Wheatley's OC Reviews

[Moonlight 7,286]

So people tend to like these oc review things so I decided to open one, I'm usually pretty neutral on most OCs so I won't be too harsh. 

 

If you don't agree with what I say, please do not get angry at me, it's your OC and my opinion. 

 

I rank by the following:

 

Name

Appearance 

Personality 

Backstory

Cutie Mark

 

 

Current List:

 

Blue Moon ner

ChikoritaBrony

MistBlitz

Denim&Venom

Minikirby123

Rainbowdash72

MechanicalDoom

HunterTSN

Candy Star

Shadowking58

JonasDarkmane

Overlord0909

Edited April 8, 2015 by Wheatley

[Blue Moon 6,341]

Ayyy, could you review my OC, Blue Moon, m8? His profile is in my signature. Thanks!

[Moved to Elsewhere 11,331]

Here is an OC me and my sister made

 

Personality stuff in the description 

 

http://potoperson.deviantart.com/art/Fanboy-OC-sketchdump-429939519

[Mist Blitz~ 227]

Can you review both of my OC. Link in Sig, (btw. Coco is WIP)

[Denim&Venöm 18,963]

Eh I guess I'll give this a shot. A Second opinion shouldn't hurt. 
 
Name: Silhouette Dusk
Species: Alicorn
Cutie mark: Fibonacci Spiral w/ a crescent moon on one side, surrounded by sun rays.
 
This will probably take you a while.
 
Backstory (This is a doozy):

She was the 9th Empress of the 4000 year old Equestrian Empire, a small industrialized nation south of the crystal empire and it's surrounding tribal settlements.  When the empire fell to Sombra's curse, the economic & political gap forced the north into collapse and the tribal conflicts over resources fueled the winter of the Windigoes. All 3 pony tribes traveled south and sought refuge in Equestria, but Dusk could only help them for so long before the cost began to take it's toll on her own subjects. She then had no choice but to ask that they go somewhere else for more help. Unfortunately, the lands surrounding Equestria, were under rule of Discord, who had somehow been "convinced" into signing a non-aggression pact w/ Dusk. The tribes had no where else to turn, so they tried to take Equestria by force through multiple raids, each easily crushed under the might of her well trained, well equipped, Equestrian Royal Legion. 
 
Things changed one night, when the tribes attacked the capital of Everfree City, better funded, more organized, and lead by two Alicorn sisters. Despite the fanatical devotion to their cause and their technological edge in battle, the Legionnaires were were wiped out by Celestia & Luna w/ ease. Only Dusk was left to oppose the Sisters, refusing to abdicate her throne or surrender on behalf of her country. In one final clash, all 3 alicorns threw their magic at one another. But even the mighty empress could not hold her might against two alicorns. Her subjects had to watch as their proud leader was blasted out of the sky and sent plummeting to the earth. Not even the valiant attempts of the few remaining soldiers & civilians could stop Celestia & Luna from dragging their leaders prone body away in chains.
 
The last thing Dusk would ever hear or see was Celestia telling her that she would never use her powers to abuse & neglect the honor of being an alicorn ever again, as she was being encased in ice, where the crystal empire used to be. 
 
Fast forward 1000 years. The crystal empire has returned and been restored to it's former glory. The magical radiance from the crystal heart jolts life back into Dusk's own, weakening the cold around her enough for her to escape, and see her childhood home, the place that was her birth, and the place whose disappearance ended in her downfall, shimmering brightly right before her eyes.

 
Goals (also a doozy):

Dusk has reawakened to a different Equestria, one that's bigger, stronger, more peaceful, and one that has forgotten all 4000 years of it's legacy. The two beings that assaulted her, now rule in her stead. The country she swore to protect, is now under enemy rule. But she is not alone, for there were many in the old empire, and stories of the fall were passed down from generation to generation. The empire has been working in secret, rebuilding, fortifying, strengthening, planning for the day of revolt. Located deep in the badlands near the Equestrian border, the Equestrian Empire has built itself cities and operating as a government in exile, building armies, establishing networks of spies, uniting a society w/ two goals: Bring the sisters to justice and spread the truth about Equestrian history. And with their mighty Empress among the living once more, her people now have the morale to rebel against the sisters and continue the war they started 1000 years ago.
 
Dusk will use whatever means she has at her disposal to end the sisters reign and see them punished, whether it be legally by invoking Equestrian law against them, tactically by dominating the royal guard w/ her Legion, politically by proving herself a more qualified leader to the masses, or directly by straight out challenging Celestia, the main culprit, for her power. However, she must do these things without making enemies of the rest of Equestria. Not only will they outlast her small nation, but more importantly, they are still her subjects and she took a vow to protect them, even if they don't remember it.

 
 
Personality & Hobbies (take a guess):

Dusk is a very scholarly pony. Much like Twilight Sparkle, she reads a lot and is curious about the world around her. Unlike Twi, Dusk takes a more hooves on approach to learning, often rushing out into the field to research. She also looks for ways to apply her knowledge, looking for ways to use it in improving the world around her. In that respect, she is also like Rarity, looking for an excuse to give of herself and contribute. Thanks to this, Dusk has been credited w/ many an invention, some of which are in use in modern Equestria. Her most recognized scientific contribution among her own people would be in military applications, creating the first armored infantry units (WWI era tanks & APCs), gyrocopters, propeller engines for winged aircraft, and the first weaponized dirigibles & zeppelins. Her greatest passion , aside from having the honor to rule Equestria, is architecture. Growing up in the Crystal Empire, she was unimpressed w/ how the ponies designed their buildings in such bland & often crude styles. She saw what beauty there was in crystal, in both aesthetic and structural terms. She would take that inspiration and apply it to the wood, stone & steel of her parents Empire of Equestria. She may not get the chance to be royalty like they were, but she would leave her contribution regardless, helping design what would become Castle Canterlot. Such contributions earned her the respect of her people and their nomination for her to be the next empress (that and some selfless & miraculous conduct during the first attempted coup of Sombra).
 
During her reign, Dusk was a rather lax & approachable ruler, sleeping in, walking around without her regalia, enjoying herself throughout Everfree city among her subjects, and getting a bit of a reputation as a mischievous romantic. When she wasn't intently investigating something or getting a date, she would be practicing her next hobby. Competitive dueling. You see, the emperor or Empress of Equestria had to defend their crown against any who challenged, and back in those days, there were plenty. But Dusk never saw it as a threat to her empire. Just another excuse to test her newfound god like power and enjoy the thrill of battle. 
 
All that changed with the fall of the Crystal Empire, something Dusk feels she is partially responsible for, either by driving Sombra out of Equestria or by not dealing with him herself once more, she became more reclusive and serious,  more protective over her empire, fearing for her subjects safety, acting like how an empress was expected to act, and confronting threats in a more aggressive manner. These days she now works with spies, military advisors and her one surviving friend, her Changeling-Centaur  general, turned leader during her absence, Proximus "Proxy" Charon. She reviews the defenses of her frontier city of New Everfree, personally works on the calibrations of her war machines, travels the city to keep up morale, and articulates her plans day and night to the last detail on how she's going to free Equestria from "annexation".   
 
But even these tumultuous times, she has found it hard not to make new friends, establishing a comradery w/ Candace & Shining Armor, appreciating all they've done for her childhood home. She's also taken an interest in one Princess Sparkle, one of the few ponies who Dusk can converse freely with about the sciences and enjoy performing crazy science experiments with like it was a date to the movies.

 
 
Powers: Any and all cannon magic, including dark magic, which Dusks prefers to be called Witchcraft. 
 
Appearance:

 

1 & 5 were done by me. The rest was generous fan art

 

Edited January 25, 2015 by Denim&Venom

[Plume 922]

Couldja please do Remix? She's chilling in my signature.

[Moonlight 7,286]

@@Blue Moon, 

 

Name:

 

The name to me seems to be fine, it actually has a cute ring to it as well. It's a pretty straight-forward name and nothing needs to really be changed about it. I personally think "Bluey" is the most adorable name out of all of them. 

 

Appearance:

 

Easily one of my favorite designs OC-wise. It's easy on the eyes, various shades of a color and not just highly saturated ones. The freckles always felt a bit out-of-place but at the same time they make your OC look even cuter. Nice shades of colors on the mane/tail parts and they're not blinding to the eye. Dark colors are usually not the greatest but you incorporate them well and don't overdo it. needs more goggles though :/  0/10

 

Personality: 

 

I have to admit, astronomy-related ponies seem fairly rare for some reason, and seeing as how Astronomy is one of my favorite subjects I have no complaints with what he's learning. He's not a carbon copy of Twilight which is what a decent amount of unicorn OCs seem to be. I will mention however that the backstory of why he became so reserved is more of a backstory than a personality trait/type but that's no problem with the OC itself. His personality description is fine and decently interesting enough for me not to dock any points off in this section in the slightest. 

 

Backstory:

 

I have to honestly thank you for the fact that your OC doesn't grow into some special pony that's related to a canon pony like some backstories seem to be. Your OC is relatively normal with no overpowered abilities and no real problems. Becoming Luna's assistant might have been a complaint but at the same time it would make sense and it doesn't actually happen. The astronomy shop was a nice touch and doesn't involve anything like suddenly transforming into an alicorn or becoming best friends/lovers with the canon characters, there are other OC ponies involved and that's a good thing to me.

 

Cutie Mark:

 

The cutie mark is extremely straight-forward, a blue moon, I have no complaints since it both fits your OC's name and his astronomy-related interests.

 

 

TL;DR: Overall one of my favorite OCs on the forums with nice shades of colors that go easy on the eyes, a nice personality to match and not a ridiculous backstory, and I can easily give it an A for originality and creativity. 

[Twisted Cyclone 🚓 6,259]

I'm still working on her a little bit but you can review my progress so far. The link is in my signature.

[Blue Moon 6,341]

 

@@Blue Moon, 

 

Name:

 

The name to me seems to be fine, it actually has a cute ring to it as well. It's a pretty straight-forward name and nothing needs to really be changed about it. I personally think "Bluey" is the most adorable name out of all of them. 

 

Appearance:

 

Easily one of my favorite designs OC-wise. It's easy on the eyes, various shades of a color and not just highly saturated ones. The freckles always felt a bit out-of-place but at the same time they make your OC look even cuter. Nice shades of colors on the mane/tail parts and they're not blinding to the eye. Dark colors are usually not the greatest but you incorporate them well and don't overdo it. needs more goggles though :/  0/10

 

Personality: 

 

I have to admit, astronomy-related ponies seem fairly rare for some reason, and seeing as how Astronomy is one of my favorite subjects I have no complaints with what he's learning. He's not a carbon copy of Twilight which is what a decent amount of unicorn OCs seem to be. I will mention however that the backstory of why he became so reserved is more of a backstory than a personality trait/type but that's no problem with the OC itself. His personality description is fine and decently interesting enough for me not to dock any points off in this section in the slightest. 

 

Backstory:

 

I have to honestly thank you for the fact that your OC doesn't grow into some special pony that's related to a canon pony like some backstories seem to be. Your OC is relatively normal with no overpowered abilities and no real problems. Becoming Luna's assistant might have been a complaint but at the same time it would make sense and it doesn't actually happen. The astronomy shop was a nice touch and doesn't involve anything like suddenly transforming into an alicorn or becoming best friends/lovers with the canon characters, there are other OC ponies involved and that's a good thing to me.

 

Cutie Mark:

 

The cutie mark is extremely straight-forward, a blue moon, I have no complaints since it both fits your OC's name and his astronomy-related interests.

 

 

TL;DR: Overall one of my favorite OCs on the forums with nice shades of colors that go easy on the eyes, a nice personality to match and not a ridiculous backstory, and I can easily give it an A for originality and creativity. 

 

Thank you for the excellent review!

 

You went into a lot of detail, so I thank you for that. A lot of reviews I've gotten are really short and vague. Again, great job, and I'm glad you like my OC!

 

Though, you are right about the goggles; he is rather goggle-less.

 

dor

[MechanicalDoom 300]

He's in my signature. The backstory is a little rough.

[Moonlight 7,286]

@@Denim&Venom, 

 

 

The appearance pictures don't seem to have uploaded right. 

[HunterTSN 1,444]

Been a while since I've done one of these, why don't you go ahead and take a gander at Zephyr here.

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

@WheatleyCore,

 

 

Name: Candy Star

 

 

Appearance:

Personality: Candy Star is an energetic pony who's only goal in life is to meet others and hopefully make a living as a candy maker in her shop. Those that visit are a blessing to her and are given a special treat, one of her newly created candies.

 

Backstory: Candy Star was born in Tall Tales, a city in which she has known for years, but her family, wanting the best for their daughter, set out to find a better place to raise her. They're choice? Ponyville. Here she could meet others her age and get along just fine with them. when she comes of age, she is taught some responsibility when her parents buy a store for her to work at. This store would be whatever she wanted it to be, and as they suspected, she chose a candy shop of all occupations. But they supported her goal and gave her everything she would need and left for Tall Tales again.

Hearing this, Candy Star felt sad, but knew it wasn't right to go back and try to live with them again, she was a grown mare and needed to act like one. Through those tough times, she persevered and made a living. Candy Star makes trips to see her parents countless times when she had to close shop for the day and is happy to learn they are on their business trips. 

Now with new friends, Candy Star pushes forward with her motto in tow: 

"Friends help each other, no matter what!"

 

Cutie Mark: a mexican candy called konpeito, it represents her talent as a candy maker.

Edited February 6, 2015 by Candy Star

[Shadowking58 1,137]

I don't mind throwing down something here, the first link in my signature is the OC of mine I'd like you to review, thanks.

@,

 

Oops, I forgot to put this here, sorry.

[Denim&Venöm 18,963]

@@Denim&Venom, 

 

 

The appearance pictures don't seem to have uploaded right. 

Issue has been corrected.

[Moonlight 7,286]

@, 

 

Name

 

The name itself doesn't really seem like it would fit into pony canon, nor does it really match the cutie mark all too well. You don't have to change it if you don't want to, but: 

• Script Note
• Note Pad
• One Note

all seem alright. But changing the name is up to you.

 

Appearance 

 

The only real problem I have with the design is the bright yellow, tone it down a bit and the appearance will be fine. Even now the yellow is bright but not eye-strain level bright. Everything else looks fairly normal.

 

Personality 

 

There's not much to talk about here other than feelings of uselessness/social issues and being basically shy of his cutie mark. There needs to be more traits involved here. Perhaps give him various traits along the line of "shy but opens up to friends", "determined but is willing to ask for help if things get too bad", "mature but willing to have fun", or "easily capable of running a business but does include help", anything along those lines.

 

Backstory

 

Personally, I've always disliked when OC ponies are related/in love with canon characters so I will be docking some points off for that. It's your OC so do what you like, I just don't like shipping OCs with canon ponies, especially the mane 6. There's not much of a backstory other than owning a comic book store and a fanclub (the fanclub being extremely believable since Rainbow does have her own fanclub). So I don't have much to comment on here.

 

Cutie Mark

 

Cutie mark seems fine and matches with what kind of clubs/businesses he runs. A comic book cutie mark would probably work better but the autograph notepad works fine.

 

I give it a C for being relatively undeveloped but not bad.

 

 

[Moved to Elsewhere 11,331]

 

@, 

 

Name

 

The name itself doesn't really seem like it would fit into pony canon, nor does it really match the cutie mark all too well. You don't have to change it if you don't want to, but: 

• Script Note
• Note Pad
• One Note

all seem alright. But changing the name is up to you.

 

Appearance 

 

The only real problem I have with the design is the bright yellow, tone it down a bit and the appearance will be fine. Even now the yellow is bright but not eye-strain level bright. Everything else looks fairly normal.

 

Personality 

 

There's not much to talk about here other than feelings of uselessness/social issues and being basically shy of his cutie mark. There needs to be more traits involved here. Perhaps give him various traits along the line of "shy but opens up to friends", "determined but is willing to ask for help if things get too bad", "mature but willing to have fun", or "easily capable of running a business but does include help", anything along those lines.

 

Backstory

 

Personally, I've always disliked when OC ponies are related/in love with canon characters so I will be docking some points off for that. It's your OC so do what you like, I just don't like shipping OCs with canon ponies, especially the mane 6. There's not much of a backstory other than owning a comic book store and a fanclub (the fanclub being extremely believable since Rainbow does have her own fanclub). So I don't have much to comment on here.

 

Cutie Mark

 

Cutie mark seems fine and matches with what kind of clubs/businesses he runs. A comic book cutie mark would probably work better but the autograph notepad works fine.

 

I give it a C for being relatively undeveloped but not bad.

 

This seems pretty accurate. The stuff in there was made last year. We have since then added more to the character. Like the fact that he grew up in Manehattan, has asthma, and was kind of bullied in his childhood (OK that part is kind of cliched).

[Moonlight 7,286]

@, 

 

Mist Blitz:

 

Name: The name seems relatively fine and fairly unique, the name has no problems with it. Nicely done.

 

Appearance : A really cute and nice looking design. The blue contrasts nicely with all the whites on her, and it's nice to see a pegasus that doesn't have either a rainbow mane or is covered in shades of blue. I especially love her crystal pony design.

 

 

Personality: Seeing as how she actually has a well-made personality with its own little uniqueness, the personality is fine by me. It's often that a pegasus' personality is either a carbon copy of Rainbow's or Fluttershy's but this is not the case.

 

 

Backstory: The backstory is fairly straight-forward and I must say the stunt-double father is certainly unique for a pony to have, as is the singing mother. The flight camp idea is also unique to this specific pony as I've never actually heard it mentioned before. Not much else needs to really be said here, it's an alright backstory with no problems other than maybe a few extra details here and there (maybe experiences with failing to make friends or during her experience at flight camp).

 

 

Cutie Mark: The cutie mark matches the backstory with my only real complaint being that it's fairly similar to Rainbow's cutie mark and the way she earned it, but no points will be docked off since Rainbow's probably wasn't the only one to occur like that. Plus actually offering how she got her cutie mark is nice as well.

 

Overall Rating: B

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Coco:

 

 

Name: The name is relatively simple but I do think something extra could be added onto it (unless Coco is just a nickname). But the name 'Coco' is actually pretty cute so it can easily stay the same. And seeing as how I can't come up with anything on the spot, I don't blame you.

 

 

Appearance: I really like her appearance, it's cute, functional and her mane color/style even manages to match both her name and cutie mark which is extremely impressive. When I look at her Hot Chocolate immediately comes to mind, which is a good thing of course. 

 

 

Personality: Her personality seems fine, and despite being shy isn't a carbon copy of Fluttershy. My only real complaint is that some more details need to be added other than "she's a great friend" since several sentences in the description could summed up to that. Maybe add whether she can have a mean side or whether or not some of her personality quirks may not be liked by others. Just a minor complaint but it doesn't affect the character itself all too much.

 

 

Backstory: I have a fairly big problem with Celestia being the one to walk into the store but it's been done before in canon so that detail itself is not a big deal. Her telling everyone about good hot coco seems odd though since she probably wouldn't do that despite how nice she is. Again, a minor complaint but it doesn't affect the character all too much.

 

 

Cutie Mark: Straight-forward and a nice design choice, it doesn't stand out too much nor does it blend in, nicely done.

 

Overall Rating: B

[JonasDarkmane 19,785]

Could you perhaps review mine? Link to my OC is in my signature .

[Blue Moon 6,341]

Hello again; sorry to abuse your kindness again, but could you review my OC: Autumn? I'll leave a link below. Thanks!

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/autumn-r7853

Edited February 8, 2015 by Blue Moon

[Flamestreak1990 1,172]

can you review my oc i cant seem to link so he should be on my page

[AmberDust 1,118]

She's in my signature. I'd love a review.

 

By the by, I really love your avatar!

 

Brx mxvw jrw nhusudqn'g

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/   \

Y__/ ( I ) \__y

/  >o<  \

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_|     |_

 

 

Edited April 8, 2015 by AmberDust

[Tao 7,756]

Could you do some Smokey Gold: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/smokey-gold-r7762

[Mist Blitz~ 227]

 

 

@MistBlitz,    Mist Blitz:   Name: The name seems relatively fine and fairly unique, the name has no problems with it. Nicely done.   Appearance : A really cute and nice looking design. The blue contrasts nicely with all the whites on her, and it's nice to see a pegasus that doesn't have either a rainbow mane or is covered in shades of blue. I especially love her crystal pony design.     Personality: Seeing as how she actually has a well-made personality with its own little uniqueness, the personality is fine by me. It's often that a pegasus' personality is either a carbon copy of Rainbow's or Fluttershy's but this is not the case.     Backstory: The backstory is fairly straight-forward and I must say the stunt-double father is certainly unique for a pony to have, as is the singing mother. The flight camp idea is also unique to this specific pony as I've never actually heard it mentioned before. Not much else needs to really be said here, it's an alright backstory with no problems other than maybe a few extra details here and there (maybe experiences with failing to make friends or during her experience at flight camp).     Cutie Mark: The cutie mark matches the backstory with my only real complaint being that it's fairly similar to Rainbow's cutie mark and the way she earned it, but no points will be docked off since Rainbow's probably wasn't the only one to occur like that. Plus actually offering how she got her cutie mark is nice as well.   Overall Rating: B ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________     Coco:     Name: The name is relatively simple but I do think something extra could be added onto it (unless Coco is just a nickname). But the name 'Coco' is actually pretty cute so it can easily stay the same. And seeing as how I can't come up with anything on the spot, I don't blame you.     Appearance: I really like her appearance, it's cute, functional and her mane color/style even manages to match both her name and cutie mark which is extremely impressive. When I look at her Hot Chocolate immediately comes to mind, which is a good thing of course.      Personality: Her personality seems fine, and despite being shy isn't a carbon copy of Fluttershy. My only real complaint is that some more details need to be added other than "she's a great friend" since several sentences in the description could summed up to that. Maybe add whether she can have a mean side or whether or not some of her personality quirks may not be liked by others. Just a minor complaint but it doesn't affect the character itself all too much.     Backstory: I have a fairly big problem with Celestia being the one to walk into the store but it's been done before in canon so that detail itself is not a big deal. Her telling everyone about good hot coco seems odd though since she probably wouldn't do that despite how nice she is. Again, a minor complaint but it doesn't affect the character all too much.     Cutie Mark: Straight-forward and a nice design choice, it doesn't stand out too much nor does it blend in, nicely done.   Overall Rating: B

 

I agree everything what you said. Coco was a bit rushed because I just wanted to just get over with it. Thank you for reviewing it :3

[Moonlight 7,286]

what is not procrastinating?

 

@@Denim&Venom,

 

Anyway, let's see here:

 

Name:

 

Silhouette Dusk is a rather cool name in my opinion, I especially like the 'Silhouette' part so I don't think the name needs changing or edited at all.

 

Appearance:

 

Personally, I don't like the design, and I honestly can't find a nice thing to say about it. Black/Red is a known bad colour scheme for a reason, it just doesn't look good, especially when combined with grey and being an alicorn. The red gradients on her legs look eye-blinding as well and it looks out of place of the OC. If you like the current design, then I recommend changing the black to a grey (preferably lighter grey), and tone down the reds and remove the regular greys altogether. I'd also say removing the wings or horn or even both to go to a different pony race since alicorns are never done well. The OC overall isn't too pleasing to look at and the necklace looks out of place as well. If you like it, then that's fine but be prepared for a lot of negativity towards it.

 

Personality:

 

Personality-wise, I don't like it either. Being like Twilight Sparkle is fine, but it's a bit too similar to Twilight, and even being friends Twilight and being an inventor of some many things screams 'Mary Sue'. And calling her powers 'God-Like' really throws it into Mary Sue territory. She also overall doesn't have much of a personality to begin with, seeing as how most of it is just being in close ties with canon characters like Twilight Sparkle. I don't have much to review here since I don't really know what I'm supposed to be reviewing. Also having every type of magic is a definite Mary Sue trait, and it'd be better if you went and edited a lot of this. Just make her a semi-normal pony without having so many hook-ups and relying heavily onto other ponies for a personality. Please make a personality so I can review it.

 

Backstory:

 

I can give credit for the fact that this backstory is fairly detailed, but some of it doesn't make too much sense. Namely the part where Sombra and Discord were both ruling at the same time, which doesn't seem to be correct. The whole being encased in ice in the crystal empire seems very Sombra-like, with few details changed. There's not much to say here other than it's detailed but it does have some flaws. Get rid of most of the backstory altogether and work from there.

 

Cutie Mark:

 

The cutie mark just seems like a Luna/Celestia fusion but I can't judge it since there is no picture.

 

Overall, an OC that could use a lot of work. Alright name, bad design, no personality, a slightly boring backstory, and a cutie mark that's not too good.

 

I'd say a F for it.