critique wanted Pony OC Help plz

[InactiveAccount83 6]

I'm working on a self-based pony OC but I've never been good at characters so I need feedback and some help. I have somewhat of a bio and a picture.

Gender: Female
Age: 17
Species: Alicorn
Hometown: Manehattan
Current residence: Canterlot/Ponyville
Occupation: Student under the 4 princesses
Cutie Mark: Blue book w/ black pen
Special Talent: Storytelling/writing
Friends: Doesn’t have any even though her mentors keep telling her to find some
Personality: Introverted and likes learning and creating things
Flaws: Very low self-esteem, worries a lot, depressed 90% of the time
How did your OC get their cutie mark? By getting a really good grade on a writing assignment in school
How did your OC get to where they are today? She ran away from home and Luna brought her to Canterlot, sensing she had potential
Powers: All the basic pegasus and unicorn powers

I really need help with coming up with a name and more of a backstory(I guess?). I'm slightly new to this too so advice/feedback/etc is greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance. 

[AriaTheLovely 578]

 

I have no issue with your oc being a alicorn and I actually quite like your color scheme but the only real critiques I would have to give is on her backstory and her character info. One I would say distance her from having the 4 main princesses as her mentors. That would make her bit of a mary sue. So maybe someone else was great influence on her. Making her into the alicorn she is today. Secondly I don't see many character traits or much of a backstory. The only ones I see are flaws in which she is  introverted and depressed 90% of the time. A well thought out character is a mix of both good and bad traits. As for the depression what made her that way. Did something terrible happen in her past or was she bullied. Can't really tell since its not really there.  I highly suggest you watch the videos down below to aid in your ocs character development. Since these can probably say it way better then I ever could.

 

 

 

Edited July 19, 2017 by PrincessOfCompassion

[InactiveAccount83 6]

@PrincessOfCompassion thanks for the advice! i really haven't thought her out extremely yet so I don't really have details but I'll take what you said into account. Thanks so much for the help! I really am new to the OC thing so any other tips would help greatly! =)

[AriaTheLovely 578]

@xRogueAlicex Your welcome and if you need anymore tips I would be more then happy to help.

Edited July 19, 2017 by PrincessOfCompassion

[Chrylestia600 1,307]

I myself am also still learning, so I'm not gonna pretend I know everything (far from it).  But I'd be happy to offer my opinion anyway!

Alright, so first of all, your OC has a great design and a very unique color scheme. (Ironically, I have an OC who has a mane just like that). The blend of pink and black looks great and blends surprisingly well with the cyan color you used for her coat. Oh, and red is an awesome eye color. So great job there!

Now, moving on to your OC's backstory. It's perfectly okay in my book to have a more normal character without a big long backstory that got them where they are today- some characters really just don't need it. On the other hand, some characters do require a more in-depth and thought-out backstory. One of my OCs is a hybrid mix of three species, for example, and obviously that's going to need some explaining (admittedly, I've yet to completely flesh that one out). In your case, your character is an Alicorn, which does require a backstory. Right now, you've stated that your OC ran away from home and was taken in by Luna, who believed she had potential. My own personal advice would be to decide on the reason she ran away from home, and then focus on delving more into how and why she ended up becoming an Alicorn. Those are the two things that need more detail, regarding her backstory.

As for her personality, I agree with @PrincessOfCompassion that a good character is a mix of both good and bad traits. Right now you've got the bad ones, and the only thing I'd suggest there is maybe explaining why she's depressed most of the time. It might also be good to decide on what caused her to have such low self esteem (which could very easily tie into the reason for her depression and why she ran away from home), but that part isn't absolutely necessary, in my book. Now, as for good character traits, you haven't written out any of those. That part is really important, as the good and bad qualities combined are what makes a character, so definitely try to decide on some good character traits and then include those as well.

So, yeah. I'd say just fill in a few open spaces regarding her backstory, and give her some good character traits to balance out the bad ones, and you're in good standing!  Again, I really love your OC's color scheme, and I think she has a lot of potential as a character!

Hopefully this helped you out in some way.  If you ever want my suggestions on anything, feel free to PM me anytime! Good luck!

Edited July 20, 2017 by Chrylestia600

[Hazard Time 1,127]

@xRogueAlicex

I'm not too good with color palettes, so I can't give too much advice on that.  I feel that there's some clash between the colors, however.  The red eyes are a very warm color, and this clashes with the cooler aquamarine coat.  Having said that, I'd advise talking to someone who's much better acquainted with color theory than I am

As for the bio, I'll make a list down below:

For her race, I don't mind alicorn OCs either, but only if care is given to explain in the backstory how she is an alicorn.  It's already been stated in the show that normal ponies can ascend to alicornhood, and that this ascension is decided and carried out by the alicorn sisters (Or just Celestia) based upon whether they feel this particular pony has contributed greatly to the study of the magic of friendship.  Cadance, for example, got her horn (she was a pegasus before) because she created a spell that could make two ponies fall in love with each other, and Twilight got her wings after she proved to Celestia that she can work together with her friends to solve problems that even a master wizard like Starswirl couldn't figure out.  However, from what you've given us, your ponysona is still a student of the princesses and doesn't have any friends to speak of.  This doesn't seem to fit in with the criteria I mentioned above :\

I have nothing against her talent (I think it's acceptable), though, again, it doesn't really fit that a pony with a talent for writing and storytelling would be a student of the most magically gifted ponies in Equestria.  I would reconsider this.

As for how your ponysona got to where she is today, it needs to be explained why she ran away from home.  It also needs to be explained what potential Luna saw in her, since the themes that Luna might be interested in (night, stars, the moon, dreams) don't appear to be manifest in your ponysona.

[InactiveAccount83 6]

@Chrylestia600 @Hazard Time thank you both for the advice! honestly I thought of the character on a caffeine high but she is very self-based. I just wrote down what first came to mind but I'm changing things and working on the backstory now. to answer some questions though: like I said, she's self-based so the self-esteem and depression directly stems from me. with the alicorn thing though I just have an interest with and stuff so i kinda wanted to make it like she just recently became an alicorn and is still learning. as for the writing/storytelling, that's really the only talent i got irl so i'm thinking about making it something like she can literally make her stories come to life. Like I said, i wrote this on an energy high so i know it doesn't make sense. I'm working on that now though and I'll be posting the backstory and changes soon. thanks for your help though! 

 

 

Also if anyone has name ideas that would be immensely appreciated! 

Edited July 20, 2017 by xRogueAlicex