use in modern Equestria. Her most recognized scientific contribution among her own people would be in military applications, creating the first armored infantry units (WWI era tanks & APCs), gyrocopters, propeller engines for winged aircraft, and the first weaponized dirigibles & zeppelins. Her greatest passion , aside from having the honor to rule Equestria, is architecture. Growing up in the Crystal Empire, she was unimpressed w/ how the ponies designed their buildings in such bland & often crude styles. She saw what beauty there was in crystal, in both aesthetic and structural terms. She would take that inspiration and apply it to the wood, stone & steel of her parents Empire of Equestria. She may not get the chance to be royalty like they were, but she would leave her contribution regardless, helping design what would become Castle Canterlot. Such contributions earned her the respect of her people and their nomination for her to be the next empress (that and some selfless & miraculous conduct during the first attempted coup of Sombra).
 
During her reign, Dusk was a rather lax & approachable ruler, sleeping in, walking around without her regalia, enjoying herself throughout Everfree city among her subjects, and getting a bit of a reputation as a mischievous romantic. When she wasn't intently investigating something or getting a date, she would be practicing her next hobby. Competitive dueling. You see, the emperor or Empress of Equestria had to defend their crown against any who challenged, and back in those days, there were plenty. But Dusk never saw it as a threat to her empire. Just another excuse to test her newfound god like power and enjoy the thrill of battle. 
 
All that changed with the fall of the Crystal Empire, something Dusk feels she is partially responsible for, either by driving Sombra out of Equestria or by not dealing with him herself once more, she became more reclusive and serious,  more protective over her empire, fearing for her subjects safety, acting like how an empress was expected to act, and confronting threats in a more aggressive manner. These days she now works with spies, military advisors and her one surviving friend, her Changeling-Centaur  general, turned leader during her absence, Proximus "Proxy" Charon. She reviews the defenses of her frontier city of New Everfree, personally works on the calibrations of her war machines, travels the city to keep up morale, and articulates her plans day and night to the last detail on how she's going to free Equestria from "annexation".   
 
But even these tumultuous times, she has found it hard not to make new friends, establishing a comradery w/ Candace & Shining Armor, appreciating all they've done for her childhood home. She's also taken an interest in one Princess Sparkle, one of the few ponies who Dusk can converse freely with about the sciences and enjoy performing crazy science experiments with like it was a date to the movies.

 
 
Powers: Any and all cannon magic, including dark magic, which Dusks prefers to be called Witchcraft. 
 
Appearance:

1 & 5 were done by me. The rest was generous fan art

 

[DormantAccount 308]

Eh I guess I'll give this a shot. A Second opinion shouldn't hurt.

 

Name: Silhouette Dusk

Species: Alicorn

Cutie mark: Fibonacci Spiral w/ a crescent moon on one side, surrounded by sun rays.

 

This will probably take you a while.

 

Backstory (This is a doozy):

She was the 9th Empress of the 4000 year old Equestrian Empire, a small industrialized nation south of the crystal empire and it's surrounding tribal settlements. When the empire fell to Sombra's curse, the economic & political gap forced the north into collapse and the tribal conflicts over resources fueled the winter of the Windigoes. All 3 pony tribes traveled south and sought refuge in Equestria, but Dusk could only help them for so long before the cost began to take it's toll on her own subjects. She then had no choice but to ask that they go somewhere else for more help. Unfortunately, the lands surrounding Equestria, were under rule of Discord, who had somehow been "convinced" into signing a non-aggression pact w/ Dusk. The tribes had no where else to turn, so they tried to take Equestria by force through multiple raids, each easily crushed under the might of her well trained, well equipped, Equestrian Royal Legion.

 

Things changed one night, when the tribes attacked the capital of Everfree City, better funded, more organized, and lead by two Alicorn sisters. Despite the fanatical devotion to their cause and their technological edge in battle, the Legionnaires were were wiped out by Celestia & Luna w/ ease. Only Dusk was left to oppose the Sisters, refusing to abdicate her throne or surrender on behalf of her country. In one final clash, all 3 alicorns threw their magic at one another. But even the mighty empress could not hold her might against two alicorns. Her subjects had to watch as their proud leader was blasted out of the sky and sent plummeting to the earth. Not even the valiant attempts of the few remaining soldiers & civilians could stop Celestia & Luna from dragging their leaders prone body away in chains.

 

The last thing Dusk would ever hear or see was Celestia telling her that she would never use her powers to abuse & neglect the honor of being an alicorn ever again, as she was being encased in ice, where the crystal empire used to be.

 

Fast forward 1000 years. The crystal empire has returned and been restored to it's former glory. The magical radiance from the crystal heart jolts life back into Dusk's own, weakening the cold around her enough for her to escape, and see her childhood home, the place that was her birth, and the place whose disappearance ended in her downfall, shimmering brightly right before her eyes.

 

 

Goals (also a doozy):

Dusk has reawakened to a different Equestria, one that's bigger, stronger, more peaceful, and one that has forgotten all 4000 years of it's legacy. The two beings that assaulted her, now rule in her stead. The country she swore to protect, is now under enemy rule. But she is not alone, for there were many in the old empire, and stories of the fall were passed down from generation to generation. The empire has been working in secret, rebuilding, fortifying, strengthening, planning for the day of revolt. Located deep in the badlands near the Equestrian border, the Equestrian Empire has built itself cities and operating as a government in exile, building armies, establishing networks of spies, uniting a society w/ two goals: Bring the sisters to justice and spread the truth about Equestrian history. And with their mighty Empress among the living once more, her people now have the morale to rebel against the sisters and continue the war they started 1000 years ago.

 

Dusk will use whatever means she has at her disposal to end the sisters reign and see them punished, whether it be legally by invoking Equestrian law against them, tactically by dominating the royal guard w/ her Legion, politically by proving herself a more qualified leader to the masses, or directly by straight out challenging Celestia, the main culprit, for her power. However, she must do these things without making enemies of the rest of Equestria. Not only will they outlast her small nation, but more importantly, they are still her subjects and she took a vow to protect them, even if they don't remember it.

 

 

Personality & Hobbies (take a guess):

Dusk is a very scholarly pony. Much like Twilight Sparkle, she reads a lot and is curious about the world around her. Unlike Twi, Dusk takes a more hooves on approach to learning, often rushing out into the field to research. She also looks for ways to apply her knowledge, looking for ways to use it in improving the world around her. In that respect, she is also like Rarity, looking for an excuse to give of herself and contribute. Thanks to this, Dusk has been credited w/ many an invention, some of which are in use in modern Equestria. Her most recognized scientific contribution among her own people would be in military applications, creating the first armored infantry units (WWI era tanks & APCs), gyrocopters, propeller engines for winged aircraft, and the first weaponized dirigibles & zeppelins. Her greatest passion , aside from having the honor to rule Equestria, is architecture. Growing up in the Crystal Empire, she was unimpressed w/ how the ponies designed their buildings in such bland & often crude styles. She saw what beauty there was in crystal, in both aesthetic and structural terms. She would take that inspiration and apply it to the wood, stone & steel of her parents Empire of Equestria. She may not get the chance to be royalty like they were, but she would leave her contribution regardless, helping design what would become Castle Canterlot. Such contributions earned her the respect of her people and their nomination for her to be the next empress (that and some selfless & miraculous conduct during the first attempted coup of Sombra).

 

During her reign, Dusk was a rather lax & approachable ruler, sleeping in, walking around without her regalia, enjoying herself throughout Everfree city among her subjects, and getting a bit of a reputation as a mischievous romantic. When she wasn't intently investigating something or getting a date, she would be practicing her next hobby. Competitive dueling. You see, the emperor or Empress of Equestria had to defend their crown against any who challenged, and back in those days, there were plenty. But Dusk never saw it as a threat to her empire. Just another excuse to test her newfound god like power and enjoy the thrill of battle.

 

All that changed with the fall of the Crystal Empire, something Dusk feels she is partially responsible for, either by driving Sombra out of Equestria or by not dealing with him herself once more, she became more reclusive and serious, more protective over her empire, fearing for her subjects safety, acting like how an empress was expected to act, and confronting threats in a more aggressive manner. These days she now works with spies, military advisors and her one surviving friend, her Changeling-Centaur general, turned leader during her absence, Proximus "Proxy" Charon. She reviews the defenses of her frontier city of New Everfree, personally works on the calibrations of her war machines, travels the city to keep up morale, and articulates her plans day and night to the last detail on how she's going to free Equestria from "annexation".

 

But even these tumultuous times, she has found it hard not to make new friends, establishing a comradery w/ Candace & Shining Armor, appreciating all they've done for her childhood home. She's also taken an interest in one Princess Sparkle, one of the few ponies who Dusk can converse freely with about the sciences and enjoy performing crazy science experiments with like it was a date to the movies.

 

 

Powers: Any and all cannon magic, including dark magic, which Dusks prefers to be called Witchcraft.

 

Appearance:

Silhouette Dusk 2.png Silhouette Dusk fan art 1.jpg Silhouette Dusk fan art 2.png Silhouette Dusk fan art 3.jpg pony (1).png 1 & 5 were done by me. The rest was generous fan art

 

Be forewarned, this review is very negative.

 

I'm going to be very upfront with you here. I don't like alicorn OC's. I think they are a bit presumptuous, but I will do my best to evaluate them fairly.

 

It reads less like an OC and more like a fan fiction. You are creating a lot of elements from whole cloth to try to make her story work.

 

Visually, she follows the trend for a lot of these sorts of alicorns. Black and red alicorns are so common that they've become something that people mock.

 

If she wants to bring the sisters to "justice", why would she hang out with their number one fan? That would get awkward at some point. As an extension of that, how could she go after the beloved Celestia without alienating the citizens that are so loyal to her? Cadance and Shining Armor would probably have the same reaction as Twi. These Equestrians would see this pony as a villain userper, not a fun time pal.

 

I do like the interest in architecture. You could build an OC around that that's more reasonable.

 

I don't like trying to bring tanks and such to Equestria. It just doesn't fit.

 

Overall, while there are some bright points, this would be better off as an interesting fan fiction than a role play OC. She commits almost every sin of an OC.

Edited January 22, 2015 by DexterousWings

[Midnight Starfall 179]

First, a small continuity issue. Braeburn tells us that Appleoosa has only been built in one year. You might consider Dodge Junction as an alternate western town.

 

The being neglected by her parents is a bit dark for my taste and if she really was neglected I would think that the pony equivalent of social services would intervene.

 

A cutie mark shouldn't be just a personality aspect. It should be a talent. Maybe she was neglected as a young filly, but was given over to an adoptive family that loved and took care of her. She took that love and made sure others weren't neglected as well. She became a foal services agent to help others break out and get the love and care they need.

 

Thank you! I updated her bio page and made the changes. I feel like she's a better character than before. Thanks again!

[DormantAccount 308]

Thank you! I updated her bio page and made the changes. I feel like she's a better character than before. Thanks again!

 

Glad to be of assistance

 

*bow*

[Bright Bastion 241]

 

 

You may also want to convert the shining armor parts of the story to a more generic guard pony if you want to get into the empire. He can admire him, but he can't have interacted with a cast character in his backstory. If you're just going to stick with Everfree, I don't see a problem, but Empire will care.

You know, now that you have said that, I'm not sure why Shining Armor was the pony to take that position. Shining armor really just took the place of another character so I should have just done that in the first place your right.  In fact, now that you mention it I could do a little of this and that...

 

hehe, I think I've actually been inspired. Kind of the opposite of what I imagined would happen...

[Denim&Venöm 19,799]

Be forewarned, this review is very negative.

 

I'm going to be very upfront with you here. I don't like alicorn OC's. I think they are a bit presumptuous, but I will do my best to evaluate them fairly.

 

It reads less like an OC and more like a fan fiction. You are creating a lot of elements from whole cloth to try to make her story work.

 

Visually, she follows the trend for a lot of these sorts of alicorns. Black and red alicorns are so common that they've become something that people mock.

 

If she wants to bring the sisters to "justice", why would she hang out with their number one fan? That would get awkward at some point. As an extension of that, how could she go after the beloved Celestia without alienating the citizens that are so loyal to her? Cadance and Shining Armor would probably have the same reaction as Twi. These Equestrians would see this pony as a villain userper, not a fun time pal.

 

I do like the interest in architecture. You could build an OC around that that's more reasonable.

 

I don't like trying to bring tanks and such to Equestria. It just doesn't fit.

 

Overall, while there are some bright points, this would be better off as an interesting fan fiction than a role play OC. She commits almost every sin of an OC.

To address some of your points:

 

 

I was actually going for grey and red as far as colors were concerned. 

 

If she wants to bring the sisters to "justice", why would she hang out with their number one fan? That would get awkward at some point. As an extension of that, how could she go after the beloved Celestia without alienating the citizens that are so loyal to her? Cadance and Shining Armor would probably have the same reaction as Twi. These Equestrians would see this pony as a villain userper, not a fun time pal.

 

 

It's because she see's Twi as not evil or power hungry. Just mislead. She would prefer to sway Twilight to her side. She see's much of herself in the young alicorn. The relationship works both ways, with Twi trying to act as peacemaker and perform her duty as Princess of friendship, preventing Equestria from falling into civil war (or as Dusk calls it, continuation war). She sees the evidence in favor of both sides, which is why she's trying to convince Celestia & Dusk respectively that they aren't the monsters they view each other as.

 

Shining Armor would be more inclined to see Dusk as the enemy, his duties as Royal Guard Captain clashing w/ responsibilities to the crystal ponies. Cadence, like Twi, would prefer peace, but is put between a rock and a hard place when she want's to support Celestia, but her crystal ponies support their local hero and only survivor from their time period.

 

Overall, Dusk is trying to save Equestria and it's citizens, including Twilight, Shining & Cadence, from the Sisters.

 

As for the rest of Equestria, Dusk's real tool to sway them would be the truth. Expose the actual history of the nation, show them that the sisters have been lying to their subjects, breed the feelings of discontent & betrayal and spark revolution in the Kingdom. In many ways, she's a sympathetic anti-villain, doing good things to seek an ultimately evil end on the two beings she feels are responsible annexing her empire, and doing whatever it takes to see that the ancestors of her subjects live free. The feeling is also mutual. Celestia see's her as a selfish disgrace to all alicorns and just another threat back to enslave her little ponies.

 

Why an alicorn? What other character would be such a threat to Celestia in terms of power and ideology? Celestia has only had to face adversaries of her own species twice, and both were just mad with power. Dusk is meant to be the pony that pushes Celestia out of her comfort zone psychologically and ideologically, to be the thing that drives her ire, much like Discord did initially in Return to Harmony. And you have to admit, red and grey do suit better as colors of a pony to oppose Celestia than any other. But hey, at least her parents didn't die tragically and she isn't a brooding loner suffering from foal abuse. No, she's just an overprotective workaholic with a vendetta. 

 

I don't like trying to bring tanks and such to Equestria. It just doesn't fit.  

 

Tanks are cannon. I doubt RD was naming her pet after the thing that holds water. Besides, it helps make the Equestrian Empire of the past different (and more threatening) than the Kingdom of today.

 

It reads less like an OC and more like a fan fiction. You are creating a lot of elements from whole cloth to try to make her story work.

 

Well that's the idea. She's a character built for a story, not for roleplay. Using Equestria's vague past is the perfect way to keep her story cannon too. 

 

 

The architecture point can still tie into this. She, her predecessors on the throne, including her parents, all helped build Equestria, and she is seeing the princesses tear that down and build their own Kingdom ontop, hiding away whatevers left, and that's not something she can tolerate. She takes pride in her accomplishments and those of her forbearers, and will make sure they are remembered for all time, not hidden away, and certainly not vilified.

 

[DormantAccount 308]

You know, now that you have said that, I'm not sure why Shining Armor was the pony to take that position. Shining armor really just took the place of another character so I should have just done that in the first place your right.  In fact, now that you mention it I could do a little of this and that...

 

hehe, I think I've actually been inspired. Kind of the opposite of what I imagined would happen...

 

Awesome, I love inspiring others to improve things.

To address some of your points:

 

 

I was actually going for grey and red as far as colors were concerned. 

 

If she wants to bring the sisters to "justice", why would she hang out with their number one fan? That would get awkward at some point. As an extension of that, how could she go after the beloved Celestia without alienating the citizens that are so loyal to her? Cadance and Shining Armor would probably have the same reaction as Twi. These Equestrians would see this pony as a villain userper, not a fun time pal.

 

 

It's because she see's Twi as not evil or power hungry. Just mislead. She would prefer to sway Twilight to her side. She see's much of herself in the young alicorn. The relationship works both ways, with Twi trying to act as peacemaker and perform her duty as Princess of friendship, preventing Equestria from falling into civil war (or as Dusk calls it, continuation war). She sees the evidence in favor of both sides, which is why she's trying to convince Celestia & Dusk respectively that they aren't the monsters they view each other as.

 

Shining Armor would be more inclined to see Dusk as the enemy, his duties as Royal Guard Captain clashing w/ responsibilities to the crystal ponies. Cadence, like Twi, would prefer peace, but is put between a rock and a hard place when she want's to support Celestia, but her crystal ponies support their local hero and only survivor from their time period.

 

Overall, Dusk is trying to save Equestria and it's citizens, including Twilight, Shining & Cadence, from the Sisters.

 

As for the rest of Equestria, Dusk's real tool to sway them would be the truth. Expose the actual history of the nation, show them that the sisters have been lying to their subjects, breed the feelings of discontent & betrayal and spark revolution in the Kingdom. In many ways, she's a sympathetic anti-villain, doing good things to seek an ultimately evil end on the two beings she feels are responsible annexing her empire, and doing whatever it takes to see that the ancestors of her subjects live free. The feeling is also mutual. Celestia see's her as a selfish disgrace to all alicorns and just another threat back to enslave her little ponies.

 

Why an alicorn? What other character would be such a threat to Celestia in terms of power and ideology? Celestia has only had to face adversaries of her own species twice, and both were just mad with power. Dusk is meant to be the pony that pushes Celestia out of her comfort zone psychologically and ideologically, to be the thing that drives her ire, much like Discord did initially in Return to Harmony. And you have to admit, red and grey do suit better as colors of a pony to oppose Celestia than any other. But hey, at least her parents didn't die tragically and she isn't a brooding loner suffering from foal abuse. No, she's just an overprotective workaholic with a vendetta. 

 

I don't like trying to bring tanks and such to Equestria. It just doesn't fit.  

 

Tanks are cannon. I doubt RD was naming her pet after the thing that holds water. Besides, it helps make the Equestrian Empire of the past different (and more threatening) than the Kingdom of today.

 

It reads less like an OC and more like a fan fiction. You are creating a lot of elements from whole cloth to try to make her story work.

 

Well that's the idea. She's a character built for a story, not for roleplay. Using Equestria's vague past is the perfect way to keep her story cannon too. 

 

 

The architecture point can still tie into this. She, her predecessors on the throne, including her parents, all helped build Equestria, and she is seeing the princesses tear that down and build their own Kingdom ontop, hiding away whatevers left, and that's not something she can tolerate. She takes pride in her accomplishments and those of her forbearers, and will make sure they are remembered for all time, not hidden away, and certainly not vilified.

 

Well, first off, I misunderstood and thought this was supposed to be an RP OC. That meant I needed to clamp down much harder on it than a fanfiction character. That's part of why I was pointing at the architecture.

 

Second, I think Twilight wouldn't be swayed so easily and is more likely to just report her to Celestia if she didn't somehow already know she was there. Twilight would immediately assume anyone bad talking her mentor was a liar. She's deeply loyal to Celestia and would rather have the known of Celestia (peace and tranquility) than the unknown of Dusk.(A relic from a bygone age)

 

You say she was a "hero" to the crystal ponies, but would they really rally around someone that wants to attack and upset things when they're going pretty well? There are no wars or famines. They can move freely as they wish and the royal couple are kind and benevolent rulers. No one would want to upset that. Sure, she might get a small cult of extremists and she might be a celebrity, but I doubt she can move ponies to revolt. The second she starts talking about revolt, she's going to be less Jefferson Davis and more Lindsey Lohan. Everyone will turn on her and she'll be back on ice before you can say King Sombra from four alicorns and the rest of the mane 6 kicking her flank.

[Denim&Venöm 19,799]

Awesome, I love inspiring others to improve things.

Well, first off, I misunderstood and thought this was supposed to be an RP OC. That meant I needed to clamp down much harder on it than a fanfiction character. That's part of why I was pointing at the architecture.

 

Second, I think Twilight wouldn't be swayed so easily and is more likely to just report her to Celestia if she didn't somehow already know she was there. Twilight would immediately assume anyone bad talking her mentor was a liar. She's deeply loyal to Celestia and would rather have the known of Celestia (peace and tranquility) than the unknown of Dusk.(A relic from a bygone age)

 

You say she was a "hero" to the crystal ponies, but would they really rally around someone that wants to attack and upset things when they're going pretty well? There are no wars or famines. They can move freely as they wish and the royal couple are kind and benevolent rulers. No one would want to upset that. Sure, she might get a small cult of extremists and she might be a celebrity, but I doubt she can move ponies to revolt. The second she starts talking about revolt, she's going to be less Jefferson Davis and more Lindsey Lohan. Everyone will turn on her and she'll be back on ice before you can say King Sombra from four alicorns and the rest of the mane 6 kicking her flank.

 

 

 

I'm trying to avoid the cliche good pony vs bad OC story and make it in a 'both sides are right/wrong' conflict. One's trying to protect her kingdom from a "selfish despot", the other is trying to reclaim her empire from a "pillaging tyrant."

 

Sure, Twi may adore her mentor, but even she must acknowledge hard evidence to the existence of a previous Equestria, and question why her mentor would try to hide 4000 years of her nation's history. And even if Twi is one of the most aggressive of the cast, she is still a diplomat first, trying to find peaceful solutions to problems before going all amazon warrior. I'll concede that maybe not all the Crystal ponies will back Dusk when things seem to be going so well. Their support will be more on the political & morale side than of supplies and troops.  Her dividing the Equestrian populace with heaps of historical accounts, artifacts & testimonies from her time is still a likely possibility. 

 

 

What would you suggest I do? How do I make her a convincing sympathetic anti-villain, and/ or Celestia a heroic antagonist? How do you think she or the story can be "fixed"?

[DormantAccount 308]

I'm trying to avoid the cliche good pony vs bad OC story and make it in a 'both sides are right/wrong' conflict. One's trying to protect her kingdom from a "selfish despot", the other is trying to reclaim her empire from a "pillaging tyrant."

 

Sure, Twi may adore her mentor, but even she must acknowledge hard evidence to the existence of a previous Equestria, and question why her mentor would try to hide 4000 years of her nation's history. And even if Twi is one of the most aggressive of the cast, she is still a diplomat first, trying to find peaceful solutions to problems before going all amazon warrior. I'll concede that maybe not all the Crystal ponies will back Dusk when things seem to be going so well. Their support will be more on the political & morale side than of supplies and troops.  Her dividing the Equestrian populace with heaps of historical accounts, artifacts & testimonies from her time is still a likely possibility. 

 

 

What would you suggest I do? How do I make her a convincing sympathetic anti-villain, and/ or Celestia a heroic antagonist? How do you think she or the story can be "fixed"?

I don't think convincing them directly will work. Perhaps the overt convincing would be more believable and a bit more insidious if maybe she layered a very sneaky mind control spell onto the spell from the Crystal Heart that affects all the crystal ponies already.

 

I still don't agree that Twi would ever turn.

[Tao 8,386]

Mr Dex I was wondering if you might look at two profiles: 

 

North: I'm going to remake her's in the next week but some feed back would help..

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/north-r7070

 

Rhode:  Her profile is 1/2 in only needing a back story but any in the other might help!

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/rhode-r7293

[DormantAccount 308]

North reminds me a little of Dex. I didn't go into the clan details with him. Where is the iron mountain? Message carrier was something I considered for Dex, but figured the train did a better job than an endurance Pegasus. Trains wouldn't serve mountain communities pretty well.

 

Continue adding little details like favorite flower. Double check your spelling for typos. No major flaws.

 

As for Rhode, I'm not a big fan of the odd markings, but the overall look is good otherwise. Her special talent deals with changing the season. What does she do the rest of the year? Does she play in towns for the money she needs? It seems that the leaves change on their own in fall weather friends. The run just knocks them off. Do towns really need her?

[DormantAccount 308]

Dex I was wondering if you could help me organize Lektra's history and personality better? Especially the personality. It feels a little like it's a stitched together patchwork. Or is that just me? What do you think of the flow of the personality and history?

I think it's fine. The backstory is a narrative. Personalities can be more piecemeal since they have a lot of different ground to cover.

[DormantAccount 308]

Give them time. It takes a while to do.

[DormantAccount 308]

*Bump*

 

I figure I'd pop this back up.

 

It was always open, it just kind of drifted to the bottom.