Apparently, we shouldn't get married until we're at least 25

[RockinRarity 1,605]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-nagy/why-i-believe-marriage-sh_b_1547156.html

 

Before I post my own opinions on this article, I would like to know what you ponies think about it.

[Lady Rarity Pony 4,892]

Eh, some people marry younger.

 

I wouldn't recommend marrying at a very young age but you should still be allowed to do so if you wish to.

[Caramel Medley 38]

I think 25 is a good age to get married, but you should be allowed earlier

[Random User 249]

So because of one person's mistakes and inability to properly figure out what they wanted to do because she got into a relationship where she allowed her partner to take complete control in, everyone else must wait to be married until they're 25.

 

That was the stupidest thing I have ever read.

[DashPony 359]

I got married at 23. Still happy with my wife.

 

It isn't easy, sure. We have some minor arguments from time to time, but that is part of being in a relationship.

 

I do agree that getting married young is a bad idea... such as in your late teens. But early to mid-twenties? By that age, most people are out of college (if they went) and have full time jobs. They have at least some of their priorities straight and know what goals they want to achieve.

 

Absolutely nothing wrong with being married early than 25. The person who wrote that article just sounds bitter about their failed relationship

[Bohtty 1,775]

Ironically, I just finished interviewing two couples on marriage. The main reason that you should wait is that you can get to know yourself. This, however, doesn't have an age set to it. I've known everything about what I want to do and who I am since my freshmen year of high school.

 

The statistic she mentioned isn't a very good one. It' just says that between 20 and 25 people get divorced, but it doesn't say why. In the research and interviews for my marriage study project, I found that the main reason people get divorced are because they don't know themselves and think marriage is binary.

 

In binary there is only 2 options. Marriage isn't like that. There isn't a perfect person. There is no such thing as "the one". We are compatible with a lot of people. Marriage takes work, it takes responsibility. In the article is says she got divorced. This leads me to believe that her opinion on marriage is full of shit.

 

John Gottman, a well known marriage psychologist, was able to predict divorce with accuracy of more then 80%. The 4 things he said that were indicators of divorce was stone walling, contempt, criticism and defensiveness.

 

In another article I read, it said that there are 2 reasons for divorce. Soft reasons and Hard reasons. It said that you should only get divorced for hard reasons which include abuse and addiction. The soft reasons are things like "growing apart" and "incompatibility". 99% of the time people get divorced on soft reasons when they shouldn't. It should be rare for a divorce to happen because of a soft reason.

 

Marriage is older than the United States itself, but yet the divorce rate is record high. This isn't because of marriage, this is because of society.

 

There is no age for marriage, it's when ever your ready. Jennifer Nagy doesn't really know what she is talking about.

If your really interested then you can go read up on John Gottman.

The article I read was "Are You With The Right Mate" and the some video of John Gottman's lecture on the subject.

[Randomiser 115]

I really don't like her attitude toward it. She assumes everyone "finds themselves" at the same age, and because she made a mistake she decides "to add one year to the age she was married at. There are no concrete statistics in the article because she doesn't attempt to compare divorce rates to other age ranges. A lot of people still get divorced after that age so it's not like that would solve the problem.

And then she says love before that age is like believing in unicorns.

[RockinRarity 1,605]

So because of one person's mistakes and inability to properly figure out what they wanted to do because she got into a relationship where she allowed her partner to take complete control in, everyone else must wait to be married until they're 25.

 

That was the stupidest thing I have ever read.

 

Pretty much my thoughts exactly.

 

And it's not like if she had waited another year to get married that her marriage would have suddenly become what she wanted it to be.

 

The truth is that there isn't any "magical" age where suddenly you are ready to be married. Some people are ready to be married when they're 19. Others are ready when they're 30. Some people are never ready, and will always be selfish or naive.

 

"

People under the age of 25 are still discovering themselves; they are figuring out what is most important in their lives."

 

This has a little bit of truth to it, but the fact of the matter is that there are people who definitely figure this sort of stuff out earlier than at age 25, and some people figure it out later. I'm 23 years old, and the only thing I'm missing when it comes to figuring out my life is my job situation/career. I am not yet financially stable and therefore not ready for marriage, but once that gets figured out, I'm pretty much good to go...

 

"

That's where the problems began. Once the excitement of planning a beach wedding was over, after the suntan had faded, I was left simply living my life with my husband."

 

Guess what, honey? Marriage is like that. The fuzzies go away and you're left with another legit human being to spend the rest of your life with. Who told you that marriage was easy and that you would always have romantic feelings for the other person until death do you part? If you hadn't figured that part out, you weren't ready for marriage in the first place.

 

The funny thing is that I have heard that the people who spend their entire dating period and engagement planning the wedding and not the marriage tend to be the people most likely to get divorced. Maybe instead of making a law restricting at what age you should get married, we should make a law that makes it mandatory for engaged couples to take marriage-preparation classes. A wedding is only for one day. It is an important day, but it is only one day out of your whole life.

[Strife 455]

The idea behind the article has some sound logic, and statistically, it is backed up by research.

 

Limiting when a person can get married already exists in the United States. I see from the replies to that article, a lot of people are outraged that the author would suggest something so insane and unjust. Well, take a look around you ... we already have laws for that. The legal age to marry is 18 (or 19 in Nebraska and 21 in Mississippi or 15 if you're a Muslim). How is that any different than having it limited to the age of 25, especially when statistics have shown how often they end in failure at that young of a age?

 

That said, I personally believe that the age of marriage should not restricted at all. If a person wants to marry, then it's their problem if it fails due to their inability to look ahead.

[Typhoid Libby 1,265]

Meh, who want's to get married anyway.

 

Should limit it to 30.

You ain't ready until that, IMO.

[Random User 249]

The idea behind the article has some sound logic, and statistically, it is backed up by research.

 

Limiting when a person can get married already exists in the United States. I see from the replies to that article, a lot of people are outraged that the author would suggest something so insane and unjust. Well, take a look around you ... we already have laws for that. The legal age to marry is 18 (or 19 in Nebraska and 21 in Mississippi or 15 if you're a Muslim). How is that any different than having it limited to the age of 25, especially when statistics have shown how often they end in failure at that young of a age?

 

That said, I personally believe that the age of marriage should not restricted at all. If a person wants to marry, then it's their problem if it fails due to their inability to look ahead.

 

I believe that 18 is an actual reasonable limitation, because at that point you are considered a legal adult. You are held responsible for your own decisions.

[Chill Mists (Chilly) 801]

"My marriage failed because I married earlier than 25 therefore everyone's will" That's basically the whole thing shortened, just one thing, WUT?

[Dragonshy 2,305]

I guess I'm ok with the limit being anything between 18 to 25.

[RockinRarity 1,605]

The idea behind the article has some sound logic, and statistically, it is backed up by research.

 

Limiting when a person can get married already exists in the United States. I see from the replies to that article, a lot of people are outraged that the author would suggest something so insane and unjust. Well, take a look around you ... we already have laws for that. The legal age to marry is 18 (or 19 in Nebraska and 21 in Mississippi or 15 if you're a Muslim). How is that any different than having it limited to the age of 25, especially when statistics have shown how often they end in failure at that young of a age?

 

That said, I personally believe that the age of marriage should not restricted at all. If a person wants to marry, then it's their problem if it fails due to their inability to look ahead.

 

I believe that 18 is an actual reasonable limitation, because at that point you are considered a legal adult. You are held responsible for your own decisions.

 

I agree with Random User.

 

Yes of course there are already age restrictions. What I think people are mad about is that the author thinks NOBODY under the age of 25 can ever find true love (hence the fairies and unicorns comment), and that turning 25 automatically qualifies you as being ready for marriage.

 

Yes, wait until you're emotionally ready to handle a life-long relationship. But don't blame your mistakes on the law. Partying does not make one a better adult. This woman entered into a relationship while she wasn't emotionally ready, and only got married because, "After 5 years of dating, you just get married, right?" Not necessarily, lady. Usually 5 years is enough time to discern marriage, but not very many people are equipped to handling the hardships that marriage brings along.

[Discordian 6,013]

Oh please, you can't "validate" an opinion. It's true that people change and figure out who they are at certain points in their life but that doesn't mean everyone is the same. The only thing I'd say is to not try to get married until you are financially ready for it: Getting a home, living with another person (especially if that person will be a stay-at-home wife), getting ready to have kids (if you so wish), etc.

 

But age? I think not. I know people who knew what they were gonna do with their lives at 16 and never changed. It's BS to think everyone would be that way and change to the point of not wanting the same thing in a relationship.

[Chill Mists (Chilly) 801]

I agree with Random User.

 

Yes of course there are already age restrictions. What I think people are mad about is that the author thinks NOBODY under the age of 25 can ever find true love (hence the fairies and unicorns comment), and that turning 25 automatically qualifies you as being ready for marriage.

 

Yes, wait until you're emotionally ready to handle a life-long relationship. But don't blame your mistakes on the law. Partying does not make one a better adult. This woman entered into a relationship while she wasn't emotionally ready, and only got married because, "After 5 years of dating, you just get married, right?" Not necessarily, lady. Usually 5 years is enough time to discern marriage, but not very many people are equipped to handling the hardships that marriage brings along.

 

I thought the "After 5 years of dating, you just get married, right?" Was quite silly, it's taken my parents seventeen years to get engaged and everything's always been fine.

[RockinRarity 1,605]

Meh, who want's to get married anyway.

 

Should limit it to 30.

You ain't ready until that, IMO.

 

Nobody is ready to get married until they're 30?

 

I know several people who have gotten married before 30, and they have great marriages.

 

It's not about turning a magical age. It's about being a mature and responsible adult who can handle spending the rest of his/her life with another imperfect human being. It's about learning how to be less selfish and more giving. It's about taking responsibility for your own actions while not being a doormat. There are people who are 50 who probably couldn't do any of that.

[Typhoid Libby 1,265]

Nobody is ready to get married until they're 30?

 

In my opinion.

 

Funny how you missed that part, quoted and completely ignored my point in the end anyway.

Have something of the like back.

[Strife 455]

I agree with Random User.

 

Yes of course there are already age restrictions. What I think people are mad about is that the author thinks NOBODY under the age of 25 can ever find true love (hence the fairies and unicorns comment), and that turning 25 automatically qualifies you as being ready for marriage.

 

Yes, wait until you're emotionally ready to handle a life-long relationship. But don't blame your mistakes on the law. Partying does not make one a better adult. This woman entered into a relationship while she wasn't emotionally ready, and only got married because, "After 5 years of dating, you just get married, right?" Not necessarily, lady. Usually 5 years is enough time to discern marriage, but not very many people are equipped to handling the hardships that marriage brings along.

 

What I find hilarious is how A LOT of people are just down right reading the article wrong. She is saying that most people need time to grow up first (which is STATISTICALLY PROVEN). Does EVERYONE automatically become ready to marry at 25? Of course not, and no where in that article does she say that.

 

She wants to move it up to 25 years for the EXACT same reason our laws already limit it to 18. To protect the person.

 

People's argument against her are extremely hypocritical because they assume 18 is fine and 25 is not .... same exact thing, folks ... age restriction.

 

I thought the "After 5 years of dating, you just get married, right?" Was quite silly, it's taken my parents seventeen years to get engaged and everything's always been fine.

 

It was a comment based on the societal normal. Look around you ... how often does a relationship usually last before people expect you two to engage/marry? Most people think that 1 year is enough time, let alone 5.

 

Personally, I would wait for quite a few years longer, but that's just me.

[RockinRarity 1,605]

In my opinion.

 

Funny how you missed that part, quoted and completely ignored my point in the end anyway.

Have something of the like back.

 

I saw that part. Pretty much everything that people post in these types of discussions is an opinion. Doesn't mean that we can't reply to those posts explaining why we disagree with opinions.

 

I fail to see how everyone should wait until they're at least 30 when many people can demonstrate that they can create a successful marriage before that age.

[Whiteshade 1,426]

Numbers validate the couple.

[Strife 455]

I saw that part. Pretty much everything that people post in these types of discussions is an opinion. Doesn't mean that we can't reply to those posts explaining why we disagree with opinions.

 

I fail to see how everyone should wait until they're at least 30 when many people can demonstrate that they can create a successful marriage before that age.

 

The point is that the majority of people cannot (60%+).

 

Really comes down to a question of what the government's roles is: to protect the people (ramp up the age restriction), or let the people make their own mistakes (remove the restriction).

 

I'm honestly fine either way. If the age restriction is increased, less people that have to go through divorce. If it isn't increased, people pay the price for going in blind. A win-win situation for me, really.

 

 

My only problem is how people are mis-reading the article, using their own assumptions, put their own words into it, and then being extremely hypocritical in regards to age restrictions.

[Nah 3,181]

This really doesn't affect me all this much, I have no plans to get married. But I see logic in it, it doesn't seem right at times to get married so young at times.

[Typhoid Libby 1,265]

Here's a quote.

I fail to see how everyone should wait until they're at least 30 when many people can demonstrate that they can create a successful marriage before that age.

 

Because they are not ready. IMO.

 

I saw that part. Pretty much everything that people post in these types of discussions is an opinion. Doesn't mean that we can't reply to those posts explaining why we disagree with opinions.

 

I got no interest on enforcing my opinions on others.

My mom said it was bad manners when I was six.

IMO.

[LunaShy 167]

I got married at 22 we are still together. We were practicly married since i was 18 and she was 16 bc we had a kid and started living together