[Metal] Promise

[idkQuicksilver 48]

Here's the collab Stallionslaughter and I cooked up!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBRzm-z4BT8

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

Kick could use some serious depth. It's too shallow. 

 

I don't think it was such a good idea to grundge up the vocals during the verses. They were very unclear. Not all metal has to be screamo or grundge. 

 

This song is not really that metal-ish...it's more like hard-rock/punk rock. It's lacking that double-kick and low-end guitars. It's more like something you'd find in a Sonic theme or something. If you want to make it more metal sounding, slow it down to around 115bpm and add some double kick, drop guitar octaves and some chorus on your distortion. Flanger would also work. 

 

For that opening riff on the top melody line on your lead guitar, some flanger or phaser would work to give it a bit more expression. This way, it won't be so dry.

 

During that bridge, a flanger would work there pretty much perfectly with that delay. The clean sound just seems a bit dry. And to be honest, I would certainly not use grundgy vocals during that part. It made it sound cringy and I did not like that feeling. Perhaps keep that mellow clean guitar with no drums and put deep, low and hallow vocals. If you're going to use grundy vocals at all at that part, restrict to grumbles and low gurgles only, with a bit of reverb on them. 

 

When the percussion comes back in, it returned to that shallow sound I was talking about earlier. How about turning up the mids on the rhythm guitar and just having the guitar play for the duration of the interlude. When the interlude is over, return to normal equalization and come in hard on everything else. Kinda like this song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mp7RmyiYois Listen at 2:39 and you'll see what I'm talking about

 

As far as chords and progression, you've got a nice variety. I like how at one part (I think around 0:30) you started on the I then ascended to the ii and then hit the iii with the 7th, then the IV and the V. Those ascension progressions work so well with this song in the intro. 

 

Although I do have a gripe on the verses. You stuck with the vi and I think the problem is that you had the grundgy vocals. Here are some suggestions for progressions for the verses

 

vi-vi-IV-IV-I-I-V-III-III⁷

 

vi-I-IV-ii-V-V-ii-VII-III⁷

 

As far as the lyrics go...they are hard to understand, but unfortunately, the parts I was able to understand, rolled off as a bit cheesy. You were telling way too much. A rule of thumb for making lyrics is "Show don't tell". If you show, this will paint a picture in your listener's mind. If you tell...they will already know and become disinterested.

 

All in all, it's an ok piece, and it could be reworked a bit. 

 

Don't be discouraged by this critique, it's all to help you two become better musicians.

[Stallionslaughter 394]

Lyric Video, sir. You may see the lyrics better @@C. Thunder Dash,

 

 

I didn't the lyrics weren't outside of the genre, and even then, they're not very explicit. I have zero issues with the production. I think it sounds very professional. Anything more, and you'd be pushing the drums to overpower the mix.

 

Also, your comment on effects: Less is more. Saturating the track with effects (any more than wah) is really just over doing it. That's the definition of trying to take something that sounds great, and then trying to hard to make it sound "even better" which just shouldn't be done all the time. I disagree with guitar effects outside of wah and distortion. Anything more than that, you begin to sound like you're covering for mediocre playing. This track needed no cover, it was genius from top to bottom.

 

Just my opinion. I don't collab with just anyone with a guitar. This guy's got some chops.

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

Lyric Video, sir. You may see the lyrics better @@C. Thunder Dash,

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9uSucVzFoA

 

I didn't the lyrics weren't outside of the genre, and even then, they're not very explicit. I have zero issues with the production. I think it sounds very professional. Anything more, and you'd be pushing the drums to overpower the mix.

 

Also, your comment on effects: Less is more. Saturating the track with effects (any more than wah) is really just over doing it. That's the definition of trying to take something that sounds great, and then trying to hard to make it sound "even better" which just shouldn't be done all the time. I disagree with guitar effects outside of wah and distortion. Anything more than that, you begin to sound like you're covering for mediocre playing. This track needed no cover, it was genius from top to bottom.

 

Just my opinion. I don't collab with just anyone with a guitar. This guy's got some chops.

Okay

 

To be honest...I wasn't meaning to flood the song with effects. I suggested if you were to add them, make it subtle. 

 

And still...I just feel that the lyrics tell too much...it took away some of the value of the song...not meaning to sound hurtful...it just...felt...I don't know how to explain it...

[idkQuicksilver 48]

Kick could use some serious depth. It's too shallow. 

 

I don't think it was such a good idea to grundge up the vocals during the verses. They were very unclear. Not all metal has to be screamo or grundge. 

 

This song is not really that metal-ish...it's more like hard-rock/punk rock. It's lacking that double-kick and low-end guitars. It's more like something you'd find in a Sonic theme or something. If you want to make it more metal sounding, slow it down to around 115bpm and add some double kick, drop guitar octaves and some chorus on your distortion. Flanger would also work. 

 

For that opening riff on the top melody line on your lead guitar, some flanger or phaser would work to give it a bit more expression. This way, it won't be so dry.

 

During that bridge, a flanger would work there pretty much perfectly with that delay. The clean sound just seems a bit dry. And to be honest, I would certainly not use grundgy vocals during that part. It made it sound cringy and I did not like that feeling. Perhaps keep that mellow clean guitar with no drums and put deep, low and hallow vocals. If you're going to use grundy vocals at all at that part, restrict to grumbles and low gurgles only, with a bit of reverb on them. 

 

When the percussion comes back in, it returned to that shallow sound I was talking about earlier. How about turning up the mids on the rhythm guitar and just having the guitar play for the duration of the interlude. When the interlude is over, return to normal equalization and come in hard on everything else. Kinda like this song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mp7RmyiYois Listen at 2:39 and you'll see what I'm talking about

 

As far as chords and progression, you've got a nice variety. I like how at one part (I think around 0:30) you started on the I then ascended to the ii and then hit the iii with the 7th, then the IV and the V. Those ascension progressions work so well with this song in the intro. 

 

Although I do have a gripe on the verses. You stuck with the vi and I think the problem is that you had the grundgy vocals. Here are some suggestions for progressions for the verses

 

vi-vi-IV-IV-I-I-V-III-III⁷

 

vi-I-IV-ii-V-V-ii-VII-III⁷

 

As far as the lyrics go...they are hard to understand, but unfortunately, the parts I was able to understand, rolled off as a bit cheesy. You were telling way too much. A rule of thumb for making lyrics is "Show don't tell". If you show, this will paint a picture in your listener's mind. If you tell...they will already know and become disinterested.

 

All in all, it's an ok piece, and it could be reworked a bit. 

 

Don't be discouraged by this critique, it's all to help you two become better musicians.

 

My bad on the genre... I should've called it post-hardcore or metalcore. I gotta agree that I tend to take the less-is-more stance on guitar effects  Mesa Triple Rec->Tube Screamer->Lexicon Ambience reverb->Dimension Expander Vst  with some delay for leads. As far as the lyrical content goes: it's a song about someone close to you slowly dying from a terminal illness and the helpless feeling you get seeing that person at their weakest. Thanks for checking it out.

[Rawzy 1,302]

To me it sounded awkwardly slow...I don't how to explain it, it just felt like a fast song but in slow motion...and yea I definitely think there should have been some sort of distortion in the guitar with more double kick if you were going to catogorise it under "metal"

 

You wouldn't beleive it but um....this is actually metal: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IZVCtPQfcM

 

[SynBassilicious Pony 322]

....................

Edited January 30, 2023 by SynBassilicious Pony

[Stallionslaughter 394]

To me it sounded awkwardly slow...I don't how to explain it, it just felt like a fast song but in slow motion...and yea I definitely think there should have been some sort of distortion in the guitar with more double kick if you were going to catogorise it under "metal"

 

You wouldn't beleive it but um....this is actually metal: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IZVCtPQfcM

That's my biggest pet peeve about amateur metal. Fast does not equal good drums. Droning and repetitive beats, constant double kick just endlessly hammering away without adding anything but a mindless punching, and uninteresting fills.

 

Technicality is where it's at. Make the drums an instrument in the mix. The best metal bands use the drums to augment the song. The mediocre ones use them for timing alone.

 

idkQuicksilver really hooked up an interesting and complex beat. It was actually really difficult to keep up with, and the tempo was much faster than I've ever done/am used to.

 

Great song. I was super happy to be a part of it.