I'm coming up with my own take on the events of Nightmare Moon

[SaburoDaimando 1,196]

I'm thinking about doing my own take on the Nightmare Moon saga of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.  As I look back at the first two episodes, I enjoy the character of Nightmare Moon, but I felt like she was underused in some parts of the episodes and could have used some extra development.

 

So I wanna do my own take on the saga of Nightmare Moon, and the Mane Six's fight against her.  But there are some key difference that I want to use.

 

1) The Mane Six are still fillies as opposed to being all grown up.  As a matter of fact, Twilight Sparkle plays an important role towards Nightmare Moon.  The reason is below

 

2) Instead of the Stars aiding in her escape, it is said that a filly born under the full moon 10 years before the thousandth Summer Sun Celebration will be the key to her escape.  That filly is Twilight Sparkle.

 

3) Unlike the events of My Little Pony, Twilight never got a chance to attend the School for Gifted Unicorns.   In fact, she, along with her big brother Shining Armor and Princess Cadance will be separated from Night Light and Twilight Velvet, forced to go into hiding in Ponyville.

 

4) Speaking of which, Shining Armor and Princess Cadance's purpose in this story is serving as guardians to Twilight while hiding out in Ponyville.

 

5) The Shadowbolts are Pegasi who have been corrupted by Nightmare Moon's magic.  Rumor has it that Filly Pegasi are said to be aged to Marehood before becoming Shadowbolts.  When the spell is reversed, they return to being fillies(Or colts).

 

6) I'm also thinking of including Discord.  But unlike the FiM series, it is rumored that Twilight somehow managed to break Discord free from his stone prison and somehow befriends him, unaware of his past as ruler of Equestria.  If he does become an ally of Twilight Sparkle, he will have his magic locked by Nightmare Moon.

 

7) Princess Celestia will play an important role as more of the atoner, trying to have Nightmare Moon accept her forgiveness.

 

And most importantly of all

 

8) I'm going to minimize the importance of the Elements of Harmony.  They say after Nightmare Moon was banished to the moon, the Elements of Harmony disappeared.

 

What do you guys think?  Do you think it's a good idea?  Or should I change something to make it better?(No time skip, please.  I'm trying to make this about Filly Twilight's struggle through Nightmare Moon's reign across Equestria)

[DaisyDream 16]

It sounds like you want to have the story with Nightmare Moon winning. So the timeline goes like this:

Filly Twilight is in hiding in Ponyville with Cadence and Shining Armor

At some point, Twilight somehow frees Nightmare Moon

Nightmare Moon usurps Celestia and creates eternal night

 

Then you lost me.. stuff happens? I'm a little turned off by the fact that you seem to not want to use the other 6 main characters. If Twilight Sparkle is doing everything herself, the story doesn't need the other ponies, especially since she still has her brother and Cadence.

Nightmare Moon as evil dictator and ShadowBolts as her army of enforcers all sound really cool, though.

 

Let me know if I got anything wrong 

[SFyr 1,982]

It does sound like an interesting mixup, I'll admit. It's so far from the canon events it doesn't even seem that connected anymore, haha. Really does have the feel of a very distant alternate universe. I do have a few concerns though:

1.) The prophecy is very specific, and feels a touch contrived for plot reasons rather than feeling more believable. So like, 1000 years ago, two alicorn sisters with the power of deities (or nearly so) battle it out, resulting in one being banished from the entire planet and sent to a prison in the heavens above. And so, it was destined that exactly 990 years from then, a filly would be born that would undo Celestia's banishment. Actually, it doesn't even say she breaks the banishment at exactly 1000 years, just that she will be born 10 years before the 1000th celebration, so the 1000th bit isn't even needed, leaving 990 as the only important number, which feels a bit weird. And if she does break the banishment on year 1000, that means a prophecy spanning a millennium specified a specific individual would be exactly 10 years old and born on one of 13 specific days of that year, over 360,000 days past the banishment .

Bit of a rant, sorry. What I'm trying to say is, I think that needs to be reworked. Personally, I think prophecies work best when they're a bit more obscure and can be misinterpreted. For example, from what I gather, Twilight's family is kinda star-centered, and her cutiemark is a picture of star-like sparkles. The stars aiding in her escape could still relate to twilight if you play up the connection.

 

2.) Why are the Shadowbolts also kids? After reading that, I'm really left with the impression this fic is centered around a very young cast, and might be pulling strings to make it happen. That area would need some extra justification to me. 

 

3.) There's a few too many 'somehows' in the breaking discord free and befriending him bit for my taste, haha...  It naturally feels like a bit of a stretch, but how you put it here, I get the feeling you did it more because it would be fun, rather than it'd really serve the story.  Unless it's properly set up, I'd be ripped out of said story after hitting such a major jump.

 

4.) This was actually one of my biggest concerns, believe it or not, haha.  I don't quite get why Celestia's main role is to apologize? You have a tyrant threatening the world, and perhaps the lives of all of Equestria (no sun eventually leads in death; eternal night would basically kill everything over time). Sister or not, wronged or not, safeguarding Equestria is a lot higher priority than apologizing to your sister for neglecting her. Banishment for threatening all of Equestria was actually fairly justified in context.

 

But yeah. No issue with the idea beyond those concerns. Any major deviation away from canon, well, I still like to go over and point out areas I think could be polished or made to feel more natural.  Good luck with continuing on your idea~♪

[SaburoDaimando 1,196]

It sounds like you want to have the story with Nightmare Moon winning. So the timeline goes like this:

Filly Twilight is in hiding in Ponyville with Cadence and Shining Armor

At some point, Twilight somehow frees Nightmare Moon

Nightmare Moon usurps Celestia and creates eternal night

 

Then you lost me.. stuff happens? I'm a little turned off by the fact that you seem to not want to use the other 6 main characters. If Twilight Sparkle is doing everything herself, the story doesn't need the other ponies, especially since she still has her brother and Cadence.

Nightmare Moon as evil dictator and ShadowBolts as her army of enforcers all sound really cool, though.

 

Let me know if I got anything wrong 

The points I put up are ideas that would set the stage for Twilight and her friends to live out their days in Ponyville, said to be the last bastion of light while Nightmare Moon dominates Equestria.  And I do have plans for Twilight to meet with each of her friends in Ponyville.  In fact, in their introduction, I may have Twilight help befriend each of the other five friends to gain their friendship while she is separated from her parents.

 

There are only a few changes I wanna apply to three of the Mane Five.  Fluttershy is timid around everything except her animal friends.  Pinkie Pie has a much closer relationship towards Mrs Cake(Who goes under the name Dazzle Sapphire, but prefers to be called by her nickname Cup Cake).  As for Rainbow Dash, it's a surprise.  Applejack still remains at Sweet Apple Acres and Rarity is living with her parents having taken an interest in fashion.

 

In terms of Celestia, the reason why she wants to forgive her own sister is because she admit, banishing her own sister to the moon may have only made things worse, and she's trying to make amends for her own failure to make her sister see the error of her ways.  But for Celestia, it may have been too little, too late, hence why she ends up missing.

 

And as for Nightmare Moon turning filly pegasi into shadowbolts is more to serve how far she has fallen from who she was, having become an even bigger monster than how she was portrayed in the books.