Lines you'll never catch FIM characters saying.

[cmarston1 5,959]

Filthy Rich: But what about Mayor Mare's emails?

[Singe 2,111]

Applejack: I don't want to help those smelly violent yaks.

Pinkie Pie: Applejack how dare you, make an accurate statement that I can't say is insulting.

 

Ember: Are you sure you're friends and not just a slave to those ponies?

Spike: I'm sure. If you doubt it, I have left them three times.

Ember: Yet, they followed you and brought you back every time. Your masters are right over there hiding in the bush.

Spike: I can prove it. Why yes, King Ember I would like to assist you for a while to run things.

Rarity: You promised to help me on my next project, Spike!

Spike: I'm sorry, I was only kidding!

Ember: See.

Spike: *Sigh.*

 

Pinkie Pie: You have to get help!

Prince Rutherford: You do not understand yak culture! You're no yak!

Pinkie Pie: Of course I don't understand yak culture, I have a pony brain! Stupid!

Prince Rutherford: You call me stupid!

Pinkie Pie: I would call you a stubborn mule, but that would be insulting to the mules!

Prince Rutherford: You dare insult me to my face!

Pinkie Pie: *Gets in his face.* Yeah, bub. Whatcha going to do?

--------------------

Pinkie Pie: And that's what happen.

*Everyone in the room mouth drop.*

Twilight Sparkle: I'm still processing this. How exactly can a heated argument end up with you and Prince Rutherford kissing?

Rarity: It's called making out, dear. A common story plot in spicy romance novels. So how far did it go?

Pinkie Pie: Gummy decided to interrupt. It was funny. 

 

Edited August 3, 2017 by Singe

[MidnightFire1222 2,170]

I don't think even Rainbow Dash (as far as the show is concerned) would say 'That's what s/he said."

[Singe 2,111]

Applejack: Aren't you worried that Rarity is bad influence on Spike?

Twilight Sparkle: I don't see a problem.

Spike: *Infatuated.* Ah. Mistress Rarity commanded me to kiss her hoof today.

Twilight Sparkle: Okay, I see your point.

 

Garble: I ain't afraid of any ponies, unless it's an army or they have anti-dragon weapons or spells.

 

Spike: As your dragon king, I command Garble to clean yourself like a dog.

 

Pinkie Pie: Whoa, you have a place dedicated to that handsome celebrity. A lock of hair and bottles....

Rarity: Get away from my shrine!

 

Rainbow Dash: The worse part of being a Wonderbolt is having to fill out paper work every time I crash, injure a pony, or cause collateral damage.

 

[Luigi 7,870]

Bright Mac: YOU DID WHAT WITH MY OLD HAMMER SLAMMER?!?!?!?!?!

Applejack: Ah sorta bucked it a bit too hard!

Bright Mac: Bucked it too hard? Don't ya have ANY IDEA how long it took me to find a perfect bell for the damn thing?!?!?! YER GROUNDED FOR A MONTH!!!!!!!

(Applejack goes to her room crying)

Big Mac: Dad, please. The bell couldn't have gone that far. 

Applebloom: But Big Mac, what if it cracked when it landed? Those bells are pretty expensive.

Bright Mac: Yer right, Applebloom. Ah had to go all the way to Manehattan to purchase that bell.

[cuteycindyhoney 13,307]

Twilight Sparkle - "Hey Starlight, I've been thinking. Wanna help me depose Celestia?"

Starlight  - "Only if you let me take her Cutie mark."

Bon Bon - "For Celestria's sake Lyra, would you get the buck away from me?"

Derpy - "I'm Queen of the bagels!"

Mrs. Cake - "I don't give a flying feather what you think! Sign the divorce papers or I restrict all your visitation rights!"

Mr. Cake - "What? Child support? Look at 'em! They aren't even mine!"

Pinkie Pie - "oh, oh! Can I have them if nopony wants them?"

Mr. and Mrs. Cake - "NOOO!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[cmarston1 5,959]

Mr. Cake: I can't believe you cheated on me again! My parents were right, I never should have married you. Stupid Equestrian marriage laws.

[cmarston1 5,959]

Rarity: At least I have an family tree Applejack, and not a family tumbleweed!

[Yakamaru 3,127]

Pinkie Pie: "Murder is always a solution! If it's not working, you are not using enough of it!"

[pobe101 2]

*suspicious whispering*

twilight: hey, whats the deal with celestia, why is she so tall??

rainbow dash: i know right?? what kind of big shot does she thing she is? a princess??

applejack: well duh idiot, she IS a princess.

rarity: i know! she is a HORSE!

*room goes silent*

princess celestia: hey noobs! what are you doing?

fluttershy: -_-

spike: im out.

 

Edited August 13, 2017 by pobe101
did not like what i wrote

[Sparklefan1234 171,540]

Rarity: "What is the big deal with "dressing up" to go somewhere?"

[pobe101 2]

wait, ur askin me???

wwwhhaaatttt??

[Hierok 11,831]

4 hours ago, pobe101 said:

wait, ur askin me???

wwwhhaaatttt??

Exactly this. 

[Luigi 7,870]

Pear Butter: Dad? Is that you?

Grand Pear: Yup. Sure is, Pear Butter. I never should have left you.

Bright Mac: Yer not still mad at her, are ya?

Grand Pear: Nope. I'm only mad at myself now. (Big McIntosh, Applejack, and Applebloom come out of the house) Especially since I never got to see my grandchildren until now. They're all grown up and got their cutie marks, I should've been here for them.

Pear Butter: Dad, it's so nice of you to come back, but I'm not sure the children will understand.

[cmarston1 5,959]

Twilight Sparkle: Applejack, who are all these ponies?

Applejack: They call themselves the Sweet Apple Admirers. They say they read my journal entries, and they felt like a part of the family. And now they actually wanna become part of the family!

[camera flashes]

Twilight Sparkle: Your journal entries?

Applejack: Yeah, you know, all the stuff about how friends are like family and whatnot?

Twilight Sparkle: Can't you get rid of them? Just say that they aren't your friends, and therefore aren't your family.

Applejack: Good idea Twilight, I wish I thought of it earlier.

 

[Luigi 7,870]

(Prince Blueblood is coaching the Equestria International Football team, the Canterlot Knights in a game against the evil forces of the Dallas Cowboys in the Universal Football Alliance world championship game. This is what started before the game)

Grand Pear: (From the bleachers) HEY! BLUEBLOOD!! YOU'RE THE WORST COACH THIS TEAM HAS EVER HAD!!!!

Pear Butter: He's the ONLY coach this team has ever had, and we're undefeated coming into this game.

G.P.: Well, he's been thrown out of every single game he coaches.

P.B.: You know, dad. It's very easy to criticize.

(Trailing 7-28 against the Cowboys, the quarterback Shining Armor throws a pass to Rarity who takes it to the endzone for a Canterlot touchdown. Rarity then does a glamorous pose)

Pear Butter: Wow, she's quite a field fashionista.

Grand Pear: Ah, ya got lucky, Blueblood. AND FIX THAT HAT!!!!!

Blueblood: Sheesh! Thanks for that, Grand Pear.

(Almost halftime. S.A. fires a pass to Rainbow Dash, who trots past the Cowboys defense for a Canterlot touchdown. Applejack's extra point attempt is good. Game is tied at 28 as the crowd cheers)

Grand Pear: BLUUUUUUUUEBLOOOOOOOOOD! BLUUUUUUUUUUEBLOOOOOOOOOOD!

Blueblood: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT IS IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Grand Pear: GAME'S OUT THERE!!!!!! HAHAHAHA MADE YA LOOK!!!!!!!!!!!

Blueblood: (Turns away and groans) They're just words, Blueblood. Words can't hurt you! (Grand Pear throws an empty Apple Cider can at Blueblood) OWWWW!!! THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!

Applebloom: Grandpa, that was really mean!!!

Grand Pear: I know, Applebloom! And Ah got im right in the..... Uh-Oh! (Blueblood comes marching up to Grand Pear with a very pissed off expression on his face) Uh- Hihihihihihi, Hi, Blueblood!

Blueblood: You got a beef with the way I'm COACHING?

Grand Pear: Ah no. It's just that I've heard fans talking smack sayin anypony with half a brain could coach better than you.

Blueblood: Half a brain, huh? Well you know what?! IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU JUST VOLUNTEERED!!!!!!! (He slips the clipboard and hat into Grand Pear's posession)

Grand Pear: Me? But you were doin such a great job!

To be continued

 

[Castle Bleck 19,376]

Fame And Misfortune:

 

Nearly Everypony: "...Now that our happy-pills have finally kicked in, we just want to let you guys know that our recent psychosis against you has been inexcusable -- and we're willing to try and make up for it by, say, compensating you for any damages we've caused to Sweet Apple Acres and Carousel Boutique."

Edited August 14, 2017 by A.V.

[Singe 2,111]

Sunset Shimmer: I'll take this lizard for a pet.

Fluttershy: I can't give him to you.

Sunset Shimmer: Why not?

Fluttershy: You don't have a home, you live by a dumpster next to Arby's.

 

Sunset Shimmer: Morning girls.

Rarity: Morning Sunset, I see you're look spiffy with those new clothes....which just came in last night. Sunset, you've been stealing clothes from my store again!

 

Applejack: What's wrong Big Mac?

Big Mac: Uh...you're friend....wash tub out back....only with a towel....I need to go!

Applejack: Dagnabbit, Sunset is using the wash tub out back again.

 

[cmarston1 5,959]

Flash Sentry: YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE ME!

[Hierok 11,831]

Apple Jack: My hair is terrible today. 

[Singe 2,111]

Spike: I was given a nickname by the dragons, Little S.

Twilight Sparkle: *Laughs.* It fits.

 

Celestia: Luna, where are you going?

Luna: I must go out and protect the world from the Negaverse with my companions.

Celestia: Twilight and her friends?

Luna: No, my pony planet guardians.

Celestia: Wait, when did you....

Luna: No time dear sister. In the name of the moon I will punish you, evil. *Flies away.*

Celestia: Huh, they must be holding a convention somewhere.

[Singe 2,111]

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: I'm confused about Rainbow Dash's and Applejack's elements of harmony. Applejack should be the element of loyalty since she works hard to help others and Rainbow Dash should be honesty since she gives out the hard truth.

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: What's the deal with Rarity and Spike? It looks like she's just leading him on and taking advantage of that as her own servant.

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: Speaking of Spike, what's the deal with Twilight keeping a dragon? Who's his parents? Was he stolen from the dragons? I'm getting the reflection of Spike being Twilight's dragon slave. Also who in their right minds would continue to keep a dangerous creature that rampaged through Ponyville.

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: How come Twilight and her friends never faced criminal justice for their destruction and disturbances to the public? Shouldn't you all be bankrupted for paying for all the damages?

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: Is Pinkie Pie psychotic? She stalks other ponies and has issues. Was she abused by her parents?

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: How can Fluttershy still be alive living with wild predatory animals? Has no one called the authorities on this animal hoarder and verify she has proper licenses?

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: Flash Sentry and Twilight Sparkle shipping. Talk about a waste of time with a piece of cardboard.

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: I see no hint of Twilight Sparkle having any actual degrees in fields of sociology and psychology while claiming to be an expert. 

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: Twilight Sparkle goes to a new dimension and makes friends with the same characters. That sounds lazy for someone saying to be a Princess of Friendship.

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: Some of the entries in this book read like you're all living in your own bubble.

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: Why was Trixie in the wrong when Twilight's friends were heckling her? She was trying to make a living you monsters.

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: I'm confused about Lightning Dust being completely at fault when Twilight and her friends came into the Wonderbolt's air space unannounced. In a later entry, it's referenced that the Wonderbolts do enforce strict rules of keeping control of certain spaces for their use. I also find it hard to believe that it had to take a series of events to get Lighting Dust out of the way because Rainbow Dash couldn't beat Lightning Dust in competition. 

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: Lighting Dust is mentioned to be reckless for a tornado by Rainbow Dash then in a later entry Rainbow Dash blows up a weather factory. That's the pot calling the kettle black.

 

Edited August 20, 2017 by Singe

[Castle Bleck 19,376]

On 8/13/2017 at 9:55 PM, A.V. said:

Fame And Misfortune:

 

Nearly Everypony: "...Now that our happy-pills have finally kicked in, we just want to let you guys know that our recent psychosis against you has been inexcusable -- and we're willing to try and make up for it by, say, compensating you for any damages we've caused to Sweet Apple Acres and Carousel Boutique."

 

*Later, after said compensation...*

 

DJ Pon-3 / Vinyl Scratch (over the radio): "Good news, boppers. The big alert has been called off. It turns out that the early reports were wrong, all wrong. Now for that group out there that had such a hard time getting home, sorry about that. I guess the only thing we can do is play you a song."

 

P.S.: Brohoof if you get the reference.

Edited August 21, 2017 by A.V.

[Singe 2,111]

Granny Smith: Well since we're clearing the air of your parents. It didn't take long until after Big Mac was born for the romance between Bright Mac and Pear Butter to fizzle out. Applejack and Apple Bloom were born out of Bright Mac and Pear Butter having affairs with two other Apple family members.

Applejack and Applebloom: What?!

 

Bright Mac: No sir, I was the one that broke the silo.

Grand Pear: Your mother put you up to this. Sabotage my pear farm and try to frame my daughter for it.

 

Granny Smith: It's about time to put this rivalry to rest.

Grand Pear: Yes. It was a silly rivalry that cost me family and all I got to show for it is my Farmer of the Century award from Princess Celestia.

Granny Smith: *Mumbles in anger.*

Grand Pear: I too, am heart broken at such a loss Granny Smith.

 

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: Twilight's lessons aren't boring, they're preachy.

 

Starlight Glimmer: They're not letting up out there.

Twilight Sparkle: Tell me about it, I haven't see a hounding like that since Pinkie Pie kept trying to friend Cranky.

*Cutaway to Pinkie Pie keeps getting friend denials from Cranky on social media.*

Pinkie Pie: Did you just do a Family Guy cutaway gag about me? Really.

Edited August 22, 2017 by Singe

[Singe 2,111]

Applejack: Big Mac doesn't talk much.

Starlight Glimmer: He must have walked in on his parents bedroom by accident.

Big Mac: *Sounds of Bright Mac and Pear Butter *wink* going through his head.* Why is daddy hurting mommy?!

 

Twilight Sparkle: I've went through our annual budget and these trips have put us in the red. Everyone will have to start chipping in their share.

 

Applebloom: Big Mac and Sugar Belle are hitting it off.

Sweetie Belle: Well let's get out of here before they start playing with the whipped cream. 

Scootaloo: You must have been reading Rarity's romance novels again.

 

Cheerlie: Applebloom, I haven't seen Big Mac around lately.

Applebloom: Big Mac is with his new girlfriend Sugar Belle, always testing how sturdy that shelf he built for her is.

 

Rarity: I'll have to hire some models to display my new line of Rarity's Secret. My friends wouldn't be caught dead in them and I'm tired of cleaning up *gag* Spike off the floor when he sees me wearing it.

 

Male Pony: Was there something you wanted to tell me?

Changling: Yes. *Changes from female pony to changling form.* I am a changling. Does this change your opinion about me?

Male Pony: It actually makes me more excited. Being that you could be any....*drools* hot pony in Equestria. You could even be one of the Princesses. *Straightens himself up.* Pardon my perverse response.

Changling: So who were you thinking of?

 

Fluttershy: I am assertive and it took many tries. But can you say you could do something once and be good at it?

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader:  Well no.

Fluttershy: See.

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: But it shouldn't take you more than year of getting over your shyness. It only took me a semester to pass a class that improved my socializing skills.

Fluttershy: Well, I'm just a slower learner who never went to college.

Twilight Sparkle: Oh, she shouldn't have said that.

Edited August 22, 2017 by Singe