Ways in Which You Have Changed

[Hawk Moth 390]

The title pretty much sums it up. How have you changed since you were a kid? For kids, have you changed in the last few years?

 

For me, I used to be a pretty bad person. I was pretty bigoted in that I didn't like gay or black people and I was pretty sexist as well. Around college that really started to change for me. I questioned a lot of my beliefs and made a conscious effort to think better things and be more accepting of people. I still have issues to get over, but I've improved a lot in the last decade. Being a brony and interacting with the community has also led me to change a lot about my opinions. I'm accepting of gay people now and support gay marriage, when a few years ago, I wouldn't have. I empathize a lot more too with gay, bi, and transgender people as well. I think I'm a better and more understanding person as a result. It's definitely nicer to accept rather than hate people. I've always had anger problems, but now I have less to randomly get angry about. Now, I have a bi best friend and another great friend who is transgender. It would be terrible if I was still my old self, dismissing them based solely on biology as they're some of the nicest people I've ever known.

 

The other big thing is that before college I didn't know how much of a talent I had for writing. I always made up little stories, and as a kid I'd make plot lines for my Legos and action figures, but it wasn't until my Sophomore year of college that I took an intro to creative writing as an elective and learned just how naturally writing came to me.

[Arylett Charnoa 4,919]

Lots of good interesting topics cropping up here in Everfree. Keep it up, people!

 

Take a seat, because I'm going to give you a long explorative post on everything. I am going to be very frank, because I'm not ashamed.

 

I will start from how much I have changed from the age of 11 and onwards - since that is when I can actually remember things and started to develop a more self-aware mind. Before that, I don't consider myself as sentient, because as a younger child... my brain was a fog that I was hard-pressed to comprehend, let alone anything outside of it. So it makes things VERY difficult to remember. That could be considered a way I have changed though.

 

The thing about me though is that I never change DRASTICALLY. My overall core remains the same - hesitant, sympathetic, intensely emotional. I consider these to be developments more so than changes. I'll stop babbling now though and get to the point. 

 

Starting with that mental fog, I had much of it when I was younger. A lot of it has cleared through exploration and therapy. My mind is still kind of foggy, and it's honestly very difficult at times for me to piece together and make connections. I'm not a very good puzzle solver, and when I consume media, I can't quite grasp many things that normal people seem to. But I understand a LOT more than I did before.

 

My adventures through therapy have changed my thoughts considerably on what is healthy behavior. I was... negative and delusional. Far too hard on myself, I held myself to perfect robotic standards. I didn't understand other people as well, and could not comprehend that they even had flaws. It felt isolated, so alone. Other people didn't seem to have the same emotions as me in my mind. I thought of other people as being more perfect beings, and myself as a flawed incomplete wreck who needed to be tossed into a trash can. The self-loathing was immense, so immense that I could see very little good about myself and focused on all the giant holes in my personality. I'd constantly rip myself apart with my thoughts, insulting myself. So much hatred, and a ridiculous sense of responsibility for everything. I felt like I could do better, like I could control myself, and didn't allow myself any margin for error. And everyone around me would question it. Why does she hate herself so much? She's not that bad.

 

I didn't understand how they could think this for a long time. Now I do. I still... have remnants of being too hard on myself, But I can see where they're coming from when they question my hatred now, because I don't believe all those bad things about myself anymore. When I insult myself now, it feels empty and hollow. It means nothing, and now I know it isn't true.

 

And I have understand that other people are not robots too. They are just as flawed, and in some cases, even more flawed than I am . From what my therapist has told me, and several others too, I have managed to piece together that I am actually exceptional in some regards compared to others. That there are some very good things about me that manage to stand as shining examples above the rest. I am very unique, in many good ways, and from being alone for such a long time, I couldn't see that. I hope that doesn't sound arrogant.

 

That's one of the more major ones, but there's more.

 

I'm making progresses in real life as well. I still exist in my mind, and imagine that will never change. But I'm starting to realize the importance of the physical. Of touch, and how important things like having a job or going to school can be to you. I miss having something to do. It is important to mental development, though not as important to me as some others. I'm getting out more, talking to more people, and slowly becoming more confident. Everyone else might not think it's much, but for me, to have already gotten two job interviews is a huge deal. And I even did decently on the last one, in spite of being so ridiculously shy. I would've never been able to do that two years ago. I'm getting more things done, and I feel overall less nervous and anxious. It's not as major as people want it to be, or even as I want it to be, but I can't be too hard on myself. It's not entirely my fault.

 

That's another thing. If you want to improve, you have to take it slow. I used to think that you have to make a big change suddenly for it to count, but little steps are important. Big changes can deter and even frighten me, and make me go back into my shell. 

 

So too have I changed in being more assertive, and more confident in the things I say. I still feel like everything I say is... more unstable and stupider than what everyone else says, but I feel like it isn't more often than not. What other people think is starting to affect me less too. I'm not as hyper sensitive, and even managed to brush off when somebody so callously shoved horrible things I said in the past in my face instead of just summing up the situation overall. I just didn't care. I didn't care what they thought, or that they thought that I was wrong. Because deep down inside, I knew I was right. And I knew it with such intensity that the opinion just slid off. It still hurt my feelings, but I recovered. I didn't see that situation as pointless, or even useless either. I viewed it in a more positive light, and saw it as having a different purpose. To improve my relationship with the person I experienced it with. And that's a huge change. Because before, I would've just stomped off with my tail between my legs. Embarrassed, ashamed, and feeling like a fool. But my opinion matters just as much as everyone, and it should be the most important one in my life. I've changed in that regard too.

 

Speaking of that, I have also changed in that I realize the value of teamwork. Before, I just wanted to work alone because I saw other people as constraints. Not because I thought their talents were useless or inferior to me though. But because my fear of their opinions would restrain me from expressing my true self, and from being helpful. And I didn't want to share the credit either. I still like to do things myself, but I have now learned that if you find the right person, you can be an unstoppable team that truly works together as a unit. And can accomplish things beyond your wildest dreams. I'm only one person, and I can't do everything on my own. I don't have the time, the energy, or the resources. You need other people sometimes, because we're not designed to be completely self-sufficient. I am more open to teamwork now. 

 

I've also changed in that I have learned what the meaning of the word "realistic" is. Before, I used to think of it as being synonymous with cynicism and pessimism. Something people say when they're being negative. But now I understand that being overly negative too is unrealistic, and the importance in BALANCE. I was a person of extremes, of black and white. And to some extent, I still am. But I understand the importance of a spectrum. Balance is the key to healthy behavior.  

 

The thing about many of these changes is that they are more recent developments over the past two years. It wasn't until I started therapy that I really ramped up. But it did take overall ten years for me to get to where I am. 

 

And there you go. If for some reason, you were ever interested in learning more about me on this topic, you have plenty of information now. 

[Skye Starlight 223]

I have! Thank you for noticing! I've... Uh... Become smarter? I've become lazier too... I, uh... Moved schools?

 

Can't I just tell you what hasn't changed for the last 10 years?

 

I still love purple, dolphins, cute things, pokemon...

I'm still really nice, sensitive, shy, insecure...

 

The only things that have changed are my friends, my school, and what I want to be when I grow up/graduate.

 

Oh dear, that's a list...

 

In order, I've wanted to be: A ballerina, a pop star, a Marine Biologist, a Child Care worker, a Let's player!

 

Can you beleive that only my interest, my friends, my location and my dream have changed since I was young?

[Planty 1,053]

 

 

Speaking of that, I have also changed in that I realize the value of teamwork. Before, I just wanted to work alone because I saw other people as constraints.

 

Wow thanks for the interesting read ,

 

I have to agree with the group work situation, but from an opposite viewpoint. When I was younger I was always top in my class (up until A-levels) and always believed myself to be on a different intelligence level to everyone else. There was only 1 other person who i believed was on my level so unless i was working in a group with them i just couldn't because i saw them as inferior and a hindrance.

 

It was not until college that I fully understood the value of being able to use your gifts in tandem with others to be an effective team. I have lead many different teams for different things and love team work now , however I admit (and although his is few and far between) at times I still like to be on my own to allow my own thoughts to flow and because I think I can do better on my own.

[Eureka 1,119]

I dont think I really changed much. I'm still a kid at heart, even if I'm almost 15.

 

I still play with Legos

 

I still love listening to stories

 

I guess I just am like... Smarter?

[Pripyat Pony 2,608]

I haven't changed much, not the core being. But I am a lot less paranoid, and a lot more sociable. The first is cuz I came out of my dark place, where I selfharmed, drank my own blood and was depressed; the second is cuz I worked hard at it. I was undiagnosed as Aspergers all thru my teenage years which didn't help when being with other people cuz I wasn't on the same page as they were. Now, I still am not, but cuz I've worked at socialising I can at least pretend I am for a short while. XD

[Friendship_Cannon 1,676]

Oh, well, I have changed a lot over the last years...

I hadn´t really found my place, I mean, I had (let´s say) a few unlucky years during school, all of them more or less. But ever since I left school, and especially since I joined this community I´ve gotten over it.

I looked at my life, asking myself what i did wrong (too much and too detailed to even start mentioning anything), and now I feel like I´m doing better xD.

I´ve been the incarnation of a grumpy person, I wasn´t nice (I was very, very shy and scared) as a result nobody was nice to me, as a result I got even grumpier...and so on, bla blub, long story short:

Change starts with you. So I talked to people, looked for people with the same interest, made friends (for the very first time real ones I guess), started living...

Then, not too short later I became a Brony. Best thing that could have happened, I thought. Wasn´t taking it seriously as I met the first people that are (like I am now) trying to live after love, respect and tolerance, well, was just to good to believe in it, my bad.

I talked to a few people, i still do, and to say it in a meme: "faith in humanity restored!"

Over all the cool people, new friends, new opinions, the show, the art, more, and more I lost the grumpyness and became happy. I still have problems, everyone has, big or small ones, but I´m facing them now, I just grew an ego, and decided just to enjoy the heck out of my life.

Still far from perfect, but I gotta thank everyone of you, for just being the way you are, and (aware or not aware of it) making my life so much better, so much funnier, more interesting and all-around 20% cooler.

[Heartstrings 102]

I've changed a lot in the past decade or so. I went from being a social, hyper kid who would speak his mind at every opportunity to a reclusive, shy person who has a lot of trouble with people. I used to always be changing, I'd look back at myself 12 months earlier and see someone completely different than the person I am today. However, in the past 2 or 3 years I've really started to stay the same. My interests and goals and beliefs are really frozen where they are and I'm not too sure what I think about it. 

 

Before grade 7 or so, I think that was the year, not too sure. I was always with people. I talked to them, tried to befriend them, tried to get them to know me and such. I was always chatting with people at school and had a rather huge group of friends. 

 

Then, in grade 7 my parenty moved, taking me with them a slinging me to a bunch of different schools and each time I made less and less friends. By the time were settled in a place I had given up on friend making and basically spent a couple years in total isolation, not talking to anyone. 

 

Today, I'm pretty much secluded. Not really having any friends aside from a few internet buddies that are so far away I'll never meet them in real life. Now, you'd think that sucks, but I'm actually quite content with how I've turned out. I'm happy with my beliefs and interests. My biggest change was starting to get interested in drawing (about 2 years ago).

 

But yeah, that's pretty much it ^^

 

 

 

 

 

 

[NightOwl 912]

There are things I've done as a kid I'm not really proud of. 

 

For example I wasn't very respectful towards peoples feelings. 

 

But over the years I've seen the consequences of my actions and the effects that it had on me.  

 

It's been such a great learning experience over the years and I've matured a lot since I was a kid. 

 

I am now a kind and more friendlier person. Even If I seem very shy . 

[Mister G 101]

When I was a kid, I believed that if you watch something for girls, you WILL be considered gay.

I even hated homosexuals.

I also was intolerant of what people believe

And I was immature.

Everytime I get called gay, sometimes I even cry, most of the time related to my Bronydom.

Next Thursday, I'm gonna turn 14, and I thought about the stupid things I did back then,

and decided to remove my undesirable traits.

And this show actually changed me, and it helped to develop my backbone.

Now, I don't care about your religion or your gender, as long as you're okay with it, that's fine for me.

I even believe that my classmates who call me gay are just trying to test my emotional maturity so I could survive in the real world.

Thank you guys.

Edited April 11, 2013 by Noflippinbody

[Envy 6,162]

Sadly, I don't know much I have really changed when I really think about it... =(

 

As a kid I was very immature. I was very oversensitive and cried at everything. lol. Then as a teenager, well... I kept the immaturity, I just turned it into drama. Lots of drama. I tried to get a social life, and a lot of times it failed, and that made me begin to distrust everybody and become extremely paranoid. That's a trait I have not completely shaken off these days. In fact, I have gotten worse in some similar aspects... Like now I mostly avoid social interactions because I don't want to annoy people. Funny, it's not so much of a distrust anymore, it's more of a "I'm a burden, I'll leave you be" type of thing now. Anyway, around this time I also went through a couple of auditions that went less well than I wanted them to, and this simultaneously made me bitter toward the directors and feel worthless. I'm not sure how, because it was kind of contradictory. But that's drama! lol.

 

All in all my self-esteem became quite low. The last several years I've loved to talk about how I got so much better, but I don't know... I'm back to feeling like it's not really possible for me. My social life has, however, seen a big boost. Still, my attitude only differs around those friends and not anybody else.

 

That's (musically) still not how I want things to end, though. I just don't know if I have the power anymore...

[Mister G 101]

Sadly, I don't know much I have really changed when I really think about it... =(

 

As a kid I was very immature. I was very oversensitive and cried at everything. lol. Then as a teenager, well... I kept the immaturity, I just turned it into drama. Lots of drama. I tried to get a social life, and a lot of times it failed, and that made me begin to distrust everybody and become extremely paranoid. That's a trait I have not completely shaken off these days. In fact, I have gotten worse in some similar aspects... Like now I mostly avoid social interactions because I don't want to annoy people. Funny, it's not so much of a distrust anymore, it's more of a "I'm a burden, I'll leave you be" type of thing now. Anyway, around this time I also went through a couple of auditions that went less well than I wanted them to, and this simultaneously made me bitter toward the directors and feel worthless. I'm not sure how, because it was kind of contradictory. But that's drama! lol.

 

All in all my self-esteem became quite low. The last several years I've loved to talk about how I got so much better, but I don't know... I'm back to feeling like it's not really possible for me. My social life has, however, seen a big boost. Still, my attitude only differs around those friends and not anybody else.

 

That's (musically) still not how I want things to end, though. I just don't know if I have the power anymore...

It was only this week (specifically today), when I managed to get it together.

Well, I believe in the quote "Growing old is compulsory; growing up is optional".

[Antismurf9001 1,271]

Apparently when I was little, I was extremely social with everyone and everything.  As I grew older though, that changed drastically.  Sometime between 6th and 7th grade I believe, I started to back away from being social.  I'm not entirely sure why this happened, but my best guess is that I decided that people who talk a lot are the people with the most enemies, and I hate the thought of people disliking me.  Since then, I've continued digging that asocial hole until I am who I am now in college, where if I don't have classes on a certain day, oftentimes the only reason that I leave my dorm is because I know that if I don't take a long walk around campus, I will probably have a hard time falling asleep later.

[aconitedarcksinger 3]

I feel like I've changed a lot.

 

About a year ago, My self esteem dropped very low. I felt so worthless. Starting this year, I've been going to a therapist, and learning to deal with problems.

 

I've also become more confident in expressing myself. I dress how I want, and watch ponies all day no matter what someone thinks. I write and draw, and I'm not afraid to share it woth others.

 

I've become more educated. Yes, because of school. But also, because I strive for answers to ALL of my questions. My curiosity has sparked since I was young.

 

Ive grown as a person so much, more than I realize, sometimes.

[Pixelated_Puffin 12]

Preschool- I liked dinosaurs and read about them in my dinosaur encyclopedia (mainly just looked at the pictures though) and I made my first enemy when I didn't know something that somebody did and they blurted it out (bucking show off)

Kindergarten- I made my first friend loved doing math and liked to read non-fiction at the library (my teacher was really stupid though and though 100x100=1000 because 1000 is the highest number)

1st and 2nd grade- I made friends with a psycho and the rest of the boys in my class (they were a group thing) and started to read at least 1 book about animals a day but I lost my kindergarten friend

3rd grade- I started to find out my friend was a psycho and read every book about animals in the library so I started reading fiction when the year was almost over I got accepted into a special gifted class at a different school and found it to be my chance to leave the psycho

4th and 5th grade- I quickly became friends with the whole gifted class which was already a little group of friends and finally got to use my head at school but I lost all my old friends

7th grade (skipped 6th)- still in the gifted program I had only 2 classes of it and hated middle school I hated all the people too so I made no friends I couldn't believe how stupid everybody was and my parents allowed me to bad homeschooled next year

Homeschooling- I have forgotten my friends (except for 1) because now they all seem stupid especially the stupid ones I don't do much actual school work so I have almost the while day as freetime and I often research things for 8+ hours in one day because of this I've found what I believe based on facts and I found out more than I'd expect from a collage education about random fields of science

 

So now I'm guy that uses the Internet allmost all day to watch ponies do reaserch and look at memes

[DND 2,355]

Well, I guess I'll get understanding myself a try. Might as well reflect. I might even feel better...

 

As I've become more self aware over the years, I've come to realize that skating through the easy way Isn't always gonna have a result that you believe is better for you. Well, the thing is... I'm horrid at math. I've been below grade level for years, and I've kept my habit of convincing teachers that I could do no better and stay behind at my level. The truth is quite the opposite, I mean, maybe if I took the time to have a tutor or something, I could catch up with the other kids and actually be on track to graduate High School. But here, in this stink'in school district, if your'e in a below grade level class, in which I've been forcefully assigned in, you do not earn credits. Considering that this is my Freshman year, I haven't earned a single credit in math thus far. What a silly thing it was to think I would try to get a good diploma. I might even have to run the risk of becoming a 'super-senior'.

 

Also something that's held on to me all these years is people. Yes, I'm one of those pony fans that sort of stand to that 'stereo-typical, get picked on a lot, no-body' kinda crud all of those haters bash on us. You see, in my small town, lots of people stick to what they routinely do, and become very paranoid and gossip and spread around their opinions. Yes, the same can be said with everybody. My family and I are having a really tough time getting around all of these rumors that we're some dysfunctional mess. We just kept to ourselves for the longest time, because we finally decided that contouring everything wouldn't help anything. Besides, all things die down eventually, right?

 

Well, at my school, It hasn't happened yet. I have people constantly countering to what I say, always the odd one out of groups, and so fourth. 'I'm just that stupid kid that everyone should relieve their stress on'. For a while, I believed everything that people were throwing at me. I decided I should stay at my math level. I decided that I really was a nobody and would be a mess when I'm older. Well, until this year I did that. I've been self-aware about my self for a while now, but I never had the guts to stick up for myself. I soon realized that I had talent, and I shouldn't focus on my flaws. I should gain more strength at my talents. Something really interesting was shown to my class yesterday, and it really boosted my self esteem, knowing even though I have some major flaws, I can become what I want I to be, and I shouldn't hold onto it: http://www.teachhub.com/12-successful-stars-learning-disabilities

[Freewave 1,145]

I feel like i have a creative outlet that i didn't have before (i was making BAD music and practically no one was listening to it) and I'm a much better musician then where i started, I'm a more positive and more patient person then before, and it's something i can share with my kids which is a wonderful thing. Also have a lot of friendships and aquaintances from this community that i didn't have before. I'm a LOT more busy which does make it a bit of a work schedule outside of a work schedule but i don't often see that as a bad thing (even if sometimes i do burn the candle at both ends).

[Thrashy 2,800]

Hoo, boy. Dare I add to this thread?

 

Well, I've always been a very shy person, passive and withdrawn. I was a loner at school, and anyone who I did end up befriending was usually just as much of an awkward oddball as I was, if not moreso. Quite frequently I was the target of mean-spirited bullying (nothing physical), seemingly for no reason at all...this was especially true in middle school. I got quite angry, but I never did anything about it. It struck me as odd as to why I was such a target; I never wore glasses, I wasn't grossly overweight, or even openly nerdy. I guess for some bullies, sensitivity is enough of a reason.

 

High school was radically different. I was still a loner, sure, but rather than be constantly picked on, I was constantly ignored, a virtual ghost. That may sound horrible to some of you, but let me tell you that after the hell that was middle school, I reveled in the lack of attention I got in high school.

 

All this in mind, my former nature could be summed up thusly: I hated people. My self-esteem was nonexistent because of people. Any time I was in public, I would make myself look as unwelcoming as possible in order to discourage others from interacting with me. And on the rare occasion anyone did choose to talk to me, it would be so unexpected for me that my responses were often delayed...picture me blinking, taking 5 seconds or so to process what was said to me, and stammering out a reply as if to say "Oh...you're talking to ME?"

 

I've changed a bit in recent years, though not a whole lot. I still have quite a bit of loathing for people in general, but now I make an effort to at least try and give them the benefit of the doubt. After all these years, it's still hard to look at any random stranger on the street and not think "potential enemy," but every time I catch myself thinking that way, I try to tell myself "Cool it, bro. Not everyone's out to get you." I rarely engage others in conversation but...well, that's just because I'm really quite a lousy conversation starter. If someone starts talking to me, though, I make the effort to be quite personable.

 

Most striking of my changes is how I present myself in public. My body language always used to convey "leave me be" with folded arms slouchy posture etc., but now I make it a point to appear more confident and approachable. Certainly this has been the cause for the sharp increase in the number of people who come up and talk to me, and as such I have a much wider circle of friends than I used to.

 

In short, I'm not nearly as closed-off and hateful of people as I used to be. But I'm still quite wary...recently I've found that some of the new people I meet, a few of whom I had come to regard as "close friends," seem to have started planting knives in my back left and right. I'm trying my best to take it all in stride, but it's gotten me to a point where I've taken to the apple juice, so to speak. It's not become a huge problem, it really isn't an addiction so much as a dependency...which if that sounds like a bunch of horseapples, it's really not. A pony just needs to take the edge off sometimes...

 

Anyway, that's my grand transformation. Another thing that has immensely helped shape me as a person is heavy metal, both listening to it and writing my own. It's a great way to get my aggressions out without...uh, harming anyone.

[TomokoKuroki 1,707]

I have changed a lot from the kid i once was. I used to be a very negative person, I didn't care about people's feelings, beliefs or my own of each. I was sad and depressed, and hated people because of it.What I didn't realize is that it was my fault why people didn't like me for who I was. I brought the depression and lonelyness on my own end.

 

But over the years I kind of stood in place, until I met one of the best people I've ever met. My best friend. She wanted to be my friend even though how stand offish I may of seemed. Eventually I let her win, and we became "friends". But one day I was feeling really bad that day, and she just bothered me it seemed at the time. And I was really angry with her. That was the first time I made anyone cry, and she made me feel for the first time my own medicine.

 

From there I decided to try to open my mind more, and be more passive. I tried to understand why people see things the way they do, and as i learned more about others, I learned more about myself. Eventually I opened myself up and expressed my emotions that I built up for roughly 8 years. It felt good knowing I had someone who i could trust, someone to talk to. And at that moment I realized how precious friendship was to me.

 

As I let the negative out, I started putting the positive in. I went outside more and more importantly, I became happier. And she became happier too, she was so glad to see me smile! and it felt good to smile honestly again. Sadly not all good things last. My best friend was a foregin exchange student, and was going back to her home in Spain. I was so sad that day.

 

She told me that she sought to be my friend because she had no one she knew, and I didn't have any friends, so she thought we had something in common. After school we hanged out until she had to leave to pack for her departure flight. And i felt sad and negative again. But I thought of her, and that she wouldn't want to see me like that. So i made the effort to be the best I can. And so when we email eachother, she can see that I have truely taken a turn for the best.

 

My change in my attitude increased my grades, and i learned how interested i am in various different subjects, what kind of talents I do have, and what kind of a person I could become. So since then I've made an effort to try to understand everything I can, in as many perspectives as i can so that I can hopefully be that same kind of friend for someone else, and pay it forward. It progressed from trying to be the best I could for her, to being the best I could for me. and my family; who was so concerned for me, but filled with joy as I changed.

 

I am so thankful for all the things my friend has done for me. Because of her I can walk this life feeling happy, and be proud of the transformation I have made.

Edited April 11, 2013 by Hayzelestia

[Philosophy Pony 123]

I have changed dramatically! And still have a lot to change as well.

I used to feel as if everyone lived in there own box. And we would just wake up everyday, go to work, come home, eat, sleep and repeat. My life was totally linear and stale.

Then something horrible started to happen. Everyday it felt like my life was still dull, grey, and unquestionably devastating. I started to get these panic attacks when i got myself in sticky situations, but gradually overtime I started having panic attacks over little things, like if I forgot to bring a pencil to my next class.

And it got even worse. Anxiety,clinical depression,and I even developed a hatred for people in general.

 

But it was around my 16th birthday that everything was about to change. 

 

So around this time I tried to get back into the hang of things, witch was utterly hopeless. I dated this one girl from out of town for about a month until she broke up with me. She claimed that "I was always pessimistic, witch toyed with her sense of trust in me". 

And I guess it was true. Of the plethora of reasons why she would break up with me, I didn't care. At that moment, I was in denial. I actually felt really horrible after the break up because I convinced myself she was the one reason for me to not be so dark clouded. But that's just what drove me away, being dark clouded. So I wallowed in despair ,knowing that I had been deluding myself to happiness instead of actually finding it.

 

To cheer me up, my friends from up north took me to Toronto.

We went to go see Metric live at 'Kool Haus' or the Guvernment Entertainment Complex.

 

It was the beginning of there set, other bands played before but we didn't make it there right away, we had to go to the hotel first. We  got 'silly ponied' in the hotel room and went to the complex. We had GA ticks, so we just went in and had fun. I remember the end of the first song, I was lit. I enjoyed myself to the max! 

Then, something weird happened that I didn't register till recently  The song 'Speed the Collapse' came on and I remember seeing a girl, dancing like she had no care in the world, a really example of Pinkie Pie really. 

What was weird was the she had a Rainbow Dash shirt on that I didnt think about till I became a brony. Because this girl is very important to me!

Long story short, we talked, grabbed coffee the next day, and we DIDN'T hook up! She actually taught me alot about understanding myself and who we are as people on this planet. My friend kept insisting that she was just some lefty hipster trying to spew liberal bull crap all over me, but I disregarded him. She really gave me a fresh perspective.

Since then I have learned to love life! I officially became a brony Feb 15th of this year, and have done a few philanthropy projects and wish to continue in the future! The process is reversed now, instead of feeling lonely sorrow everday, more and more, I learn about another reason to love life, everyday and on.

 

Here's a song that played at the concert! Not my favorite, but it brings a huge smile to my face whenever I hear it

[Mister G 101]

Preschool- I liked dinosaurs and read about them in my dinosaur encyclopedia (mainly just looked at the pictures though) and I made my first enemy when I didn't know something that somebody did and they blurted it out (bucking show off)

Kindergarten- I made my first friend loved doing math and liked to read non-fiction at the library (my teacher was really stupid though and though 100x100=1000 because 1000 is the highest number)

1st and 2nd grade- I made friends with a psycho and the rest of the boys in my class (they were a group thing) and started to read at least 1 book about animals a day but I lost my kindergarten friend

3rd grade- I started to find out my friend was a psycho and read every book about animals in the library so I started reading fiction when the year was almost over I got accepted into a special gifted class at a different school and found it to be my chance to leave the psycho

4th and 5th grade- I quickly became friends with the whole gifted class which was already a little group of friends and finally got to use my head at school but I lost all my old friends

7th grade (skipped 6th)- still in the gifted program I had only 2 classes of it and hated middle school I hated all the people too so I made no friends I couldn't believe how stupid everybody was and my parents allowed me to bad homeschooled next year

Homeschooling- I have forgotten my friends (except for 1) because now they all seem stupid especially the stupid ones I don't do much actual school work so I have almost the while day as freetime and I often research things for 8+ hours in one day because of this I've found what I believe based on facts and I found out more than I'd expect from a collage education about random fields of science

 

So now I'm guy that uses the Internet allmost all day to watch ponies do reaserch and look at memes

Hey, I liked dinosaurs to when I was in preschool!

And when I went to 1st Year of High School I lost two of my best friends.

I'm also the guy who uses the Internet almost all day to see what's going on this world.

[HallowsEve 52]

When I was younger I was very shy. I also could barely stand up for myself. I will admit I let people walk all over me. I had a few close friends and that's it. Over the years I drifted from my friends. However, I did gain a few things. I have a backbone of sorts. Now when it comes to some things I'm still timid about, but I'm still growing as a person. I am still shy. Not as bad though. I have grown in leaps and bounds in some departments. I am more comfortable with myself than I was before. That means the world to me.

[Shanks 10,816]

I have changed a great deal over the years more than most people ever will in an entire lifetime. When I was 2 I lost what little language I had and began to have violent tempter tantrums. I was diagnosed with Autism and the doctor said I would never learn to talk, would never get an IQ past 50 and could turn into a vegetable at any time. Thanks to early intervention and, auditory integration and speech and language therapies I regained my language at age 5 and was gradually mainstreamed into regular ed with me attending regular ed full time in 4th grade with some supports. By then I started to blossom academically and had some friends though at the time personality wise I was a bit of a mix between Twilight Sparkle with a little bit of Fluttershy mixed in I was shy, socially awkward yet extremely intelligent and well read but was doing quite well.

 

In middle school things changed and not all of them were good, my grandmother died unexpectedly which caused me to spiral into severe depression to the point where I contemplated suicide and to fly into unprovoked periods of extreme rage. I still had friends but it seemed like everyone went from "I want to be your friend" to "get the hell away from me you freak." In good news though I still did well academically and even made the honor roll and later took honors and ap classes in high school. My teenage years were well, very awkward learning how to control my aheam "urges" wasn't exactly easy and learning what is and isn't appropriate to talk about and when was also a challenge for me.

 

I was also a bit of a social outcast and was bullied albeit not physically but emotional bullying can be just as bad and in some cases even worse and in desperation to make it stop I became no better than them and used threats, intimidation and is some cases even violence to get what I wanted. Throughout high school I teetered dangerously close to the edge of being expelled from school or being imprisoned or institutionalized due to my struggles to keep my inner monster at bay. Thankfully I had many outlets at the time including being the piano player in the school jazz band which along with therapy helped prevent that from happening.

 

As I got older and got more and more confident and stopped caring what others thought about me my inner Applejack crept in and has stayed with me ever since. In high school I also took an interest in politics due to my opposition to the Iraq war and one of the first things I did when I turned 18 was to vote in my first election which was the 2004 presidential election. At the time though I knew the democrats were not perfect I supported as the lesser evil and continued to do so until I got fed up and voted for "none of the above" in 2008 and for Ron Paul in the primary in 2012 and Gary Johnson in the 2012 general election.

 

I eventually got control over my anger and graduated high school with a 3.8 GPA, attended classes off an on at my local community college and have successfully held down a job at this grocery store I work at for 5 years and received a promotion within less than a year of my employment. I currently have plans to become an author and write about my experiences living with Autism so I can move on with my life and help others like myself.

[Mzukiller 233]

I wear a lot of purple now. And I try to see past groups and labels and look at the individual, because I hate being stereotyped and I know a lot of you guys do too.

[Fridge 382]

Lol some of my childhood friends would tell you that I apparently haven't changed a bit and in many ways I haven't. I still act silly because I feel like it, I still give voices to inanimate objects (except now they're in my head rather than out loud), I'm highly moralistic, adventurous and never give in. In regard to those core traits nothing's changed other than most of them have galvanised. Those now strengthened traits have caused new things to appear though.

Because of my moralistic side I became interested and involved in environmental issues and my adventurousness gave me the will to explore the world as much as I could. The experience, discoveries and people I met while on these explorations caused me to grow and reevaluate my goals in life on multiple occasions. These moments of reevalution introduced me to a more philosophical view of the world and in turn I became more accepting of people's quirks, but my moralistic side also made it so I could reject certain ideals out of had.

 

But as I said those that know me see I'm the same as I always was under it all.