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Plot Help for my Upcoming FimFiction


Flareon
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Ok so I'm hoping someponies here will be willing to throw ideas at me or bounce some things off with me to help me get this story working. I still have yet to come up with a title for it yet as well so any ideas for that would help me out greatly.

 

Plot Help:

 

I'm still new to the whole FiMfiction but am willing to try it out some more anyway. I'm currently stuck on another story so I figured I'd write a new story to get my brain working again.  The general idea that I've got is that it's going to be about Twilight (in her alicorn state. Yes I'm doing it I want to follow the show) and my Alicorn OC who's one of Luna's personal knights.  I'm wanting it to be about their life after they've fallen in love and gotten married and start it just before Twilight finds out she's pregnant with their first foal.  Now comes my problem I'm wanting to incorporate some suspense and sadness in it but still have everything turn out alright in the end.  I was thinking along the lines of Twilight getting sick while pregnant, or Ignis (my OC) believed to have been killed while protecting Luna causing Twilight to much stress landing her in the hospital.  Something along those lines of work I don't really want to kill off any characters because that's never really been my style when it comes to writing.  Any ideas that anypony has for it would be greatly appreciated all advise is more than welcome and needed.

               

Side Note: Yes I know I'm stepping into a dangerous realm of Alicorn overpowerment and stuff but I think it fits well with Twilight in her alicorn state. I'm also going to try my best to not make the mistake of making Ignis a Mary Sue. If you wish to see what he looks like go here:  Ignis Sica

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this might be too dark for you but i think Twilight should have a miscarriage due to the stress or at least risk it. like the reader would read something like: Twilight was stricken with great grief. she was in the hospital bed rolling around in stress induced agony. the nurse told her to calm down or else the stress would kill the baby.." something along that line would be suspenseful.

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Hmmm that's not to shabby of an idea one of my other friends suggested that I might have somepony try to assassinate Twilight to add in the suspense. One of my other ideas is that while she's sick Ignis and Luna are out on a mission and it goes bad when there's a big explosion in Canterlot. While Twilight's kept out of the loop and being guarded by one of the other Midnight Guard she sneaks off to Canterlot and upon seeing the damage starts to worry eventually having almost a heart attack or something along those lines and blacks out in an alley only to be found by AJ and taken to the hospital.

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the heart attack sounds sad and suspenseful to me. you should try that out. if it doesnt sound right to you you could experiment. there is also the possibilty that twilight is clinging to life and the only way to save her is if your OC gives up his alicorn powers to save her.

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I really think that people writing  FiMfiction is great, but in my particular case, i don't like tragedy too much, its a good idea to add drama to the story, i just hope you don't kill anyone or make the story too dark  :P

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@@hakaru-x

 

You don't need to worry about anypony dying in my story I didn't really plan on it happening like that. The only one dying would be the assassin if I went with that road still good ideas floating around and hope to hear more from ponies out on these forums. Please guys don't be afraid to throw out ideas I want to hear your thoughts.

Edited by storm-fire
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So you want to make a story about a somewhat overpowered white knight... that also is an alicorn... and the best at his class... and he's married to twilight?

 

... 'kay... If you think you can pull it off go ahead.

 

So here is some advise:

 

1- Don't make this into a tear-fest : And by that i mean you don't need to make the lifes of your caracteres a living nightmare to make drama. If you are going to start the story from his childhood you should make problems that a kid would have, your backstory mentions some prank problems? that's fine, work around it, his job as an adult is too important? balance it out, if this job is taking too much of his time then he doesn't have time to see his parents or old friends anymore. But this also makes oportunities, if he was a prankster as a kid then he would atract other pranksters, those could be his childhood friends, if he doesn't see his family that much becouse of his job then that means that he now has a strong relationship with his co-workers and employer (A.K.A. Luna) since he expends so much time with them. So it's not all so bad, you see? A lot of good memories and a few gags can come out of this. Also, and this is kind of a tangent here but, that's the reason i don't like "My little dashy" or the series of knock offs that followed, it tries too much to make you cry that I end up rolling my eyes the whole way, there's no space to breathe and the only "happy" moments are all drown by depresive wangst comentary about how it wont last and life sucks becouse of reasons and bla bla bla!

 

Believe me, no one wants to hear the tragic story of a guy whos mother was decapitaded by a watermelon and he's following his puppy's dying wish. Let the readers breathe.

 

2- There are more caracters than your OC and his love interest : Here's some good advise: write backstories for everyone. Your OCs parents, friends and co-workers all of them. Maybe not to the point of being to much work for you but just enough to make them 3 dimentional caracters. Some caracter might be have a phobia to spiders so if a giant spider appears he would be the first to run, even if he's the caracters best friend (Or maybe he can overcome his fear, but that would take some caracter development) . That way you will know how they will act in some situations, but you also have to show the readers how is this caracter so it doesn't feel like a fake reaction. For example let's take the guy from before, a spider (a normal size one) appears in front of him, he immediately freaks out, jumps on a table and starts screaming like a little girl. That's some caracter development right there xD

 

With that in mind make some backstory for the assassin, why he's taking this job if is so risked? (Becouse seriously, he's against some top rank guard and his wife that also is the element of magic) who is this person? is it a pony at all or some other species?. Im not asking this questions myself, is just a guide to you becouse you should answer this questions through your story.

 

3- Remember, there are more caracters that your OC and his love intertest (An expantion on N°2) : You have a lot of caracters to explore, don't make your story so it revolves around just 2 of them. For example make your parents have a conversation about anything (use this oportunity to flesh them out) and after all is said and done THEN make them talk about your OC, like they are worried about his behavior or something. It has to be natural so please try not to bend the universe around just to MAKE THEM talk about your OC. The same applies to all of your caracters, give some of them their own scene, it doesn't have to mention your OC at all. Also you should take into acount how your caracters will react to your OCs actions, when your OC ask twilight to marry him some of the caracteres will be totally okay with this, some of them will be defensive and will not know what to make out if this, and some of them will not like it at all.

 

Well that's it for the advise, so here are some light hearted moments (To counter all the shit he will be put through) :

 

* If they were in a relationship for 2 years, why not tell their first date? (Comedy oportunity right here folks)

 

* So he's in a special strike team, uh? Well who said that it has to be all work and no fun? Some the missions could be another oportunity for comedy. Also, if they expend so much time together they might meet at some special place to  chat about something or just relax. Maybe even have their employer come to that place and have fun together too, who knows...

 

* This guy is an alicorn, maybe handsome too and also the best of the best... and he never had a girlfriend before twiligh <_< ... It could be explained that he loves twilight to much to see someone else and bla bla bla... but if you are interested, you could make him a girlfriend or maybe another love interest, like a fangirl or someone who's just to timid to tell him her true feelings or something. Maybe just a blind date that his friends make for him that turns out to be a disaster.

 

Well, that's it, best of luck to you buddy.

Edited by Revolver Bobcat
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thank you guys for all your ideas More are welcome and as always very helpful with forum members here that are so nice it makes me happy seeing that others are still willing to help.

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