Envy

I live in a neighborhood currently. I don't have much complaints aside from... well, again, the fact that it is in Oklahoma.

I really wish I could move to Florida.

I dress quite modestly. The least modest I have ever wear are tank tops, but never spaghetti ones. Also, if anything is too "low" I'll wear a cami underneath to fix that. I only wear skirts and dresses that go down well below the knee like maxi. And NO WAY could I ever wear a crop top!! But that's me. I'm not policing how others dress. I believe freedom for such things is essential. I know this topic was probably meant for guys to respond, but, hey, I'm a woman who is attracted to other women, and I'm a modestly dressed woman, so I can respond, too! I've never really thought about "modesty" when I'm attracted to another woman. If anything it could be a red flag, but not always. But otherwise, I don't think it much factors into my attraction.

With what I know now (about my health, my eyes, my ears), even my older posts here are going to be hard for me to read. I was a doomer when talking about related things and really just always threw a pity party for myself. I'm sorry. But when not talking about anything related to that, I'm still pretty similar to my older posts. I was never "cringe" here like I was on forums in my teens. lol. I'm just a bit upset at myself for the above mentioned stuff. And I will have to get over that. The past can not be changed.

My style is very important to me. I can spend a long time thinking about coordinating an outfit for the next day and will panic a bit if I haven't figured it out when it's time to get dressed for work. lol. Some days I'm lazier than others, it just happens that way. I've been pretty bad about applying makeup lately, my mom tells me my skin is so pretty that I don't need it.... Pftttt. But I can survive a day without it, it turns out. I used to think I absolutely could not.

I'm thinking about today being the autumnal equinox. I'm also thinking about the chances of severe thunderstorms tonight. And also the fact that it won't cool down here for at least two to three weeks. I'm soooo ready to move. Also, I'm thinking about why is the autumnal equinox on the 23rd and not the 21st. Didn't it used to be on the 21st? And then the 22nd? How is it on the 23rd now? What's happening? Are autumns getting shorter? Why is autumn the season drawing the short end of the stick and not a miserable season like Spring or Summer? Pft. Reality is rigged against autumn lovers.

I am now 34, but will be 35 in just a few months. Thirty. Five. Years. Old. Jesus Christ. I was still in my early 20s when I joined this forum. The time flies by so fast.

I'm not a big fan of the design and toys. I haven't even tried to watch the animation, IIRC. I suppose I do prefer the designs over G5, though. Gotta be honest.

I can't think of any right now.

I'm in my mid-30s now, I would really love to find someone, get married, have a child and all of that stuff. The fact that I'm getting older has hit me hard lately, but I also have to reckon with the fact that the past decade and a half (since right out of high school) I was stuck in a mental bubble so to speak where I did not ever really live for such a future, because I thought I had no future altogether, so I "froze" myself right in the place I was and didn't want to acknowledge that time was moving forward. I did not ever learn to "adult", in many ways I'm like an 18 year old who is just waking up to having a future and that's not great. I need to get a lot of things in order. Like, when I went to college, it was never with the actual intention of a career, I went just to have fun and learn. Oh, look at me oversharing again. It probably seems irrelevant to this topic, as well. What I'm meaning to say by this is that I'm not sure I'm in a place where I should get married and have a child, despite how old I am in reality, because I fear I'm not mature enough nor do I have so many details of my adult life in order, like a career. *sighhhhh* I need therapy, lots of therapy and a degree. But YES, I do want to get married.

I'd like to think that I'll for sure have moved (that should be happening much, much sooner than in ten years). I hope that I'll have found what it I am to do in my life career-wise and I hope I'll have found my partner and have a child.

My first job was as an overnight stocker at a grocery store. I worked there for about four and a half years. Did I like it? Not particularly. I was good at it, I was fast and accurate and managers and coworkers took notice and told me and it gave me a boost in confidence that I needed because I have always felt like an overall incompetent individual. However, then I learned that working hard doesn't get you reward, it only gets you more work. It being my first job (and the insecurity mentioned before), I had a very naive "gotta work as hard as I possibly can" mindset that only got me into trouble. Shortly after the managers noticed how fast I was and my work ethic, more and more work started getting put on me versus many of my coworkers and it wore me down. I became so burnt-out and I'm not sure I have completely recovered to this day. I feel like that job gave me an attitude, it made me much more impatient and grouchy and I'm sad about that. I noticed that some coworkers were allowed to be lazy and call-in a lot, but I wasn't. I called in one day when I was very sick (I never called in aside from this), I brought in a doctor's note and the manager later called me back to the office and had literally made up some other absences that weren't real and gave me a "slap on the wrist". I was frightened. So frightened that when my ex invited me to an event I had to decline because I knew that if I called in from my job I might lose it... and that, well, that didn't end well for me did it? Thank you, job. I still think my decline of that was a tipping point to us being together. (To be fair to the company, I later came back, but on a different shift. This was after I became chronically ill and I had to go on many, many leaves. They had so much patience with me. I appreciate them for that. And not all managers were like the one that called me back that night.) There was one more thing about the job: It was overnights. I hated working nights so much. Having to sleep during the day was such a drag. I never did it very well, I was so happy when I left the job to return to college because it meant going back to a normal schedule.

I had a TV in my room pretty early. Sometime when my age was in the single digits. I don't remember exactly when, though.

I've always thought of a crush as a more shallow attraction to someone. They typically don't last very long for me. If I don't know someone I have formed a crush on, I will generally keep my distance and that's the end of it. Trying to start a friendship with a crush you don't already know is a no-go, in my mind. I hate when people do that to me and then disappear after I tell them I'm not interested (and then there are those who take it even further and complain about being "friend-zoned". DUDE. If you couldn't value a friendship with me, there's no way you could understand what I value in a relationship, so buzz off), so I wouldn't want to be the one doing that to someone. If I am already in talking basis with someone I develop a crush on, I may awkwardly and unintentionally flirt. In reality, I don't know how to flirt, but it just kinda happens and it's awkward and I hate it. Thankfully, IRL I have a personality from which this unintentional flirting can be very hard for someone else to distinguish from the way I normally talk/act. (they're not inappropriate or anything).

Thinking of the fact that I got glasses and they kinda look like the ones on my ponysona I made so many years ago even though I never wore glasses back then. It was an aesthetic choice. It's funny that so many years later I would choose similar glasses (they aren't the same, though. They don't have the shape, they're just big with black rims).

I have so many doctors now it isn't even funny. I saw my general practitioner about a month ago. I saw eye doctors twice in the last week (the second being to get a prescription for glasses). Other doctors I saw before them, I don't remember.

Underwear first, bra second. Then I'll put on my top (or dress if that's what I'm wearing), then the bottom, socks (if applicable) and shoes. Jewelry after all of that. (sometimes I put on earrings before the other stuff, though lol)

I like Dillard's, Macy's, etc. Plenty of other great clothing stores in the mall, as well. It's a very dangerous place for my bank account. lol

A whole decade later and I still don't know what it even means. When I try to think of what it might be, I picture a bar, loud music, drinking, dancing. That's just not me. I don't like alcohol and I don't like loud places. Although... that kinda sounds like when I went to see Streetlight Manifesto back in 2011, I suppose it might have been in a "club", but it was a concert, not just some random gathering of people dancing and drinking. And I went for the concert, not any of that other stuff. lol. I had ear plugs in and didn't drink at all.

Pumpkin spice cheerio's! Mmm.

It's Sunday. I feel pretty good, but the weight of returning to work tomorrow is settling in, specifically because I'm coming in an hour earlier every day this week. D:

Starting laundry! Or perhaps I should just go get started on that now.

My mom always told me that I shouldn't watch The Simpsons. That applied to South Park and other similar shows as well. Funny thing is, though, that I remember one time long ago I was in the room when my parents were flipping through channels and they stopped on South Park for a minute for some odd reason, and it was an episode with Jesus and it was me who said "Turn away from that! They're making fun of Jesus!" xD

Almost never. I made one exception and that is a forum I moderate. I shared a picture of me in a staff pictures topic that is only visible to other staff members. I also shared my real name there, two things I generally don't ever do online. It's a combination of not liking pictures taken of me and privacy reasons. I'm too open about my sexual orientation and lack of religious belief, two things that people IRL where I live are very hostile to. So IRL I have to keep that all downlow. Hopefully that'll change when I move, but IDK.

I like heels, but with my arthritis I have been told to be very careful wearing them. I really don't anymore, aside from a wedge heel I wear for concerts. I'm sad that I can't wear them much anymore, but I am glad I have that one place I still do. Thankfully, I have lots of cute flats to keep me happy!