Perradial

Aaahhh crap, I haven't been around. I'm really busy right now; today's the deadline for an essay but I thought the deadline was on Monday so now stuff is messed up. Also, classes are finishing up so the homework's getting tougher, aggh. Just wanted to leave this here so you know I haven't dropped off the face of the earth.

@@Blitz Boom I checked the first post, and since I don't want it to get too violent, I'm thinking that just as Dahlia's getting ready, she'll get knocked out by something or someone. Probably a Timberwolf.

@@Blitz Boom Dahlia narrowed her eyes. "I'm sure. So you, the only pony who has any reason --not saying it's a good reason-- to talk to me, just happened to come here. And, instead of going in the direction of Ponyville, which is where your house and your belongings probably are, not to mention the market, you moved away from Ponyville, judging by your direction. Also 'safe spot'? 'Safe' from what? It's not mares, I know that. If you wanted to be safe from Timberwolves and whatever else roams around here, you'd go back to Ponyville. So I can only conclude that you're delusional, whether it's not going back to Ponyville or stalking me." Dahlia was a worst-case type of pony. The worst always happened (Murfilly's law, of course), at least, for her, so she always assumed the worst would happen and had happened. Also, she made the worst happen for other ponies --usually deliberately. This is why she was checking for anything in the area that could put her at a disadvantage --namely, his spear. She wasn't sure he'd remember he had it, but she had to account for it. She usually did this check. It was worth it. Usually.

I haven't been around recently, ack! I'll finish off my post for Dahlia in a little while. The only trouble I'm having is coming up with the exact amount of irritation Dahlia currently has. I mean, it's a lot, but how much is a lot? On another note, Blitz Boom, how many OCs do you even have?

Sorry I haven't been active; I have a cold and a sprained finger. >.<

@@Blitz Boom, As expected, Chow remained unfazed. He wasn't, after all, the type of pony who would simply back down. Dahlia wished he was. He had pointed out that usually, she wouldn't get this angry over books. That was true. There was another factor. Double Chow had found her lake. Her place of respite. Which meant that if he ever wanted to bother her during her usual leisure time, he could. And, on top of that, there was everything else in her life. Finance. Racism. "Jobism". And everything else, the things she skipped over whenever anypony demanded she tell them her story. Those last ones...those were things close friends told (and maybe those in therapy sessions). But not Dahlia to Chow. Never Dahlia to Chow. She steeled herself with this fact. All this went down in Dahlia's mind for about three seconds as she simultaneously came up with a retort. "Well, there is the fact that you're here when I'm here, so you have the will and ability to stalk me. Don't ask me why you want to find yourself in the emergency room." Dahlia knew this was a dangerous thing to say. Now that it was out of her mouth, if she kept going, she'd eventually have to hit him, by the unspoken rule of image. After that happened, the only thing that kept him from, oh, suing her or something, was that he was a nice pony. The problem was that since he was a nice pony, he'd never stop bothering her, so the circle was complete. And Dahlia would really like to get out of that circle. Move away from Ponyville or something. But there were a couple problems with that. She didn't like the city; it was a bit disturbing how dirty and rundown everything was in most cities. She didn't like places like Apploosa, either; too many stampedes. Canterlotians had to be all fancy all the time. She'd crossed every place on her map of Equestria but one: the Everfree Forest. Moving to the Everfree meant growing her own food, building her own house, warding away Timberwolves and other creatures, and avoiding dangerous plants. She wasn't sure she was up to it, but the only other choice was to trot miles and miles to live with the zebras. (Dragons and griffons are dangerous, yaks are idiotic, et cetera, et cetera.) And so, she had to stay in Ponyville until one of the two became more accessible. This is how Dahlia lived.

@@Blitz Boom Dahlia smelled him before he was even close. He smelled slightly different every time, but it was always the smell of some dead animal. Dahlia did not take kindly to this smell. When Double Chow approached, she mentally facehooved. She'd forgotten that most ponies had a long weekend, which explained why it was noisier than usual (which was saying a lot). It also meant that Double Chow was free to follow her to the lake and try to make small talk. She knew his intentions were good. He was trying to be friends with her, sticking around until she got serious. But whenever he opened his mouth, there was a very good chance something stupid (at least, to Dahlia) would come out. Dahlia did not take kindly to those words. Here's a good example: "What gives, Dahlia? Tired of the noise in town?" This was a very bad thing to say to Dahlia. "Of course not," said Dahlia, bookmarking her page in case she decided to lunge at him. "This is, of course, the place I go to whenever the noise is overwhelming. And even if I were tired of noise, I wouldn't, you know, actually want it to be quiet around here, no! That would, by the way, make it easier to read books." He'd moved away, presumably because she was feeling especially cranky at the moment, as Dahlia loved her books. Many ponies did. And as anypony knows, being interrupted while reading a good book is very irritating. So Dahlia did not take kindly to these interruptions.

The usual bustle of Ponyville was extremely irritating. It would be okay were it a couple ponies out, doing what ponies do: work, talk, eat, wander aimlessly, and follow around the local purple alicorn, because local purple alicorn. But it seemed like whenever Dahlia had enough bits to not work for a little while, everypony decided to go find all of their friends and talk at the same time. Seriously, don't ponies actually want to listen to their friends, like, you know, a good friend? She tried shutting the window and its curtain. That didn't help much. She tried reading. The ponies were so loud, she couldn't even block them out with Daring Do! Phonographs were stupid, annoying, and tacky. And music seemed to always magically attract ponies. "Screw it," she muttered, putting the book, along with some other interesting books she'd bought (only ever fiction), in her saddlebags. "I'm going out." When she opened her door, she was instantly overwhelmed with the noise. Ponies talking. Ponies yelling. Ponies singing (badly). Ugh. Dahlia pushed through it until she was far from Ponyville. She could hear them a mile away. Literally. And yes, the correct use of literally. She skirted around the edge of the Everfree, the way she always did, until she reached it. A small lake. Now, she wasn't all that fond of lakes, but this particular one was special. This one marked the precise midpoint between Apploosa and Ponyvile (don't ask how she knew), which meant that it was the quietest place she could reach on hoof. The only things she could worry about now? Stalkers, pegasi, and Pinkie Pie. Nopony found the lake unless they were looking specifically for her, flew directly over it, or had the full name Pinkamena Diane Pie. She stretched out next to the lake and read.

There are some people who say that 13 is unlucky. So the hotel doesn't want to take the chance of giving a room on the 13th floor to one of those people. Either that, or just weird tradition.

Hi! Here are my notes: Story goes nowhere, does nothing. It has barely any conflict. To make this particular story work, draw it out and give details. Party of One is a good example. (One thing that makes the plot to the story even more important is the fact that this is an OC fic.) There is no apparent point to SB being a breezie. The story would be of the same quality were she a pony. Characters are two-dimensional, bland, Mary Sue-ish. Very, very rushed. Grammar/spelling errors. The POV switches are very distracting. Maybe use breaks like *** or something. But don't just say that you're switching which character you're talking about; show, don't tell. To be frank, this was really not a good fic, since it, as I said, goes nowhere and does nothing. I understand this is your first fanfic, and that's okay. These are common mistakes, and they can be fixed. And don't say, "I want to know if I should continue writing fanfics." Write if you want to write! If you do want to, then you say, "I want to know how to get better at writing."

@@Blitz Boom I think I'd like either 3 or 4 best. Either one is fine.

@@Blitz Boom, Ah, okay. I guess it's just everyone notices the slightest error in my usual roleplaying. Sounds good! Ack, I forgot to provide the page, silly me. https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/dahlia-r9324Yes, her entire part is written in first person, because I felt like it. I figured you'd get a sense of her overall personality from reading it. I probably will someday...but you have 142 pages...

Hi! I went through to proofread. You should probably learn a little more English; some of it was quite strange. In my opinion, it was a nice story, if a little repetitive.

When life gives you a lemon, you take a huge bite of the lemon, say "Thanks!", and ask if life has any more lemons.

Hi! I'd like to join with Dahlia, but I feel like I'm going to cause a bunch of continuity errors, what with all the pages I'm not going to just go and read for hours. And I won't be on every day. I'll be around when I can, which will be usually every day, but not all the time. Also, this'll be my first RP here. I've RPed before (usually ending with murder or reality distortion or something), but that's usually fast-paced stuff over messaging programs that only last 15 minutes real-time.

Here's an OC I've been developing: Dahlia. She'll be ready to roleplay in a little bit. (Bleh, trackpad drawing triples the time it takes to draw anything.)