Ask Dear Appy

[Mikestar 346]

Hello everypony. I'm Dear Appy. You can find out a little more about me by going here.

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/dear-appy-r3854

 

I'll help any pony or brony that I can so please feel free to ask me any question, even if you're from that alternate poniverse where everypony walks on their hind legs.

 

Are you being picked on teased because you're a Brony?

 

Maybe your parents or friends don't understand you?

 

Perhaps you're having problems with that special somepony of yours?

 

or maybe you aren't sure about something that's on your mind.

 

Well that's my special talent! Giving advice and encouraging others. I will do my best to write back and advise you. If I don't know the answer I'll be sure and tell you, because not everypony can know everything.

 

So don't be afraid to write to Dear Appy.

 

Edited July 12, 2013 by Mikestar

[lighting flash 207]

Dear Appy,

 

      My crush hates bronies, how can I convience her that bronies aren't bad?

[Mikestar 346]

My crush hates bronies, how can I convience her that bronies aren't bad?

 

Dear Lightening Flash,

 

I think in a situation like this, the first thing you need to do is forget that you're a brony and concentrate on getting to know this pony... ur... person by just being yourself. It's just about impossible to change another persons thinking, so you always have to focus on changing your own instead. If your too nervous to approach this person because of their bias against bronies, then it will impede any chances of him/her getting to know you as a whole, not just as a brony. I'm pretty sure there is so much more to you than that!

 

 I know that might sound like quite a radical move, but if your crush can't like you for exactly who you are, then they aren't the right special somepony for you anyway.

 

Your friend

 

Appy.

Edited July 12, 2013 by Mikestar

[Minath Khalsi 195]

Dear Appy,

 

About five months ago my best male friend had started going out with a fellow friend of mine. I was overjoyed that he had found some one that he feels strongly about romantically, and I was glad for my friend because she had a crush on him for about a year.

 

But recently they have been having troubles, and both of them coming to me for advice. I try to avoid picking sides, but sometimes I mess up, leaving one of them mad at me. Also, them coming to be for romantic advice just reminds me that I'm currently not in a romantic relationship, making me feel kinda lonely.

 

So Appy, how do I keep them from getting mad at me when I speak my mind, and how do I keep from feeling lonely when I'm helping my friends?

 

~Minath

[Mikestar 346]

@,

 

 

 

Dear Appy,   About five months ago my best male friend had started going out with a fellow friend of mine. I was overjoyed that he had found some one that he feels strongly about romantically, and I was glad for my friend because she had a crush on him for about a year.   But recently they have been having troubles, and both of them coming to me for advice. I try to avoid picking sides, but sometimes I mess up, leaving one of them mad at me. Also, them coming to be for romantic advice just reminds me that I'm currently not in a romantic relationship, making me feel kinda lonely.   So Appy, how do I keep them from getting mad at me when I speak my mind, and how do I keep from feeling lonely when I'm helping my friends?   ~Minath

 

Dear Minath,

 

Sometimes in life, we ponies need to set very clear boundaries with our friends when it comes to situations like this. The best thing you can do in this situation is to tell your friends, separately, that you can't be in the middle of this and that although you care very deeply for both of them, that they need to find somepony else to go to for advice on their relationship. It's important to let them know that you love them both and will support them in any other way. Let them know that being in the middle is hurting you, and that you don't want to lose either of them. 

 

 

This should also help the second part of your question, but when it comes to feeling lonely in your heart always remind yourself that your special somepony is out there. Nopony should go into a relationship just because they want to be like all their friends. It should always be because that other special somepony is the right one for you. So no matter how long you have to wait, rest in the assurance that if you are currently alone, it's simply because you haven't found the right one yet. When you do, it will FAR more special because you waited.

 

In the mean time... Do something nice for yourself. What ever it is that makes you feel special. You have to take care of yourself FIRST before you can help others. If you're hurt, sad and troubled, you won' be able to be there for anypony else, so take time to help you before you try to help others.

 

Signed your friend.

 

Dear Appy

[Mikestar 346]

Dear everypony and brony out there.

 

I need more letters so please don't be shy. I'll answer ANY question you have on your mind.

 

signed...

 

Dear Appy.

[Minath Khalsi 195]

If that's the case, I'll ask something again.

 

Dear Appy,

 

Recently my best friend and myself have grown apart. When we start high school next year, we'll go to different schools. I've made many efforts to try to come over to her house so we can do things together, but every time she comes up with an excuse. I've even asked her what day would be good for her, and she either says she'll ask her mom or says she doesn't know. But she never finds out!

 

We've been best friends for many years and we share all our interests, laughter and family with each other. I don't want to give up our friendship easily, but I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle.

 

Because I'm very anti-social, I just can't make a new best friend. She has always been good with people, so she would have no trouble replacing me. I fear I may already be replaced.

 

How do I save our friendship?

 

~Minath

[Mikestar 346]

Dear Appy,   Recently my best friend and myself have grown apart. When we start high school next year, we'll go to different schools. I've made many efforts to try to come over to her house so we can do things together, but every time she comes up with an excuse. I've even asked her what day would be good for her, and she either says she'll ask her mom or says she doesn't know. But she never finds out!   We've been best friends for many years and we share all our interests, laughter and family with each other. I don't want to give up our friendship easily, but I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle.   Because I'm very anti-social, I just can't make a new best friend. She has always been good with people, so she would have no trouble replacing me. I fear I may already be replaced.   How do I save our friendship?   ~Minath

 

Dear Minath.

 

Sometimes in life we can read into things and create stories in our head that may or may not be true. Such as "My friend is deliberately avoiding me!" The best way to sort this out is to sit down with your friend and express your concerns. Avoid saying things like "You always make excuses" try wording it this way.

 

"I really care about our friendship and don't want to lose it, but I'm finding it confusing and frustrating that your schedule often is full. Have I done something to make you want to avoid me?"

 

By asking the question, you avoid all that doubt hanging in the air. The answers may not always be what you want to hear, but it's better to know than suffer wondering.

 

Even if your friend has found another friend. Try not to think of this as being replaced. No one can replace you EVER because there is only one you. You live in a special and unique place in the poniverse. One thing you can always guarantee in life,is that it's ever changing. Just look at how the seasons come and go every year. (with just a teeny bit of help from us ponies). Sometimes ponies move on with friendships or relationships, and that's not really any reflection on you as a pony. Some things just ARE, even when we'd rather they were different.

 

I think fighting for your friendship is a good thing. Perhaps if your friend isn't able to fit you into her schedule, you can somehow fit her into yours. Let her know you have spare time here, here and here, then leave it open for her to come over to your place instead of trying to meet at hers. There may be some other reason why she doesn't want you to come to HER house. You could also suggest meeting some place else, like... Sugarcube Corner for an apple Cider and a muffin?

 

I hope all things workout because you and your friend both sound like very lovely ponies.

 

Your friend,

 

Dear Appy.

Edited July 20, 2013 by Mikestar

[KitsuneSoul108 102]

Dear Appy,

Sometimes i feel as if im invisible around some people,and it makes me feel weak.

And one of them barely talks to me anymore

My question is,how can i get these people to notice and want to talk to me?

Thanks Appy,

Kit(KitsuneSoul108)

[Mikestar 346]

@@KitsuneSoul108, 

 

Dear Kit,

 

The first thing we all need to realize is that we can never make anypony else be different than who they are. We can only change ourselves. Not being noticed by others is not a sign of weakness at all. There could be any number of reasons why these ponies are not noticing you.

 

I'm not sure if these ponies already know you, or if you have never really introduced yourself to them, but try approaching them rather than waiting for them to approach you. Perhaps these ponies don't know that you want to be their friend. If you make this clear, you open up doorways that would otherwise be closed. Try joining in their conversation and sharing in the things they do.

 

When ponies are shy and hold back, other ponies somethings think that they just want to be left alone. It's not always easy to make the first move in a friendship, and you may sometimes be disappointed. Try keeping your expectations low when entering into any new relationship. If the other pony does not want to befriend you for some reason, then at least you know where you stand with them and can move on to more suitable friendships. Try not to see these as failures, but rather a gaining of knowledge about where you stand with the other pony.

 

These other ponies may ever want to talk to you, but that will not be a reflection on you at all, more a reflection on them.

 

Appy

Edited July 27, 2013 by Mikestar

[GingerJoy 43]

Dear Appy,

 

I'm in a bit of a pickle. I'm doing driving lessons at the moment, and my family hold me to high standards. That means every time I make a mistake with them in the car, they tend to be very negative of it. It really stresses me out sometimes! I would like to remind them that I'm only a learner, but I worry they might ignore that. How should I approach this?

 

~GingerJoy

[Mikestar 346]

Dear Appy,

 

I'm in a bit of a pickle. I'm doing driving lessons at the moment, and my family hold me to high standards. That means every time I make a mistake with them in the car, they tend to be very negative of it. It really stresses me out sometimes! I would like to remind them that I'm only a learner, but I worry they might ignore that. How should I approach this?

 

~GingerJoy

 

Dear Gingerjoy,

 

It sounds like your sire and dam are very concerned about your safety and that's probably why they are so worried about you making mistakes in the car. It can be very stressful for them too and scary. Are they like this with everything you do?  We don't have cars in Equestria, but we do have trains, and the train drivers know they are responsible for everyponies safety in the vehicle as well as their own. It's a huge responsibility. 

 

I think when approaching this problem you should try to consider both points of view.  Start by expressing to your parents that you realize they are concerned for you and that you love and appreciate them for that. Also let them know that when they are critical of you, it makes you more nervous and prone to make mistakes and let them know what your feelings are because your feelings are always valid. Did you know that the reason we get hurt feelings at all is because they are warning signs that something isn't right? Never ignore them.

 

Avoid saying to somepony "You make me feel ______________."

 

Rather word it as "I feel very ______________ when somepony says _______________ to me or does ____________ around me".

 

The first way is very accusing and doesn't own your own feelings, where as the second way, does own those feelings and says to the other pony/person that you know you are responsible for how you feel, but that it's effected by what they do or say around you. It's far less likely to make the feel accused.

 

So in this situation you might say, "I feel very nervous when people criticize my driving while I'm behind the wheel of the car"

 

Then you can offer an alternative solution that would be more comfortable for you.

 

"Would it be possible to reserve harsh criticisms until after we park, and only make necessary corrections while I'm behind the wheel?"

 

Or you may have something else in mind. such as:

 

"Would it be possible for you to lower your standards of me slightly while I'm learning so that I can more effectively concentrate on my driving and be less prone to make more mistakes than I already am?"

 

Also let them know that you have high standards of yourself too, but that you realize that learning to drive is complicated, and that it may take you a while to reach your own standards, and thus meet theirs also. This brings you both onto the same page.

 

In the mean time, set small goals for yourself that are reachable. Saying "I will learn to drive perfectly in a week" is not realistic. but saying "I want to improve the speed of my turns and how well I break before a stop light by next week" is a much more reachable goal. As you reach each goal you can set a new small one to work towards. 

 

Take a tip from Rainbow Dash and just make things 20% better at a time.

 

Your friend

 

Dear Appy.

Edited July 29, 2013 by Mikestar

[SCS 7,445]

Dear Appy,

 

I have a crush on a woman I know in person. She is very kind, caring, quiet, and she seems to be intelligent. In fact, she seems to be, at least from what I know about her so far, the exact kind of person I would want to be in a romantic relationship with. However, I have problems talking to her, because I'm shy. Sometimes it's easy for me to talk to her, and other times she says something to me and I don't even respond because of how flustered I would get. It's pretty embarrassing, and I would like to put my shyness and introversion aside to be able to get to know her better.

 

Any advice?

 

Sincerely,
SCS

[Mikestar 346]

 

 

Dear Appy,   I have a crush on a woman I know in person. She is very kind, caring, quiet, and she seems to be intelligent. In fact, she seems to be, at least from what I know about her so far, the exact kind of person I would want to be in a romantic relationship with. However, I have problems talking to her, because I'm shy. Sometimes it's easy for me to talk to her, and other times she says something to me and I don't even respond because of how flustered I would get. It's pretty embarrassing, and I would like to put my shyness and introversion aside to be able to get to know her better.   Any advice?   Sincerely, SCS

 

Dear SCS,

 

First off, never be ashamed of being shy. It's actually a very endearing quality that many ponies and non ponies find attractive. Just take a look at Fluttershy for example. Everypony loves her.

 

Your best approach is to not avoid or discount your shyness, but rather embrace it as a very important and special quality of you. In any friendship or relationship, it's always important to be just who you are, and not try to force yourself to be somepony that you aren't. If somepony can't accept you for being you, then they aren't the right somepony for you in the first place. Accepting yourself is the hardest part. You will probably find that others accept you far easier than you accept yourself.

 

Lets take a look at the case study of Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle. True they weren't entering a romantic relationship, but all good relationships start with friendship so we can still  learn a lot from this.

 

Twilight was able to break the ice with Fluttershy by sharing a common interest they were both comfortable with. The baby dragon "Spike" As Fluttershy became more use to talking to Twilight, she became less self conscious around her and eventually very comfortable around her. 

 

If we learn from this example we can see that picking topics you both share a common interest in, and feel very comfortable with, is the best place to start. Avoid topics that feel awkward to either one of you. If something uncomfortable comes up, try diverting the conversation back to an easier topic. As time goes on and you get to know each other, those more difficult topics will become much easier because you feels safer around her.

 

If you ever get to a moment where you freeze up, recognize this as the "fight flight, or freeze" response. This happens when your mind tells you that something bad might happen. It's useful if you're in danger,but not useful if you are trying to talk to a special somepony! Usually when this happens, it's because of some past experience that your mind is remembering. Perhaps you talked to someone before and they hurt you in someway. Now you are in self protection mode.

 

Safe visualization can help you over come this. Picture the safest place you can think of. For me, it's by the fireside in my little cottage. If you get use to picturing yourself here, then in times of stress it's easy to 'go there' in your mind and feel safe.

 

So now that you've established your safe spot, start picturing yourself in the unsafe spot. In this case, talking to your lady friend. As soon as you start to feel uncomfortable, picture yourself back in the safe spot. If you repeat this process over and over in your mind, you will find that the times between needing to retreat to the safe spot get longer and longer. In this way you are retraining your mind to feel safe talking to her. Then when you finally do get to talk to her, it feels less scary. You an still retreat in your mind to your safe spot even when face to face.

 

I hope this helps and that you find a comfort zone for you both to meet and talk.

 

Signed your friend,

 

Dear Appy.