Church of Buffalo Man Revived

[Yamato 1,347]

   One year and five months ago this forum was introduced to the Majesty that is Buffalo Man. Unfortunately due to rampant mismanagement, frequent embezzlement, and the retiring of all its senior staff, the church fell into sharp decline. Such a decline that it has, for all intents and purposes, been forgotten about. But I'm here to tell you that we are back and better than ever! During our "hiatus" we've had time to reflect upon our principles, meditate upon what truly is and is not Buffalo, and restructure our order in a way that makes a little more sense. Frankly, at this point we'd like to separate ourselves from the old church and begin anew. Let this topic serve to spread the good word of Buffalo and enlighten those who seek truths. 

 

For those of you unfamiliar with our Lord and Saviour Buffalo Man, here's a picture so that you might bask in His glory.


So let's look at what's changed!

For starters, we restructured the church. Previously the Church roughly followed the following structure:

1. Buffalo Man
2. The Prophets of Buffalo
3. The Followers of Buffalo

From a management perspective, this was a nightmare. Especially so following the forced resignation of half the Prophets. So now we've restructured it after something we know works (kinda), the Catholic Church. The new basic structure is:

1. Buffalo Man
2. The Buffalo Pope
3. Buffalo Cardinals
4. Priests of Buffalo
5. Followers of Buffalo

   So who, you may ask, are the Cardinals? Or the Priests? Well, to put it simply, we don't have any yet. However, we are actively looking for promising individuals to fulfill such roles. That's right folks, WE ARE TAKING APPLICATIONS FOR CARDINALSHIPS AND PRIESTHOODS. In the future, it is likely that we will also need support staff such as accountants (preferably without a history of embezzlement this time) and franchise managers. Such staff will be sought when their services become necessary.

 

 

Our next major change was to update the Five Pillars of Buffalo. The old "Five Pillars" were from a time long past. They needed re-evaluation for use in our modern world. As such, I give you the new "Five Pillars of Buffalo".

1. There is no god except Buffalo Man, and the Buffalo Pope is His messenger.
2. One must pray to Buffalo Man no fewer than three times per day. 
3. One must tithe two percent of one's savings to the less fortunate, and another four percent to the church.
4. During the holy month of Trucktober, followers of Buffalo Man are to refrain from consuming alcohol or small children.
5. One must make pilgrimage at least once in one's lifetime to the site of Tractor Bob's Tractor Store. The store's lack of carpet and décor symbolizes the purity of spirit that comes with enlightenment through Buffalo Man, while the tractors themselves symbolize Buffalo Man's might.

It was also decided that we clear up our beliefs. While catchy, "Buffalo Man is Love, Buffalo Man is Life." does little in the way of explaining things. For the sake of brevity, only a small portion is posted below.

Buffalo Man is love, Buffalo Man is life. Humanity was created in His image and sculpted by His very hooves. Alas, hooves do not lend well to sculpting and we came out misshapen and flawed, inside and out. Yet we are still His children, and as such we still receive His undying love. 

 

Finally, let us answer a few frequently asked questions.

 

Q. I'm interested in Buffalo Man and/or the Church of the Latter Day Buffalo, but I'm a little confused as to what this is all about. Is there anything I can reference to learn more?

A. Much of our tradition is passed down orally. Very little gets written down. Best thing to do is ask a member!

 

Q. How can I join?

A. All you must do is ask.

 

Q. What are the benefits of joining the Church of the Latter Day Buffalo?

A. Eternal salvation, we think.

 

Q. How can I donate to this noble cause?

A. We're still working that out. Panhandling worked well enough for us, but we'll probably need to hire someone to handle donations at some point or another.

 

Q. I'm thinking about setting up a musical ministry, are there any traditional Buffalite hymns?

A. We recommend "Buffalo of Buffaloes", "Oxen Don't Exist", or "Hail Buffalo, My VTEC Revs for Thee". Beyond that, better get to writing new ones.

 

Q. I have a prior criminal record and am currently under probation. Can I still take part in supporting Buffalo Man and/or the CoLDB?

A. Yes?

 

Q. Are you guys serious?

A. Sure.

 

Q. How did this start?

A. Well, we're not sure if @Dark Qiviut is still with us, but it was his OC and profile picture that inspired us.

Edited May 30, 2015 by Buffalo Pope

[Ashen Pathfinder 16,152]

@

 

Just letting you know I moved your thread to Forum Lounge as it didn't really fit in General Discussion.

 

Thanks.

[Miles 2,512]

 

Jeep Trucks, proud sponsor of his Royal Buffaloness.

Make sure your serious.

~ Miles

[DubWolf 16,617]

This again . Long live Buffalo Man .

[Lightwing 12,955]

Oh god I remember this

 

[Dark Qiviut 22,173]

Seeing as I helped give my blessings for this church:

 

 

Thank Buffalo Man for GIFs. 

[SkullcandyPegasus 603]

May I join and still worship Cthulhu?

[Miles 2,512]

 

When it's time to change the oil in your Jeep, look no further than Buffaline.  Buffaline's superior additives will lubricate your Jeep's engine, and will keep you safe on your adventure to Tractor Bob's Tractor Store.  "Better living through chemistry?"  More like "Best living through superior chemistry!"

~ Miles

[Yamato 1,347]

May I join and still worship Cthulhu?

Only if you concede that Cthulhu is merely a superior cosmic being and not a god. After all, the First Pillar of Buffalo does state that "There is no god except Buffalo Man".

[The Leafeon Pinkeh 3,602]

#Unban Gary Oak

[Miles 2,512]

And here we have a rare find of Buffalo Man watching Rick and Morty performing Get Schwifty. Apparently they removed him from the aired version because his Royal Buffaloness would have taken attention away from Rick and Morty's performance.

[Yamato 1,347]

It brings me great pleasure to know that our plight has not been forgotten a second time. Go my children! Spread the word of Buffalo, and may Qiviut himself be with you!

Buffalo Man meeting with Chinese leader Mao Zedong to normalize relations between the People's Republic of China and the United States. (February 1972)

[Drunk Not I Am 1,069]

Praise the great Buffalo!

[Halberd 88]

On 5/29/2015 at 7:18 PM, Yamato said:

Q. How did this start?

A. Well, we're not sure if @Dark Qiviut is still with us, but it was his OC and profile picture that inspired us.

Quote

Last visited 1 hour ago

PRAISE BE DARK QIVIUT! He hath not forsaken us!

*Just realized he also posted in this very thread.

Edited April 21, 2017 by Halberd