I hate it when people say guys can't be friends with girls

[TheRockARooster 51,745]

I’m friends with lot of girls.

Not only on the forums but in real life. ^^

[Pentium100 2,136]

So, two guys can be friends, hang out etc and not many people would say that they are gay. But if a guy is in good relationship with a girl it's only because they are brother and sister or because he wants to sleep with her.

This is strange to me. I'm pretty sure it is possible for a guy and a girl to be friends but not want to sleep with each other.

[Lulaypp 2,555]

I do agree that people should not assume nor ban a friendship between a male and a female. A plenty of my old school friends are boys (and they are more exciting to play pretend with Most of the girls tend to play less exciting games). But even then, I also agree one should be cautious when meeting the opposite gender (and nowadays it seems, despite me not agreeing with the whole debacle, even those of the same gender). And yes, just because you are best friends or even just hanging out, doesn't mean you are a thing. 

But even then I also dislike people assuming a relationship between two of the same gender. And I see alot of people complaining about opposite gender friends assumed as couples, but how is it that no one is bringing up the fact that people also assume a same gender friendship is a romantic one. That is a problem as well. And I know it happens because my father and his best friend are assumed for something more than friends just because they happen to enjoy eachother's company and do a lot of thing together. And I know for a fact that they are not gay because 1) believe me, they don't even support the idea 2) they are both married to women.

So while I do agree that opposite gender people can be just friends and not assumed as more, I also believe that this applies to single gender friendships. They don't have to be romantic.

[Splashee 28,565]

Quote

I hate it when people say guys can't be friends with girls

I hate that too.

 

Spoiler

It is true though.

 

[Treeglow Flicker 13,722]

I have male and female friends. It surprises me sometimes just how much social emphasis is situated around peoples crotches.

[ToastedScone 397]

I used to have a really close male friend years ago, we were basically connected at the hip, but we were more like siblings than anything else, so we never even considered getting together; that, and uh, we both turned out to be gay years later

[Here No Longer 5,276]

Still have to say it's completely sexist, and something that I can say has proven itself not to be true on multitudes of occasions.

[WinterMane 54]

See, I have mixed views on this. I have a decent amount of male friends, and I'm not interested in any of them romantically at all. I can't totally speak for their part because I'm not a telepath, but I'm pretty sure that goes the other way for all of them too.

However- if I meet a new man, I can't usually tell right off the bat what his intentions are. In a lot of situations a man is immediately going to assume a new woman is potential girlfriend (or fling) material and I'm always kind of on guard against that. Again, not being a telepath makes it hard to know what approach to take.

Telepathy would solve so many problems, huh.

On 12/23/2017 at 1:28 AM, Square said:

Women good for love of all type. Crotch love, heart love, all love good for all.

 

Many say, "No,no that not good, stop, it must be the pelvis love not the 'you a good person' love!"

You say "No, you wrong, eat my pant."

 

Good life philosophy.

You know what? This is a good philosophy. I'm down.

[Rarity Gemstones 213]

I think this is a case of "a few bad eggs spoil it for all".

The main reason people are not comfortable with this predicament is because when you are dating or married and your spouse or significant other spends significant time with an individual of the attracted sex, it sometimes ends in infidelity. Since this occurrence does indeed happen, it is not abnormal for people to be protective of their mates. I know I would be very concerned if my significant other started spending an inordinate amount of time with the opposite sex in locations where they would be completely alone.

So in conclusion: cheaters ruin it for everyone. If people didn't cheat, we would not have this problem, but people do.

[Dreambiscuit 9,934]

It would be really boring if guys couldn't be friends with girls. Why would anyone want to exclude interacting half the population of the world? Sure, some bad apples who have only one thing in mind make it difficult for the many good guys out there, but anyone with instincts can tell the good from the bad and the right motives from the wrong. If everyone treats each other fairly and makes their feelings clear without imposing any pressure on others about it, it would be fine and pleasant for everybody. 

[CypherHoof 26,483]

I am friends with plenty of girls/women and while some of them I wouldn't refuse as a partner, that isn't the end goal.

[Rarity Gemstones 213]

On 3/12/2020 at 5:47 PM, Bas said:

Not agreeing with the main paragraph, and here it is why, despite I can follow why someone gets the conclusion you got:

1. Trust. Especially if you are building upon or having built a mutual future and life - How is this going to go if you do not trust your partner at all?

2. Jealously. This is like 100% my own opinion, so I don't expect anyone to agree with me here; but my partner is not my possession. I do not see myself being allowed to judge upon my partner, or to dictate on how to live their life.

In regards of #2, a clarification: This is 100% about honesty and being fine for both sides. I actually really despise when people are lying, making up stories to cover the lies up and cheat on their partner(s) in secret. If you do that, you are just reckless, not caring for the damage you do to persons and your environment.

If you have certain wishes....communication is the key. And if there is no compromise found, go by logical consequences which can include not going after your wishes or ending the relationship. Don't be a jerk, especially don't do stuff that you would hate if someone did to you.

 

I think the thing to take away from this conversation is that a discomfort toward interaction to certain degree with the opposite sexual persuasion should not be taken as a lack of aforementioned trust, but merely a human instinct.

While it is simplistic and "easy" to tell people to merely get past their own jealousies, that is as the saying goes "easier said than done". Remember, many people have been cheated on and abused in past romantic endeavors and that is not something that one "moves past" so easily. Asking them to do so for your sake instead of being sensitive to their needs shows that you care more about oneself than one's partner. It's a dance with two, not just one. To otherwise suggest that the aforementioned "jealous" or "uneasy" party should still get over it is more or less suggesting that those with trauma from past experiences are undeserving of affection, romance and sexual intercourse.

For example, I was cheated on multiple times. I would find it exceptionally uneasy if my partner desired to go hang out at someone home of someone who falls into their sexual preference by themselves. Do I trust my partner? Absolutely. Do I trust the people they are hanging out with? Not necessarily.

Consider the alternate perspective here: it is not always a lack of trust in your partner, but a lack of trust in their "friend" whom you may not be that well acquainted with. I don't have to worry about my boyfriend/girlfriend trying to make a move inherently, I need to worry about this other person making a move on them.

 

As far as jealousy goes... There is such thing as a healthy amount of jealousy. Jealousy shows that someone is still infatuated by you as they are seeking your attention and approval. Imagine if you will: you go to another girl's house who is fawning of you and showering you with compliments. You feel quite enamored and good about yourself. You go home to your girlfriend who you tell about this and her reaction is one of aloofness. Would that not bother you that she is completely uncaring that someone was trying to steal her significant other? It shows a blatant lack of interest in the relationship and often times this is what leads people to commit adultery. They are not getting validation from their current relationship.

When my significant other gets jealous of people looking at me, I know they are still actively interested in me and I get that validation from them. My previous relationship I seldom got that and it made me feel quite unloved most of the time. That whenever a guy or girl would look my way, they didn't care.

This also often leads to the overconfidence of your partner assuming they "don't need to impress you" anymore. In my case, I worked out daily, I went on diets, I practiced my skills to keep up my appearance and market sexual appeal for my significant other. I wanted them to feel like they were still getting the best version of myself. However, because they didn't have even a slightest bit of jealousy or worry that they would "lose" me in their mind, they put in... No effort. Within 2 years they had gained a good 100 pounds, they stopped caring for my sexual needs (sex became a solo activity that was more or less entirely about them) and they shirked on all responsibilities because they merely assumed that I would continue to put up with it because they had it "in the bag" as the saying goes.

Well, this ultimately led them to getting bored with the relationship and cheating and thus the relationship ended.

 

This issue is not limited to men or women.

 

The point is: if you do not have a significant other... Go and do what you wish. Have as many friends of any gender to your heart's desire, however, when you are in a relationship the rules may change and you may have to be respectful to the desires and wishes of your partner within reason. If not, then you should not enter a relationship.

 

Now, obviously some folk out there may be quite content with their significant other's being friends with whoever, and for those out there, I applaud you for having such bravery, however, it's not the norm and it likely will never be the norm.

Part of the problem in the world is that loyalty is treated as a throwaway trait. The erosion of loyalty often begins with an aloof attitude toward boundaries with other women or men when they are in a relationship.

In short: there is such thing as a healthy amount of jealousy and some people have a hard time trusting because of past violations of aforementioned trust. Don't blame the victim in that case.

I apologize for the length of my response, I had much to speak on this matter.