offering critique OC Critique

[PonyOfWar 126]

Greetings everypony it's nice to meet all of you, I just joined the site and am normally a very quiet person so I'm having trouble making my post-quota in order post where I want so I thought this would be a good way of going about it

 

Bring me any OCs you wish to be reviewed and I will do my best, simply tell me what aspects you would like me to look at imparticular IE: Personality, Backstory, Name, cutie mark. I am an artist so color scheme and design is something else I can help with and hey if I like the OC well enough I might make some art. 

 

My qualifications come from years of RP and OC creating experience if there is any way for me to be of services please don't hesitate to ask.

Edited June 10, 2016 by PonyOfWar

[crispy fries 432]

@@PonyOfWar,

 

Considering I use her so much for RPs, I think that my OC, Redwood, could use just a general overview. There's a link to her in my signature. Just FYI, it's not the FoE version, it's the link on top.

[FanOfManyShows 396]

Serenity, he is on the edge of me abandoning him, mostly because of his backstory I can't get the transition of him grieving over his brother to being evil to work.

[PonyOfWar 126]

@@PonyOfWar,

 

Considering I use her so much for RPs, I think that my OC, Redwood, could use just a general overview. There's a link to her in my signature. Just FYI, it's not the FoE version, it's the link on top.

First off I really love that she is an earth pony, I feel earth ponies don’t get enough love in this community so seeing a well-made earth pony OC is always a delight. Her design is also excellent, the colors go great together and she looks like she could come right from the show. I like her small personal flare, the bandana, it’s just enough to give her some originality but not so much clothing or flare that she is overdone.

 

The cutie mark confuses me a little; I do see it commonly in the pony fandom that people give their ponies cutie marks that represent some aspect of their personality. Really a cutie mark is a talent and has nothing to do with a personality so I don’t really understand this one since I don’t know what talent could be inferred from a tree trunk nor do I get to see its design in your art. Perhaps she would benefit from having a military related cutie mark?

 

I like her personality it is well explained and matches her look and her backstory was excellent. People are often the product of their childhood or early life and her story sound's as if it matches the pony she grew up to be. You might be able to spice it up as well, lots of things could happen to a pony in the military, maybe give us her rank and how she got to it or maybe tell us how she obtained her cutie mark when young?

 

Over all though I like her and I wouldn’t mind interacting with this character as my own.

Serenity, he is on the edge of me abandoning him, mostly because of his backstory I can't get the transition of him grieving over his brother to being evil to work.

 

I think your main problem here is that the OC just doesn't seem to have received a lot of TLC. I would just expand on what you have, atm there is so little it's hard to judge if there really is a problem. Maybe answer some questions like: What did he do to get his cutie mark? Why are the teachers abusive to him or was it all their students? How did he manage to get into Celestia's school? If he was trained by Celestia herself how did he get her attention? How did he first meet Discord? Why would he rather side with Starswirl over Celestia? What did he do exactly to end up stone?

 

I don't see anything wrong with the OC mostly just underused potential

[FanOfManyShows 396]

 

 

I think your main problem here is that the OC just doesn't seem to have received a lot of TLC. I would just expand on what you have, atm there is so little it's hard to judge if there really is a problem. Maybe answer some questions like: What did he do to get his cutie mark? Why are the teachers abusive to him or was it all their students? How did he manage to get into Celestia's school? If he was trained by Celestia herself how did he get her attention? How did he first meet Discord? Why would he rather side with Starswirl over Celestia? What did he do exactly to end up stone?

 

Wow, that's a lot of questions to answer.

[crispy fries 432]

First off I really love that she is an earth pony, I feel earth ponies don’t get enough love in this community so seeing a well-made earth pony OC is always a delight. Her design is also excellent, the colors go great together and she looks like she could come right from the show. I like her small personal flare, the bandana, it’s just enough to give her some originality but not so much clothing or flare that she is overdone.

 

The cutie mark confuses me a little; I do see it commonly in the pony fandom that people give their ponies cutie marks that represent some aspect of their personality. Really a cutie mark is a talent and has nothing to do with a personality so I don’t really understand this one since I don’t know what talent could be inferred from a tree trunk nor do I get to see its design in your art. Perhaps she would benefit from having a military related cutie mark?

 

I like her personality it is well explained and matches her look and her backstory was excellent. People are often the product of their childhood or early life and her story sound's as if it matches the pony she grew up to be. You might be able to spice it up as well, lots of things could happen to a pony in the military, maybe give us her rank and how she got to it or maybe tell us how she obtained her cutie mark when young?

 

Over all though I like her and I wouldn’t mind interacting with this character as my own.

You make a good point about her cutie mark, so I decided to change it. Mind telling me what you think?

[PonyOfWar 126]

Wow, that's a lot of questions to answer.

 

XD yeah sorry to lay all that on you but just working with what I know and I usually make really detailed profiles and characters myself. While that seems like a lot and seems rather complicated but I can promise that after you put in the work you will have a far more interesting and enriched character that will be both fun to RP as well as RP with. Just try to have fun with it

You make a good point about her cutie mark, so I decided to change it. Mind telling me what you think?

 

It sounds great to me once I get all these posts I hope to see you around the RP forms, maybe our OCs will have a chance to meet. x) I'm also a big fan of the FoE story myself, it's cool you have a fallout version of her.

Edited June 10, 2016 by PonyOfWar

[FanOfManyShows 396]

@@PonyOfWar, I've made quite a few changes already, you could see them back on Serenity's page.

 

First off, I said bye to the abusive teachers.

Second, I tried my best to answer all the questions but probably forgot to answer a few.

Edited June 10, 2016 by Frannis

[PonyOfWar 126]

@@PonyOfWar, I've made quite a few changes already, you could see them back on Serenity's page.

 

First off, I said bye to the abusive teachers.

Second, I tried my best to answer all the questions but probably forgot to answer a few.

 

Wow yes it's already a big improvement best thing you can do at this point is to let him grow, if you have trouble making a large profile or answering all those questions quickly don't worry about. Most well-made characters take months of work and it's best to think through everything you want to do than add to the profile slowly as you create. So if you can't find an answer to all those questions in this moment it's no biggy just give it time.

[crispy fries 432]

It sounds great to me once I get all these posts I hope to see you around the RP forms, maybe our OCs will have a chance to meet. x) I'm also a big fan of the FoE story myself, it's cool you have a fallout version of her.

Cool, I'm glad you've deemed Redwood a good character. I'm pretty active in the RP section, so feel free to hit me up.

[Waywardfoals 8]

I'm rather new to this site, but i'd figure i'd have a go at it. Think i'll start of with one of my characters who hasn't gotten much love lately, Lavender Swirl

 

For now, I just want some critique on her design. For her backstory, I'm still working on that.

[FullmoonDagger 200]

Why not giving a shot at my OC, Fullmoon Dagger ! I love to receive critics The link to his sheet is in my signature

[Crystal Star 37]

https://www.reddit.com/r/RateMyOC/comments/5264wf/rate_my_oc_crystal_star_details_in_the_comments/

 

Please let me know what you think and if I need to improve anything

[Storm 199]

I would just like a critique on the colors and name please. This is Vanilla Swirl. I'm not sure if Swirl will be permanent. If I can;t think or find anything better it will be though. I haven't got a backstory and I'm working on the personality. Any suggestions would be nice if you have them.