Envy

My mom always told me that I shouldn't watch The Simpsons. That applied to South Park and other similar shows as well. Funny thing is, though, that I remember one time long ago I was in the room when my parents were flipping through channels and they stopped on South Park for a minute for some odd reason, and it was an episode with Jesus and it was me who said "Turn away from that! They're making fun of Jesus!" xD

Almost never. I made one exception and that is a forum I moderate. I shared a picture of me in a staff pictures topic that is only visible to other staff members. I also shared my real name there, two things I generally don't ever do online. It's a combination of not liking pictures taken of me and privacy reasons. I'm too open about my sexual orientation and lack of religious belief, two things that people IRL where I live are very hostile to. So IRL I have to keep that all downlow. Hopefully that'll change when I move, but IDK.

I like heels, but with my arthritis I have been told to be very careful wearing them. I really don't anymore, aside from a wedge heel I wear for concerts. I'm sad that I can't wear them much anymore, but I am glad I have that one place I still do. Thankfully, I have lots of cute flats to keep me happy!

However non-religious I was before, if it were possible to become even more non-religious, I am. It's in part due to some first hand experience and research into Pentecostalism/Charismatics/Non-Denominationals (in this kinda sense, I know there are other uses of that). The kind of Christian that my parents are, I generally can abide with. My dad says some weird stuff from time to time (he believes that these are certainly the end times, much like the groups mentioned above, but much unlike them, is who he considers the anti-Christ, of whom is a figure that many of the above think is anointed to lead America. I agree with him that this figure is awful, but I don't with this end times nonsense or anything about there being an anti-Christ. There have been so many awful figures throughout history that took power like Hitler, so why is this one the anti-Christ and not Hitler or so? The end times and anti-Christ nonsense is a constant move of the goalpost.). But these kinds of Christians... OMG. I had no idea that people like them really existed. I say this not to be so hateful (although these kinds of people are the kinds of people infiltrating my government and taking away my rights and freedoms and think I should be "delivered" from loving women.), it's to say seeing them and their beliefs has drawn an extremely large rift between their beliefs and my beliefs. It's like they live in a different reality where their neighbors are witches casting spells causing them to lose their car keys, where ailments are Demons attacking their bodies, and so-called "Prophets" who use the most basic of charlatanry and have made many false predictions are actually "Prophets". I post this be cause it's frightening to me that there can be such a large rift between them and myself. It's created an us and them mentality (which they 100% reciprocate, of course) that I'm not fond of myself having.

I don't look good in pictures. They tend to accentuate features of myself that aren't so beautiful. I believe I look better in the mirror than I do in a photo. It's really sad. I will take a photo with someone or so if they really want me to, but they always turn out horrible. lol

It'd be much easier to ask what I'm good at, because that list is much, much narrower! Here's some, though: Singing, cooking, math, drawing, any instrument, creative writing, socialization, any sport, most video games, dating, sense of humor, certain methods of learning (I have to learn by experience and directly asking questions in the process for most things), public speaking, saving money, cleaning, etc.,etc.

Attractiveness: 2/10 (People finding me attractive is a once in a blue moon occurrence. I'm unattractive both physically and personality-wise.) Intelligence: IDK. Kindness: 4/10 (Hm... IDK how to really scale this one. I have acknowledged to myself that I'm not kind enough and need to do more for others. I can be generous with gifts I buy for loved ones, but other than that...)

Quite amazing. I faced my fears and finally went to the doctors. I don't know how to put this, and I don't want to make a super long post here, plus anonymity. But ever since I've joined here I have talked about not "taking care of myself" when health issues came up and turned my life upside down and how terrible of a mistake that was and how I've ruined my life and can't have a normal future of any kind. Well, I finally got brave enough to face it. And I found out that the health issue was actually very minor. I'm floored. My world has been flipped right back up to the right way. Lol. All of those years... if only I had gone to the doctor... Alas, the past can not be changed. This revelation is very good news for me in my plans to move, because now it gives me a lot more ability to be independent than I ever thought possible.

I don't know how you'd picture someone with my name. There is a Biblical character with the same name, which draws attention from Evangelicals in my life, but I'm a nonbeliever so it's hilarious. I suppose I "look" like a conservative Christian. But not an ancient Biblical character from the Middle East. There's also a really famous character from back in the day with my name. I don't look anything like her either. I think my name is common enough to not have too much association with either of those characters, though, aside from in specific circles. What does someone with my name look like? Me. I have my name, so... But also anyone else with my name, because they have it to. lol

Fairly certain I'll have moved all of the way across the country long before the next reunion. We did have a ten year marching band reunion that I went to. Glad I got to do that.

Anyone even able to find pumpkins this year? I've been going to grocery stores and haven't seen a single one yet. They're usually out long before now. t's so late... What's going on? =(

No, you are not at fault. I need my bubble burst sometimes...

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend. I think I'm just feeling pretty down about my appearance, personality and overall likableness and I didn't mean to take it out on you. I'm just pretty pessimistic about finding love at this point. It just never happens for me. No one is attracted to me physically or personality-wise. It gets depressing. So I can't even comprehend someone actually liking me and I may have projected that on you. My apologies.

79 degrees F with lightly overcast conditions (sky is grey, but sunlight is getting through a bit). Still too warm for me, but it's better than what we've been having. We we're hitting 100 a lot over the past two months. I hope that has finally been broken.

I repeat, you haven't seen me. It seems like a nice thing you did... but understand, that someone taking pity on you because you're that ugly girl doesn't exactly feel good. I want someone to be attracted to me, not go out with me despite my appearance to be nice. Anything short of that is dishonest and doesn't help anyone.

I feel that so much. You aren't alone. But not being alone in this doesn't exactly make anyone feel better does it? lol

I don't think there is a set purpose in life. On a narrower scale, I'd like to keep learning more about the world and universe. I'd also really like to find my partner and have a child. Probably adopt, as those are the children who need help. On a broader scale, I don't know. One thing is for certain I have had a passion for separation of religion and government, history, science and social justice. I have a passion for music history, but I think that the me that's been shooting for that as a degree was "functional freeze" me that lived only for the moment and studying music history is/was of major interest to me, so I ate up studying it, but is it really what I should be doing? Is it what is needed from me in this day and age? I'm leaning toward no, as much as it pains me to say. I don't yet know what good I can do in the realms of separation of religion and government, history, science and social justice. I don't know where I'd fit into this... Law? Journalism? Activist (probably not, don't want to be that much of a public figure), or just in line with what I was aiming for before? A teacher or professor. I have a book idea, I'm a good academic writer, so I might be actually good at that... IDK. I think that figuring out what I can do in those realms is what I should be doing. Whatever I can do to mitigate this widely-spread disinformation, this destroying of peoples' lives, this very grim future for our world... I must do something.

You have not seen me. You can not claim that. lol Besides, I was posting about my high school self, of whom was NOT a joy to be around. I was overtly dramatic, annoying, and a bit grouchy. (When I put it that way, I suppose not much has changed. But I have changed in many ways.)

My real name is not something I like to share so readily. Yet my most used FFXIV character has it as her first name... I'll just give a too-vague hint: A sisterly villager in the Animal Crossing series has it as one or more of her foreign (not English) names. lol. Surprised me to see that. It's such a Biblical name that Evangelicals love to compliment me on.

I dreamed that I was in a shopping mall. A crime happened there, the nature of which wasn't specified in my dream. Either way, I wasn't involved in it, of course, but I freaked out nevertheless. The mall had apparently been locked down for some reason and I was just wanting to escape and get away from it all. I saw an anchor department store that was seemingly out of business but was still accessible somehow and I made my exit there.. Only to run into someone who turned me into the authorities for trying to run away or something, and apparently that got me in trouble even though I didn't do the crime... Weird dream. Then I had a college dream where I was scared to look at my grades because I had a class I neglected. This is a recurring theme in my dreams and I hate it. Pretty sure it's all thanks to my mistakes in early college, but that was FIFTEEN YEARS AGO. Give it a break, brain!!

I did not go, no. I was an edgy teenager who considered myself too cool (or uncool? lol) for that. Also, if I had gone, it would had to have been alone because who would have gone to prom with me?

WHAT. I had completely forgotten about this. Yikes. SO MUCH YIKES. Thank goodness I wasn't effectively indoctrinated. I don't remember anything Christian about it. All I remember about preschool was how the teacher tried to make me eat gross foods like spinach and chicken pot pie. How disgusting they were to me back then has kept me away from them ever since.

Nearly 1/2 of your stuff? Noooo!! I can't give up my stuff! Fortunately for me, my parents have a house where some things can remain instead of trying to fit everything I own into what will be a studio apartment or one bedroom apartment at most. I do anticipate home sickness, much like I still miss and dream about the apartment I had years ago. But I have dreamed of living in the Northeast for two decades or more, and the situation in my current state makes it untenable for me to remain here, so any homesickness I may feel will just have to be. Change is necessary in this situation. I appreciate the thought but there's no way I'll be able to afford a PO Box. lol

My diet is pretty poor. I can't eat a large portion of what most others can eat, and sadly, that includes many healthier foods like nuts. And what I *do* eat turns out to be a lot of junky food. I have slightly improved my diet this year by shifting toward eating a healthy low-calorie yogurt at lunch each day at work, and I try to eat a healthier popcorn for dinner instead of the more fatty microwave foods I ate before. Still, my diet is not great. lol

Get my laundry for the week done.