Looking for a proof reader

[jreidsma 54]

Hi everyone

 

Just wondering if anyone is interested in looking over or proof reading my fanfiction and telling me if anything needs changed. It's also on the other sites in my signature incase someone doesn't want to use fimfiction.

 

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/84826/the-light-and-dark-of-insanity

 

On fanfiction.net I have over 170 views, but 160+ of them are only on chapter one and no one is reading the rest of the chapters. So is the first chapter a turn off considering the rest of the story?

 

First time writing anything outside of the essays at school, figured I would give it a go and see what happened. Have four favorites and a follower on fimfiction so far so i guess it must not suck completely

 

Some worries/issues I am wondering about:

 

-Imagery, do I need to add more into it? I would like to get someone else's opinion on it before I go an rewrite the whole thing (well, add to it)

 

-I saw in the "A Friendly Proof Reader" thread that you can use dashes (-) for actions occuring during dialogue. I have always been told to use commas like in the following:

 

"blah blah," Character stands up, "blah."

 

In all of my honors english classes we have been told to do that, but the dashes look a bit easier to understand. If it seems like a good idea I can edit all the actions to use dashes instead of commas.

 

-Like mentioned above, chapter one... Is it a turn off? Does it need to be scrapped and rewritten at all to match the rest of the story?

 

-I am probably going to redo the description, it was the first thing I did and it was rather hastely put together. Along with the title, I may rename the fanfic. "The Light and Dark of Insanity" seems a bit long to me, after throwing some shorter things into fimfiction's search bar I was maybe thinking:

--The Castle's Shadow

--Past of Insanity

--The Electric Castle

--Equestria's Shadow

 

 

Along with those there may be a few grammer mistakes, I tried to find them all but grammer is not my strong suit at times

 

I need to make or get someone to make a cover art picture for it also...

Edited April 10, 2013 by jreidsma

[flimflam 18]

Sorry if this sounds weird but.... Pretty pretty pleeeeaaase can i proofread your fic? I have asked so many people if I could proofread, they all had enough

[Rascal~ 657]

dude do you have Wattpad? its an amazing site and app and you can post it with almost a garuntee that someone will read it. i even know of people who have gotten famous because of it and many people have series and that, i even have my own book up there

[jreidsma 54]

Sorry if this sounds weird but.... Pretty pretty pleeeeaaase can i proofread your fic? I have asked so many people if I could proofread, they all had enough

If you want sure

 

I am in the process of going through it myself. The first two chapters currently are the only ones updated. I am mainly adding in more dialogue tags and changing the dialogue.

 

 

I have never heard of this Wattpad app, may have to look it up in a little bit.

[Rascal~ 657]

Its a great website and app on the Iphone or Ipodtouch or Ipad... but there arent many stories on mlp on there and I think it could be a good edition ...( If only someone other than me was actully useing the site )