writing A sad-ish little short story

[Shiki 5,855]

I wrote a small little story on a whim, really, without a purpose. Only 616 words or something like that. There was really no goal, until after I started writing, which, really, still isn't even a goal. There's not enough time in order for there to be a plot, exactly, but still, thought maybe I'd share it.

 

Anyway, enough typing a ton of nothingness. Here's the link to the document.

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Qo4jmUcOUW1eCLT2s5trfKKVzR7KT4D7GAOFKLBHg8U/edit

 

Any kind of feedback would be nice. I have a feeling a lot of people will be confused, because I really did avoid any kind of plot.

[Titan Rising 2,156]

You write very well and vividly.

 

Just some grammatical advice: when referring to numbers less than 10 you should write the numbers out like "five" unless you're actually referring to an object that is displaying that number, like how the clock had shown "04:00". That's what my English professor says anyway, personally I don't mind but I figure with your talent it might be something you'd want to know

 

I believe the girl in that story will find the strength to turn her dreams into reality some day! If I didn't I may have found the story to be a bit more melancholy ^^

Edited August 13, 2012 by Hollowshield

[Shiki 5,855]

You write very well and vividly.

 

Just some grammatical advice: when referring to numbers less than 10 you should write the numbers out like "five" unless you're actually referring to an object that is displaying that number, like how the clock had shown "04:00". That's what my English professor says anyway, personally I don't mind but I figure with your talent it might be something you'd want to know

 

I believe the girl in that story will find the strength to turn her dreams into reality some day! If I didn't I may have found the story to be a bit more melancholy ^^

 

... I can't believe I forgot about that. I'm always forgetting to type out the number.

 

Also, thank you very much for reading it and for the feedback, though I didn't really think my writing was "very well". Yes, I left the ending a little bit open in terms of what I was suggesting in context, that way people could take it differently, the way they wanted to.

[XUNUSEDXXX 3,459]

i thought it was quite well written and a good suprise ending (kind of suprise, at least for me). as rarity says:

 

BRAVO! BRAVO I SAY!

[My little pwny 1,392]

I liked it It's hard to find a short story that's written that well, and paints a clear picture in your mind.