writing Broken

[Finesthour 7,287]

We were supposed to be happy,

That's how the story goes.

We were supposed to live in peace,

That's how our dreams unfold.

 

Tell me now,

When did that change?

The time when the fire died,

When our love was just the past.

 

Excuses small and flat,

Yet lies are large and round.

You never cease to quit,

When will they ever stop?

 

You said you weren't like the rest,

That you'd always be by my side.

My heart feels empty now,

Please tell me how you're here.

 

You say that things will commence again soon,

That all will be alright.

After you leave me this long in pain,

You expect to get me back?

 

I loved you so much

I thought you might be special.

The one to save this wretched life,

To bring me a life I wish I knew.

 

Alas you lied to me,

Like you lied to everyone else.

I hope you're happy with the choices you made,

For someone needs to be.

 

My heart feels like stopping,

But it will not quit for you.

Because unlike you,

I never gave up on us.

[Friendship_Cannon 1,676]

Sounds like you were having a hard time recently (probably broke up with a long-time friend, but who am I to  even ask you that...).

Beautiful words, full of bitterness and dissapointment it seems, still surely your honest feelings, well expressed, I could never find the words you found right there.

As hollow as that might sound, I hope you get over it, and maybe you´ve gotten already. The end at least gives the feel that you are not the person to just drown in the depression but to live with what happened and to move on, my honest respect for that.

Edited April 11, 2013 by Friendship_Cannon

[Jokuc 8,174]

I'm sorry to hear that finest

You've been through so many things I can't even imagine how you feel after yet another strike at your heart. Keep fighting, my friend :c

 

Anyways, the poem describes your feelings pretty good and personally when I read it I just sit and feel sorry for you because I know you're always writing about your life. I'm not sure if I enjoyed the read or not since it was a good poem though it made me feel sorry.

[~Starlight~ 764]

This poem is amazing, and it is a great way to express your feelings, just remember don't feel broken, be happy! And in the end you will be okay! 

[Finesthour 7,287]

Meh.

Fighting is for the strong. After many blows, even a wall will fall down. And down I am surely falling. And heh, it just helps venting.

[Finesthour 7,287]

I'm laughing way too hard. Why was a being such a whiny brat. This was no way to deal with my issues. I ran away from what was happening.

Life is too short to act like such a child.

 

Oh teenage years.

[love-anime 1]

youre are words Beautiful and right.

i cry because its so true .

 

sorry for my bad English

 

dounia

[MelancholicMemory 2,025]

This is a good poem. I'm gonna give you some constructive criticism. The emotion is very powerful and sincere, and I enjoy the poem, though there are some flaws, mostly with its rhythm and structure. The way it is, I feel like a rhyme or some other feature will crop up to sort of push the poem along, but it never actually appears. I'm not saying poetry has to rhyme, because it doesn't, but the poem feels like it will, but doesn't quite a bit, making the overall rhythm of the poem a bit awkward. If this were submitted to my literary magazine, I'd give it a maybe, which is saying something.

 

Keep up the great work!

[)O( Scarlet )O( 1,259]

oh wow, that is just... words just cannot explain how good your writing is. Well they probably could, but I just cannot think of them right now. Anyway, awesome work and I am looking forward to seeing more from you!

 

Oh and that is much, much better than what I can write

Edited August 25, 2013 by Swift Quill