Shipping Art Made Easy™

[ponyvangelist 732]

Greetings, fellow pony enthusiasts! Have you always wanted to get in on the exciting, fast-growing field of Friendship is Magic relationship art, but find yourself held back by time constraints, lack of motivation or maybe a little less talent than you would like?

 

No longer! My patented Express Shipping™ system will have you cranking out titillating, show-quality artwork in a manner of minutes!

 

"How?" you ask, with a questioning look in your eye. It's easy, easy, easy as pie!

 

Here, for the first time outside exclusive Paris art studios, I'm going to share with you Part One of my critically-exclaimed Express Shipping™ program. That's normally a $250 value, but now, for an unlimited time, it's yours FREE just for participating in this amazing, life-changing seminar.

 

Let's get started!

 

Step One: Screen Capture

 

When it comes to pony art, nopony does it better than the experts at Hasbro, DHX and Top Draw studios, so why re-invent the wheel? By using the original show art as the basis for your art, you're not only cutting out the middleman, but giving your work the undeniable authority of canon quality imagery!

 

The key is selecting screen shots from the series that contain sufficient innuendo to build upon, and put the characters you want paired into suggestive scenarios. Let's take this example:

 

Fig. 1: Friendly rivalry? Or perhaps something more?

 

Here we have a scene that can be viewed innocently one way, and not-so-innocently another way, depending who the viewer is and where their mind is at. In the case of shipping, "the gutter" is optimal placement for a good candidate scene.

 

Now to take our proposed relationship out of the realm of innuendo and into the realm of indisputable fact.

 

Step Two: Relationship Enhancement

 

A true artist doesn't create, but merely embellishes what is already there. It is with this vital maxim in mind that we will work our own brand of magic on Friendship is Magic, and accomplish this amazing transformation by using minimal effort to achieve maximal results.

 

The secret professional shipping artists don't want you to know is as simple as it is ingenious: blushing. By adding blushes to our characters, we can transform any scene into a One True Pairing in mere minutes! Let's take another look at our example:

 

Fig. 2: Easy, girls! We think we know where this is headed, don't we?

 

Like magic, our little tête-à-tête has become a passionate romantic interlude. Yes, my friends, it's just that easy!

 

But wait! There's more!

 

Step Three (Optional): Suggestive Captioning

 

In the advanced phases of the Express Shipping™ program, we cover suggestive captioning. A poetic art form unto itself, the right caption can transform a good piece of shipping art into a legendary fan favorite. The secret is using the right words. Here's our example again:

 

Fig. 3: Watch out! We know they like it rough!

 

As you can see, adding a hip, sexually-charged caption to our blush-embellished ponies proves Appledash is the One True Pairing beyond all doubt. Your audience will be stupified by your awe-inspiring talent and clamor for more!

 

And that, my friends, is Shipping Art Made Easy™.

 

Conclusion: Overnight Shipping

 

So now you know the basics of my amazing, revolutionary Express Shipping™ system. Ah, but I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "ponyvangelist, it just can't be that easy. What's the catch?"

 

And that, my friends, is the beauty of the program. There is no catch!*

 

But there's always at least one skeptic in the audience, so in my next free installment, I'll provide some addition examples demonstrating the awesome, mind-blowing power of the Express Shipping™ system!

 

 

 

* Program may include catch.

 

Shipping Art Made Easy™ Part 2: The Gallery Of Express Shipping™ Naughtiness

 

In our first lesson, using a simple example, I explained the steps necessary to create professional-grade shipping art using my world-changing Express Shipping™ program. Now it's time to show what the program can really do!

 

So hold on to your hats, because it's about to get a little warmer in here!

 

Fig. 1: Talk about getting the royal treatment!

 

Fig. 2: Flutterdash CONFIRMED!

 

Fig. 3: Who needs an ursa when you have each other?

 

Fig. 4: As close as close can be...

 

Remarkable, aren't they? Don't deny it, that's some of the best shipping art you've ever seen, isn't it? So what are you waiting for? You too can create breathtaking masterpieces like these in mere minutes!

 

Wait... you say you're not sure the program is right for you? I say: how can you be sure unless you try my special offer?

 

Now, for only an unlimited time, you can learn how to produce art-gallery-quality relationship masterpieces with my incredible home tutorial video package. Normally this package sells for $2499, but for my special friends at MLP Forums, I've slashed the price to... are you sitting down?

 

Only $999!*

 

That's right, friends, that's 60% off the regular price. Act now and I'll throw in my extra video, Blush Secrets of the Shipping Pros absolutely FREE!

 

You get the complete Express Shipping™ program AND Blush Secrets of the Shipping Pros, all for just $999!*

 

So what are you waiting for? The time is NOW to join the legions of successful shipping artists and make your mark on the pony world. As we say in the business...

 

Ships Ahoy!

 

 

 

 

 

* Price does not include shipping, handling, dock fees, fuel surcharge, processing surcharge, 10-point inspection, undercoating or video packages. Additional charges will be added at time of purchase at additional cost.

[WTFisupwithyouguys 24]

Haha, this is fucking hilarious!

[Extraho Vinco 55]

Best thing all day

[HomuraBL 851]

Made my day.

Thank you.

[jaggy10 26]

thats sick

[ProjectRKA 2,848]

Wow... xD

 

Honestly, though, the second one is actually quite good xDD

Edited May 8, 2012 by ProjectRKA

[Jibus 192]

[MVC NVMXD JVRXD 2,406]

5/5 stars. Amazing! Will read again.

[StarStep 42]

Oh I used to be a horrible shipper. My art made people think the characters were breaking up instead of coming together. But now that is over ever since I ordered the acclaimed Express Shipping™ program. Now I have my friends saying TwiShy, oh my.

 

 

Gone are the days of utter disgust. Now I am bombarded for requests of my phenomenal pairings. Yes, that's right, it worked for me and I know it can work for you!

[ponyvangelist 732]

Shipping Art Made Easy™ Part 3: A Peek Behind The Scenes Of Our Award-Winning Studios

 

Gone are the days of utter disgust. Now I am bombarded for requests of my phenomenal pairings. Yes, that's right, it worked for me and I know it can work for you!

That's the spirit! Another satisfied customer. And might I add, your TwiShy is breathtaking! Truly a work of such power as to make even the Renaissance Masters themselves blush in embarrassment.

 

As more people are exposed to the stunning masterpieces being created by our top alumni, sales have gone through the roof! Even now, our phones are ringing off the hook twenty-four hours a day, and demand for the spectacular Express Shipping™ program has been so high that we've been forced to double the size of our production facility in Wenzhou, China. And at the rate things are going, we may not only have to double it again, but accelerate our plans for building an additional factory in Heilongjiang!

 

"But just what is this amazing art you speak of," you ask interrogatively with an expression of mild bewilderment. Well shame on me if I leave you guessing!

 

So now, for the first time ever,* you are about to take an exclusive look** at some of the breathtaking art being produced by Express Shipping™ students in our luxurious Paris studios.*** If you're half as excited as I am, then I'm twice as excited as you are!

 

Let's begin our virtual tour!

 

 

* Not first time ever.

** Look not exclusive.

*** Studios located in Paris, Indiana.

 

Express Shipping™ First-Year Student Standouts

 

Because the Express Shipping™ program is so incredibly easy to use, it is typical for our students to produce show-stopping masterpieces as early as their first day. Though all the art our students produce is fantastic, some works reach out, grab viewers and shake them around a little. In the business, we call such pieces "shakers".

 

Here is just a small sampling of the amazing works created by our most talented Express Shipping™ beginners:

 

Fig. 1: You never forget your first Pinkie-kiss.

 

Fig. 2: There's just no keeping these two lovebirds apart!

 

Fig. 3: Turns out the "love potion" was a fake all along!

 

As you can see, even newcomers to the Express Shipping™ system can produce stunning results. But now you're in for a real treat as we move on to the advanced classes...

 

 

Express Shipping™ Professional Commissions

 

By the time most students have completed their fourth year of training, they have already sold their first commission, with some having sold hundreds. Given the extraordinary quality of art produced by the Express Shipping™ system, clients include some of the most discriminating and wealthy connoisseurs in the world.

 

Let's see what the upper crust of the international art scene has been buying for shockingly exorbitant prices:

 

Fig. 4: Twilight can't keep her true feelings hidden any longer.

 

Fig. 5: Oh Fancy Pants, you rascal, you!

 

Fig. 6: Rainbow confesses her love. DerpyDash CONFIRMED!

 

Amazing, aren't they? But what is even more amazing was how much they sold for. One hangs in the Louvre in Paris.* Another was sold to a famous Prince.** Yet another adorns the main lobby of an internationally-recognized medical research center!***

 

So you see, my friends, not only does the Express Shipping™ system enable you to create astounding works of relationship imagery, it can open the door to an exciting and lucrative career in the fine arts. Don't miss out on this golden opportunity!

 

Order now!

 

 

 

* Lou's Delicatessen, Paris, Indiana.

** Prince Dry Cleaning, Paris, Indiana.

*** Hoosier Methadone Clinic, Paris, Indiana.

[Ashbad 969]

This is one I actually screen-capped a long time ago, you guys can feel free to add the word "sex" to it somewhere.

 

[ponyvangelist 732]

Ah, but why use the word "sex" when you can imply it and achieve a much more powerful effect?

 

 

Truly amazing, isn't it?

 

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll run along and sell this to a wealthy Saudi businessman...

Edited May 10, 2012 by ponyvangelist

[Ashbad 969]

Ah, but why use the word "sex" when you can imply it and achieve a much more powerful effect?

 

 

Truly amazing, isn't it?

 

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll run along and sell this to a wealthy Saudi businessman...

 

FTFY, just doubled the face value of this masterpiece with a single caption.

 

 

Why be cool and imply when you can go the lame route and add an obvious caption?

Edited May 10, 2012 by Ashbad

[ponyvangelist 732]

The problem now is by adding sex to the scene, we've gone from classic, tasteful shipping art to full-on NSFW Rule 34 pony porn!

 

Be careful! You wouldn't want to get caught going through airport security with something like that in your luggage.

[Pinkazoid 3,493]

Oohh Now do PinkieDash!

[ponyvangelist 732]

Oohh Now do PinkieDash!

Well, okay, but I'm a little worried we may be moving a bit too far into Rule 34 territory...

 

Fig. 1: SURPRI-I-I-I-ISE!!!

 

I feel so dirty now.

 

Shipping Art Made Easy™ Part 4: Express Shipping™ After Dark

 

Seeing as I've already "gone there" in my previous post, I suppose the door is now open to introduce one of the more "exotic" elements of the Express Shipping™ program.

 

In the first three parts of this life-changing seminar, we've learned about how the Express Shipping™ system can transform even the most fumble-fingered, talentless schmoe into a world-renowned relationship artist in mere minutes. We've also seen examples of the breathtaking results possible with the program, and gazed with awe at the showroom-quality works produced by the gifted prodigies at our Paris studios.

 

"But ponyvangelist," you say, "this isn't enough. I want more! And I want it dirty!"

 

Well, dear friends, your prayers have been answered, because the Express Shipping™ system can not only deliver tasteful art of incredible quality, it can also produce first-rate, top-shelf smut.

 

Let's find out how...

 

 

Express Shipping™ For Adults: The Caption Of The Ship

 

Good relationship art is always a bit naughty, but some fans prefer a little less subtlety and a lot more pornography. Fear not! Express Shipping™ is there for you horndogs out there, too.

 

When it comes to pony porn, it's really not about the picture at all. The secret is in the captions, and when it comes to captions, image macros are where it's at! Let's take a look at this Internet classic, produced by one of our studio graduates:*

 

* Artist not a studio graduate.

Fig. 1: I think we all know what she has in mind.

 

Notice how an otherwise innocent screen shot is transformed by the addition of a provocative caption. This, my friends, is the engine that powers the machinery of Rule 34b.**

 

And consider, if you will, how this image has managed to turn up the heat without even adding a blush. While blush is a staple of shipping art, its absence in equine erotica implies greater audacity, giving it more impact. That's not to say strategic blushing can't be used, but rather that blushing isn't always de rigueur for art appealing to the lowest common denominator.

 

As you can no doubt appreciate, we are now well into advanced territory, where there's truly no limit to how low we can go. So let's go! Let's use another example with Pinkie Pie, who may well be the naughtiest of the ponies, but turn up the vulgarity knob a bit, and add some blush just because I mentioned it:

 

** Rule 34b: There are ponies of it. No exceptions.

Fig. 2: Oh Pinkie, you dirty little pony, you!

 

Here we use an ambiguous and rather crass pun to bring us a little closer to that all-so-important gutter in which our minds spend oh so much time. By having Pinkie talk dirty, we leave little to the imagination which, as it happens, is what separates porn from less explicit, more tasteful relationship art. But you didn't come to this section for tastefulness, now did you? Be honest. It's okay. We understand, and we're not here to judge you. Much.

 

"But ponyvangelist," you say, "where's the beef? GIMME MY PORN!!!"

 

Well, since you put it like that, let's get down to business!

 

 

Express Shipping™ For Adults: The NSFW Collection

 

WARNING: If there are any children, parents, religious devotees, surly bosses, law enforcement agents or elderly individuals with heart conditions near your computer, send them away now, because things are about to get "blue".

 

And now, for your viewing pleasure, SAME™ Studios presents "My Little Pornies":

 

Fig. 3: Rainbow prepares to take one for the team.

 

Fig. 4: What are friends for?

 

Fig. 5: Twilight better watch her six!

 

Fig. 6: THAT'S what friends are for!

 

Fig. 7: They sure don't teach THAT in school!

 

[a

Fig. 8: Pony up!

 

 

Ooh, la la! Talk about your triple-x material! As you can see, the possibilities are endless, and are limited only by the imagination, and taste, of the Express Shipping™ professional.

 

Ready to break into the exciting, gratifying and lucrative world of pony porn? Then you won't want to miss our special FREE Express Shipping™ Prurient Pony Porn Primer™.

 

Now only $99 to the first ten million callers!

 

Order yours today!

[Nas 2,873]

I can't get enough of this. xD

[ponyvangelist 732]

Shipping Art Made Easy™ Part 5: Bulk Shipping™

 

It seems some folks just can't get enough of our magnificent Express Shipping™ masterpieces, and here at SAME™ Studios, we want nothing more than to make you happy.

 

And so, in response to the overwhelming response from our millions of fans, we offer a sample from our exclusive Bulk Shipping™ package, a huge collection of some of the finest relationship art ever to be bootlegged off the Internet.

 

The Bulk Shipping™ concept is simple: let the pictures do the talking. And my oh my, what they do have to say!

 

So enough chatter. It's time to let the ships set sail!

 

From The Bulk Shipping™ Silent Majesty Series™

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Breathtaking, aren't they? Long after the world has forgotten Leonardo, Rembrandt, Monet, Van Gogh, Picasso and Dali, it will still treasure and marvel at these timeless masterpieces.

 

Remember, friends, the Express Shipping™ program makes it possible for you too to become an artist renowned throughout the ages, and all for the incredibly low price of only $999!*

 

ORDER NOW!

 

 

 

 

* Price not incredibly low.

[IvoryVinyl 48]

Just now found this. Simply awesome.

[Feather Spiral 1,892]

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll run along and sell this to a wealthy Saudi businessman...

I met one of those. He was looking at suggestive pony pictures and nodding while muttering "mashallah, mashallah".

[IvoryVinyl 48]

Ah, but why use the word "sex" when you can imply it and achieve a much more powerful effect?

 

 

 

I think that picture needs some Elton John lyrics, preferably form the song "Tiny Dancer".

[WildCard 1,037]

Just seen the system and the pictures and this is epic

 

[NavelColt 22,878]

As a rabid user of memes, reaction images and the like, this instantly receives all my brohoofs.

 

[False Perception 482]

Price does not include shipping?

 

Is that an intended pun?

 

[Illusion 100]

Haha oh wow! This has made my day!