Dex's OC Help Center

[DormantAccount 308]

It seems that everyone is setting up a shop for this, so I guess I might as well too. 

 

Be warned, I may be a bit rough, but I will be honest with you about what I think.

 

All the same, it is your OC and you should be happy with it.

 

I'll help with names, possible cutie marks and overall evaluations.

[Twisted Cyclone 🚓 6,261]

Do you think you can help me with improving the backstory? I feel that's what I need help the most. The link is in my signature.

[DormantAccount 308]

Do you think you can help me with improving the backstory? I feel that's what I need help the most. The link is in my signature.

 

Hmm...

 

Perhaps a cutie mark story to show her personality in action. Where did she gain her interest in gardening? Who showed her how to garden? Did she find a kind soul to help her (like a grandmother or older neighbor) or did she hole herself up in her house and dive into books? It might have been something she shared with her mother and she used it to grow fresh flowers to lay by her grave.

 

Did she apprentice under someone to learn the craft? Did she travel to do this? Did she take over an elderly pony's shop after working under her?

 

Did she have any romantic relationships in her teen years that may have changed her views on life?

 

How did her father deal with it? Was he a rock for her? Was he a rock with a soft center that she tried to be strong for?

 

I know it is a lot of questions, but they do start to fill in the character somewhat.

[Twisted Cyclone 🚓 6,261]

Hmm...

 

Perhaps a cutie mark story to show her personality in action. Where did she gain her interest in gardening? Who showed her how to garden? Did she find a kind soul to help her (like a grandmother or older neighbor) or did she hole herself up in her house and dive into books? It might have been something she shared with her mother and she used it to grow fresh flowers to lay by her grave.

 

Did she apprentice under someone to learn the craft? Did she travel to do this? Did she take over an elderly pony's shop after working under her?

 

Did she have any romantic relationships in her teen years that may have changed her views on life?

 

How did her father deal with it? Was he a rock for her? Was he a rock with a soft center that she tried to be strong for?

 

I know it is a lot of questions, but they do start to fill in the character somewhat.

I'm glad you are asking a lot of questions. I'm adding to her backstory now. Thanks a bunch.

[Shadow Beam 1,179]

Wow.

 

You're quite experienced with this, aren't you?

[DormantAccount 308]

Why not. Maybe getting another opinion will help me pass the time waiting for the Equestrian Empire mods to get back to me on that version. The character is designed from the ground up with combat in mind, not just social stuff. Take that into consideration please.

 

First and foremost, I don't they're going to go for the little robot and mechanical wings. It isn't really something we've seen in the show and I think Empire is a bit more strict than that.

 

Her personality is pretty well fleshed out and fitting for a reclusive tinkerer

 

The bit with her wanting to see the world seems a bit at odds with her more reclusive nature, but I suppose if she was searching out masters in the field it wouldn't be so off. Why was she in such a rush to leave? What about Bolt Solutions?

 

She's dancing on the edge of overpowered, but not over it I think. Perhaps there are limitations on her electrical abilities.

Wow.

 

You're quite experienced with this, aren't you?

 

Not too much

 

I've done some long fics before and took my time with creating Dex, so I have a little bit of experience with writing.

 

Did you have something you'd like me to look at?

Edited January 21, 2015 by DexterousWings

[Shadow Beam 1,179]

Nah, I suppose my OC do have some flaws like his special talent, but as long as it isn't overpowered or "Mary Sue" I guess im alright.

 

Thanks anyway

[DormantAccount 308]

Nah, I suppose my OC do have some flaws like his special talent, but as long as it isn't overpowered or "Mary Sue" I guess im alright.

 

Thanks anyway

 

Alrighty, well the door's always open.

[DormantAccount 308]

Thanks for mentioning about reasons to leave. That's a good reason and I'll add that in.

 

As for her magic, I expect people to ask about weaknesses but perhaps I should include them? The main weakness us she gets tired and can't just jkeep using her powers. Should I include this you think?

 

The robot is purely mechanical with magic for artificial intelligence and transforming is also magic. Maybe I should explain it better?

 

Weaknesses are always important and help balance and get rid of that nagging feeling of the character being OP.

 

Take Dex, he has high flight endurance, but he isn't very fast in the air and he can't run very well on the ground since he spends so much time airborne.

 

Explaining more is always better, but I'm still not sure they'll go for it. I could be wrong, but I'm just giving you my impression from the way the rules are written.

[DormantAccount 308]

I definitely do not want people to think she's overpowered or close just cause I don't list her weaknesses.

 

I'll work on that. Thank you Dex.

 

You're very welcome

 

Feel free to call on me if you have need of my services again.

[Shadow Beam 1,179]

Goddamn it Dex, you made me curious now.

 

If you have the time, please check my OC.

 

Holy mother of reverse psychology...

[Blue Moon 6,341]

Could you do my OC, Blue Moon? A link to his profile page is below my signature, but I'll leave it here as well. Thanks!

 

Blue Moon's page.

Edited January 22, 2015 by Blue Moon

[DormantAccount 308]

Goddamn it Dex, you made me curious now.

 

If you have the time, please check my OC.

 

Holy mother of reverse psychology...

Okay, so first thing is that I would recommend having someone proofread for spelling and grammar when you've finished your changes.

 

I do like the idea of someone who really enjoys the night without having to be dark and broody.

 

Perhaps you might make a small balancing weakness during the day to balance his magic strength during the night.

 

It is a little hard to believe he didn't find Ponyville or run into Zecora for 6 years or that he didn't immediately try to find his parents again.

 

Perhaps a backstory that would be a little more believable would be if his parents were explorers or biologists and that's why he has developed his abilities, his love of night(it is a lot more beautiful away from the lights of town. Also more dangerous, which would make the power more useful.), and his social awkwardness. They explore the world as they study strange and unique biology and relics. (One could be a botanist and one a archaeologist)

 

He could have stayed behind because he fell in love with the area and the forest.

 

Just some ideas.

[LordSwinton 759]

Could you please help me with this OC http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/starchase-r7595

 

I was once told he was bit cliche and too perfect.

[DormantAccount 308]

Could you do my OC, Blue Moon? A link to his profile page is below my signature, but I'll leave it here as well. Thanks!

 

Blue Moon's page.

The character is pretty good. He doesn't commit any of the major OC sins.

 

A small continuity issue is that until very recently in pony history Luna would have been seen only as Nightmare Moon and an aspiration to be her assistant would have been strange as at most she was prophisized to return as Nightmare. Not exactly a welcoming proposition.

 

Some additional ideas to make it even better:

 

What kind of father is he? Disciplinarian, easy going or balanced?

How did he meet his wife?

Maybe a little hobby outside of his job.

Favorite foods

likes/dislikes

pet peeves

 

Just some things to add a little color. It's a pretty good OC to begin with.

Could you please help me with this OC http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/starchase-r7595

 

I was once told he was bit cliche and too perfect.

Well, overall visual design is good, but I have some issues with his mark and story.

 

His goal of seeking the meaning of life is a bit too broad. Perhaps he could be a student of philosophy in a post graduate system. I think his cutie mark is a little off the mark. Maybe something with a pony head with a question mark on top might do better. Cutie marks should have more to do with their passion and eventual career. As such, while his conviction to move on is important, it shouldn't dominate his cutie mark story.

 

I do like the little details at the end.

[Midnight Starfall 179]

Could you help me with Stoneheart? I've been meaning to flesh out her personality and backstory, but I don't know what I should add.

 

The link is in my signature. Thank you!

[DormantAccount 308]

Got home and updated her, mirroring to EQE while I can. I figured people could infer weaknesses, but I put them in now. It was a bit hard to make her leaving home make sense, and that part feels a bit fudged to me.

 

What do you think now Dex?

It looks like you took care of most of my criticisms. I think perhaps that maybe her coworkers wouldn't show her the respect and solitude she desired, so she decided to look for somewhere to establish a "branch lab" with 1 employee.

[DormantAccount 308]

Could you help me with Stoneheart? I've been meaning to flesh out her personality and backstory, but I don't know what I should add.

 

The link is in my signature. Thank you!

First, a small continuity issue. Braeburn tells us that Appleoosa has only been built in one year. You might consider Dodge Junction as an alternate western town.

 

The being neglected by her parents is a bit dark for my taste and if she really was neglected I would think that the pony equivalent of social services would intervene.

 

A cutie mark shouldn't be just a personality aspect. It should be a talent. Maybe she was neglected as a young filly, but was given over to an adoptive family that loved and took care of her. She took that love and made sure others weren't neglected as well. She became a foal services agent to help others break out and get the love and care they need.

[Bright Bastion 241]

MMM Silverwisp got me really wanting to have someone take a look at my OCs...

 

Give it a shot, lay it on me, don't sugar coat it just go ahead and pull the trigger!

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/bright-bastion-r7263

 

I kid I kid, but I know that there are problems with him I just can't bring myself to change anything.

[DormantAccount 308]

Most? What's missing? Please elaborate and I'll fix that up too.

 

Actually she never had coworkers to begin with. She's always been a one mare thing.

 

Are the weaknesses explained well enough?

Well, I was talking with a mindset that she had tried to work in Manehatten, but the disrespect because of her age and relation to the owner drove her natural desire for solitude to the point of leaving.

 

I was just talking about the robot and wings thing and those I'm not sure about.

[DormantAccount 308]

MMM Silverwisp got me really wanting to have someone take a look at my OCs...

 

Give it a shot, lay it on me, don't sugar coat it just go ahead and pull the trigger!

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/bright-bastion-r7263

 

I kid I kid, but I know that there are problems with him I just can't bring myself to change anything.

Replace all of your loosings with losing.

 

Powers and design are good.

 

One minor change that fixes a few problems with the story is to have him escape the cop as he was overtaken by grief and that's why he got into the house. Sending a ten year old back to an empty house overnight seems grossly irresponsible for the exact reasons that followed it. It also makes him a little more clever.

 

You may also want to convert the shining armor parts of the story to a more generic guard pony if you want to get into the empire. He can admire him, but he can't have interacted with a cast character in his backstory. If you're just going to stick with Everfree, I don't see a problem, but Empire will care.

 

Otherwise an interesting character. As I'd suggest to anyone, include little things like likes/dislikes and pet peeves in there if you want added flavor, but it is pretty good.

Oh that. Yea I'm not going with her trying to find work until she gets on the road and starts patenting.

 

As for the magic robot, well worst case scenario I'll just have to settle for not using him in the EQE version. It would mean that she would be very disheveled, tired all the time, smelly, thin, and always needing water. Sparky cleans up after her, reminds her to do the basic life stuff, and cooks food while she's working. Lektra will work herself to death without an assistant. What do you suggest? Also where do you think I should include this information, if I should at all?

 

I swear I'm not trying to hog all the advice. You're being really helpful and I appreciate it. This is the kind of feedback I'm looking for, so I can improve her.

Haha, no big deal

 

She is a solitary individual, she could just be looking for something less populated. The big city would be difficult to get away from everyone in.

[DormantAccount 308]

Well yea, but like if I was forced to not have Sparky in her profile for EQE how would a workaholic character like this get along without him? Should I include he takes care of her, or it's assumed?

For an Everfree, probably.

 

She can get along without him just by saying she can. Being able to take care of one's self is considered standard. She finds a way. She makes prepared meals ahead of time in bursts then she warms them up later or makes enough money to have food delivered by pre arrangement with a cafe. She uses her inventions to reduce cleaning time to a fraction of average as well as other basic jobs.

 

You aren't really being redundant so much as outlining how her nature affects how she lives.

Edited January 22, 2015 by DexterousWings

[Plume 922]

Heya! Could you please take a look at Jazz? She's in my signature. Chilling.

[Dulset Tarn 441]

Hmm, I dunno if I'd really call them OCs, but I guess they fit the bill.

Care to take a quick look at these for me?

http://mlpforums.com/topic/118720-just-offering-a-power-ponies-idea-i-put-together-please-enjoy/

[Shadow Beam 1,179]

Okay, so first thing is that I would recommend having someone proofread for spelling and grammar when you've finished your changes.

 

I do like the idea of someone who really enjoys the night without having to be dark and broody.

 

Perhaps you might make a small balancing weakness during the day to balance his magic strength during the night.

 

It is a little hard to believe he didn't find Ponyville or run into Zecora for 6 years or that he didn't immediately try to find his parents again.

 

Perhaps a backstory that would be a little more believable would be if his parents were explorers or biologists and that's why he has developed his abilities, his love of night(it is a lot more beautiful away from the lights of town. Also more dangerous, which would make the power more useful.), and his social awkwardness. They explore the world as they study strange and unique biology and relics. (One could be a botanist and one a archaeologist)

 

He could have stayed behind because he fell in love with the area and the forest.

 

Just some ideas.

 

Thanks a lot

 

About the grammar issues... Yeah... I had to write it with a tablet. So it automatically translated most of the words to spanish.

 

The weakness thing... I kinda tried to do that with his delayed studies during his time in the forest.  

 

Yeah, I tought about Zecora for a while. Still I shrugged it off since I didn't thought she lived there that long and since the Everfree Forest is a large and dangerous place I just kept him inside the same area under the pretext of "Not wanting to get deeper",

He actually tried for several days to show his presence, but as it didn't work he decided he should survive by himself.

 

Thanks again for the feedback. When I get my beloved PC back, I'll try to fix the major mistakes.

Edited January 22, 2015 by ShadowBeam