advanced Strange Tales of the Equestrian Idiot OOC (Now 20% cooler!)

[Hypn0ticD 1,213]

@@Orion Caelum,

 

Well, it's his academic peers that he'll be ticking off, but it's his funeral!

 

Ticking off a princess or two wouldn't be a wise idea, either, but... yeah!

 

@@bronislav84,

 

You don't need to write an anthology, it looks good so far, but just focus more on Twilight's accomplishments

 

@@Windbreaker,

 

Waiting on you to post as Pinkie Pie... the gang's got a pink princess to meet up with!

 

@@xCuddlefish, @@GeneralDirection, @@Love, @@Derplight Sperkle,

 

Also, I'm gonna skip ahead a few days after the Mane6 (sans Rarity) meet up with Cadance.

 

This is to allow some time to Colette and Alex to get the idea that they didn't win, only for a surprise scroll to quite literally appear out of thin air.

 

It's up to you where and how Alex discovers his scroll, Windbreaker, but after a bit of sleep, I'm gonna work on how Colette finds her scroll, then a skit for everyone to enjoy!

[EcstaticWind 572]

@@Hypn0ticD,

 

Working on it right now, actually. Should be up soon.

Post is up. It's a short one, but it should do the job for now, I hope.

[Derplight Sperkle 1,013]

@@Hypn0ticD

 

So are we going to resolve the current situation we put ourselves in? 

[Hypn0ticD 1,213]

@@Derplight Sperkle,

 

Hopefully, @bronislav84 finishes soon, so I can look so we can get Twilight into the RP. From there, the Mane5 meet up with each other, then they'll meet up with Cadance, and tell her of the news.

 

During that time, @Orion Caelum's Wilhelm can investigate the portal as he'd planned...

 

After that, I'm gonna f-f to when Alex and Colette get notice that they've won.

 

@@bronislav84,

 

Cadance is already on her way to Twilight's castle. If that's not the impetus to finish, then I don't don't know what is...

Edited April 17, 2015 by Hypn0ticD

[Hypn0ticD 1,213]

@@bronislav84,

 

Looks good, but for future reference, a character's backstory needn't be so long. Instead, just focus more on the character on question, and a little less on her friends. It sounds a bit selfish, but Twilight does have enough of a character to stand out on her own, so it'll take less time to write out her backstory.

 

On that note, the others are gonna head to Sugarcube Corner, so they can meet up with Twilight to go pick up Cadance at the train station, but Cadance is already on her way to Twilight's castle...

[Hypn0ticD 1,213]

@@bronislav84,

 

Make your posts in the third person, to better flow with the other posts.

[Hypn0ticD 1,213]

@@bronislav84,

 

... It throws the perspective off when everyone else is using third person, so at least give it a try.

[Hypn0ticD 1,213]

@@bronislav84,

 

....fine.

[Hypn0ticD 1,213]

@@bronislav84,

 

I don't understand, but whatever... let's just drop it.

Edited April 18, 2015 by Hypn0ticD

[Hypn0ticD 1,213]

@@bronislav84,

 

For future reference, all you have to do change some of the words from first person to third.

 

Example: change "me" to "Twilight" or "she", and "myself" to "herself". It isn't as complicated as you think.

[EcstaticWind 572]

Bronislav, you might be making it sound harder than it is. It really isn't that hard to write from a third person perspective using those same methods. Believe it or not, but no matter what perspective it is, you always think of how your character thinks or feels or reacts to things. The perspective is just a framing device for this information.

[EcstaticWind 572]

You're missing my point. Think of how the character thinks or feels BEFORE you choose perspective. Take it to the very base (ideas, emotions, basic actions) and build up from there.

[Hypn0ticD 1,213]

@@bronislav84,

 

Third Person's nowhere near as hard as you think. Like @Windbreaker said, all you have to do is think of how the character feels or what they think before writing the post out.

 

Another way to go about writing out third person is to write out the post in first person, then edit the pronouns accordingly.

 

To illustrate, I've taken your post and rewrote it accordingly.

 

First Person (original post):

 

Aliens? Hyu-manes? What is a hyumane anyway? This was the thought I had when I was first informed about the visit from the other world. From the information we had received I knew they were upright bipedal beings, so I sent some mail out and had books loaned out to the castle on all upright sentient living things. I'd have them mailed back later. Some from the library in the Crystal Empire, some from the Canterlot Archives, and I'd even gone to check the old library at the Castle of the Two Sisters. I'd been going through these books for days, sleeping little and just spending my time reading. I felt like I'd had enough sleep though. Maybe the information similar races we have would come in handy. It helps to be prepared.

 

I was sitting in my throne, surrounded by the books. Spike was napping in the bedroom. Books I found that mentioned Minotaurs, Centaurs, or even Dragons that walked upright when they were younger were organized neatly around me. There were also books on animals that walked upright some of the time but not all the time, like bears. I'd read a lot, but I wasn't really any closer to finding out anything useful about the aliens who would be visiting us. Maybe there really wasn't any information on them specifically? But then where did Minotaurs like Iron Will come from? He was about as close to a hyumane as they came.

 

Since I'd previously concluded they were the closest to these hyumanes, I went back to reading the book on Minotaurs, unsure what time it was.

 

Third Person:

 

Aliens? Hyu-manes? What is a hyumane anyway? This was the thought Twilight had when she was first informed about the visit from the other world. From the information received from Canterlot, everypony knew they were upright bipedal beings, so Twilight sent out a request to loan out books with any information on all upright sentient living things, with the intent of mailing them back later.

 

Some books were from the Crystal Empire Library, others from the Canterlot Archives, and even some from the old library at the Castle of the Two Sisters. She'd been going through these books for days, sleeping little and just spending most of her time reading, sacrificing sleep for the quest for knowledge. Maybe the information similar races we have would come in handy!

 

Twilight was now sitting on her throne, surrounded by books on Minotaurs, Centaurs, and even young and adolescent Dragons. She even had books on animals that occasionally walked upright, like bears. She'd read a lot of them, but was no closer to finding out anything useful about the aliens who would be visiting Equestria. Maybe there really wasn't any information on them specifically? But then where did Minotaurs like Iron Will come from? He was about as close to a hyumane as they came.

 

Since Twilight previously concluded they were the closest to these hyumanes, she went back to reading the book on Minotaurs, losing herself in its pages, and with it, the track of time.

 

****

 

I admit, I've injected a bit of my writing style and removed some lines, but I hope I illustrated our point well enough...

 

Also, I have Asperger's, yet I have no trouble writing in the third person.

Edited April 18, 2015 by Hypn0ticD

[Hypn0ticD 1,213]

@@bronislav84,

 

I've accommodated you thus far in letting you play Twilight, but it's extremely jarring, not to mention frustrating to switch from third person to first person, and then back again!

 

Honestly, that's not I don't wanna deal with.

 

Just try writing in the first person, then rewrite it into third person accordingly. Either that, or I can find someone else.

[Taialin 217]

Hello, Hypn0tic! Eloquence recommended this RP thread to me. In dipping my toes into roleplaying, I'd like to reserve Rarity's spot for the moment. I have a good amount of her application in line; I just need a little time to write up a backstory for her and scan over the RP thread itself to see where the story is going. I may find the time to send the application proper to you in the next few days (finals kinda suck, so bear with me).

 

Apologies about my, frankly, pitiful post count: I just don't post on this forum often. If you need a little "curriculum vitae" on how my writing is, you can refer to my Fimfiction profile. I go by the same username there.

 

And for reference, I absolutely love studying grammar rules in my free time, so I hope you don't have problems with mine.

Edited April 19, 2015 by Taialin

[AspenSwift 153]

Name: Aspen Swift

Species (Unicorn/ Pegasus/ Earth Pony/ Crystal Pony/Griffin): Earth Pony

Approximate Age (Foal/Young Adult/Adult): Young Adult

Mare or Stallion: Stallion

Height (Feet and inches): 5 10

Weight (in pounds): 120

Eye color: purple

Mane color: Gray

Physical Description: Limber stallion with dull-blue coat, purple eyes, and long-ish gray mane.

Occupation (Optional): Runs an orchard

Other distinctive features (if any): None

Backstory (A little more about your character): Grew up in Fillydelphia, visited his grandfather's orchard and realized his talent, inherited orchard outside of Ponyville

Cutie Mark: Trees behind stream

 

More detailed bio in sig, but since you wanted a physical application, here ya go!

[Hypn0ticD 1,213]

@@Taialin,

 

Can't wait to see what you've got for Rarity! We definitely need 'er!

 

@@AspenSwift,

 

Several things about your character:

 

The first is that he's insanely tall--taller than Cadance, in fact.

 

Also, I would like to see more of your character's backstory, as I only have my phone to access the site for the vast majority of my day, and therefore, I can't see your sig...

Edited April 20, 2015 by Hypn0ticD

[Taialin 217]

Apologies about the backstory; it'd take a lot of finagling to coax that thing to be shorter. I also didn't include much of what we have seen in canon; I would figure that we all know about that information anyway.
 
Name
Rarity

Species
Unicorn

Age
Young mare. Rarity would tell you that she is "in the prime of [her] life," though she'd probably tell you that no matter what year you asked her.

Height
3'9'', 4' if you count the horn. 

Weight
"A-ah! Are you really so temerarious that you would ask a lady of her weight? Hmph!"

Physical Description (Eye Color & Mane Color Included)
Rarity is a unicorn of slim build (a product of regular exercise and good diet) and average stature. Her fur is short and almost-white, and Rarity ensures that it is always perfectly combed and finished with a high sheen.

Her mane and tail are amethyst in color and easily several feet in length (products of proper shampoo use and hair care), though they are kept curled in loose coils most of the time to ensure that they do not drag on the ground and get dirty.

Her eyes are traditionally unicorn-shaped, and their irises are gradiented from steel blue to cornflower blue. Her eyelashes are full and long, and Rarity will insist that they are "most definitely genuine." She is generally not seen without a covering of powder blue eyeshadow and deep black eyeliner enhancing her features.

[/b]Occupation[/b]
Fashion designer/Seamstress

Backstory
Rarity was born and raised in Ponyville by her parents, Hondo Flanks and Cookie Crumbles. Her parents were not very well off, and as such, Rarity had no toys in her childhood—only fabric scraps and the odd music book. This freedom was what led Rarity to discover her love for fashion, design, art, and to a lesser degree, singing, at a young age. So when her elementary teacher came to her with a contract to design costumes for their class play (tools, materiel, and compensation included), Rarity was all too happy to agree.
 
Designing for an audience, however, was far different from designing for her own enjoyment. No matter what fabrics she used, patterns she cut, or colors she blended, nothing quite met Rarity's expectations; if her designs were to be seen by dozens of ponies, they needed to be absolutely perfect. But during another fruitless designing session, Rarity's horn lit up suddenly and inconveniently dragged her away from her work; it only stopped when she bumped up against a large and dirty rock. Frustrated that her horn dragged her to such an unimpressive place, Rarity nearly missed the rainbow flash that exploded across the sky and split the rock in two, revealing a large deposit of sparkling gems.
 
The discovery inspired Rarity to augment her existing designs with gems. Rarity entertained the idea of peddling off the gems she found for a sizeable fortune; she and her parents would never need worry about money again. But she quickly discounted it; to do so would be to limit her creativity and deprive the world of the beauty she found. No, Rarity instead used these gems to perfect her designs. And when she saw the products of her labor scintillating on stage for the world to enjoy, Rarity discovered what she was meant to do.
 
When Rarity finished her elementary schooling, she chose to attend a prestigious fashion academy in Manehattan. The design philosophies they taught there, however, seemed to stifle, rather than stimulate, innovation, and were in place only to reap the maximum profit from a competitive market. Frustrated that she could not be creative even in a fashion school, Rarity dropped out and returned to Ponyville to learn design on her own. Back home, however, she discovered that the old art museum that she liked to visit in her childhood was due for demolition soon. To save it from such a fate, Rarity decided to take out a loan, buy the museum, and move into it. With the help of her parents and a few local contractors, she converted it into a design studio/retail outlet/residence all-in-one: The Carousel Boutique.
 
Newly independent from her parents and with a new place to live, Rarity continued her education in a hooves-on approach. She learned good business practices, how to beautify herself and others, which markets would best value her designs, and of course, how to deal with her insufferable younger sister, Sweetie Belle. "Profit" was not high on Rarity's list of priorities, but even so, Rarity's innovation was valued in the fashion industry, and her designs sold remarkably well and were in high demand. Within a few years, Rarity was able to pay off her debts, and The Carousel Boutique ® became a thriving sole proprietorship in the fashion industry: the first of its kind.
 
Despite her newfound success, Rarity did not "sell out" or fall victim to greed like so many other firecrackers before her; she always remembered that the world was most beautiful when the means for beauty were given away and not sequestered in a bank vault. This generosity is what found Rarity her place in the Elements of Harmony and her five closest friends whom she loves so much today. Together, they went on adventure after adventure, defeating the Spirit of Chaos and later reforming him, defeating the queen of the changelings, founding the Ponytones, and even defeating the thrall from hell, Tirek.
 
Today, Rarity remains the exemplar of generosity for Equestria and with her five best friends, continues to spread the magic of friendship across Equestria.
Cutie Mark
A trio of deep sky blue diamonds, each cut in a diamond shape not unlike a traditional marquise cut. They appear to be Type IIb diamonds, which are among the rarest of all diamonds.*
 
Extra Stuff
* Breeding, C.M. & Shigley, J.E. The "Type" Classification System of Diamonds and Its Importance in Gemology. Gems & Gemology 45, 96-111 (2009).
 
Color sources, because you know that Rarity would know her colors, especially those colors adorning her fabulous features. These are the closest HTML color matches that I could find. Rarity's actual colors differ slightly from those mentioned here:
GhostWhite: F8F8FF
Amethyst: 9966CC
SteelBlue: 4682B4
CornflowerBlue: 6495ED
PowderBlue: B0E0E6
Black: 000000
[bDeepSkyBlue: 00BFFF

Edited April 20, 2015 by Taialin

[Hypn0ticD 1,213]

@@Taialin,

 

Well, looking over your app, I only have one thing to ask:

 

Those zany Humans are criminally lacking in fashion. Add to that, the human mare has a staillionishly short dyed hair, and she absolutely REFUSES to wear dresses or makeup unless absolutely necessary.

 

What's a fashionista to do? What's a fashionista to do...?

 

(Can't speak for the stallion, so I'll leave that to @Windbreaker!)

 

By the way, you're approved!

[Taialin 217]

Thank you, kind miss! First IC post coming tomorrow or the next day. (Finals still kinda suck.)

 

That is going to be one hell of an argument when it does happen, but I actually kept Rarity's fondness for music in there for a reason: After her and Colette's first real interaction (which cannot in any way go well), I figure that Rarity and Colette would need at least some way to reconnect with each other, no matter how small, lest Rarity and Colette's first interaction be their only one for the whole RP. Suppose some hours/days after this interaction (which at least one of them will leave screaming from), Colette finds Rarity humming a catchy rock tune in her yard . . . ?

 

This doesn't need to go anywhere; it's just a way for Rarity and Colette to start talking again after the their first interaction and rebuild the bridge that they burned incinerated cremated. What do you think?

 

Ah, and one more note. I have to warn you: though I am a somewhat experienced writer, this is my first time role-playing . . . well, in my life, actually. I've read the rules, and I've read the story, so I sort of know what's expected, but breaking some socially unwritten rule by mistake is probably going to happen at some point. If/When I do this, I'd appreciate it if you or someone else could responsibly inform me of this transgression so that I can rectify it. I am but a beginner in this art of role-playing, but give me time, and I will learn.

[EcstaticWind 572]

The stallion has a certain style, hates suits, and feels zero need to impress anyone with his fashion sense when that's not what most people are gonna see. He's probably not going to take to Rarity too well.

[Hypn0ticD 1,213]

@@Taialin,

 

Sorry for the delay in response! I was doing multiple things last night!

 

Well, RPing isn't all that hard, though I do ask that you make your posts in the third person, to keep the perspective consistent. Also, you needn't make your posts as long as a typical chapter of a story, but make them as long and descriptive as you need; I try to do the same with my posts, which works the vast majority of the time! Also, I don't mind if you copy another's character's dialogue and put it in your post to respond to said character.

 

As for the music? There's quite a bit of difference in their tastes, as Colette's into some heavy stuff like metal and alternative, amongst other things, so it shall be interesting, to say the least, to have Rarity listen to any of the music that she produces or listens to!

 

I'm looking forward to Rarity and Colette getting into it over proper dress--maybe even etiquette if/when the need arises! Hell, I can maybe even force a fancy occasion or two such as the Grand Galloping Gala to have the humans be forced invited to! That should allow for some shenanigans and an opportunity for relationship development.

 

I do plan on having Alex and Colette interact with the the Ponies they meet more than once, as I'm sure I will only have a small number of RPers coming in and out of this RP, and I won't take just anyone...

 

@@Windbreaker,

 

... And wuth that revelation, Colette will rope Alex in whatever fancy occasion she's suckered into!

[Yoshi89 5,293]

I heard you're looking for a Spike. I'd like to apply. I'll have the app up later today.

[Hypn0ticD 1,213]

@@Yoshi89,

 

I gotta head back to work, but I'll reserve his spot for ya!

[Yoshi89 5,293]

Here he is:

 

Name: Spike

Species: Dragon
 

Age: Physically a baby but mentally has the mind of a preteen boy.
 

Height: 2' 2", including the fins on his head

 

Weight: 50 pounds, "all dragon muscle".

 

Physical Description: Spike is a bright purple baby dragon with green eyes and claws. He has a chartreuse underbelly, light green fins on behind his head and down his back and a pointed tail.

 

Occupation: Assistant to Twilight Sparkle

Backstory: While Spike was still incubating in his egg, he was given to a young Twilight Sparkle for her entrance exam into Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. With the help of Rainbow Dash's sonic rainboom, Twilight not only hatched Spike out of his egg but also controlled his size with her bursts of magic. This so impressed Celestia that Twilight was readily accepted into the school, earning her cutie mark in the process. Ever since that moment, Twilight and Spike have always been inseparable.

 

Spike served as Twilight's assistant while living in Canterlot until the day before 1,000th Summer Sun Celebration. He and Twilight introduced themselves to five other ponies of Ponyville who would eventually become the Elements of Harmony, instrumental in defeating Nightmare Moon. After Twilight decided to stay in Ponyville, Spike began taking down all the friendship lessons she learned and sending them to Celestia with his fire breath. Celestia would write back to Twilight through Spike who belched her letters.

 

Spike is always there to give Twilight that extra special boost and not only thinks of her as his master but also his authority figure. Spike helps Twilight cook, clean, plan ahead, organize the library and test out magic spells. There are times when Spike can't help but slip in a witty remark or a good quip,  most often at Twilight's expense. In spite of this, he is usually there to give Twilight or any other ponies advice, no matter how good or bad his help turns out to be.

 

Spike is still a young dragon who goes out of his way to help in any way he can, often tiring himself out in the process. He insists he can help at any time, despite Twilight insisting that he's still growing up and needs his rest. He cares about his job as Twilight's assistant, feeling threatened when Twilight brought in Owlowiscious to help her at night. He also holds himself in high regard, praising his mind and his body no matter what the rest of the Mane Six say. Though dependable, Spike often lets his selfishness and ego get in the way of his work. Whenever he's at the scene of trouble, he usually tries to force the blame on others. He always learns his lesson in the end, though.

 

Spike has a not-so-secret crush on Rarity, falling in love with the white unicorn the first time he saw her. He would do anything for her, from being her personal pin cushion to carrying her bags in Manehattan, while trying to win her heart in the process. The two frequently go gem hunting with Rarity locating the gems with her unicorn magic and Spike digging them up from the ground or cave walls. Spike not only appreciates Rarity for who she is but what she does, as they both have had each other's backs in the past.

 

Cutie Mark: Spike is a dragon and therefore has no cutie mark.

Edited April 22, 2015 by Yoshi89