Envy

That made me LOL. That's so harsh.

It got up into the mid 80s today.

It's in the 70s outside. I know that I'm moving soon to the NE shortly so I should perhaps be more at peace with this knowing that this is the last winter I have to deal with this, but I can't help but be frustrated with it anyway. *sigh*

I have loner tendencies that mean that I can easily isolate myself without evening thinking about it. I lose so many friends because I never reach out. It's probably a large reason I'm single, too. I don't put myself out there, so to speak. Oh well. Being in my space, with lots of space from others is my happy place. That's not to say that I don't enjoy socializing or being in the presence of others, but I need lots of time to myself to recharge, and just tend to default to being reclusive. Whatever one can say about being a loner, it sure helped me out during the pandemic.

My hair is somewhere in between mid-back and waist length now.

I don't have a cohesive fashion style. One could say that my public style is kinda business casual. Two things that are consistent with me right now are loving dangly earrings and capris. lol. I also like long dresses and skirts. I love floral, but have been wearing more solid colors lately. Right now you'll only ever see me in flats or some rather basic shoes depending on the outfit. During the warmer months I wear a lot of sandals. At home I like to wear comfy short shorts and with comfy tops, sometimes I like wearing comfy dresses with pockets. Sometimes I'll wear a robe, but I get warm very easily, so it's rare I can keep it on for long before switching to something cooler.

I do feel out of place quite often. However, it seems like that sentiment is quite common, so that leads me to believe that I'm just imagining it. But I do think there is some merit to thinking I really don't fit in as I am neurodivergent. I generally try my best to not stick out. Or at least that's what I think. I dress normally and generally keep to myself. And perhaps that is because I know that if I do anything different I will stick out like a sore thumb. (Although, the way I dress is my natural style, so IDK.) Old bubbly, chatty me got called "annoying", and lost many, many people I thought were friends. So, definitely, naturally I didn't fit in. That side of me is long gone now and that is saddening to me. I went from I suppose being overtly social to not knowing how to be social and becoming a bit of a recluse. --- It's cliche for me to bring this up with me moving, but... I'm confident in saying that one way I know I've never fit has been living in the South. I am a Northeasterner at heart, and always have been. I do not match up with the South, like at all. I'm the polar opposite of the stereotypical southerner. I am politically left, I am non-religious. It is automatically assumed that you are conservative and Christian down here. But that's not the sole reason I feel like an odd-one out down here. There's also differences in attitudes. I am a person who wants to be left alone when in public. I don't need random people getting up in my business when I'm just going to the grocery store. And Southern Hospitality is fake. It's all so fake, everything down here. Lastly, obviously, the climate. People in my state joke around about tornadoes, and act like they're such a casual thing that you just go out on the porch to watch. Um... No. It's not just that, though, obviously - I absolutely hate the heat. And my idea of nice temperatures is far lower than other people in the South. People in the South think that a sunny 85 degrees is nice (obviously not EVERYONE thinks that way, but that is how so many people talk and it's literally how all our meteorologists talk, too). I think that's awful weather. I want temperatures in the 40s, 50s for a nice day. I am completely out of sync with people down here. It seems like a really small way to be out of place among people (it's a big deal with living in the climate itself, obviously), but it's a lot more substantial then people may realize. There is an implicit assumption that everyone agrees on what is nice weather and what is not. And given Southerners' incessant need to make small talk with strangers, weather gets brought up a lot. When it's 80 degrees and sunny in March (which it should never be, ever. ), people will just come up to you and assume that you think it's nice too and say "Nice weather we're having today, huh?" and I have to just nod along to keep the peace, because it's a silly thing to bring up that you disagree. But it really makes me feel like an odd-one out.

Always! Most of them are down now, though. Christmas season went by in a flash.

Hm... I'm not sure exactly how close it is, but I'm pretty sure it was somewhere in the walking distance area that some number of years ago two homeschooled guys (or maybe just one of them, can't remember) murdered their entire family.

Currently Tulsa. Soon to be Hartford!

Last Christmas I had spending money to get gifts for everyone. This Christmas I don't have much because moving is now imminent.

I used to love milk chocolate, but now I'm a dark chocolate kinda girl. I think it's thanks to my workplace constantly giving us chocolate and me deciding to try the Hershey's Special Dark, which from there I eventually went to just regular Dark. I can still eat Special Dark, but I can not with Milk Chocolate anymore. It just doesn't taste good to me anymore.

I wash my hands a lot and also use a lot of hand sanitizer. I am always careful to use hand sanitizer before eating out in public. But I'm not a major germaphobe or anything. For instance I rarely use toilet seat covers. Too lazy. xD But I ALWAYS wash my hands. There are people that do not and I find that absolutely disgusting.

There are still a couple of weeks left. I will post again if things change, but going to sum things up to this point. It's hard to give a rating. I'd say this year has definitely been a better one for me. In fact, some major breakthroughs happened within the year. This year has been life changing for me in a very positive way. That is, a very dark cloud was lifted from above my head, so to speak. I've talked about it before, it's a long story. In short, I got braver and went and got my eyes checked and no major issues were seen, and I was cleared to be able to drive. With that, it's pretty much enough to say that this is the best year I've ever had since high school. But the reality is that this cloud has been gradually lifting over the past few years, and this was really just the total lifting. So, this year is a continuation of the last three which have been a great reawakening for me. The majority of 2023 felt rather stagnant, though. It wasn't until September when the big changes began. Then in November I was able to take my first trip up Northeast. It was a blast for me. I fell in love quickly! It's so beautiful! Even the highways are prettier than they are down here. Lol. I've dreamed of going to and moving to the Northeast since at least my teens. The trip was mostly for scoping out areas as opposed to enjoyment, but there was lots of enjoyment to be had nevertheless. And with that, my decision on which state to move to was finalized. And just in this last week I have found out that my parents are aiming for a much quicker move than I had anticipated and will help me financially if I end up moving up sooner (my move is contingent on finding a job, and that could happen sooner than the Spring that they are aiming for). This is such major, exciting news for me! I thought that my parents would move up later rather than sooner, and I thought that financially I was going to be struggling a lot. I will still have a tight budget no matter, but I think things will be good when my parents come up, which should be in the Spring! :O Now, because I've already overshared a lot here, I'm probably not going to mention specifically which part of the state I end up moving to. Lol. Originally, this trip was planned for much earlier this year in the Spring, and the move was hopefully to happen before the year ended. Things didn't work out that way. However, I do want to note that the move is becoming more and more real, and I can now start giving better timeframes. Now, all of that is super exciting! But the year had some drawbacks. The first being the stagnation for most of the year. The second being an unexpected summer storm that caused costly damage to the house (really not great timing when you're thinking of moving!), along with other issues that have come up with the house, like our dishwasher breaking, and now there's some strange power issue >.<) The third being my mom having a health issue she had to get surgery for, continued family drama, and after the trip has been quite chaotic with me getting COVID again, my dog getting sick (but recovering! a couple of weeks ago I was distraught), and then a family death. So, as much as the good in the year was truly phenomenal and just major lifechanging, the year is a bit too complicated for me to go 10/10.

Candy canes (Wint-O-Green, Peppermint, Cherry), dark chocolate, strawberry suckers, sweettarts and M&Ms.

This is utter blasphemy to bump this up in this most joyful month of December. How dare you! This is my happy time. We will not speak of this Winter Wrap-Up misery!!

I remember it took me a long time to adjust to the idea of having a touch screen phone. In fact, it was only a decade ago that I made the switch. I loved my Samsung BlackJack phones (I think they were called?) with their physical keypads, but at some point it couldn't run internet sites well anymore and I had to bite the bullet and "upgrade". Now I can't even see what my problem with touch screen phones was. Lol.

I'm not moving for a job, no. I'm moving for a number of reasons, including politics, freedoms. I'm a climate refugee, too. Plus, I've wanted to live in New England for the longest time. I like the vibe up there, as is confirmed by my recent trip up there. I'm sorry that you have trouble connecting with people. I hope it's not that way for me, but then again, I suppose I have trouble connecting with people in general. I hate leaving all of my friends and a lot of my family behind. I really do. I spent decades making my friend group. It's going to be super difficult finding a new one. Alas, it's not feasible for me to stay in this state any longer. I already go such long periods of time without seeing my friends as it is, so perhaps keeping up my old friend group long distance might somehow work out for me.

My "OC" is nothing but me in pony form. I don't have enough creativity to create a character that isn't just me. lol. So you'd basically be duplicating me. Ain't no one want that! lol

I don't currently have the figure to pull it all off, but I prefer tight. I wear tight shorts/pants/capris/leggings, but I wear more loose fitting tops. I have lost a lot of weight in the past six months so my tops look even baggier now. lol

The internet. When we got high speed internet at home when I was a teenager I got addicted, possibly because it was my place to really get to be myself, but also because of my ADHD brain needing stimulation all of the time. I'm still addicted here 19 years later...

$7.25 in Oklahoma, the bare minimum for the US, ugh. The state I'm planning to move to, Connecticut is now $15, and will be $15.69 by the time I move. I can't say I ever made only $7.25 an hour, but I also can't say that I've ever made anywhere near $15 an hour. Lord knows I'll need as much of a boost as I can get, coming from one of the bottom of the barrel states to one of the more expensive. I always say, though: You get what you pay for.

I just visited up there last week and I loved it! I am looking to move up there soon! I'm excited!

2020 and beyond has seen a line of large life-changing breakthroughs in my life. All of them positive. Incredibly positive in fact. The strings of what was traumatizing me have been unraveled and its grip over me is gone. I am free. Most recently with me dropping out of denial and getting my eyes checked and learning that my eyes are okay, completely upending everything for me, as I was feeling hopeless and like I had no future. It's impossible for any other previous stage of my life to match this. There's just no contest.

We have a local franchise named Daylight Donuts that makes delicious glazed donuts! Gosh, I am going to miss them when I move. CT has Dunkin' Donuts everywhere, but sorry I wasn't too impressed.