Envy

Yes, I can name them all. When researching on which state to move to, I got accustomed to all of them and where they are located (even though 90% of them were automatically off the table for me), so I can name all of them easily: Connecticut Massachusetts Rhode Island Maine Vermont New Hampshire New York New Jersey Delaware Maryland California Washington Oregon Idaho Hawaii Alaska Montana Wyoming Utah Colorado Nevada Arizona New Mexico North Dakota South Dakota Nebraska Kansas Oklahoma Texas Louisiana Arkansas Missouri Iowa Minnesota Wisconsin Illinois Kentucky Tennessee Mississippi Georgia Indiana Michigan Ohio Pennsylvania West Virginia Virginia North Carolina South Carolina Florida Alabama If I doubled any of those and didn't end up getting them all, god help me. I can pass a quiz on this easily. lol

High school me, and also me a few years ago when I thought a crush of mine and I were closer than we actually were. OMG.

Top choice is definitely Canada. Good government (for the time being, at least.), the best climate for me, and it would be less of a culture shock than pretty much anywhere else. I don't much like change, you know? Although given the chance to move to Canada I would take it in a heartbeat. Preferably somewhere in Quebec, New Brunswick or Nova Scotia since they're in a similar region of North America to where I already live. I've had to give a lot of thought to this, much like I previously did when moving states in the USA, so I have a general idea of what countries in the world I could live in versus those I couldn't. The only other countries I could see myself ever living in (with some of these being a culture shock, for sure) are Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland, France, Germany or Ireland.

If they wanted to, we could go to my favorite pizza place in New Haven and/or we could go to the beach. If they weren't into any of that, that'd be fine. I mean, me liking the beach is very uncharacteristic for me, lets be honest, but it it just turned out that way. Gosh darnit, now I'm craving pizza. It's been sooooo long. Please, let that special someone come soon so I can have pizza.

I have AT&T (I almost automatically typed ADHD, oops. That's true, too, though. >.<). It's what my parents have, and they pay for my line as a part of their plan. It's awkward, because I was recently exchanging phone numbers with someone and when I called them so they got my number it showed up as someone calling from "Tulsa, OK". I'm like NOOOOO I don't live in that miserable area anymore! Nevertheless, don't know if I'll ever change my number. I don't know that it's necessary. But when I see that come up on someone's screen, it makes me feel like it's more necessary than I was previously thinking. I'm fine with AT&T (not even joking, I almost typed ADHD again). For years, though, we had limited internet usage and it was awful. If I ran even one video on the internet, it'd flag us for "75% of usage" for the month. But we changed that a few years ago or so. It's night and day.

I had a doctor's appointment, and then I went to the store. The rest of the day I relaxed.

Aw, come on, it was just a mistake. I meant it has my name in it. lol. Hm. Wonder what your name is. Hopefully I'd get it right!

I have a shower and bathtub combo. I've had that in every place I have ever lived, so it's the norm to me. Let me think of how to describe the way the shower in my apartment works, because it's kinda weird. I can do it automatically because I've done it so many times now, but it's still strange. I do know that the knob is turned counter clockwise to be turned on, but in its default off position, the knob is not facing a straight direction like you'd think. It's like facing at 4 on a clock. Typically getting it to where it is facing straight down (6 with the same analogy) is where I like it temperature-wise. You then have to turn it clockwise all of the way back to its weird default position to turn it off. Funniest thing, though, is that when I was going to a local pool for aquatic therapy earlier this year, the showers in the locker room had the exact same kinda shower. It was nice for me to not have to figure it out! lol. I wonder if it's a local brand or something.

Well, here's the thing: Neither. I don't want to live in the country. Absolutely not. It's typically very nosy, right wing and religious, which are all things I have moved to escape from. I also wouldn't feel safe (around the people there included), it's pretty much wild nature there. Much higher chance of running into dangerous wild animals. Also you're far away from stores and hospitals and the like. I have a multitude of health issues, I would not do well out there. I also don't want to live in a big city. I don't know exactly what to say, but any time I go into a city, I feel unnerved. I don't like the noise, I don't like the tall buildings, I don't like how many people are around. I don't like high density. I feel most comfortable in suburbs. That's where I was born and raised and I now live in a suburban "city" again in my new state. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have lost many sparkling water drinks since I got into them almost a decade ago. : Dasani Sparkling Ugly (weird name, but they had the best Cherry Cola kind and they also had a Fruit Punch flavor) Good & Gather (Cherry Cola and a Dr Pepper flavored one that were very good. I cannot understand why they got rid of these flavors. Good & Gather is an established Target brand that still exists, just not these flavors. ) Food-wise, IDK. I would say Fruity Cheerios, but a year ago they reappeared! Hm... Maybe Arby's Homestyle Fries. Very unique. Also, my local Sonic for some reason has these weird crinkle cut fries that don't taste very good. And yet in the stores there are a frozen variety of Sonic fries that are like the Sonic fries I used to know back before I moved, I don't know what's going on with that? I didn't know that Sonic had localized differences.

This is soooo funny to read because I've changed so much since then. My next job I didn't have the whole single-use bathroom crutch to rely on and had to go to the multi-stall bathroom with others like a normal person and now it's just something I do. And I really don't care too much anymore. Still a little shy about it, in fact if I go in with someone else I struggle, but if I'm around strangers I don't care. This is ridiculous, I wish I could get over this. It's so embarrassing to go in with a friend and then have to tell her to wait outside for me because I'm too shy. >.< Otherwise, the gossiping. It's a thing. I'm afraid to say I joined in it a little at my last job, but not really in the same way that it happened before. It was mainly just shaming any lady that didn't wash her hands. Seriously, JUST WASH YOUR HANDS!

Last post was about my nickname that I went by for a long time. My real name is spelled pretty simply, but there is one apparently common alternate spelling of it and also it rhymes with another name and can easily be misheard. I generally don't care if people misspell it or mishear it, the only problem is when it leads to issues, like when I was applying to get my ID renewed and I gave them my email (which has my email in it) and I never received confirmation or a reminder for the appointment because they got my name in my email address wrong.

Well, it was now a loonggg time ago. People from the year I graduated will be eligible to vote soon. Anyway, high school for me was, well, not my best time. Socially, I learned that I was "annoying", lost a lot of friends, and any friends I had at any given time I couldn't trust, because I had no idea where the boundary between what about me was annoying versus what was sociably acceptable. I also couldn't read people very well. All of that is still true today, but at least it isn't new to me anymore. Back then it was, and it hurt a lot. Academically I was very mediocre. There wasn't really any threat of me not successfully graduating, but I struggled with some classes, especially math. Best memories of high school were in marching band. My high school's marching band was nationally competitive, so it was a very big deal. But even though smaller schools thought us snobby I'm sure, I didn't ever get the feeling that we thought too highly of ourselves when I was in it. It may be different now, as lets just say they're a lot more used to success now then we were back in my time. Anyway, I had a great time and made friends, one of which is still very close to me to this day.

Cruel Sister - Pentangle

I've actually now flown a couple of times in the past few years, so here's an update on top of those: The one in Denver, CO, one in Chicago, IL and Bradley Airport in Windsor Locks, CT. I think the one in Chicago was called midway or something. It was relatively small. There were like five different terminals in one small sized room. The restrooms had big lines. Even my dad had to wait in a line for the men's! Denver's is nice and big. BDL is in between. Not much to say about it.

I was Central, but now I'm Eastern.

It's been hot and humid as hell. Even early yesterday morning it was miserable. This summer has certainly been worse than last summer.

I used to eat them back when I was in elementary school. Seeing as they're something that I could eat despite my sensory issues, perhaps I should try them again now. I'm not getting any protein right now. It's just... it will make my grocery basket and pantry look even more like that of a ten year old's. lol

ADHD, Generalized Anxiety and something of which I've completely forgotten the name of. Avoidant something? I don't even know if I'm right with that much. Also think I might be at least somewhat autistic. At the very least I have some kind of sensory processing disorder and I really wish I had known that earlier.

Silly boy. This is from approaching 14 years ago. I've gotten several new TVs since then.

I don't know. My only experience with a Brony was a guy at my former workplace long ago (he wore a shirt proclaiming it, otherwise I'd have never known). He was on a different shift but overlapped with mine for a few hours. I was never close enough to him to find out his hygiene habits.

I regret so much with my ex-girlfriend. But I don't know if I had done things better that things wouldn't have turned out the same. In fact, I'm leaning heavily toward that they would be the same. I can't say that for sure, and I do feel like the mistakes I made were pretty high impact, but I also think that she was becoming a different person and thus it probably would have ended this way. I wish it at least could have ended with us still talking. So many things I want to say I regret I just don't know if I can say that for sure. (Not even the above, sure I DO regret the mistakes I made, but are better outcomes [aside from maybe us being friends] really what I want?) Life is very complicated. One thing for sure I do regret, though, is long ago freaking out about health things and not taking care of myself. This was a serious mental struggle for me, I thought my life was over and I retreated into a bubble. This caused me to not live for the future, but instead live in the past. I did not have any serious thought of graduating from college and getting a career. I went to college to learn, not with a future in mind. I didn't learn to drive because doing so didn't seem possible with the health issues I thought I had. I never learned to adult. I snapped out of this gradually over the past five years (pretty much entirely by late 2023). Now I'm in my mid-30s, don't have a career and don't know what in the world my career should even be. I'm living with how not-put-together my life is as a result of this. I'm living with having made a huge move despite that. It's wild let me tell you. I need to put myself together quickly and find a good career and I'm overwhelmed, and I also couldn't put together learning to drive before I moved (too much money to manage when I needed to save for the move), and I can't until I have more money, so I'm walking and taking buses which is absolutely not what I wanted to do. I'm paying the price, worrying about creepy guys and walking in very uncomfortable weather. I can't wait until its winter again. Walking in the summer sucks, so much. Even then, can I say I regret my college years? No, I can't! As I said life is complicated. I pursued a passion, a special interest. I would even continue on that road, but I don't think that me as a music history professor is what this world needs. I also have a passion for other things that are more in line with serving people or making my country better. Now I'm trying to figure out how to make a career out of them. It's difficult, but my country is so messed up now a fire has been lit.

My high school? Its marching band, definitely.

I remember 2016 as a great year for me personally, where I got to leave behind my night job and return to college. I also got my dog that year, who I love dearly. But the year ended on a horrible note with the election. 2016 was one step in what I'm now feeling fairly certain is beginning of the end of my country. It was also when moving to another safer, freer state started becoming a necessity for me. The beginning of my need to leave behind my home, my family, my friends and everything I had ever known. I love living in my new state, but I do miss my family and friends. If only our country had gone a different direction, I at least could have stayed in OK for some time instead of it being a "get out of here right now, no matter what" situation like it was for me.

I'm self-conscious about my teeth. I wasn't able to get braces because I have sensory issues and you can't even get an X-ray or camera in my mouth without me gagging, much less having something like braces that would stay in my mouth. So my teeth aren't straight and pretty.