writing The Landscape's Mass

[ghostfacekiller39 23,860]

The Landscape's Mass

by ghostfacekiller39

 

The night sits still around me

I crawl out the window, the chilling air hits my skin

My feet hit the ground, and I see those city lights looking over the hill

Like an angel peeping over a cloud, above from the heavens

 

You don't know it, but some nights, I go to this hill

For its overview of the landscape's mass of city lights

The beauty of of the pastel neon painting below clears my mind

The foggy clouds in my head fade, stolen by the night

 

If you were to capture these elations that I see

In the inner-most mechanisms of your mind

If you were to understand what I think

You'll only smile as your eyes begin to cry

 

The complex feelings of one are all clear

The harsh reality itself gone with the night breeze

Life itself has a simplistic beauty to it

One I can't wait for you to someday see.

 

 

---

 

So, yeahh, I beat a case of writer's block

I dunno...I've done better, but I still think this one turned out well. Open interpretation, don't take it literally, though

Ughhh...I can't help but think I can do better...

 

Anyway, constructive criticism is always welcome! Just don't rip me a new one, I always try my hardest to output the emotions I feel into these!

I've done much better than this...


 

[Satsuki Kiryuin 1,155]

Sounds pretty sweet, Ghosty. I don't understand why you'd climb out your window instead of opening the door, though.

[ghostfacekiller39 23,860]

Sounds pretty sweet, Ghosty. I don't understand why you'd climb out your window instead of opening the door, though.

Has a more romantic feel to it, I guess

 

Anyone can open the front door. Only people who think outside the box go through windows

Edited March 12, 2014 by ghostfacekiller39

[Satsuki Kiryuin 1,155]

 

 

Has a more romantic feel to it, I guess

 

"Hey babe, I climbed out my window instead of using the front door for you. ;)" 

[Ribbonfree 2,383]

It was pretty, some sentences had an odd flow to them, but I liked the idea.

[ghostfacekiller39 23,860]

It was pretty, some sentences had an odd flow to them, but I liked the idea.

Yeahh.

 

I know I've done much better than this; the opening felt a bit weird to me, but I couldn't write it any better.

 

Meh. I'm not perfect nor an expert poet

[Ribbonfree 2,383]

Yeah, I suck too. I was just saying what I thought as a read through

 

Yeahh. I know I've done much better than this; the opening felt a bit weird to me, but I couldn't write it any better. Meh. I'm not perfect nor an expert poet

 

Well I was just mentioning what I thought was noteworthy as I was reading through it. I'm hardly an expert myself, so my opinion doesn't count for much anyways.

[Champion RD92 8,658]

"Hey babe, I climbed out my window instead of using the front door for you. ;)" 

 

lmaoooooooo

 

 

Good poem, Ghosty

[ghostfacekiller39 23,860]

lmaoooooooo

 

 

Good poem, Ghosty

Yeahh, I know   Silly Otty

 

But thanks! I've done better, though. I can't stress that enough   

[Scootalove 10,689]

I've been having writer's block for a while, good to see that you broke out of that. Good poem, Ghostie. The feels man.

[ghostfacekiller39 23,860]

I've been having writer's block for a while, good to see that you broke out of that. Good poem, Ghostie. The feels man.

Thank you!

 

Yeahh, man. I just felt...inspired to write this, you know? I mean, the meaning of it is a bit personal and one I won't be sharing publicly, but hey, I'm a bit ashamed of it, personally; I think I could've done soooo much better, and that's the truth, given, well, I have done better, and this one has a lot of meaning to it.

[Virgil 685]

Hmm, I do think the imagery is fairly solid. Maybe if you added a paragraph in between the first and second describibing the "hill" and the speaker arriving there it might make it richer.