Jump to content
Banner by ~ Ice Princess Silky

They call me Loyalty

User
  • Posts

    3,114
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by They call me Loyalty

  1. The unicorn sounds lonely, and the pegasus is not to be trusted. But if I were to play make believe. Neither, really. I don't have the capacity to care of a horse, much less a fantastic one. So, it would be very irresponsible, and cruel of me to bind them to my summoning spellbook, which is already filled with the names of other creatures... by the way. It is awful.
  2. I agree, "criminality" is a human concept, like said ideology. Which preyed on our animal instinct. While their humanity was preyed upon in return. Since their concept of "humanity" was built on our appropriated nature. In all truth, it doesn't matter much what I believe in now. First, because the damage is already done. And second, because nature does not care about ideology. The lion and his family are dead, and we have their possessions now. Since I started to act on this instinct from childhood. Which is what enacted this so called "karma" of yours. Another imaginary concept like "evil". So, I have these meterial things, but no descendance of my own. And because of their ideology, my life is pointless now. And I am with other two lost "souls" who are vulnerable because they took these concepts to heart. Meaning that every action of mine was to undermine the spirit of the pride. To make them experience the same limbo their ideology had put us in, since my mother was suffering, but did not understand the actual reasons. So, in a way. We cannibalized them regardless. The purpose of my original post was not intented to cause any arguments. Whatever you believe in. It is not my concern. But it was to point out the dangers of ideology. So, people don't make the same mistakes. Because now the lions are dead, and so are the snakes, in a way. And it was because of this reluctance to accept nature for what it is. Which is in fact the birthright of civilization, and its undoing as well. Since they had rejected a very simple truth in their pursuit. But I was there to the let it be known again. Of course, spirituality has a place and purpose in our lives, but not to do what they did. Because that caused unnecessary suffering for the entire family. Good tidings on your spiritual journey. And stay well.
  3. Feeling good. I'm heating some water for a bed warming bottle before going to sleep. I don't know the reason. But sometimes I imagine myself wrapped in a bunch blankets sleeping outside church, without a care in the world anymore. Close to god and a bottle of booze, while a wait for a free meal. Mmm... that's the good life. I don't know the reason this mental image has been so persistent in me since childhood. So, let us see what the future depares me. Since I have let go of the steering wheel long ago, so my father in heaven could take over. And let me tell you, my old man is a piss-poor driver. Hahaha. But I'm having fun. Stay well, my little ponies. (666 characters. Son of a female dog.)
  4. I believe in ideological freedom and cultural co-existence. Generally speaking, "Don't do to others what you don't want done to yourself". But beyond that point lie the rules of nature. The song from revengeance... it's playing all the time in my mind. No, really. We are animal creatures, so I try to keep spirituality very simple, so it doesn't cause more harm than good. Because my family is a good example of this. Since even someone like myself who was raised under christian concepts, has these dreams in which I am taking the life of my own brother to keep a sister in estrus, and then stomping on his you know what, so he doesn't get to have children anymore, in case he survives. So, yeah. That is who I am. But that is nature. Animals do that all the time, even among their own kind. But we call it murder here in society, and that gets you in prison, unless you have the stuff. Which I do not have anymore, because how much interference these belief systems have caused to my natural behaviour. So many years of ideological conditioning have taken their toll on my mother as well, distorting her perception of reality, and she doesn't want to fight anymore. She is afraid of violence, and feels powerless all the time. These ideologies have caused harm, since we were meant to be a different kind of inviduals. I was meant to be a criminal and a cutthroat, and she was meant to be a whore most likely, considering some of the subconscious behaviours I've seen during my years observing her. But that is because we are so different from society. We are closer to the animal spectrum. Even genetically, like my ability to see in the dark. Those genetic traits are not there to sing while holding hands. There are there to hunt. I was meant to be a hunter and an ambush predator, originally. And outside society, my life would have probably played out like in my dreams. I either get killed by a brother of mine, or I kill my father to take my mother for myself. But those days seem distant... I feel denaturalized. Not that I cannot adapt again. But I am more likely to die, now. Like an animal that has been put into captivity for too long. So, here I am, in a forum about magical horses like some kind of social reject. Because I never fitted into society to begin with. Like with some of the brutal stories my grandfather used to tell me about. They feel so familiar inside my guts. Not that he was incapable of doing these things himself, either. The dude was a lion. While I am a different sort of animal. But an animal, regardless. And that animal inside of me is suffering because I was robbed from my own nature. Because I was never meant for society. And the contruct doesn't make any sense to me. Since, you are basically doing the same I would be doing back at home, but with extra steps. So, nothing. I am the "kind" vagabond in personality, now. If you can read all the warning signs I am so kindly leaving around. And I will stay low until the end of this show. Because in a way, I have lost because of these ideologies. Unfortunate, since I was meant to be someone else. But you probably have bigger "criminals" to concern yourself with than myself, now. Stay safe, cosmic friend.
  5. I was asking my mother if she didn't mind I was going to consume the rest of her life and dispose of the remains, like she discarded her father when he became a useless carcass of a man. Which I may have had something to do with. Since I had to hit the brake, and watch the train crash, because we were going in the wrong direction, and this was going to compromise my own future. And it did. Because I was always simple, a very simple man. But she didn't mind. In part because she bought the lie over the truth. She is now guilty in the eyes of the child. So, my conscience is lighter? Because this morning I had that feeling, and it was tearing me apart. Also, it is the emptiness of had been unable to have a family of my own. But I'm filling that child shaped void with the bits and pieces of this family's remains. And my own mother is due to become part of that missing child, too. It is kinda tragic. But she did the same with her own family. So, it is what it is. Still, I don't know how she does it. That immunity to guilt. It is amazing. So, perhaps she has a missing child of her own. And that part is devouring all the guilt for her. Because she was also deprived from a part of herself. And this is what killed the family. And it happened so... softly. The child has a way to create this silence. And people start blowing up from their inside. Since that is what they did with me and my mother to begin with. Which is the reason we went insane, since we were animals like them. But our nature was comprimised because of them. And the suffering that resulted from it caused us to become the strain that ended up breaking their backs in the end. I don't know. But it is interesting how hunger finds a way. And it was that hunger they created within us that ended up consuming the family. Poetic. (1818. Two sixes make twelve, and that is a full circle for you.)
  6. I haven't watched it, but I think it is really good. Also, in case this statement doesn't make any sense. Some of my friends said this show is really good, and since they also like some favourite shows of mine. I'm certain that if I was ever to give it a chance, which I am not going to do. Then I would also consider it really good. If that makes any sense.
  7. Dumb, clever, observative, peaceful, irascible, sadistic, mellow, exploitative, creative, vindictive, mocking, satirical, charitable, manipulative, foolish, childish, cynical, hopeful, etc, etc, etc.
  8. Somewhere between zero and one. But that is because some modder had decided to lock their mods behind discord. And half-way through creating my account, I decided it wasn't worth it and then never verified my account. If I remember correctly.
  9. Pretty good, you know. Had some fish. Gut them after cooking them, because the family forgot to defrost them. And I am searching reddit topics about fish now, because I remember that phase from a movie and I want to watch it, now. And it is s hollywood film. But yeah.
  10. About life. Sometimes there are times when you stop and wonder about the past, and then realize that most of your memories were actually fabricated by yourself, in order to replace missing aspects. It reminds me of my first posts on this forum, where I made up a family for myself. In reality, that was just an attempt to calm that hunger. But in the end, only life can satiate life. Terrifying, when you think about it. But that is... life. A self-consuming paradox of endless possibilities like recurring questions, all of which culminate with the same answer. But there can also be more than that, if we so believe it. Because despite the fact that I did create an illusion for myself. It still felt "true" to me. I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if a life somewhere else would have been better. With a family of my own. A crude but simple life. Because it is going to tear them apart, and there is nothing I can do. Since the child is part of me, now. It is there to replace what I've lost. But enough with all the gloom and doom. My family is here, and they take care of me, since I've been sitting on this chair for more than twenty years already. Also, this was their choice. I gave them the option to allow me the means. But they denied me that request. So, I must not forget, once their lives have been consumed and the guilt overcomes me. I need to remember that honest plea.
  11. Sure. Is that your oc in the avatar picture? Here you go, then. You don't need to write anything, since this is just a painted sketch.
  12. Back at home. I would have had a bunch of kids with my sister. Since most of the problems in this family have to do with context. The change in our natural environment and costumes. But because the family interfered. That was not possible. So, we became our own children. And in doing so, we destroyed the family. And it was to be expected, since our natural behaviour had been disrupted. Still, we are doing fine. It could have been great, because we could have been a real family with mine included. But this was their idea, after all. So, I had to do it. It needed to be done. In a way. My little bumkin is here with me now. But my unborn kid has taken the shape of this painful emptiness that tears everything apart. And we are not done, yet. Since he is whispering into my ear that there are still some accomplices within my own family. And he is getting hungry again. So, we are gonna feed their lives to him. Little by little.
  13. I was able to put things into context, so I am feeling more mentally sound. Because the rest of the family stigmatized my mother when she had me, and then she did the same to me. Meaning that we were put on the cross. But at least I know now. Since knowing is half the battle. But I was throwing punches blind. So, I am sorry for souring the ponche. It was mostly lemon juice, I promise.
  14. A yellowish edible fruit that is typically narrow at the stalk and wider toward the base, with sweet, slightly gritty flesh. A pear, in other words.
  15. Skyrim. I've come up with a iaijutsu build for a character that uses the same weapon that one of my first characters used in oblivion, when I started my long roleplay back then. It's fun. Especially, if you use the sandbox that is this game to write stories like you would with a book. There are a lot of possibilities, because of how purposely vague is the lore. Allowing you to fill in the blanks and create stories that feel both personal, but also legitimate within the context of TES. And that is because the non-linear way it was written by some of the original writers since the times of morrowind and daggerfall. So, I see the skelleton of the story like a branching tree with articulations, that allow that kind of flexivility. So, whether some of the events are hearsay, propaganda, myth or real legends. It is up to the player, to some degree. Very enjoyable. Like I've been playing this game for more than ten years already, and it still feels new. In no small part thanks to the massive modding community, which has brought so much life and possibilities to skyrim, oblivion, morrowind, etc. It's been amazing. It reminds me of my childhood, where I would grab a sheet of paper and start creating games, with their own set of rules. Like a very basic dungeons and dragons. So, yeah. I've been doing a roleplay with the mod vigilant, and then unslaad and it all fits thematically with the characters I have in mind. (Incredible. 1444 characters. Hahaha.)
  16. About my inherent vagrant aptitudes... and the things that I have done unconsciously since childhood, almost as if following a predetermined path written for me by fate itself. Like avoiding the prettiest girl in the classroom when she took interest in me. Knowing she was gonna bring the attention of stronger wolves. You know. I am still an underdog in the ladder, but you know what. I am making it happen as in the story I wrote since childhood. A little juking and a little jiving here and there, and all is good in the hooders. Don't make promises you cannot keep. Stay as close to death as possible, and things should be relatively good. Just dodge, dodge desperately. And lie to everyone, including yourself, but always with honesty. And do not resist beyond the point you know will cause aggression. Let them win, and find the inevitable loss in their victories. And maybe, just maybe. I get the ending I wrote. You know when I'm lying on the streets, and it's raining. And the chemicals in my brain are going off like fireworks, and I see her again before it is all over. Duders... that's the dream. Anyways. Just, just a small portion of my brains for you. Damn... dude. Damn. I am awesome. (1212 characters. That's 24 and the tip for the day. You know, I could have made it on the streets. I was born for that. Manipulation, dodging, pickpocket - all natural talents I had since chilhood, until the lions adopted me. And that makes 1444 characters. My favourite number).
  17. Welcome, Moon-and-Star. I have prepared a place for you. Come, Cassiopeia. Friend or traitor, come. Come and look upon the Heart. And bring cookies... I have need of them.
  18. Comfortable, all things considered. The climate is perfect to be at home reliving some good old memories. Family is doing good. And so do I.
  19. Nah, they don't have what it takes. But it would be interesting to see a story like that.
  20. I would put myself back in the year 2011. And I wouldn't do anything different. I would internet myself at home with my family again, in a vacuum far away from the world, and binge youtube and video games. To relive that special moment in time. Every single one of them. The dream. That is the reason I revisit old series on youtube, over and over again. Which is the closest thing to time travel. Because they do make me feel like my younger self again. They heal the cracks from age and time. I am not even kidding. There was this time I had lost hope almost entirely. And I remember the light in my eyes went off, and my lips started splitting instantly. They were bleeding out of nowhere. It had never happened before. But then I did this thing with the heart and started to erase memories. And I became my younger self again. My body healed, my eyes recovered the light and I was able to see the world with wonder again. The chemical process through which hope is created. And audio visual experiences do help with this process. Especially those that are tied to certain memories in time. It is the power of the mind. So, yeah. In a way, I am able to manipulate time, although imperfectly. Because I am still aging, but I keep regressing myself, over and over again. And this heals me, believe it or not. It really does, like the wounds in my back dissapearing again. And I know I can only do this enough times before my body finally collapses. But it is that magic moment when you cross the line at the end of the loop into the start once more. There are no words for it, really. It is like what I imagine death to be. A lapse in time. An empty space in memory. And then the cry of a child being born. And it may the "you" from the previous life, or that guy that died in that car accident nine months ago and you heard it on the news. But we will never know that. And everything will be new to that life, because of this. That is the reason I shuffle and forget. And if I can get away with it. I will do it until I die.
  21. To keep my family safe, since their current state of mind is very vulnerable. Then, I take my leave.
  22. I am feeling better. Sometimes I get worked up trying to re-organize the puzzle in front in me, without understanding that no matter how many times I shuffle it, the result is always "life". And the problem comes from me, that makes it difficult to face this revelation. So, I keep shuffling, and there is a certain time of relief, previous to that moment before the final frame reveals the picture taken, where you can envision what your desired image would be like. In that fraction of missing time where imagination takes place. It is a forgetfulness of sorts that creates these missing frames in your understanding, where you can re-imagine the past, and give a sense of purpose to the future. So, I keep shuffling, basically.
×
×
  • Create New...