Silverwisp rates your OC

[Dsanders 5,747]

Might as well give this a go

 

Here is my OC's profile: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/orion-skies-r3776

[Visual Spectrum 1,932]

Corn Maize: 

 

Corn Maize is a young stallion who was born and raised on a farm outside of Cobbletown. He is a strong stallion and one ponies can easily depend on to get work done, but he struggled with extreme demophobia which was triggered in even the smallest crowds. After he fainted in the Harvest Festival, his parents agreed to help him face his fears. Now he is able to go to Manehattan, though he hates it. He is typically honest, but he will say white lies to get out of trouble. He is not one to jump to conclusions too often, but he is very impatient when he wants something. He likes farming, telling ghost stories, and racing his older brother, Corn Kernel. His dream is to own his very own corn farm and to invent a corn related food. 

 

 

Cobbletown is a town I made up. 

 

demophobia is the fear of crowds.

 

Family: (no pictures of them.)

Corn Cob: Father

Corn Ear: Mother

Corn Kernel: Older brother

 

[Gatekeeper Giggle 2,902]

This sounds like fun! Here's mine, and don't go easy on me either!

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/rhythmic-rhapsodist-r7186

[A goat 323]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/kozel-r7110

 

Here's mine. I have no idea why the image is sideways, I apologize for that.

I'd also like to note that Kozel's backstory is probably too dark for something that's canon, just a warning. He was meant for extremely dark RPs and a fanfiction that I'm planning on making.

Edited December 1, 2014 by A goat

[The10thDoctorWhooves 76]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/ocarina-r7469 That is the one I'd enjoy you rating.

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

 http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/dark-mist-r7529

 

Dark Mist is one of my unique characters, but she is a dark character, i don't use it for rping, just my story. and i can't draw ponies at all, not my specialty, mine are wolves.

Edited December 1, 2014 by Rain Crasher

[Astral Blitzen 469]

The character's backstory is largely incomplete, so I will give you what I got so far.

 

Her name is Astral Blitzen and she is from Maneich, Germaney. She is a lion tamer who performs at a circus named the Cirque de Chagrin. Her father is an undertaker and I'm not sure about her mom, yet. She is a lesbian and has a lover named Sage Leaf. Astral has severe insomnia, like she is afraid to sleep because she suffers from nightmares almost nightly and because of her lack of sleep sometimes she gets a little loopy xD.

 

http://imgur.com/I2gsMj0

http://imgur.com/TZDiD2N

http://imgur.com/teyPaRJ

http://imgur.com/LrfwLpX

http://imgur.com/bfky3R3

 

http://imgur.com/cohXUYe

 

http://imgur.com/3T9DThb

Edited December 1, 2014 by Astral Blitzen

[Silverwisp the Bard 2,353]

@@DexterousWings,

 

 

Dexterous Wings:

Design:

The design does work, but does look rather generic. Could just be the act that it's ponycreator and thus limited.

The hues work together decently, though all of them need some desaturation (the grey less so than the others)

The cutiemark looks a bit cliuttered, especially with the tiny details on the binoculars. Maybe itch the wings or replace the whole thing with something different (e.g. a point of light representing a reflection that helped him locate his friend).

7/10: Solid, could be better.

 

Backstory:

Again, solid groundwork. Nothing really stands out as in need of change. His characterization as an introvert does  feel a bit self-insertive, which might make some people a tad uncomfortable.

I did enjoy the little extra bits about his family.

8/10

 

Overall: 7.5/10: A nice character, could be a great character with some work.

 

 

 

@@Soldier Surplus,

Archean Gene:

 

 

Design:

A bit hard to pin down the exact design from the picture. It does look okay though. Maybe add extra pockets for science stuff to the vest.

The eyes being the same hue as the mane/tail/vest makes the whole thing look a bit too monotone. Consider changing it or the mane (I do rather like the colours you got in your avatar).

Maybe change the glass part of the beaker  from white to a bright blue to make it look less cool.

7/10

 

Backstory:

Isn't he a bit old to have been born in the Crystal Empire? (Mind you, no reason his family couldn't have moved there recently).

I do rather enjoy the details you put into describing his interest in various science disciplines. Also the part of learning/discovering something new every week.

The only thing I'd scratch would be his dad falling sick, as it doesn't really add anything valuable to the story.

Also, why would he move to Ponyville for his reseach?

7/10: Could easily be 8 or more with some polish.

 

Overall: 7/10

 

 

[Soldier Surplus 232]

@@DexterousWings,

 

 

Dexterous Wings:

Design:

The design does work, but does look rather generic. Could just be the act that it's ponycreator and thus limited.

The hues work together decently, though all of them need some desaturation (the grey less so than the others)

The cutiemark looks a bit cliuttered, especially with the tiny details on the binoculars. Maybe itch the wings or replace the whole thing with something different (e.g. a point of light representing a reflection that helped him locate his friend).

7/10: Solid, could be better.

 

Backstory:

Again, solid groundwork. Nothing really stands out as in need of change. His characterization as an introvert does  feel a bit self-insertive, which might make some people a tad uncomfortable.

I did enjoy the little extra bits about his family.

8/10

 

Overall: 7.5/10: A nice character, could be a great character with some work.

 

 

 

@@Soldier Surplus,

Archean Gene:

 

 

Design:

A bit hard to pin down the exact design from the picture. It does look okay though. Maybe add extra pockets for science stuff to the vest.

The eyes being the same hue as the mane/tail/vest makes the whole thing look a bit too monotone. Consider changing it or the mane (I do rather like the colours you got in your avatar).

Maybe change the glass part of the beaker  from white to a bright blue to make it look less cool.

7/10

 

Backstory:

Isn't he a bit old to have been born in the Crystal Empire? (Mind you, no reason his family couldn't have moved there recently).

I do rather enjoy the details you put into describing his interest in various science disciplines. Also the part of learning/discovering something new every week.

The only thing I'd scratch would be his dad falling sick, as it doesn't really add anything valuable to the story.

Also, why would he move to Ponyville for his reseach?

7/10: Could easily be 8 or more with some polish.

 

Overall: 7/10

 

 

@Silverwisp the Bard Thanks for the report. I do agree with the pockets part.

Edit: 1: they vacationed there, then stayed there. The sick dad part has been cut once I thought about it.

2:The pic has been changed also.

Edited December 1, 2014 by Soldier Surplus

[retrosteamknight 22]

Why don't you take a crack at my OC? I think I have everything in order, but please, do look.

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/garnet-r7510

[Mist Blitz~ 227]

Hey. Maybe give my OC a shot. Link is in my signature

[TimeyMarey007 110]

How about mine?

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog

NOTE: For the time being, this article is poorly written. It is "finished", but I know, I will add more in the future. Besides, almost the entire wiki is full of offsprings of canon characters + fanon characters, like that. Just rate what is there currently.

 

And you can rate all versions of them too. Normal pony, EQG (nowhere near complete now), and Agent Orion.

Edited December 7, 2014 by TimeyMarey007

[aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q 3,673]

Well, how about Erythema? Out of all my 3 OCs, she's certainly the most complex. Please bear with me with the appearance, though. Just like my current avatar, her head is all I have at the moment but at the very least it depicts the most defining traits which are the face, color scheme, mane and her sliced left ear.

[retrosteamknight 22]

Why don't you take a crack at my OC? I think I have everything in order, but please, do look.

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/garnet-r7510

[Flamestreak1990 1,172]

Hey you haven't in a while but think can rate me oc here's his page http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/flamestreak-r6656 its a work in progess I think it needs a tune up constructive criticism is welcome  

[retrosteamknight 22]

Why don't you take a crack at my OC? I think I have everything in order, but please, do look.

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/garnet-r7510

[Bright Bastion 241]

Looks like I totally missed my chance with this thread, oh well...

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

Have a crack at mine too then, i'm the same as Bron here, so give my OC, Rosemary a rating. Her bio is in my sig.

[MechanicalDoom 300]

The link to my OC is in my signature.

[retrosteamknight 22]

Have you ever considered that this thread may not be stuck in it's current state, but rather Silverwisp may be busy with trying to rate the constant flow of OCs among other things that he cannot find the time to post?

[AmberDust 1,118]

Have you ever considered that this thread may not be stuck in it's current state, but rather Silverwisp may be busy with trying to rate the constant flow of OCs among other things that he cannot find the time to post?

I'm guessing he's been offline...my OC has been at the front of this line for a long time now.

[Denim&Venöm 18,966]

Eh I guess I'll give this a shot. A Second opinion shouldn't hurt. 
 
Name: Silhouette Dusk
Species: Alicorn
Cutie mark: Mid-evil Gothic castle, built on one side, blue print sketch on the other.
 
This will probably take you a while.
 
Backstory (This is a doozy):

She was the 9th Empress of the 4000 year old Equestrian Empire, a small industrialized nation south of the crystal empire and it's surrounding tribal settlements.  When the empire fell to Sombra's curse, the economic & political gap forced the north into collapse and the tribal conflicts over resources fueled the winter of the Windigoes. All 3 pony tribes traveled south and sought refuge in Equestria, but Dusk could only help them for so long before the cost began to take it's toll on her own subjects. She then had no choice but to ask that they go somewhere else for more help. Unfortunately, all the conflict between the tribes, had led Discord to the the lands surrounding Equestria, who had somehow been "coerced" into signing a non-aggression pact w/ Dusk. The tribes had no where else to turn, so they tried to take Equestria by force through multiple raids, each easily crushed under the might of her well trained, well equipped, Equestrian Royal Legion. 
 
Things changed one night, when the tribes attacked the capital of Everfree City, better funded, more organized, and lead by two Alicorn sisters. Despite the fanatical devotion to their cause and their technological edge in battle, the Legionnaires were were wiped out by Celestia & Luna w/ ease. Only Dusk was left to oppose the Sisters, refusing to abdicate her throne or surrender on behalf of her country. In one final clash, all 3 alicorns threw their magic at one another. But even the mighty empress could not hold her might against two alicorns. Her subjects had to watch as their proud leader was blasted out of the sky and sent plummeting to the earth. Not even the valiant attempts of the few remaining soldiers & civilians could stop Celestia & Luna from dragging their leaders prone body away in chains. 
 
The last thing Dusk would ever hear or see was Celestia telling her that she would never use her powers to abuse & neglect the honor of being an alicorn ever again, as she was being encased in ice, where the crystal empire used to be. 
 
Fast forward 1000 years. The crystal empire has returned and been restored to it's former glory. The magical radiance from the crystal heart jolts life back into Dusk's own, weakening the cold around her enough for her to escape, and see her childhood home, the place that was her birth, and the place whose disappearance ended in her downfall, shimmering brightly right before her eyes.

 
Goals (also a doozy):

Dusk has reawakened to a different Equestria, one that's bigger, stronger, more peaceful, and one that has forgotten all 4000 years of it's legacy. The two beings that assaulted her, now rule in her stead. The country she swore to protect, is now under enemy rule. Her forebearers and all they've accomplished, have been erased. But she is not alone, for there were many in the old empire, and stories of the fall were passed down from generation to generation. The empire has been working in secret, rebuilding, fortifying, strengthening, planning for the day of revolt. Located deep in the badlands near the Equestrian border, the Equestrian Empire has built itself cities, towering above the wasteland, and below the terrain, operating as a government in exile, building armies, establishing networks of spies, uniting a society w/ two goals: Bring the sisters to justice and spread the truth about Equestrian history. And with their mighty Empress among the living once more, her people now have the morale to rebel against the sisters and continue the war  started against them 1000 years ago.
 
Dusk will use whatever means she has at her disposal to end the sisters reign and see them punished, whether it be legally by invoking Equestrian law against them, tactically by dominating the royal guard w/ her Legion, politically by proving herself a more qualified leader to the masses, or directly by straight out challenging Celestia, the main culprit, for her power. However, she must do these things without making enemies of the rest of Equestria. Not only will they outlast her small nation, but more importantly, they are still her subjects and she took a vow to protect them, even if they don't remember it.

 
 
Personality & Hobbies (take a guess):

Dusk is a very scholarly pony. Much like Twilight Sparkle, she reads a lot and is curious about the world around her. Unlike Twi, Dusk takes a more hooves on approach to learning, often rushing out into the field to research. She also looks for ways to apply her knowledge, looking for ways to use it in improving the world around her. In that respect, she is also like Rarity, looking for an excuse to give of herself and contribute. Thanks to this, Dusk has been credited w/ many an invention, some of which are in use in modern Equestria. Her most recognized scientific contribution among her own people would be in military applications, creating the first armored infantry units (WWI era tanks & APCs), gyrocopters, propeller engines for winged aircraft, and the first weaponized dirigibles & zeppelins.
 
Her greatest passion , aside from having the honor to rule Equestria, is architecture. Growing up in the Crystal Empire, she was unimpressed w/ how the ponies designed their buildings in such bland & often crude styles. She saw what beauty there was in crystal, in both aesthetic and structural terms. She would take that inspiration and apply it to the wood, stone & steel of her parents Empire of Equestria. She may not get the chance to be royalty like they were, but she would leave her contribution regardless, helping design what would become Castle Canterlot. Such contributions earned her the respect of her people and their nomination for her to be the next empress (that and some selfless & miraculous conduct during the first attempted coup of Sombra).
 
During her reign, Dusk was a rather lax & approachable ruler, sleeping in, walking around without her regalia, enjoying herself throughout Everfree city among her subjects, and getting a bit of a reputation as a mischievous romantic. When she wasn't intently investigating something or getting a date, she would be practicing her next hobby. Competitive dueling. You see, the emperor or Empress of Equestria had to defend their crown against any who challenged, and back in those days, there were plenty. But Dusk never saw it as a threat to her empire. Just another excuse to test her new found god like power and enjoy the thrill of battle. 
 
All that changed with the fall of the Crystal Empire, something Dusk feels she is partially responsible for, either by driving Sombra out of Equestria or by not dealing with him herself once more, she became more reclusive and serious, more protective over her empire, fearing for her subjects safety, and confronting threats in a more aggressive manner. 
 
These days, she is an intellectual w/ loads of charisma & passion. She has now become part revolutionary, part cult leader. Like a mashup of William Wallace (Brave-heart), Pancho Villa (Mexican revolution) & Guy Fawkes (inspired V for vendetta). She's rallying her nation's descendants to war against Celestia, painting her as an enemy occupier and Equestria an annexed nation. In her mind, the sisters are manipulators taking credit for their ancestors work, while the rest of Equestria's populace are kept in the dark. A patriotic workaholic with a stubborn streak a mile wide, as well as a fearless warrior who will charge headfirst into battle with no regard to her safety. Yet at the same time, she's one who can't take failure very well, blaming herself for whatever goes wrong and falling into depression whenever she fails at a task. 
 
The sisters in her eyes only wanted her empire and rule, rather than establishing a nation of their own. Dusk's bitterness is only exasperated due to the fact that Celestia was her mentor. She was the first of her students to ever ascend. To have her teacher confront her, claim her to be cold hearted & cruel to the tribes, when they were the ones to attack her, and to then lead those very same invaders to her capital, gang up on her, dethrone her and imprison her, had stripped Dusk of any faith or trust she had in her mentor. Celestia is only a hypocrite, an opportunist and a manipulator, and now, an enemy occupier.
 
 

 
 
Powers: Any and all cannon magic, including dark magic, which Dusk's prefers to be called Witchcraft. 
 
Appearance:

generously donated to me

 

Edited April 28, 2015 by Denim&Venom

[HunterTSN 1,444]

I don't know your policy on rating multiple OCs of the same person, but you seemed to like my last one alright so, if you can, take a look here too.

 

Slug

[VulpineTaco 525]

 

Considering that this is my ponysona and not necessarily an "OC," his backstory is basically intertwined with my life. Grew up as a typical middle-class colt, played video games from a young age, loves World of Warcraft. In essence, he is me and I am him. I don't know if you can really rate the backstory of a ponysona the same way, but you can try.

[Silverwisp the Bard 2,353]

Okay, after a looong absence from the forums, I'm ressurecting this thread. I'll try to keep up a pace of 3+ reviews aday to eventually catch up.

 

Wolf

 

 

Design:

Yeah, no. Black and white hardly ever works for OCs and this is not one of these times. The accesoires could work but don't make a whole lot of sense for a pony living in the wild. Overall she should look a whole lot scruffier.

2/10

 

Backstory: Again, no. Nothing is gained from her parents' death in terms of story and the fact that rabid wolves (who'd die of their disease in short order btw) seems rather forced as well.if. I guess you could make her a wolfpony (the "were" in werewolf means "man"), but it would be har avoiding a special snowflake vibe. Her personality does not match someone living in the wild.

0/10 Would start over

 

Overall: 1/10

If you want to keep the wolf angle, make her a ark ranger of some sort, maybe to the point that she prefers the company of wolves over ponies' and rarely ventures back to civilization.

 

 

 

@AmberDust

Amber Dust (Amber Dustception!)

 

 

Design:

Love iiiit!!

Really not much t say about the design, hits me in all the right places.

Minor suggestions:

-Maybe put in a small gap into the upper part of the mane (see Twilight's mane)

-the cuffs look a tiny bit distracting, maybe make them a bit smaller or break them up into a few rings/an industrial

As for colours, Option 1 all the way.

Going off your avatar, maybe brighten up the mane colours juust a bit and shift the hue slightly towards the colouredd pencil pic. Also make the small swirly bit on her cutiemark a bit brighter (the hue of the medium highlight in her iris would be perfect).

9/10

 

Backstory:

Again, very nice stuff.

Her personality is well done, but feels like the result of a long design process, that could do with being gone over and preened a bit for the sake of coherency (her wanting to be designer comes up only once and some of her personality traits are a bit contradictory ).

Maybe go a bit more into what exactly she's doing for a living and where exactly she got her stories from as a filly.

8/10

 

Overall: 8.5/10

 

 

 

Btw I love the extra effort/extra stuff you put into her profile, very interesting and enjoyable to read.

 

 

Vera Alithea

 

 

Design:

I like it; easy and memorable. The different horn is a nice touch.

-the eye needs some desaturation

-mane colour looks a bit artificial, maybe make it a bit paler (maybe something along this pony's mane)

-the cloven hooves look a bit out of place, either get rid of them or go all clkassic unicorn with the lion tail

-maybe give her an accesory (e.g. a saddlebag for records)

7/10

 

Backstory:

I do like her working a record shop, nice and fitting for the setting.

As for her magic, I like the idea of her horn serving as a bit of a lie detector (maybe make it a bit unreliable), but her memory scrambling ability seems abit..overpowered?

You did a great job of laying out the ethical rammifications, but if she won't use her ability, why include it at all? Same for her parents losing their memories; it does't really add anything to Vera as a character. Also, I think Luminous would make for a great alternative name.

6/10

 

Overall: 6.5/10 Good character, could use some polish