500 Word MLP:FiM Fanfic Challenge

[Finesthour 7,287]

But even so, Zoop posted his story as like, the 10th poster xD

 

That's pretty far back in the list

[cuteycindyhoney 13,307]

Ohohoho, I prefer my username to stay anonymous

 

I like to keep my secrets up. I still have users here try to guess who I was

 

>Hence, it's because I am 16.

 

AND NO, I AM NOT TIARAWHY.

 

Oops, it's just as well! I just looked at your age and had an "Oh crap!" moment. As stone walls DO a prison make, AND iron bars a cage; I will not be sending you a link to my stories!

[Finesthour 7,287]

Oops, it's just as well! I just looked at your age and had an "Oh crap!" moment. As stone walls DO a prison make, AND iron bars a cage; I will not be sending you a link to my stories!

 

There ya go

 

Now do you see why I keep a secret identity? xD

[MallaJong1 202]

 

 

lol I want to read Rainbow Dash's fanfiction now nah, but solid entry Luna Sparkle, my only major complaint would be the lack of title.

 

 

And Ashbad, could you edit in the title of my fanfic in the entry? It's called 'The Mare on the Moon'. Also, could you space out my paragraphs?

 

I'm just a little nitpicky, sorry xD

 

The Mare on the Moon is a great contender. I felt for Luna, and I really just wanted to hug her tightly. Now a story about her inevitable dip into madness would be quite interesting as well.

Edited August 13, 2012 by MallaJong1

[Ashbad 969]

Don't worry guys, I'm going to give you all a LOT of feedback I've already spent a few hours reviewing a few of the completed entries, I'm giving as much as half to a full page of critique, scoring, and praise. Expect walls of text!

[NavelColt 22,881]

Don't worry guys, I'm going to give you all a LOT of feedback I've already spent a few hours reviewing a few of the completed entries, I'm giving as much as half to a full page of critique, scoring, and praise. Expect walls of text!

 

For 500 word entries? XD; Seems a bit much, to me, but okay. Half a page already seems enough, for me personally.

[MallaJong1 202]

 

 

For 500 word entries? XD; Seems a bit much, to me, but okay. Half a page already seems enough, for me personally.

 

Hey, allow our lovely host to post what's on the mind. I am extremely grateful for a review. I once held an online writing contest on Booksie.com, and I had given reviews to the three winners. For the first place prize winner, though, I provided a 30 second fan-video of the piece.

 

Anyway, thanks for your hard work, Original Poster! Have fun with it!

[NavelColt 22,881]

Hey, allow our lovely host to post what's on the mind. I am extremely grateful for a review. I once held an online writing contest on Booksie.com, and I had given reviews to the three winners. For the first place prize winner, though, I provided a 30 second fan-video of the piece.

 

Anyway, thanks for your hard work, Original Poster! Have fun with it!

 

Allow? I think it's great he wants to post that much feedback I'm simply saying I'm a bit surprised he wants to do that much for a small amount, on a lot of stories.

[Ashbad 969]

Contest ends in 3 days! For those who haven't entered their stories yet, or are thinking about doing it, get those hooves a'writing!

[Gone for good 1,593]

oh yeah lol I still have to write this. I'm quite the slacker, it seems.

 

Although, I am reading some of the things in here and I like them quite a bit.

[Lord Pretty Pie 64]

Alright then, I think I can do that. How am I supposed to submit it? Can I just post the whole story on here in a spoiler tag? I think I'll do that. My story is called: "Lookin' Good, Spike..."

 

“Uhh… Twilight? Are you sure this is safe?” The purple baby dragon asked nervously.

“Of course! Do you really think I would put you in a dangerous position?” The unicorn mare assured him.

“Well…”

“Nevermind, don’t answer that. Now hold still,” she asserted, strapping him to the table.

“I don’t know Twilight… Maybe we should ask Princess Celestia?”

“Trust me Spike. This isn’t the first time I’ve done this. I’m actually rather experienced with manually altering genetic code. And I said to quit struggling!”

“Ok… Just… Make it quick. I can’t wait to see the look on Rarity’s face!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Alright, lover boy. Just remember, this is for Science, not for you to drool over Rarity… You do that enough as is. After it works, you have one day, then it’s right back to being a dragon, got it?”

“Yeah, yeah, Twi. You gave me this speech already.” He closed his eyes tight. “Ok… I’m ready!”

Without a word, Twilight flipped a switch on the console behind her. The machine started running, making a thunderous noise. She levitated her tools in front of her, and got to work.

*** *** ***

As Spike came to, he took in his surroundings. He was in a cot, similar to those found in hospitals, but he was clearly still in the Library’s basement. He was sectioned of by large sheets of semi-transparent plastic, a sheet of which also covered the floor. There were all sorts of medical-looking machines around him, beeping and whistling, none of which Spike knew the use of. The dragon tried to raise his hand in front of his face, but he was too weak. Soon enough, Twilight came in. She first went straight to one of the beeping machines, and after taking a few notes on a clipboard that was floating behind her, powered it down. She did the same with all the other machines, and then she went to Spike’s side.

“How do you feel?” The unicorn asked, looking concerned.

“Hungry.” Spike answered simply.

“Well, at least we know your appetite hasn’t changed!” She said it jokingly, but Spike couldn’t help but notice she still marked something on her clipboard.

“Am I… Did it work?”

“Why don’t you see for yourself?” Twilight said, as she floated a mirror over, stopping it in front of Spike.

What he saw wasn’t a baby dragon. No, he saw a fully grown earth-pony Stallion with a purple coat and green mane staring back at him. “Lookin' good Spike… Lookin' real good…” He mumbled, before passing out again.

 

[PlunderSteed 1,252]

Contest ends in 3 days! For those who haven't entered their stories yet, or are thinking about doing it, get those hooves a'writing!

 

I slapped together my story within the first hour of the contest being announced, but I never named it. Anyways...fixed (in the Google Doc as well). The story's name is "Prison Cinema", a reference to hallucinations that prisoners and others have experienced when subjected to long-term isolation and sensory deprivation. I also tweaked some of the wording...

 

 

- removed the hint at abuse, since there was no way to address this within the scope of the story without making it sound forced

- removed all references to royalty and family until the last paragraph

- removed all character names, in an effort to avoid beating the reader over the head with the symbolism

 

 

 

New word count: 495

[Heart's Desire 181]

I'm a little nervous now that I know they're going to be critiqued considering I jumped on an idea I had on a whim in a genre I've never used before. Ah well, I stand by my work. Always have, always will. Even the half-flanked stuff.

 

It did have a title though, I must have forgotten to copy it. It should have been labeled Stepping in Gumshoe.

[Juggler 345]

Phew. I'm done! That was really fun! I haven't done anything like this before It was though to keep the character limit. Had to narrow it down quite a lot Nothing against the limit, I'm just saying that it was a challenge. A good challenge

 

Please keep in mind that English isn't my first language, so it may contain some grammar errors...

 

It's a story about Zecora (her lines were so hard to come up with, curse your rhyming Zecora ) and Fluttershy. I really cannot say so much more without ruining the story...

 

I hope you enjoy

 

 

 

 

 

 

”Now I must ask you before we start, is this wish really from your heart?”

 

Zecora looked over at Fluttershy. The potion that she had brewed was nothing like anything she had ever cooked before. It was very complicated, and the slightest error could cause severe consequences. She never wanted to do this potion. She had told Fluttershy about all the risks, but Fluttershy still wanted to go through with it. Zecora didn’t want to be the one keeping Fluttershy from fulfilling her wish. If this was what Fluttershy really wanted, she had to help her. But she still hoped that Fluttershy would change her mind.

 

“Yes, it is.” Fluttershy responded.

 

It wasn’t often you heard such determination in Fluttershy’s voice. She really wanted to do this. Zecora sighed and went over to the caldron. She took a cup and filled it with the thick liquid.

 

”Now I must tell you before you drink this brew. The result it gives I cannot undo”

 

Fluttershy didn’t answer. Zecora handed her the cup.

 

“Now this may stink, but if you want it to work, all of it you must drink”.

 

Slowly Fluttershy lifted the cup up to her lips. Zecora didn’t dare to breathe. What if the potion wouldn’t work? She didn’t want anything bad to happen to her friend.

 

Fluttershy paused. She had brought up the cup up to her lips, but now she just stared down at the brew. There was total silence in the room. It felt like they had been standing there for hours when Fluttershy closed her eyes and drank the potion. The cup slipped out of Fluttershy’s grip and shattered into a thousand pieces when it hit the ground. Suddenly as if being kicked in the stomach Fluttershy fell down to the ground. Tears started pouring from her eyes. Zecora wanted to run up to Fluttershy and help her, but she knew that there was nothing that she could do. The only thing to do was to stand beside and watch. That was the hardest thing that Zecora had ever done, seeing your friend in pain on the ground and there’s nothing that you could do to stop it.

 

Fluttershy twisted and turned on the ground. “Please, just let her pain stop!” Zecora thought to herself, and just as suddenly as it had started, it stopped. Fluttershy just laid there on the ground, lifeless.

Just as Zecora thought that she had failed a bright light came out of Fluttershy’s chest and the ground started to shake. The light was so bright that Zecora had to look away.

 

“Is it over?” Zecora thought to herself. The shaking had stopped. She opened her eyes and slowly turned her head to where Fluttershy was. It took a while for her eyes to adjust, but when they had Zecora breathed a sigh of relief. The potion had worked. She said:

 

“And so now Fluttershy, you are what you always wanted to be. Because now, you finally are, a tree.”

 

 

 

EDIT: Feel free to post some feedback! It would be greatly appreciated!

Edited August 16, 2012 by Juggler

[FedoraMemes 582]

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pull out.

 

I literally have no inspiration right now for writing, my brain is literally dead.

 

Good luck to the rest of the contestants though! (Finest, your's is BAWS! XD)

[Pinkie D Pie 1,036]

Contest ends in 3 days! For those who haven't entered their stories yet, or are thinking about doing it, get those hooves a'writing!

 

Did you get my story, I posted it here, but you never posted it to the list of completed ones? Yeah just wondering.

[Sne 36]

I don't like how many of you write stories with original characters that act completely different than their personality would suggest. Honestly, it looks like you write an OC story, or worse yet, non-pony story, and just replace the names The best case scenario is bad research of the character, while the worst case scenario is simply cheating in the contest.

 

And Juggler, no, the above is not about you, I just had to say that because you posted last and you might think that.

[FoxyCryptid 4,330]

Maybe I should try this. I need some writing exercises, I've grown a little rusty at writing fiction.

[NavelColt 22,881]

I don't like how many of you write stories with original characters that act completely different than their personality would suggest. Honestly, it looks like you write an OC story, or worse yet, non-pony story, and just replace the names The best case scenario is bad research of the character, while the worst case scenario is simply cheating in the contest.

 

And Juggler, no, the above is not about you, I just had to say that because you posted last and you might think that.

 

Hope you plan on contacting the people whom you believe this about, because giving a small little rant without giving names of specific stories or authors probably won't do much.

[cuteycindyhoney 13,307]

I don't like how many of you write stories with original characters that act completely different than their personality would suggest. Honestly, it looks like you write an OC story, or worse yet, non-pony story, and just replace the names The best case scenario is bad research of the character, while the worst case scenario is simply cheating in the contest.

 

And Juggler, no, the above is not about you, I just had to say that because you posted last and you might think that.

 

Did you actually read all of the stories? I'm quite proud of keeping Spike and Twilight "In Character" in my story "An Unaccountable Problem". As for "Cheating in the contest", If you read my story, you will see by the actual theme and subject matter that it was written specifically for THIS contest!

Edited August 16, 2012 by cuteycindyhoney

[Heart's Desire 181]

I don't like how many of you write stories with original characters that act completely different than their personality would suggest. Honestly, it looks like you write an OC story, or worse yet, non-pony story, and just replace the names The best case scenario is bad research of the character, while the worst case scenario is simply cheating in the contest.

 

And Juggler, no, the above is not about you, I just had to say that because you posted last and you might think that.

 

Well, I don't like how you come into this thread and pan all the stories with a blanket statement, accuse people of cheating and don't even put up your own entry to show us how you think it should be done.

 

But you see, that's my problem just as yours is your problem.

 

There are a variety of different levels in writing ability and experience displayed here and they are all a great effort. Attempting to stay true to a character that is not your own can be difficult for new writers. I do not believe anyone is cheating, and I seriously didn't see any glaring missteps which should give rise to such a damning claim.

 

If you would like to provide constructive criticism I'm sure many would welcome it. Unfortunately that is not what you've done.

Edited August 16, 2012 by MoonFeather

[Sne 36]

How do you expect any criticism if you cherry pick what you (don't) want to hear and attack the critic? I never said anyone in particular is cheating, I just presented the whole spectrum of possibilities. Learn to read with understanding, please!

 

If you would like to provide constructive criticism I'm sure many would welcome it. Unfortunately that is not what you've done.

Oh really? I said, in short, that writers should research characters they put into their stories. This is most constructive. If you can't accept criticism, ignore it instead of harassing the critic!

 

As I said, I won't use a good idea on 500 word micro-story. Expecting the critic has to have experience in creating whatever he or she is criticizing is a serious fallacy. I do at least try to research, then stay true to any characters I use. I never said it's easy and that any beginner can do it perfectly--just that it produces better stories and it's therefore worth doing. Don't put words in my mouth!

 

Hope you plan on contacting the people whom you believe this about, because giving a small little rant without giving names of specific stories or authors probably won't do much.

I was reluctant to do so because I hoped anyone who serious enough about writing anything will think about this and judge whether it could apply or not. It's as simple as that. Now I surely won't, because, again, people serious enough will know already and people who are immature and can't accept criticism wouldn't listen anyway.

[Ashbad 969]

Guys, I'm way too tired to deal with pre-shitstorm happenings in this thread. Please keep it purely constructive and if you are going to give C+C please be specific about the story you're critiquing and give specific advice on it.

 

Thanks.

 

Also, one day left to enter! There's a few more entries I haven't updated to the front yet, I'll fix that tonight.

[Heart's Desire 181]

Learn to read with understanding, please!

Follow your own advice.

 

Out of respect for Ashbad I won't continue this any further. I hope everyone else is enjoying reading the entries as much as I am.

[Cocodrillo 1,565]

Guys wait for meeee I´m gonna write something right now just wait an hour or two.. I´ve never written a mlp fanfic before so I hope It will be readable.