Help needed for a fanfic

[yisetab28 89]

So I've been writing a fanfic about a Celestia VS Luna war with WW2 era weapons, and one of the main elements in it is a paratrooper found by a Lunar tank crew. However, I can't decide if he will be a Celestian soldier or a Lunar soldier. Making him a Celestian soldier and only revealing it at the end would add an interesting twist to the plot, but it would be harder to write it, as I need to find a reason for why he landed behind enemy lines and why the crew didn't realize he was actually an enemy. Writing him as a Lunar soldier would be more simple, but I think I would miss a great opportunity to show a more significant psychological development of that character. So, what should he be?

 

 

Edited April 21, 2015 by Blitzkrieg

[Lemon Slices 358]

Hmmm....

Great question.

The best option I can see is putting the Celestian soldier instead.

 

 

I need to find a reason for why he landed behind enemy lines

Depends of the personality. If he is meticulous, it was a great plan, that could be told to the reader piece by piece in the plot. For example...

 

I'll finally will have some peace. Many people will have, they just depend of me. But first, we need a plan. How could I... Oh, I think I have a little plan. I could infiltrate myself, in their army. I know it'll be risky, but I have nothing to lose, after all. Their army is growing strong.

[...]

I got it. The spell didn't faked the military uniform, but I knocked out some random guy nearby and changed the clothes. Even if they find him, they'll think he is an ordinary Celestian soldier and will end him. The first part is ok...

[...]

Calling Shining Armor... Calling Shining Armor... Hello? Ah, I finally managed to de-activate the first enemy missile cannon. I have a bit of knowledge about the weapons' location and the way they work... This is a big step. You can count on me.

[...]

Now I finally have the map of the troops. Oh snap, they have a lot of planted mines nearby. But if we follow that way... Oh... I must hide this. This will be pretty important later. It's a shame I can't show them that image. Wait. If I call for another disguised soldier to come here?

[...]

Oh no. They found him, and doubled the security. They found out that several weapons were un-armed, and I lost my map. I must tell the Celestian army that they must avoid marching forward, but Lunar soldiers are tracking any magical telepathy...

[...]

Just random ideas I had.

But you can also make him have a different perspective of life, and a chance of the soldier change his side of the battle.

 

I was about to ask you if you are putting romance on this, because you know... Just imagine, two ponies from different sides, but they love each other... Or they keep a secret, that if it's told, can kill them both. Explore that things.

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

Hmmm....

Great question.

The best option I can see is putting the Celestian soldier instead.

 

 

Depends of the personality. If he is meticulous, it was a great plan, that could be told to the reader piece by piece in the plot. For example...

Just random ideas I had.

But you can also make him have a different perspective of life, and a chance of the soldier change his side of the battle.

 

I was about to ask you if you are putting romance on this, because you know... Just imagine, two ponies from different sides, but they love each other... Or they keep a secret, that if it's told, can kill them both. Explore that things.

I'd go with what Lemon said, try to implement something like that into the story; and i wish you the best of luck, Blitz.

 

Oh and one more thing, I'm curious to know if you do plan to have a romance in it too. best of luck, my friend.

Edited April 21, 2015 by Candy Star

[yisetab28 89]

Hmmm....

Great question.

The best option I can see is putting the Celestian soldier instead.

 

 

Depends of the personality. If he is meticulous, it was a great plan, that could be told to the reader piece by piece in the plot. For example...

Just random ideas I had.

But you can also make him have a different perspective of life, and a chance of the soldier change his side of the battle.

 

I was about to ask you if you are putting romance on this, because you know... Just imagine, two ponies from different sides, but they love each other... Or they keep a secret, that if it's told, can kill them both. Explore that things.

 

Well does a plane flying in some supplies for the nearby troops and getting shot down make sense? The main characters are in Ponyville which is only a few kilometers away from the front line, and will become the front line later in the plot. Plus, there are some enemy troops just next to them.

 

 

I'd go with what Lemon said, try to implement something like that into the story; and i wish you the best of luck, Blitz.

 

Oh and one more thing, I'm curious to know if you do plan to have a romance in it too. best of luck, my friend.

 

As for the romance, I maybe will put some, but it's going to be a barely noticeable side plot, as I don't really think a story about war should focus too much on a romance story.

 

There is one female character (which is my part OC part Ponysona Blitzkrieg), but I rather considered making her and the other soldiers teach the paratrooper who just got in the army how war is really like and changing his mind about the other side and his job. Kind of making him go to "I go to war to kill evil Lunars and it's the right thing" to "I'm in the war to kill other ponies who are just like me, and I doubt that's right". A romance plot between Blitz and Silver Streak (the paratrooper's name) would be more difficult to implement, since she and the tank crew have already been together for 2 years and forged strong bonds.

 

I'm still in highschool and I've never been good with girls anyways so I doubt I can even write a romance plot with some quality in it. But I'll see what I can do.

Edited April 21, 2015 by Blitzkrieg

[Lemon Slices 358]

 

 

Well does a plane flying in some supplies for the nearby troops and getting shot down make sense?

Well.... Make, of course, if the plot is yours...

 

The main characters are in Ponyville which is only a few kilometers away from the front line, and will become the front line later in the plot. Plus, there are some enemy troops just next to them.

I don't think that Twilight, so pacifist that her personality is, would want to lead troops to a war. Neither would the other main chars. Let other major chars do the service, like Shining Armor instead. 

 

Ah, and let me read your fanfic, please. I am a beta-reader, I know how to judge texts.

[SFyr 1,982]

Personally I think not shying away from a challenge is the more likely of the group to develop your ability to write stories.

It's kinda like how you do practice pieces over things you can't do well.

 

But, that may have the side effect of trading off the quality of your story for a tiny bit more experience if things go bad, which is really your call on which you value more.

[yisetab28 89]

Well.... Make, of course, if the plot is yours...

 

I don't think that Twilight, so pacifist that her personality is, would want to lead troops to a war. Neither would the other main chars. Let other major chars do the service, like Shining Armor instead. 

 

Ah, and let me read your fanfic, please. I am a beta-reader, I know how to judge texts.

 

The thing is Twilight isn't the leader, Luna is. The story is set 25 years after the events of S4, and Twilight still doesn't have a big role in this. I know that of all the mane 6, she is the only one (after Flutter, duh) who I know that will be against war and try to negotiate a peace if there was one. I may talk about her later, but I don't plan to do so, or to involve any of the Mane 6 and canon characters other than the princesses in this story.

 

For the front line, Canterlot is one of the main strategic cities that both side want to capture (and acts a little like a pride point, like Stalingrad did), and the Celestian armies were planning a counter-attack after the attack by the main character's tank divisions failed, and the story sort of centers around them holding Ponyville and not letting the enemy capture so they don't have time to settle in it and bring the front line closer while waiting for the reinforcements. 

 

Anyways, the fanfic is here: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/256918/the-30th-tiger

First chapter mainly finished, second one is about the paratrooper and will be released soon.

Personally I think not shying away from a challenge is the more likely of the group to develop your ability to write stories.

It's kinda like how you do practice pieces over things you can't do well.

 

But, that may have the side effect of trading off the quality of your story for a tiny bit more experience if things go bad, which is really your call on which you value more.

 

I'm not shying away from the challenge, but this is my first fanfic I've ever written and I'm not very confident about my skills, so I was not sure which to go with.

Edited April 21, 2015 by Blitzkrieg

[SFyr 1,982]

@, I stand behind the sentiment that almost any idea can be used well or poorly, and whether or not something is interesting in a story depends more on the writer's ability to portray it.  Thus, both paths have potential to be more interesting than the other. If they're from the same side, that opens up a slew of possibly routes later on; same if they're from opposing armies.

I think it comes down to which you feel you can deliver in a stronger, more solid way?

[Lemon Slices 358]

but this is my first fanfic I've ever written and I'm not very confident about my skills, so I was not sure which to go with.

Blitz, you wrote pretty well here in your first chapter, and surprised me in the first place. Size, excellent grammar, well-used words, not abusing from annoying words, any beta-reader like me would appreciate your project. I think you lied when you said it was your first fanfic, that text seems that you have plenty of experience. Congratulations, and keep going on.

Edited April 21, 2015 by Lemon Slices

[cuteycindyhoney 13,315]

Have you given thought to writing the paratrooper as a spy? He could claim to be a Luna solider and then try to work his way up the command structure in a bid to overthrow from within. Along the way, you could have his ideals slowly change as he gets to know the ponies around him.

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

@, I stand behind the sentiment that almost any idea can be used well or poorly, and whether or not something is interesting in a story depends more on the writer's ability to portray it.  Thus, both paths have potential to be more interesting than the other. If they're from the same side, that opens up a slew of possibly routes later on; same if they're from opposing armies.

I think it comes down to which you feel you can deliver in a stronger, more solid way?

 

Hmmm....

Great question.

The best option I can see is putting the Celestian soldier instead.

 

 

Depends of the personality. If he is meticulous, it was a great plan, that could be told to the reader piece by piece in the plot. For example...

Just random ideas I had.

But you can also make him have a different perspective of life, and a chance of the soldier change his side of the battle.

 

I was about to ask you if you are putting romance on this, because you know... Just imagine, two ponies from different sides, but they love each other... Or they keep a secret, that if it's told, can kill them both. Explore that things.

They do have a point, blitz. Try to challenge yourself. So what if you fail, that's just a reason to try and get better at it. Just keep trying until you find that one thing you need, i found mine 2 years ago. My method is trying to make myself think like they do and take note of what i think works.

 

If it doesn't, i keep trying until it does; also, if this story is too big for you, try a one shot first.

Edited April 21, 2015 by Candy Star

[yisetab28 89]

Blitz, you wrote pretty well here in your first chapter, and surprised me in the first place. Size, excellent grammar, well-used words, not abusing from annoying words, any beta-reader like me would appreciate your project. I think you lied when you said it was your first fanfic, that text seems that you have plenty of experience. Congratulations, and keep going on.

 

Well I do have a Grammar Nazi level spelling and some pretty good notes in writing. This is not actually the first story I wrote, but the first I'm making public. I'm very happy you think my story is good.

Also not to be a beggar, but upvotes would be nice, mostly psychologically.

 

Have you given thought to writing the paratrooper as a spy? He could claim to be a Luna solider and then try to work his way up the command structure in a bid to overthrow from within. Along the way, you could have his ideals slowly change as he gets to know the ponies around him.

 

He's actually a private who is new to the war, so I thought he would not also learn that the enemy is not that different from him, but also what war is really about, and that it's more than just patriotism and doing what's right.

 

Also, I got a new idea thanks to "Ziggy and Angelbaby". The soldier is a PoW on a Lunar transport plane to one of the camps, and when it's going to crash, the copilot goes in the cargo bay and unties the prisoners, and Silver Streak is one of survivors. He has a great debt to the copilot, which comes into the story later and identifies Silver Streak.

Edited April 21, 2015 by Blitzkrieg