[Open] Feedback for your OC for Roleplaying!

[Solstice 2]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/franklyn-solstice-r4564

Could use some feedback. I did this in approximately half an hour so it isn't too detailed, nor great, but to me has enough information for now.

[Passion 3,484]

http://mlpforums.com/page/eqw-characters/_/approved/rising-star-r64

 

You know, I'm doing this out of sheer curiosity. Opinion of a single person could never influence my vision of my OC, but hey! That's another new opinion more for me! Can be entertaining to read through this~

[Inactive01 5,299]

@Solstice

Franklyn Solstice

 

Appearance: DJ OC incoming. DJ OC incoming. Sorry, I just had to do that. I'm just gonna start by saying that DJ OCs are very common. The ideas fermented for them are quite redundant, and I hope your OC doesn't fall into that trap. That being said, I'm not sure why DJ OCs like Vinyl's mane style a lot. Why can't they have their own mane style? There's lots of DJs in this world, and all of them look different in some way. Shouldn't that apply to DJs in Equestria as well? 

 

I also have a qualm with your OC's name. It doesn't sound DJ enough. When I first saw your OC's name, I thought the was some sort of astrologist or the like. It sounds a lot more academic than I expected for a DJ. I'm not saying your OC's dumb or anything of the sort however! My wish is that you don't make your OC a mere copy of Vinyl Scratch. I suggest finding an artist who can give you ideas for a unique DJ look.

Score: 5/10

 

Backstory: First off, where's the cutie mark story? Every backstory needs a cutie mark story. It's part of who they are as a pony. Without that, the backstory doesn't have as much content as it should. Second, how did the mother become so uncaring and the father so loving? What happened between them? How did the familial relationships develop? You can go very deep with all that in your OC story. Give some suspense while providing details on his household. 

 

Third, what about his voice was such a great source of teasing and the like from fellow classmates? I like how you show its effect to his confidence, but I want to know about his voice! Next, let's look at this sentence:

 

He skived off school a lot and wandered around the music store all the time, and dropped off school completely when he was 15.

 

There's two completely different ideas here. The first idea is him wandering off to the music store. The other idea's him nearly dropping out of school. You see how they're different. Place them into different paragraphs or different sentences. You can go into so much detail about the music store. What was so attractive about the music store? What did he like to do there? Why did he almost drop off from school? Was it just because of his classmates, or was there something deeper? 

 

Then, there's this sentence:

He has recently moved to Manehattan, Equestria and he still hasn't networked well enough, but has a decent apartment and has met a few other DJs; of course, he is the best of them.

 

First, saying that he's the best of them all is a Mary Sue type statement. What would other roleplayers think if you said something like that in their roleplay? It won't make them too happy if they believe their DJ OC's also great. Like the other sentences, you're scrunching up too many ideas into one sentence. First, there's the move to Manehattan. Why did he move there? Then, there's the networking. How hard did he try? Why doesn't he have a good network? Finally, there's him befriending other DJs. Where did he meet them? How did they get on as friends? 

 

Your backstory isn't very well organized, and I understand that; you're still working on it. Well, here's some considerations for you as you continue to develop your OC
 

PS. DJ backstories need to be really special. As I mentioned previously, DJ OCs are very redundant.

Score: 3/10

 

Personality: There is a lot of room for expanding your personality. One of the biggest things I would suggest is a consideration of how he makes decisions. Is he rash or is he calculated? Is he obstinate once he makes his decision? I would also expand on the fact that he "likes to live it up". What do you mean by that? You can go through great lengths describing how he interacts with other ponies in that sense, or how he "plays" DJ music. You've got some good stuff here, but now you should expand on it.

Score: 6/10 

[Lucky Lass 528]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/forge-flame-r4580

I updated him based on recent feedback and I am wondering if now
he seems more like a developed character c: Also, I apologize for the short backstory.

[Inactive01 5,299]

@Khajiit

I'm working on your review right now, but I really like the looks of it so far!

 

@Lucky Lass

I'll get to yours as soo as I'm done Khajiit's! School's been acting up a little bit, but I hope to get my reviews done tomorrow!

@Khajiit

Rising Star

 

Appearance: When I first saw your OC, I was reminded of Princess Cadence, the major difference being the colour of her mane. It's just that she looks so happy and excited on your picture, in a similar way to Cadence being excited when she does the things she enjoys doing. Other than her similarity to Princess Cadence, she looks great. I also like her cutie mark appearance. It fits well with her appearance.

Score: 9/10

 

Backstory: You have a very detailed backstory that starts by dividing it into different sections. I like that division because it makes it easy for the story to follow. For the brief backstory, I would rename it to reflect the fact that it's part of her early life. If it were a brief backstory, it would just summarize your whole story into a paragraph or two. As for the story itself, I like how you describe everything with a sense of chronology. It's easy for me to see a cohesive direction in your story, a trait I rarely see in backstories. However, I wish you could give at least one sentence to how she feels about her parents working hard while she was being foalsitted. It would provide some for you to expand to fanficitions by providing readers a desire to read literature featuring your OC; they'll wonder about her OC as she interacts in the real world. Also, what was her foalsitter like? You can go through a huge story just focusing on her relationship with her foalsitter (Twilight and Princess Cadence, case in point). Finally, why did her parents suggest she join the school of talented unicorns? What did they see in her? How did they react to her rejection?

 

Now, for her cutie mark story. I don't understand why most OCs don't have one. I'm glad you added one. You have a great backstory. It combines a sense of determination with her destined talent and her familial relationship. I'm just amazed that her parents were so encouraging about her photography considering how much they wanted her to be involved with the gifted school for unicorns is all. If you could bridge that gap like I stated previously, that would help your OC here. Considering how much you delve into photography in general, I'm surprised you mentioned the gifted school for unicorns at all. I think you could remove that detail so that you can focus on the parents' growing love for her and their support for her love of photography.

 

Other than that, excellent backstory.

Score: 9/10

 

Personality: Her personality section is also quite detailed. Her perfectionist natures stems from her desire for success, and it ties well with her backstory. Her likes and dislikes are also on full display, which is to be expected in Equestria World character databases. Still, I wish that they would add that feature to normal roleplaying areas because it really does add to their personality. I think the ones you placed are a wonderful blend of who she is, and I wouldn't change much of it at all .

Score: 10/10

[Passion 3,484]

Guess I'll make a review of a review after all Or to be more precise, perhaps I'll try to explain the thought process behind my ideas, just in case you were curious. (And hell if I'd miss an occasion of speaking about my OC xD)

 

1# Other than her similarity to Princess Cadence[...]

 

2# However, I wish you could give at least one sentence to how she feels about her parents working hard while she was being foalsitted.

 

3# Also, what was her foalsitter like? You can go through a huge story just focusing on her relationship with her foalsitter[...]

 

4# Finally, why did her parents suggest she join the school of talented unicorns? What did they see in her? How did they react to her rejection?

 

5# I'm surprised you mentioned the gifted school for unicorns at all.

 

1# That one actually caught me off-guard. I honestly didn't notice that similarity and it was completely unintended. Still, Star being compared to royalty? *Shrugs* Whoa, why not?! Go ahead!

 

2# She was a foal/very young filly then. I doubt that at this age her personality was shaped and complex enough to worry about different things other than: "What will we be playing next?" or "I'm hungry." ^^

 

3# I could... but on the other hand I could write great stories about any detail of this application if I wanted. The app wasn't about her foalsitter, but about Star herself. That's why I only mention her parents and sister without diving into details here.

 

4# This one actually somewhat appealed to me. I guess I have no basis to reject the proposition of enlarging this area, but I remember I've resigned from this idea because I didn't want to make the application too heavy to read. I might reconsider it though if I'll come up with her sister's concept someday.

 

5# Perhaps it wasn't necessary... but as I've said, Star's based on one of TV tropes. I wanted to present numerous, prosperous paths her life could have gone if she didn't decide to pursue her dreams. And the school, being canon-like, ergo somewhat more recognizable, seemed like a good idea to show what things did she resign from.

 

As for the word concerning OC in general... I think she's been my third OC I've made ever (First being a complete failure, second one a test field which passed most of exams and Star being the final result). I remember how chaotic her concept was. With all the talents and positive traits I've balanced on the verge of becoming a Mary Sue, it was risky for me to implement all of these. In end, she is widely talented, but she simply doesn't realize that (and isn't going to do it). This gives me a small gate to sometimes act out something crazy, but only once in a while, which is very rarely. (If you wanted her to sing, she'd sing a magnificent song with nice voice pitch... ...that is, assuming you'd ever somehow forced her into doing it. What I'd personally be against. [same goes for her appearance and mention concerning Fleur's similarity]) But, in order to balance this out a bit, I've decided to come up with flaws which would actually be an obstacle in her life, flaws which would give her some character and would have a visible impact on her life and career.

 

I will say, I did NOT enjoy creating this OC. It is said that 97% of OC's contain a part of our personality in them. Star contains my perfectionism... When I remind myself of how I've been trying to make sense out of it, connecting all the details, I suffer from a headache.

But what I did enjoy was the final result and satisfaction derived.

Still, seeing that her sister would have to be no worse and actually fit a scheme here already, I'm currently somewhat reluctant to writing another story. Perhaps some other day

 

Cheers~ Been a nice read.

Edited October 28, 2013 by Khajiit

[Inactive01 5,299]

Guess I'll make a review of a review after all Or to be more precise, perhaps I'll try to explain the thought process behind my ideas, just in case you were curious. (And hell if I'd miss an occasion of speaking about my OC xD)

 

 

1# That one actually caught me off-guard. I honestly didn't notice that similarity and it was completely unintended. Still, Star being compared to royalty? *Shrugs* Whoa, why not?! Go ahead!

 

2# She was a foal/very young filly then. I doubt that at this age her personality was shaped and complex enough to worry about different things other than: "What will we be playing next?" or "I'm hungry." ^^

 

3# I could... but on the other hand I could write great stories about any detail of this application if I wanted. The app wasn't about her foalsitter, but about Star herself. That's why I only mention her parents and sister without diving into details here.

 

4# This one actually somewhat appealed to me. I guess I have no basis to reject the proposition of enlarging this area, but I remember I've resigned from this idea because I didn't want to make the application too heavy to read. I might reconsider it though if I'll come up with her sister's concept someday.

 

5# Perhaps it wasn't necessary... but as I've said, Star's based on one of TV tropes. I wanted to present numerous, prosperous paths her life could have gone if she didn't decide to pursue her dreams. And the school, being canon-like, ergo somewhat more recognizable, seemed like a good idea to show what things did she resign from.

 

As for the word concerning OC in general... I think she's been my third OC I've made ever (First being a complete failure, second one a test field which passed most of exams and Star being the final result). I remember how chaotic her concept was. With all the talents and positive traits I've balanced on the verge of becoming a Mary Sue, it was risky for me to implement all of these. In end, she is widely talented, but she simply doesn't realize that (and isn't going to do it). This gives me a small gate to sometimes act out something crazy, but only once in a while, which is very rarely. (If you wanted her to sing, she'd sing a magnificent song with nice voice pitch... ...that is, assuming you'd ever somehow forced her into doing it. What I'd personally be against. [same goes for her appearance and mention concerning Fleur's similarity]) But, in order to balance this out a bit, I've decided to come up with flaws which would actually be an obstacle in her life, flaws which would give her some character and would have a visible impact on her life and career.

 

I will say, I did NOT enjoy creating this OC. It is said that 97% of OC's contain a part of our personality in them. Star contains my perfectionism... When I remind myself of how I've been trying to make sense out of it, connecting all the details, I suffer from a headache.

But what I did enjoy was the final result and satisfaction derived.

Still, seeing that her sister would have to be no worse and actually fit a scheme here already, I'm currently somewhat reluctant to writing another story. Perhaps some other day

 

Cheers~ Been a nice read.

I'm glad you enjoyed the read. I hope you benefited from my reviews.

 

And sorry if this thread's been dead for so long. I've been swamped with homework and I've never really gotten around to the outstanding OCs I have to review. If you still want them reviewed, let me know!

Edited November 18, 2013 by Sterling Crimson

[Hive King 2,001]

Can I enter multiple OCs at a time? If so, here they are

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/vokun-r4779

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/tenebris-r4777

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/black-heart-r4751

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/iwiek-r4785

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/skuldaf-r4939

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/krylock-r4934

[Inactive01 5,299]

Can I enter multiple OCs at a time? If so, here they are

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/vokun-r4779

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/tenebris-r4777

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/black-heart-r4751

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/iwiek-r4785

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/skuldaf-r4939

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/krylock-r4934

At this point in time, I can't review multiple OCs at once. Give me the OC you believe needs reviewing the most. I want to give other members a chance to have their OCs reviewed, considering how many characters I use for my reviews. Just see the other reviews if you don't believe me. 

[Hive King 2,001]

At this point in time, I can't review multiple OCs at once. Give me the OC you believe needs reviewing the most. I want to give other members a chance to have their OCs reviewed, considering how many characters I use for my reviews. Just see the other reviews if you don't believe me. 

Sure, analyze Black Heart, he's my main. Would it be possible for me to come back tomorrow and then submit one OC per day so i can get them analyzed but not swamp you?

[Inactive01 5,299]

Sure, analyze Black Heart, he's my main. Would it be possible for me to come back tomorrow and then submit one OC per day so i can get them analyzed but not swamp you?

I think you should try coming back once ever few days cause like I said, I'm still swamped with work. 3 papers and a composition. Plus, I have applications to grad school to finish afterwards.

[Hive King 2,001]

I think you should try coming back once ever few days cause like I said, I'm still swamped with work. 3 papers and a composition. Plus, I have applications to grad school to finish afterwards.

Got it, I'll turn in one every 3 days. So yeah, for now, I submit Black Heart

[Blacklight 118]

Could you review my oc Blacklight. I would like to see someones opinion on him. His link is in my sig

[Inactive01 5,299]

First impressions is that you have a dragon OC. I like dragon OCs. A stray from the norm of a pony OC. Just make sure you find a good roleplay for him to strive in so that he can still mature with other characters, even if they're ponies.

 

Appearance: What can I say? It's very artistic for one thing. And it looks very sinister for another. If sinister and cruel was what you intended, then you've gone in the right direction. Somehow, I also sense something deeper inside him as your main character. A struggle of sorts. Kinda like Beast from "Beauty and the Beast", but a lot deeper. It certainly is a well thought character in this respect. I'm not sure what else you wanted here, but from what I see, it's a great start.

Score: 9/10

 

Backstory: Your backstory delves into the reasons he's a dragon and how he does it. It's short and sweet, and it gets straight to the point. I didn't get lost in the explanations and I felt that your character story was well though out. Nevertheless, I have a few questions that can help your OC become more complete and canonical (that is, if you feel that it won't ruin your intentions for your character). 

 

The biggest question I have is the altar. Where did the altar come from? Did he hear of any rumours of this altar previously, or did he just randomly stumble upon it? Personally, I like adding the rumours because it adds a sense of mystery to the OC's mindset. He'd be like, "wow... what is this? It looks like an altar... Maybe it's the one all those wretched ponies talked about!" Or something like that. It gives a reason to why he prayed for power, and why he prayed in particular to a dark force. It also answers the question of how he knew that he stumbled upon an altar in the first place, which was what I was wondering as I read through your story. Also, how did the altar appear? I don't remember an altar like that in the castle at the castle's only appearance in S1 E1. Would be really cool to know where the altar came from. 

 

Also, what did the demon look like?! That would be so cool! The reader would be like, "Holy crap! A demon?! Where did it come from?! Was it something mentioned in Equestrian mythology, or was it something no pony had ever seen?! Did he sell his soul to the demon, which inflicted a price on his head?! We could go in the direction of Faust here! It would be so interesting!" Also, what you did with your OC after the encounter just seemed so anticlimactic. There wasn't much suspense afterwards, and I was wondering why the dragon's current life wasn't more exciting... With a demon encounter, I was hoping for more excitement that's all (unless that's not what you intended). 

 

All in all, I liked your thinking process, but there's ways you can bring the story over the top. 

Score: 8/10

 

Personality: There's a huge sense of arrogance in this character. He is shaped like a fallen character of sorts. Keep that shape as you continue to develop your OC. You're clearly headed in that direction after all. That being said, you've got a good start here. Lots of fallen traits, like haughty pride and pragmatic tactics. His magical powers that stemmed from the demon's wishes are also well highlighted in the "other" section, which is good. All in all, you can come up with other traits (possibly), like his choices on what is considered good or evil for instance and whether he has any particular vendettas because of his past.

Score: 8/10

 

I'm reading your backstory right now! Expect a review soon! 

[Hive King 2,001]

First impressions is that you have a dragon OC. I like dragon OCs. A stray from the norm of a pony OC. Just make sure you find a good roleplay for him to strive in so that he can still mature with other characters, even if they're ponies.

 

Appearance: What can I say? It's very artistic for one thing. And it looks very sinister for another. If sinister and cruel was what you intended, then you've gone in the right direction. Somehow, I also sense something deeper inside him as your main character. A struggle of sorts. Kinda like Beast from "Beauty and the Beast", but a lot deeper. It certainly is a well thought character in this respect. I'm not sure what else you wanted here, but from what I see, it's a great start.

Score: 9/10

 

Backstory: Your backstory delves into the reasons he's a dragon and how he does it. It's short and sweet, and it gets straight to the point. I didn't get lost in the explanations and I felt that your character story was well though out. Nevertheless, I have a few questions that can help your OC become more complete and canonical (that is, if you feel that it won't ruin your intentions for your character). 

 

The biggest question I have is the altar. Where did the altar come from? Did he hear of any rumours of this altar previously, or did he just randomly stumble upon it? Personally, I like adding the rumours because it adds a sense of mystery to the OC's mindset. He'd be like, "wow... what is this? It looks like an altar... Maybe it's the one all those wretched ponies talked about!" Or something like that. It gives a reason to why he prayed for power, and why he prayed in particular to a dark force. It also answers the question of how he knew that he stumbled upon an altar in the first place, which was what I was wondering as I read through your story. Also, how did the altar appear? I don't remember an altar like that in the castle at the castle's only appearance in S1 E1. Would be really cool to know where the altar came from. 

 

Also, what did the demon look like?! That would be so cool! The reader would be like, "Holy crap! A demon?! Where did it come from?! Was it something mentioned in Equestrian mythology, or was it something no pony had ever seen?! Did he sell his soul to the demon, which inflicted a price on his head?! We could go in the direction of Faust here! It would be so interesting!" Also, what you did with your OC after the encounter just seemed so anticlimactic. There wasn't much suspense afterwards, and I was wondering why the dragon's current life wasn't more exciting... With a demon encounter, I was hoping for more excitement that's all (unless that's not what you intended). 

 

All in all, I liked your thinking process, but there's ways you can bring the story over the top. 

Score: 8/10

 

Personality: There's a huge sense of arrogance in this character. He is shaped like a fallen character of sorts. Keep that shape as you continue to develop your OC. You're clearly headed in that direction after all. That being said, you've got a good start here. Lots of fallen traits, like haughty pride and pragmatic tactics. His magical powers that stemmed from the demon's wishes are also well highlighted in the "other" section, which is good. All in all, you can come up with other traits (possibly), like his choices on what is considered good or evil for instance and whether he has any particular vendettas because of his past.

Score: 8/10

 

I'm reading your backstory right now! Expect a review soon! 

I can answer one question. The demon looks like him in his Jersey Devil form, or somewhat draconic. That is the reason why he calls himself "Lord and Master of All Evil Dragons", because his pride and mind was strong enough to survive the demon's influence, Thanks for the review, I'll bring in two more on Tuesday. If you're wondering why 2, their stories are connected. 

 

Thank you so much for doing this, you get a brohoof

[Inactive01 5,299]

 

Appearance: His appearance fits your OC's name well. He's completely black in his body other than his dice cutie mark. He looks nice, but I don't see anything that stands him out from other ponies that's all. That is something completely fine though my OC, Sterling Crimson doesn't stand out with appearance, but stands out in other ways. If you have his personality and backstory stand out, then a generic OC appearance is fine in my books. What I also like nevertheless are all the props and costumes you give to him. It makes him more unique in that sense if that's the things he carries often.

Score: 7.7/10

 

Backstory: I know how Blacklight receives his cutie mark, but what does it stand for? You don't really delve into that too much. If you made that clearer, it would be a good start. Also, the story also makes it seem like the assassins come out of nowhere really. I was just wondering why the assassins were targeting Blacklight's best friends. It builds up for a great guilt trip story like the one you have now, but if there isn't a stronger basis for the killings and the like, then it becomes pretty confusing for the reader who wants to know the OC's background. They'd be wondering why the assassins targeted his friends like I did. Sure they're guards for the nobles, but why didn't the assassins just target the nobles instead?

 

It's another one of those stories where everything is so peaceful to start before one event suddenly changes everything. I get a lot of those sorts of stories, and frankly, I think they're just too predictable. I like those stories that build on preexisting issues and create suspense for the character, providing a lot of room for their development. Sure you still get character development here, but like I said, the severances are just too sudden in my opinion. You can create that sudden event if you wanted, but you gotta give it a basis. Maybe give the assassins a reason to attack your OC and his friends. 

Score: 5/10

 

Personality: I like how you added likes and dislikes to colour his personality. Just make sure it fits what he's supposed to be and his backstory. His characteristics also fit his backstory well because they provide legitimacy to his actions, so that's good. I don't have much else to say other than providing some more depth into explaining his personalities. Otherwise, it's good.

Score: 8/10

[Blacklight 118]

Thanks for the feedback I'll be sure to work on his backstory and personality

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

Could you review my OC Nitro Spark? 

 

His bio and stuff is found here

 

(yeah, I am NOT a good drawer so I had to use pony creator)

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/nitro-spark-r4162

[Inactive01 5,299]

 

Appearance: I personally don't care if you use Ponycreator or not lol. My OC, Sterling Crimson, was conceived from Ponycreator because I suck at drawing! I just wanted to make sure that your OC's appearance gives me a very good first impression of their character. From what I see, he's clearly a racer and is one who has a sense of fire inside him through the orange and red colours. I also like the clothes he's wearing. Definitely makes him all fired up for a race and the thrills that come with it!

Score: 9/10

 

Backstory: I like how you set up your character for the life of racing through his delivery services. And how you set him up in Detrot, cause after all, Detroit was the cradle of the automobile industry in the United States .  I also like how you set up his quitting of his delivery job because of a traumatic experience. It didn't destroy his love for racing and sped, but in fact fermented it. It's a type of story I unfortunately haven't seen too much of, so there's a mark for originality there. Still... Why street racing? It would have been so cool if he was directly involved with flying, because he made his living off flying. I wouldn't be surprised if you said it was because of the accident though. That's fine.

 

For the most part, I like what you have here, other than the fact you should divide your story into paragraphs. I nearly got lost in the story because you didn't divide it into sections.

Score: 8.5/10

 

Personality: Oh so he does have a mental illness that's connected with the tragic accident... That explains it... Nevertheless, your OC's biggest weakness is his personality section more than anything. For most OCs, it's their backstory. You only mention that he gets traumatized by the accident he experienced. Is there anything else you'd like to add? His thrills of the fast life? How about the ways he makes decisions? How about his social abilities? How about his fears (wait you already covered that, but you could go deeper)? There are just some questions that I hope will help you develop it further.

Score: 4/10

Edited November 18, 2013 by Sterling Crimson

[Doc. Volt 2,561]

hi! you could do mine if you please it's in my signature Doctor Electron Volt, or simply Volt

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

@@Sterling Crimson,

 

Yeah, I could probably go back and fix that. That's perhaps one of the hardest things I struggled with when making this OC.  

[Inactive01 5,299]

@Doc. Volt

 

Appearance: You certainly made him unique with his costume. Being a pegasus also gives him an advantage because dealing with electricity requires a keen sense of physicality to an extent. You also made him look tough, which I think fits well with his name and my first impressions of his traits. A good start in this respect.

Score: 9/10

 

Backstory: Ok I'm a little confused. Volt used to be a human being, but you then say that he eventually flies. Was he transported to Equestria after testing out his Tesla coil upon following the steps of his idol, Nikola Tesla? Also why does your character admire Nikola Tesla so much? It would be a great detail to explore not only for the backstory, but also his personality. If he indeed was transported into Equestria by what happened, did he ever miss his family? Did the ponies ever wonder where he came from? Could Dr. Volt ever explain all this to the other ponies? How was his time at the electric factory where he worked?

 

I'd also like to know about his human existence! What was it like?! Surely you can add information about that to entertain us readers wanting to know about Dr. Volt!

 

A lot of questions, and I'm quite confused as to what you intended for his story.

Score: 3/10

 

Personality: You need to develop this section too. Plus, when I first saw your OC, I thought he wasn't as friendly as you stated. In fact, I was wondering whether he had a hard outside and a softer interior, simply by virtue of a tough past. You showed that through his tendency to stay away from parties, but like I said, you can add more traits that associate with his appearance and his backstory. For me, I think your OC's personality also failed to develop because his backstory hasn't matured. I'd go back and think about both aspects more.

Score: 4/10

[MrPandaa 204]

Sterling, I would be honored if you would review my OC's.  And if anyone else just wants to, go ahead!  The more criticism, the better they'll get (in theory).  

My OC's are in my sig.

[Inactive01 5,299]

Sterling, I would be honored if you would review my OC's.  And if anyone else just wants to, go ahead!  The more criticism, the better they'll get (in theory).  

My OC's are in my sig.

Thanks for the comments! I find it quite flattering! However, I can only review one OC at the time due to time constraints and the like! So which OC do you wish for me to review?

[Aerodynas 439]

You're still doin this? Fantastic I've read some of your comments and they seemed to be very helpful...so I must ask, may I have the pleasure of you reviewing Sunny Caramel? (she in my sig )