What goes through the minds of people who declare they are "leaving the forums"?

[XUNUSEDXXX 3,459]

All my crazy forum topics seem to come later at night...

Anyhow..

 

As my topic states, what are these people thinking when they post these? Whenever someone posts these "I'm leaving da forums" threads, it always seems to cause some sort of drama in a negative tone. This type of drama is especially caused when people don't provide as many details as to why they're leaving. If you're going to bother to post a big ol' thread about your departure, you might as well tell us why. If you say "it's personal reasons" and don't tell us the details, whats the point of even making a topic about it? Attention? Blogs and Status Updates are fine IMO since they don't declare it such like a topic does. But then here's my next point.

 

Why even say you are leaving in the first place? I don't know about you, but I thought I would take a leave from this place at a time since I was barely active and kind of lost interest for a phase. But eventually, I came back and started enjoying the forum again like usual. Saying that you are leaving the forums almost makes it impossible to change your mind and come back without looking like a complete ass. I've seen it happen a couple of times on here where people left and came back later. What's the point?

 

I also have seen people leave the forums, but you see them occasionally check up on it, shown here:

 

 

 

(By the way, I am not bashing any particular members, I am just using them as an example. Both the members mentioned were my friends before they left.)

 

 

Also, Arylett left, according to her blog, on September 26th, but I remember checking up on her profile (before she make her activity private) and seeing that she had come online in late October.

 

 

If you say you lost interest in the forums/community and leave the thing altogether, why do you sometimes come back online the forum? Clearly you have some sort of interest in the place if you take the time to type in the forum's address and log in. Even though you may not come online again after that checkup, by coming online you are basically saying that you do still have some interest in the area and that your "lost interest" certainly wasn't all lost.

 

Sure, people may say that they create these threads so that it is widely known that they leave, but doesn't that just come down to you wanting a share of attention before you leave? Since you are leaving, what does it matter anyway? Like stated earlier, anybody who bothered to notice you were gone would check up on your profile page (if you posted a status update or a blog) and have figured it out.

 

Also, on Fox's topic about the same issue, he stated some good points about why certain people leave the forums. Though, there is one thing I would like to evaluate on:

 

 

What? I'm leaving? Nonono, but here's the problem. I'm sure some elder members understand what I'm about to talk about... For you newcomers/whippersnappers, I'm here to open a thread to discuss why we should limit "Goodbye" threads, and maybe to convince others to stay on the forum.

 

 

I don't necessarily agree with this. Losing interest in something and eventually fading away from it is fine IMO, and I don't think we should be the ones to reprimand them for that.

 

However, here's a nice list he put together:

• Forum Drama
• Bored of Forum
• Attention
• School/Work
• Other

 

 

 

All these factors do apply to the reasons a person leaves the forums.

 

But why declare it? Why make it concrete fact that you are leaving? All you are doing is seeking for attention in a forum that you are supposedly leaving (which makes no sense), and if you do decide to come back, you look like an idiot.

 

/endrant

 

So what are your thoughts? Do you find nothing wrong about these leaving posts? Do you have similar ideas as me?

 

(BTW I know Fox's topic is similar to this, I just wanted to ask different questions and state my opinion)

Edited December 16, 2012 by Scootabloom

[Motion Spark 7,807]

Why is this in the Feedback and Suggestion subforums? anyways....

 

I hate these threads when the user is not serious about it. For example, I remember one particular user who made one of these (kind of serious looking thread) and he or she came back like 1 or 2 days after, I'm not gonna say names, but these are the kind of users that I just don't take seriously and avoid.

Then the people that ends up saying please don't go, we are friends blah blah blah! look like fools at the end of it.

 

After that I disagree with everything, ok I made my "leaving thread", 3 months have passed. Why can't I log on again? I'm not gonna post, I'm just want to lurk the forums a little bit, that doesn't mean that I came back.

 

for example Shankveld made a huge long thread about leaving because she was getting married and more stuff that I don't  remember, why does she can't come back again? I think that your way of thinking is kind of extreme.

[Doctor XFizzle 8,669]

I'm all in favor of taking a break/hiatus from the forums. Don't need to make a huge deal about it and be an attention whore. Just make a status update, a short blog, or just PM some of your closest forum friends and take a break for as long as you need. 

[XUNUSEDXXX 3,459]

After that I disagree with everything, ok I made my "leaving thread", 3 months have passed. Why can't I log on again? I'm not gonna post, I'm just want to lurk the forums a little bit, that doesn't mean that I came back.

I never said that people who log in occasionally after they left have "come back." My question is though, why say you are leaving and you have lost interest in the community if you're just gonna come back and check up? You clearly haven't lost interest if you take the time to log in and have a look at the forums.

 

for example Shankveld made a huge long thread about leaving because she was getting married and more stuff that I don't  remember, why does she can't come back again? I think that your way of thinking is kind of extreme.

I'll link her topic here.

 

She said four points about why she left. Let me list them out:

 

1. lost sense of the community
2. number of people she dislikes outgrows the number of people she likes
3. too busy with life (her wedding)
4. out grown the forum

3/4 of those points had to do with her not liking the community as much as she did. Declaring that, she left.

 

And came back. (Nothing wrong with that she came back, she seems like a great member even though I don't know her personally)

 

But she just made her leaving post completely false in almost every way. I'll number out why again:

 

1. She didn't lose sense in the community.
2. Clearly she wouldn't have come back if she disliked more people than she liked in this forum.
3. She clearly isn't too busy if she's able to be actively on the forum like she is now. Her wedding is over, and if she knew she wasn't gonna be as busy after her whole wedding, why didn't she just state she might come back after it?
4. Out grown the forum? Nope nope nope. Not anymore.

As you can see from this, she, like I said, completely destroyed the purpose of her goodbye thread and drew all of the attention/drama/whatever it may be for nothing in the end.

 

Why is this in the Feedback and Suggestion subforums? anyways....

 

Dunno. The past thread I had about the site got moved here, so I posted here.

Edited December 16, 2012 by Scootabloom

[Shiki 5,855]

Leaving the forums seems like it's quite the spontaneous decision, for most. Same with coming back. People let their mood affect their judgement/reasonable thought process, too much. Leaving is all fine and dandy, and whatnot, if that's what you desire, but I agree that creating an entire thread just about yourself seems like a bit much. This is where I think blogs fit perfectly. Creating a little blog without seeming like a douche about leaving (meaning, "f*** dis playce omj modz suck cuz i post nsfw nd they giv me warnin points im leev 4evr kbai!!!1111111/11/1!") is perfectly understandable. Perhaps just a status update will suffice, if you've got other ways of contact with the people you have befriended on here.

 

What I really hate is when people reply to some responses on their goodbye thread. That's obviously just an attention whore, if you ask me. If you make a leaving post... leave. Don't... respond for 2 hours afterwards... I just don't get that.

 

We need to remember, though, everyone is different. Some people want attention to the point in which they need it for reasons that may be deeper than just their natural personality, so toleration is something that we must hold onto. So, yes, while it may be annoying, letting it affect you too much is also a bit childish/silly on your part (I say "you" referring to everyone, not just OP or something :V ).

[XUNUSEDXXX 3,459]

We need to remember, though, everyone is different. Some people want attention to the point in which they need it for reasons that may be deeper than just their natural personality, so toleration is something that we must hold onto. So, yes, while it may be annoying, letting it affect you too much is also a bit childish/silly on your part (I say "you" referring to everyone, not just OP or something :V ).

 

It doesn't necessarily affect me personally, I just want to know why they make these big threads about it.

 

Big topic doesn't mean im offended or anything

[Motion Spark 7,807]

I never said that people who log in occasionally after they left have "come back." My question is though, why say you are leaving and you have lost interest in the community if you're just gonna come back and check up? You clearly haven't lost interest if you take the time to log in and have a look at the forums.

I lost a lot of interest in facebook, but I always check it up. Losing interest doesn't translate to having no interest.

 

But she just made her leaving post completely false in almost every way. I'll number out why again:   She didn't lose sense in the community. Clearly she wouldn't have come back if she disliked more people than she liked in this forum. She clearly isn't too busy if she's able to be actively on the forum like she is now. Her wedding is over, and if she knew she wasn't gonna be as busy after her whole wedding, why didn't she just state she might come back after it? Out grown the forum? Nope nope nope. Not anymore. As you can see from this, she, like I said, completely destroyed the purpose of her goodbye thread and drew all of the attention/drama/whatever it may be for nothing in the end.

and what's your point? so she doesn't have the right to change her mind and come back if she wants to? so after she makes her thread she should be dead to all of us forever. Hmm...interesting

 

Let me put you an example. Perhaps she lost interest in the community and she hates a lot of people on here ok. She left the forums, then 5 months have passed, but guess what, season 3 is around the corner, she has more time to spare, and she misses her friends from the forums. So because, she left 5 months ago, she doesn't have the right to come back and say hello again? that's pretty radical dude.

 

 

 

Leaving the forums seems like it's quite the spontaneous decision, for most. Same with coming back. People let their mood affect their judgement/reasonable thought process, too much. Leaving is all fine and dandy, and whatnot, if that's what you desire, but I agree that creating an entire thread just about yourself seems like a bit much. This is where I think blogs fit perfectly. Creating a little blog without seeming like a douche about leaving (meaning, "f*** dis playce omj modz suck cuz i post nsfw nd they giv me warnin points im leev 4evr kbai!!!1111111/11/1!") is perfectly understandable. Perhaps just a status update will suffice, if you've got other ways of contact with the people you have befriended on here.

 

What I really hate is when people reply to some responses on their goodbye thread. That's obviously just an attention whore, if you ask me. If you make a leaving post... leave. Don't... respond for 2 hours afterwards... I just don't get that.

 

We need to remember, though, everyone is different. Some people want attention to the point in which they need it for reasons that may be deeper than just their natural personality, so toleration is something that we must hold onto. So, yes, while it may be annoying, letting it affect you too much is also a bit childish/silly on your part (I say "you" referring to everyone, not just OP or something :V ).

The people who made these threads just for the lulz are attention whores, and remember when this thing about making "I'm leaving threads" was the thing, we still didn't have the blog feature.

[XUNUSEDXXX 3,459]

and what's your point?

I thought I made my point really clear. By coming back, she caused all that forum drama and all that unneeded attention for what? Nothing, that's what.

 

so she doesn't have the right to change her mind and come back if she wants to? so after she makes her thread she should be dead to all of us forever. Hmm...interesting

 

Let me put you an example. Perhaps she lost interest in the community and she hates a lot of people on here ok. She left the forums, then 5 months have passed, but guess what, season 3 is around the corner, she has more time to spare, and she misses her friends from the forums. So because, she left 5 months ago, she doesn't have the right to come back and say hello again? that's pretty radical dude.

BTW, before I reply, it was about 3 months she was gone, not 5.

 

What I'm trying to get at is that, by coming back, she has completely canceled out the purpose of making the goodbye thread in the first place. Besides, it doesnt seem morally roght to leave the forum and make a big topic and then come back completely disregarding it.

 

This topic isn't about how people don't have the right to come back, it's more about the goodbye topic and why they do it if they know they might have the possibility of coming back (sure, they may not know it at the time, but the attachment to the forum never really left them). In some cases, why make the goodbye topic and make a huge deal about it then come back a little bit later?

 

Anyway, I gotta head up to bed, I stayed up too late.

Edited December 16, 2012 by Scootabloom

[Moon Rat 4,772]

I personally think that when a person decares that they are leavig it is because they are too emotionally stressed by some of the drama that tends to happen here, on the flipside, when they return, it is because they may have either regained interest or have some friends here that may have no other way they can contact them so they MAY return to say hi, OR they could have just missed the forums and actually started regretting what they have said so they make a return

 

 

they might have meant what they said at first about having lost interest in the forums but after a while they will start thinking about how much more fun this place is/how much nicer we are versus most other places and they want to come back to that warm atmosphere of feeling welcome

[~Master~ Button Mash 2,307]

Unless someone is purposely trying to incite drama, I find it best to simply leave a forum with a whimper than with a bang. I've left online communities in the past, and when I do I simply stop posting. I'll lurk a bit, but my posting drops or stops. And if I decide to come back, I'll apologize for my absence and give my reasons for being gone then, either as a footnote to my first posts since returning or as a topic stating I'm back. No need to bring up any of the drama that might've pushed someone to leave in the first place - the fact that they're back is proof they overcame it - and the community is overall left happy that a past member is back.

 

In other words: optimistic/positive "I'm back" topics > pessimistic/negative "I'm leaving" topics.

Edited December 16, 2012 by Lightning Dust

[XxDashieFanxX 1]

I would tell people that Im going and say bye to some friends... Then when I come back I'll say 'hey guys sorry bout the big break but im back now' something like that...

[Tom 891]

Perhaps some people want the attention or would like everyone to know they're leaving.

 

Either way, it may seem redundant to make a thread about it if your gonna come back sometime latter.

But people don't know what lies ahead all the time, so in their minds they may think they are leaving for good.

 

In which case it's perfectly reasonable to have some farewell thread and announce your departure to everyone else.

Edited December 16, 2012 by Tom

[XrosOver 613]

What goes through my mind is the simple question why? What made them want to leave the forums? Can I convince them to stay? I really don't want to see them go. I really hope that no one feels the need to leave the forums because seeing them on the forums makes all of our experiences a little brighter. We could get into an engaging conversation about nothing and have a good time doing it. Why would you leave that?

[khaine21x3 789]

The forum members and brony community made me realize what's been missing from my life and I might leave the fandom behind to pursue those goals in the future.I know that there are people who make drama threads when they leave but I think I'll just write a "thank you" thread or stop logging in.

[Scootaloo Is Best Filly 578]

I say it's a mixture of wanting to be noticed or wanting to be liked. Some are probably hoping for something like this. ("Wait please don't go. I love the fact that you're here. You are one of my favorite people on the forums") Etc.etc. Some might just be impulse. Let me explain........ Let's just say you're having a really bad day. You start thinking that maybe you should leave the forum. You go on and quickly write out the topic that you are taking a break or leaving the forums permanently. Hours later you're finally thinking to yourself "You know what? Maybe I was wrong. I really do love that forum maybe I should go back" I admit I have those thoughts that I should leave a forum from time to time. But, I take a deep breath and realize that maybe I wasn't as tired from that forum as I thought and was just angry or had a bad day.  So those people that do make the "Leaving the forums" thread maybe they should sleep on it and think to themselves "Do I really wanna leave this forum or will I just come back after a day or two or a week or two" Sit back and weigh out the pro's and con's of the situation. If you still feel the same way hours later maybe you really do wanna leave.

[Wingnut 7,000]

Those angry, pissed off posts about leaving a forum because “I was dissed, nobody replies to my posts, nobody loves me, blah blah, blah” irk the hell out of me. At its core, these posts are very selfish, like a suicide threat, but obviously of a less serious nature. But obviously something happened to drive an individual to that point. I don't judge people without walking in their shoes first. Like Fluttershy, I strive to give people the benefit of the doubt. They may be going through some kind of hardship we're not aware of. But if they can't reveal what their real problem is in an effort to get help, well, what good does lashing out in an online forum do? Unless their grievances are based in reason, “I quit” threads are little more than attention whoring to me.

 

It also irks me when people angrily storm out “for good” only to return some time later. Leave if you must, but don't be nasty or melodramatic. Even if you think you're never returning, burning bridges is rarely a good idea.  If the precise problem is a dispute between specific members, I'm sure mediation guidelines exist. 

[Batbrony 16,055]

Yeah, not gonna lie, I don't like "Goodbye Forums" threads.  As you pointed out, at their core, those threads are kinda asinine and nothing more than attention-drawers.  I say, if you leave the forums and actually want people to know, just post on your profile feed, "Think I'm gonna leave the forums," or "Gonna take a break from the forums for awhile".  That way, if people start wondering where you are and visit your profile, they'll know, but if they want a bigger explanation, they can either comment on your feed or send you a private message.  No need for a thread that's just designed as an attention grabber.

Edited December 16, 2012 by Batbrony

[Mephala 2,633]

I did make a thread about leaving once, but that was just a hiatus and it was nothing permanent.

I also made a blog toying with leaving but it seemed attention whorey so I deleted it.

I've had my fandango with leaving, then, and for me it's usually because of drama or low points in my life. I can act like an idiot when I'm upset and they're sort of a way to relieve stress.

When I realized no one actually gave a f*ck and I looked like a fool I stopped and grew up a little. Now they irk me as well, which is a little hypocritical.

Unless someone plans on leaving for a long time or permanently, then use a blog post or status update rather than a thread.

Edited December 16, 2012 by PinkieDaShy

[Starshine 16,334]

Oh yeah. This thread reminds me of a certain word from Feld0
 

It takes some ego to think yourself important enough to warrant a prominent community-wide proclamation of your leaving.

 

Most of the case the leavers feel that they're unappreciated or harassed, the leaving thread would be their desperate attempt to get more 'love', and if the thread is successful they will say, "I have no idea everyone loves me this much. k I'm not going!"

 

Someone who is very serious at leaving or taking a hiatus can be easily distinguished from those who don't. We can't blame these guys from checking the forum every once in a while. Maybe someone sent a PM to them and they need to reply? There is also this one profile that keeps getting comments even after the user already stated clearly that she will never come back.

[Cupcake Ice Cream 436]

To me there are a few types of I'm leaving threads. I have moderated several forums, owned one that is gone and own another that now exists...

 

This might piss a few people off...sorry in advance

 

1. The temporary hiatus - Ok I get it. Sometimes people want the forum to know they have a forced or needed break but will be back. Not crazy about the post but whatever

 

2. The lying dramatic - Claims he/she is leaving but not going to. Just attention-whoring and basically looking for people to bathe them in love and necessity. This really ticks me off because the person knows they aren't leaving, they just want scores of members to throw the obligatory "Oh know we love you here!" or  "Please stay!" so they can go on with the dramatic membership. On a forum I moderate we have one member who threatens monthly to leave. Frankly I wish the owner would let us boot her

 

3. The angry dramatic - This is the one that pisses me off the most. We all know the thread. "I'm leaving, this place has changed." or "I'm leaving, too much drama." People have to have their last hurrah and thing that somehow their magic words will fix the place. If drama exists it isn't going to go away with a dramatic exit. In the end, you'll be gone and the drama will still be there (that is of course if there WAS drama in the first place. Often time it can be imagined or self-created in which case I don't feel sorry for you)

 

Every forum I have ever left because I felt it was falling apart...I just walked out. Didn't need to make a dramatic exit and I didn't need to have legions of people begging me to stay. I just figured either

 

A. It IS falling apart in which case I don't need to be around the poison

 

or

 

B. I am being a big baby and imaging it in which case I should probably leave and get over myself

 

either way it's silent

[Bucky McGillyCuddy 956]

I can't really think of any other reason than the person just wanting attention. If you aren't enjoying yourself, leave you don't need a reason and if you do have one we don't need to hear it.

[One 498]

When I left for a month my status said "Be back soon, maybe not." I wasn't trying to gather any attention, but was rather informing people about my departure and that there is no persice to the time of when I would be back. I left because I was angry at the forums, but all is not forgiven. I hate you all.

[A Glimpse of Everything 129]

Well, it's fine that they leave. But why make a forum post about it? That kinda annoys me on several other websites. Where someone says "Alrighty guys, I'm leaving." And then one day later they're back saying; "I'm back! :D" 

 

I gave myself a headache from facedesking so hard. -.-

[NavelColt 22,881]

Almost every time someone wants to 'leave' the forums, they end up asking the staff for their account to be banned or removed. Why do people ask to this? Simple. Because they want that feeling of permanence that's out of their own control, because they don't trust themselves in having the self-control to never come back. The wise person would realize this, end the charade, and just go on hiatus for a while, cool off, and return to the community when they felt ready, or as soon as they're able to get their life back in order. Unfortunately, drama always prevails, people hastily and determinedly decide they're leaving for good, and they firmly look at the situation with a near-sighted fixation; not truly realizing that the likelihood of them never returning is staggeringly low.

 

The truth is, the people who vanish forever are usually the people who never make a single peep about it; the folks who don't announce it or show it in any way, shape or form. Just something to keep in mind.

 

I'm not trying to call out individuals, or future people who do this, but this is really something people need to keep in mind, because it's usually pretty spot on. No one can blame folks for getting stressed, and making rash decisions that they'll inevitably change their mind over, but it's also a good idea to be aware of that mindset, and when you may be delving into it. Taking a few days or weeks, or even an indefinite hiatus to move past whatever the issue happens to be is just as effective as, and more healthy than 'I'm severing my connection to this community'.

 

We don't want to lose ponies :3

[Sweet Dreams 1,893]

Well, I almost had to leave this place last week, and I only joined about 2 months ago. Mainly because my parents aren't happy with me talking to you guys. Apparently, you're 'creeps'. And my mum doesn't want me making pony art anymore, because it's a 'waste of my potential'. So sometimes, people actually need to leave this place. 

 

But reasons like this, are well, kinda stupid. If you don't want to be here anymore, no need to make a big deal about it. Just stop posting, and stop coming here. Simple as that. And those making threads saying, 'nobody loves me, you guys suck' are just looking for attention. In the most annoying way possible.