Fallout: Equestria - Shadow of Everfree

[cosmic_joke 28]

-Redirected from my Elements of Chaos thread-
WARNING: this is very much not entirely mine; this fanfic is largely based on the video game Shadow of Mordor, but (obviously), completely pony-fied! No copyright infringement intended. Enjoy!

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria:
A famed unicorn mage, legendary in his own lifetime, is approached by the ruler of a distant land to the north, a land of crystal and ice.
This king, this unicorn king, brings a gift for our mage: a hat. A hat of the finest materials, fitting only for a king.
In exchange for 'so fine a gift', the celebrated spellcaster grants Sombra an audience.
The two sit and talk for many long hours, until they can reach an agreement: the mage will craft for Sombra a heart, a Crystal Heart, which will be used to defend his empire and keep it safe from the ravages of the north.
The two meet in secret, in the crystal caverns beneath where Canterlot would eventually be built, and there, the Crystal Heart is carved.
The two part as friends, Sombra headed home with his new treasure, and Starswirl the Bearded off on another adventure.
When he returns from his latest exploits, Starswirl has possesses something new, something completely unheard of in all the lands: the Black Book. The book is evil, he knows this, and so to keep it from falling into the wrong hooves, he hides it away where nopony will ever find it, until he can safely find a way to destroy the thing.
When he gets back to his castle, Starswirl discovers the Two Sisters waiting there for him, with horrific news: Sombra, once thought to be an ally, has revealed himself to be evil, and has found a heretofore unknown source of arcane power, which is allowing him to bend not only his own Crystal Empire, but also the greater part of Equestria to his twisted will.
Mortified, Starswirl confesses to his two closest friends that he had helped Sombra to create the Crystal Heart, in an effort to help cleanse the land and make it safe for everypony.
Just then, Sombra bursts into the castle, and in an unimaginable display of power, throws the Sisters to opposite ends of the Great Hall, rendering them unconcious, and grabs Starswirl, kidnapping him back to the Crystal empire.
There, Sombra uses the power of the Crystal Heart to read Starswirl's mind, and forces him to teach the power-mad tyrant everything he knows. Among other things, Sombra learns of the Black Book, and forces the poor mage to reveal its location. Starswirl does this, but in a very roundabout way, causing Sombra to be gone for more than a week, searching for it 'National Treasure' style.
While the king is absent, Starswirl breaks free of his prison and begins teaching the Crystal Ponies how to properly use the Crystal Heart. Sadly, just as they are going to truly purge the land, Sombra returns, full of dark magic, his eyes burning with flames, possessed by the power he learned from the Black Book.
Outraged at what he sees, Sombra kills Starswirl right there on the spot, and then, using his newfound power, he hides the Crystal Heart where nopony would ever find it.
-cut to the video 'The Fall of the Crystal Empire'-
End part 1

Edited April 24, 2015 by cosmic_joke

[Steel Accord 6,658]

Ohhhhh boy . . . where do I even begin?

 

First of all, the Crystal Heart is Sombra's only weakness, not his source of strength, he didn't need the Crystal Heart the same way Sauron needed the ring. Sombra already had the heart, presumably he couldn't destroy it otherwise he would have, and his goal was to keep ponies from obtaining it.

 

So both mcguffins are treated the opposite way by both sides.

 

LOTR: Heroes want to destroy it, villain wants to find it

 

FiM: Villains wishes to destroy it, heroes want to find it.

 

A better idea would be that Starswirl taught Sombra magic and that's how he got his power. In penance, Starswirl seeks out and brings back the Crystal Heart to give to the Princesses. Same basic idea of "bad guy in power because of me" but not trying to fit the square peg of Equestria into the round hole of Middle-Earth.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Second of all, Sombra did not get his powers from the Black Book, nor was it found by Starswirl. In the Fallout Equestria canon, it was created by an utterly deranged, purely evil, zebra alchemist who imbued his soul into it. If anything should be the Ring analogue it should be that!

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

 

Again, you're trying to do too much. You're trying to parallel Shadow of Mordor note for note, but at the same time gutting the canon of both the show and Fallout: Equestria. That's not the way this kind of crossover works. The connections need to be natural. Sombra as the Sauron allegory? I can buy that, the creators pretty much all but stated that was the inspiration for the character after all. The Crystal Heart, the symbol of love and warmth for the crystal empire, and the thing that shields them from Sombra, as the one Ring? That's all but impossible to swallow.

 

Aside from incidental elements like the Black Book, I'm still not getting the connection to Fallout Equestria. Why have this take place in that setting at all? The bulk of what you have is in the ancient past.

Edited April 24, 2015 by Steel Accord

[Honsou 399]

Recommend slight expansion onto where Star Swirl left the equestrian universe and left Sombra alone. Maybe show that something sinister happened to Sombra along the way, or include that around that time was when Celestia restored alternate equestria back to it's normal state of being, (Though this is impractical, as the alternate equestria takes place in modern day FiM.) Other than that after reading up on what we talked about on the phone, this is a great rough draft.

[cosmic_joke 28]

The tie-in is in chapter 2 (unwritten, unposted).

20 years before FoE, Red Eye kills his entire stable, except for one last Security pony -need name-. The alicorns, Blue, Purple, and Green, then kill him in a blood sacrifice, in order to bring back the one who knows of the location of the Black Book, Starswirl the Bearded.

[Honsou 399]

Isn't purple a manifestation of Twilight?

[cosmic_joke 28]

Purple - Twilight, can teleport

Blue - Trixie, can turn invisible

Green - Gestalt/Mosaic, can form shields

[cosmic_joke 28]

cosmic_joke, on 24 Apr 2015 - 6:55 PM, said: The tie-in is in chapter 2 (unwritten, unposted). 20 years before FoE, Red Eye kills his entire stable, except for one last Security pony -need name-. The alicorns, Blue, Purple, and Green, then kill him in a blood sacrifice, in order to bring back the one who knows of the location of the Black Book, Starswirl the Bearded. So, what do you think?

 

Steel Accord Sent 24 April 2015- 07:07 PM Well then how does Fallout Equestria happen if it's principal villain is dead before Littlepip even leaves Stable Two?

 

Moreover, the Black Book was created only a few years before the Great War, Starswirl had been dead for centuries, he wouldn't know any more about it than a Hellhound.

 

cosmic_joke Sent 24 April 2015- 07:13 PM Not true. It is never stated when the book is created, only when it is acquired. Second, Starswirl/unnamed-security-pony will NOT succeed in their quest, they will FAIL, just like in the Bright Lord DLC, but only at the very end. Or perhaps not, maybe the security will die, but Starswirl's spirit could remain, and intangibly set up 'lucky coincidences' for Pip and Co.

 

Steel Accord Sent 24 April 2015- 07:18 PM The book could still not be that old as it was only made into a soul jar slightly before the Mane Six found it. If I'm wrong, fine, you got your ring allegory.

 

Secondly though, then it's not really a Shadow of Mordor crossover is it? It's just Fallout Equestria with an invisible greek chorus who can occasionally shake the set pieces.

 

cosmic_joke Sent 24 April 2015- 07:23 PM Ok, 1 I don't get that reference. 2, It totally IS a SoM crossover, but not so much a crossover, as the exact same thing as FoE (eg, a ponified version of a videogame), but with different characters in the same world. Basically, another side story (Pink Eyes, Project: Horizons, etc.), but in and of itself, a standalone thing.

 

Steel Accord Sent 24 April 2015- 07:27 PM Soul Jars. The Black Book was one. It's an object imbued with a pony's soul and that in turn makes the object all but indestructible. Other soul jars? All the little Mane Six statues Littlepip finds?

 

My point is that a true fusion of Shadow or Mordor should not star Littlepip, it should star a new character on some other slice of Equestria. By all means, have Starswirl fill Celebrimbor's role, by all means, have Sombra start to come back and regain power.

 

cosmic_joke Sent 24 April 2015- 07:32 PM I got Soul Jars, I didn't get the Greek Chorus. This story doesn't star Littlepip; if she's even going to be mentioned, it will only be in passing, or through another pony's perspective. Also, Sombra is, as far as anypony is concerned, dead and forgotten. What he wants is the book (although now that I'm thinking of it, the book already plays such a major role, and was already discovered by the Mane 6, so even though FoE hasn't happened yet, the book has already been moved from Starswirl's hiding place... so now I need another reason to bring him back.

 

Steel Accord Sent 24 April 2015- 07:37 PM Oh, a Greek Chorus is like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, or C-3PO and R2-D2, or the Oompa Loompas. They are minor characters that offer asides and observations about the plot and going ons of the main characters. It stretches all the way back to Greek theater tradition, hence the name.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

So who is "he" in this case, Red Eye?

 

cosmic_joke Sent 24 April 2015- 07:38 PM Yeah, Red Eye. He wants to be the new God, after all, and needs to find a way.

 

Steel Accord Sent 24 April 2015- 07:41 PM Okay! NOW I see where you are connecting!

 

Okay, so Red Eye needs Starswirl's soul for some reason or another. So he performs some dark unity ritual to summon him from the other side and our protagonist is just some poor Wasteland sap who drew the short straw.

 

Am I following correctly thus far?

 

cosmic_joke Sent 24 April 2015- 07:46 PM Almost! The 'inhabited' person is a blood-sacrificed security stallion, the only other survivor from stable 101.

 

Steel Accord Sent 24 April 2015- 07:51 PM Well the only named characters actually from Stable 101 are Doc Slaughter, Doctor Glue, and Gizmo.

 

cosmic_joke Sent 24 April 2015- 07:53 PM Yeah, so I need a name, something believable. Everyone else was poisoned, except this guy (and the other mentioned ones), and he was captured by a triad of Alicorns after a last stand.

 

Steel Accord Sent 24 April 2015- 07:55 PM Okie dokie lokie, who is he? Pony names fit into the usual naming scheme so actually knowing what the character is about first and then giving them a name is best.

 

cosmic_joke Sent 24 April 2015- 08:03 PM Yeah... well, I know he's friendly, he always greeted everyone with a smile; but whenever duty called, he was always the first to act. His coat is a darkish gray, his mane and tail are fire-colored, and done in Spitfire/(EqG blue-maned guitar player, guard, Twilight's crush) style, giving the appearance of him looking like a pony-shaped rock with fire coming off. Very serious when it comes to the line of duty, he has seen a lot in his life, slightly closer to retirement age, but definitely still young enough to hold his own.

 

Steel Accord Sent 24 April 2015- 08:07 PM So is he serious, or is he friendly? Sure, most ponies would be serious under a serious circumstance, that's not a personality trait, that's just a natural response. The question is what is the character like at rest? When the plot is not effecting them, what are they doing and what are they like?

 

Steel Accord Sent 24 April 2015- 08:09 PM So what did he do in the Stable? How did he react and what did he do when he had to evacuate?

 

cosmic_joke Sent 24 April 2015- 08:10 PM He likes to smile and tell jokes; he was raised to be a gentlestallion: hold a door for a lady, offer a tissue, help pick things up, etc. A real decent pony.

 

Steel Accord Sent 24 April 2015- 08:11 PM Okay good, now we're getting somewhere.

 

Steel Accord, on 24 Apr 2015 - 8:09 PM, said: So what did he do in the Stable? How did he react and what did he do when he had to evacuate?

 

cosmic_joke Sent 24 April 2015- 08:18 PM Well, when everypony died (it was rather sudden, a timed magical toxin release in the water, after everypony had drunk it, save Red Eye at the feast), our hero was laid up in the hospital after part of the ceiling crashed down on him when he was on his rounds. He had been fed via I.V. for several days and so did not have any of the contaminated water in his system. He was almost fully recovered (Stable 101 being technologically advanced to the point where they could heal even the most grevious of wounds in just a few days), and so was able to get up and successfully hide for quite a while. After seeing that everypony else was dead, he decided to blow up the Stable, in a effort to kill Red Eye and the alicorns inside (possibly along with several Raiders), but was discovered early on and was forced to hole up in the pantry. Unfortunately, there were teleporting alicorns there, and they were easily able to oust him.

 

Steel Accord Sent 24 April 2015- 08:20 PM That actually sounds like the beginning of the game with Talion and a nice parallel.

 

cosmic_joke Sent 24 April 2015- 08:22 PM Thank you; that's what I'm aiming for.

 

Steel Accord Sent 24 April 2015- 08:24 PM Good, now a name.

 

Hmmm . . . . I'm honestly still drawing a blank.

 

cosmic_joke Sent 24 April 2015- 08:32 PM Same here. I was thinking like 'Gunmetal' or Fire- something, due to his colors, but neither really encaptures his personality.

 

Steel Accord Sent 24 April 2015- 08:34 PM Not in the slightest.

 

Might I get back to you tomorrow on this?

 

cosmic_joke Sent 24 April 2015- 08:41 PM Any time, any time! I'll still be here.

 

cosmic_joke Sent Yesterday, 06:29 PM His name is Broken Hinge. His wife was Rusty Hinge (maiden name Nail) and his son was Squeaky Hinge, nicknamed Squeak. Over the radio, Pon3 will refer to him as either 'Broken' or 'Unhinged', both as a play on his name, and due to the numerous reports of him talking to no one (the ghost of Starswirl being invisible). Watcher will constantly be getting at him for being such a loner and having no friends to pal around with. As time progresses, he grows to hate himself more and more, believing himself to be more of a monster than all of the ponies he's slaying. His son's weapon is an antique double-barreled shotgun, which was broken off at the base of the barrel by a raider during the initial storming of 101, and by the end will be reforged as a sawed-off. His main weapon and Starswirl's weapon are undecided as of yet. He needs something melee, but FoE is a FPS...

 

Steel Accord Sent Yesterday, 06:41 PM First of all, GREAT revisions!

 

Second of all, so? I always play melee and unarmed and with the third person view.

 

cosmic_joke Sent Today, 12:08 AM Thanks; I try! Ok, so how about Starswirl's 'wraith' weapon is his hat, and his attack is a telekinetic bullet, like Blackjack's from Project Horizons? but what would Broken's main attack be? His main weapon? 101 was a techno-stable... maybe his front legs were augmented into power-fists? I don't know, but it seems like there's something there... Starswirl's unicorn magic is what will allow Broken to climb structures like Spider-man.

 

Steel Accord Sent Today, 12:12 AM Well with that logic, wouldn't Starswirl's weapon just be his horn?

 

Why use magic for that? If Broken's front legs are augmented, maybe that's one of their functions.

 

cosmic_joke Sent Today, 06:26 AM Hmm you make some pretty good points, on both counts.

[ciphersplash 57]

Ohhhhh boy . . . where do I even begin?

 

First of all, the Crystal Heart is Sombra's only weakness, not his source of strength, he didn't need the Crystal Heart the same way Sauron needed the ring. Sombra already had the heart, presumably he couldn't destroy it otherwise he would have, and his goal was to keep ponies from obtaining it.

 

So both mcguffins are treated the opposite way by both sides.

 

LOTR: Heroes want to destroy it, villain wants to find it

 

FiM: Villains wishes to destroy it, heroes want to find it.

 

A better idea would be that Starswirl taught Sombra magic and that's how he got his power. In penance, Starswirl seeks out and brings back the Crystal Heart to give to the Princesses. Same basic idea of "bad guy in power because of me" but not trying to fit the square peg of Equestria into the round hole of Middle-Earth.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Second of all, Sombra did not get his powers from the Black Book, nor was it found by Starswirl. In the Fallout Equestria canon, it was created by an utterly deranged, purely evil, zebra alchemist who imbued his soul into it. If anything should be the Ring analogue it should be that!

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

 

Again, you're trying to do too much. You're trying to parallel Shadow of Mordor note for note, but at the same time gutting the canon of both the show and Fallout: Equestria. That's not the way this kind of crossover works. The connections need to be natural. Sombra as the Sauron allegory? I can buy that, the creators pretty much all but stated that was the inspiration for the character after all. The Crystal Heart, the symbol of love and warmth for the crystal empire, and the thing that shields them from Sombra, as the one Ring? That's all but impossible to swallow.

 

Aside from incidental elements like the Black Book, I'm still not getting the connection to Fallout Equestria. Why have this take place in that setting at all? The bulk of what you have is in the ancient past.

 

posting out of curiosity 

 

 

[Steel Accord 6,658]

posting out of curiosity

 

 

I was merely offering constructive criticism. He's taken most of what I've said into account.

 

I do admit that quoted post is probably a little harsher than I usually am on this site.

[ciphersplash 57]

I was merely offering constructive criticism. He's taken most of what I've said into account.

 

I do admit that quoted post is probably a little harsher than I usually am on this site.

 

XD i got bored, so yeah

 

waiting for some pony to fight with in another topic

[cosmic_joke 28]

Actually, I could use some help writing this story; I'm great with characters, personalities, situations, etc, but I can't write a story to save my life. I have tried this one on multiple occasions, and each time it comes out more like a script than a dialogue: I can't do motion, I can't do characters doing things, I can only do speech.

Interested?

[cosmic_joke 28]

PROLOGUE

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria…

 

War. War never changes.

By the end of the second Celestial Epoch, the world had become a very different place…

 

In constant, seemingly futile attempts to keep the invading zebras at bay, Princess Luna ordered great patches of Forest cleared for raw materials to be used in the war effort.

 

The only two places left untouched were the Whitetail Woods and the Everfree Forest, the former for being an integral part in the turning of the seasons from summer to fall with the annual Running of the Leaves. The latter, Everfree Forest, was left untouched for a very different reason. The ancient magics that had kept it alive for untold centuries were now being used to keep it safe. The forest had learned to defend itself: with deadly precision.

 

The only team to successfully make it in and out almost entirely unscathed was that of Stable-Tec, where they had chosen the place for the last of their many Stables, bastions of hope for the remains of ponykind, should the worst happen.

 

As the war reached its final endgame, great horrific hours of pure balefire scorching and destroying the once-beautiful world, thousands flocked to the shelter of the massive underground Stables.

 

But even then Everfree fought back, only letting a small number past the treeline, and even fewer reached the Stable itself, deep in the heart of those ancient woods.

 

Even now, nearly two hundred years later, the forest still fights back, letting few who have entered ever leave.

 

Because war… War never changes.

 

 

 

FALLOUT: EQUESTRIA

Shadow of Everfree