critique wanted How do I make everything about my Original Character better?

[Pr0m4NV14 837]

So, I’ve already drawn my OC to look a lot better, but I find the rest of the page to be lacking. Can y’all help me, @Everypony?

Here is a link to my OC’s page. Have a looksie, please.

[SharpWit 2,472]

Are you using a mobile device?

[Pr0m4NV14 837]

44 minutes ago, SharpWit said:

Are you using a mobile device?

 

Why do you ask, @SharpWit?

Edited May 29, 2018 by Pr0m4NV14

[SharpWit 2,472]

When I look at your OC's page there's a fair amount of code in the text it seems so I thought that might have something to do with it. Can't even tell what you have down under cutie mark.

I think what you need for him is a more thorough story and maybe something to match the purple in his eyes. Maybe a stripe in the mane and tail that's a darker shade?

[BlueBrony 388]

hmm, it looks like the big thing that will improve your OC is asking and answering the right questions (and also cleaning up the code stuff)

Does Mike have any friends? Is he very social, or does he have a hard time relating to others?

If his father was from ponyville, why didn't he teach his son about the ways of equestria?

What happenned to his father? what happened to his sister (I'm assuming older, since his mother died shortly after he was born)?

The apartment in canterlot is a little weird: is there a special reason for him to have it? I thought he was a nomadic adventurer.

Was the fire that razed his village an accident or arson? Does he know that, or is he trying to find out?

It seems like he would be a great addition to the royal guard, but he is opposed to the monarchy, so there is some potential conflict there that might make this character interesting

is there any specific interesting insight into why the sword is named jennifer?

 

These questions are just to help you think through some ideas, it's your OC so the big thing is that you should be happy with it. For me, an OC with an interesting story, quest, or motivation stands out the best.

[Pr0m4NV14 837]

I added some new things, hopefully, it is slightly better. I am planning on making separate pages for other elements of my OC's story.